How can I get her to tell me?

[Ree 215]

Its really inconsiderate of her to think you can drop everything for her visit. Tell her if she does not inform you of the dates she is planning on visiting then you will not be able to accommodate her at your home. It is clear she has no regard for you or what is happening in your life. The fact that you have decided not to tell her about the surgery makes it sound like you are not close at all. If you were really close an impromptu visit would be no problem.

No we are close but not super close. I choose not to tell anyone because for one if my mother found out she would flip the heck out. When I had an ectopic pregnancy and my tube ruptured she was screaming at my husband to tell the doctors not to take my tube (it was already ruptured and I was bleeding internally). So I don't want to take any chances of her finding out and yes my sister tends to have a big mouth. I think she is thinking that because I'm usually home (my weight has stopped me from going out and doing many things) that it doesn't matter when she shows up because she assumes that I'll just be home. It just sucks. I wish should would at least give me a time frame for her showing so I can at least go by something when I schedule my surgery.

[acubi2 33]

Maybe you can tell her in confidence. And let her know that if she tells anyone you will know it was her and that it will completely destroy your trust in her. You can tell her it is a procedure, it sounds less serious than surgery. I think it might be your only option unless you get one of her kids to tell you the dates they are coming. It sounds like a Christmas or Thanksgiving visit to me.

[PdxMan 4,292]

Just be straight upfront with her. You have your life.

Listen, Jane, you know I love you very much and I love the fact you and my niece are coming out to visit, but I have some things going on in my life right now which are really important to me. Normally, I love surprises, but for what is going on right now, I really need to know when you are coming in. If you feel you can't tell me, then we are going to have to re-schedule your visit for another time when my life is not quite so hectic. Thanks for being so understanding. When this all settles, I'll tell you all about it, but if you could just tell me when you are arriving, that would really help.

I love you,

Your big sis

[Ree 215]

UPDATE: I finally got her to at least give me a time frame which helps ALOT! I told her upfront that it's going to suck if she comes during a time when I have prior commitments knowing I could have planned those commitments better to accommodate her. So according to her she is coming sometime after Christmas but before mid January. So my next question is will that give me enough time to heal if I get the surgery at the end of November, early December?

[acubi2 33]

I think that you will be healed, but you will probably still be on a pureed diet. By then you should be able to tell her what is going on though.

[PdxMan 4,292]

Agreed. You will be walking and talking like a normal functioning human, but your eating habits may appear suspicious if you don't tell her. Also know that she will most likely not notice any weight loss or change in appearance, so don't be disappointed if she doesn't go on about how fabulous you look.

It was well over two months before I was able to go down a pant/shirt size which is common as most of us sleevers tend to wear our clothes a little on the tight side or wear stretchy types of clothing.

[Kindle 8,667]

This is just so weird to me....If she told you she's coming, it's not really a surprise. So why not just tell you when so you can make plans. I've made surprise visits home before but my parents had no idea I was coming. The whole point is the surprise. If I told my mom "I'm coming home sometime between thanksgiving and New Years" then she wouldn't have screamed and cried and jumped up and down when I showed up on Christmas Eve. Seriously.... this all sounds more like a control thing rather than a surprise thing.

Edit... Just reread the part you posted about her being young and having a big mouth. So I'm probably wrong about the control thing. She's just young, a little self absorbed and so excited she can't even keep her own secret a secret... Good luck with your surgery and I Hope you are recovered enough to enjoy her visit.

Edited October 18, 2013 by Kindle

[Ree 215]

Edit... Just reread the part you posted about her being young and having a big mouth. So I'm probably wrong about the control thing. She's just young, a little self absorbed and so excited she can't even keep her own secret a secret... Good luck with your surgery and I Hope you are recovered enough to enjoy her visit.

That made me laugh! That is exactly what it is, she can't even keep her own secret a secret. LMAO and thank you for wishing me good luck on my surgery.

[sarsar 824]

UPDATE: I finally got her to at least give me a time frame which helps ALOT! I told her upfront that it's going to suck if she comes during a time when I have prior commitments knowing I could have planned those commitments better to accommodate her. So according to her she is coming sometime after Christmas but before mid January. So my next question is will that give me enough time to heal if I get the surgery at the end of November, early December?

Glad you got a time frame. How about making your surgery the beginning of February, then you don't have to worry about her at all.

[VSG AJH 499]

If she comes to visit while you're still on a puréed diet, and she notices, just tell her you're on some crazy diet you read about. A huge population of people will be on some crazy diet right at the new year, so your "diet" wouldn't even be out of the norm. You still don't have to tell her about the surgery.

[ItsMe2033 143]

It sounds like there is at least an element of a control issue here. I think the solution to this depends on if you want to keep this a secret from your mother forever, or just until after the surgery. If you have surgery at the end of November and your sister comes in early January, she will most likely figure something out. If you want to keep it a secret from your mom then I would suggest postponing the surgery til after the visit. If you only want to keep it a secret until after the surgery then if she figures it out, no harm done.

And by the way, you have the right to keep this a secret from anyone you want to as long as you want to. Don't let anyone try to shame you into telling if you don't want to.

Edited October 18, 2013 by ItsMe2033

[skikyd 165]

Any tips on how I can get my sister to tell me when she will be coming to town for a visit? Here is the thing' date=' she lives States away and plans to come up for a visit "soon" but she won't tell me when she is coming. She says it's a surprise. Here is my problem though, I plan to get this surgery "soon" and I don't want it to end up on (or around) the date when I'm getting my surgery. I have decided that I will not be sharing this news with anyone but my husband (for various reasons) so of course she has no idea I'm getting the surgery. I just don't know how to get her to tell me when she'll be arriving. Any ideas?[/quote']

Red

If they show up while you are in the hospital.... Tell they you had emergency Gall bladder surgery. With a special post -op diet.

And a tyhroid issue,they discovered while you were in the hospital..... that was making you gain weight.

The fall bladder was removed and the thyroid is being controlled with meds and you expected to loose weight.

GOTTA BE BETTER THAN THE TRUTH

Worked for me.