female only Insecure husbands?

[jessl29 14]

My husband has verbally came around to my surgery 1 week prior. I know he has a fear I'm gonna get skinny and leave him. We've been together for 13 years, since I was 16. I was never skinny but now I'm 60lbs heavier. Has anyone else had to deal with their husbands insecurities?

[sophiepants 489]

Yes and no. My husband I've been with for 13 years also. Married 12 of those last Monday But he had said he was afraid I would get skinny and try to find a better looking younger man. AS IF! lordy I don't wanna go through all that again hehe I got him just where I want him (training wise) smirk.... I feel ya girl he's outta state right now and has been since 4 days after surgery. So big surprise waiting for him 43 pounds gone in these last 8 wks!I've got 3 more weeks to lose btw!! SURPISE lol

When I first brought up having VSG he was all for it, then changed his mind then was all for it again. Then told me a few weeks before my surgery he was afraid I'd leave him for a younger man. It's funny how they think. But I told him you don't have anything to worry about as long as you keep on loven me the way you've been. I think they are afraid in some way about us having issues during the surgery.

Edited October 17, 2013 by sophiepants

[Justinh125 472]

Not sure if this counts but I've had to deal with a girlfriend feeling insecure once I started shrinking...At the end of the day, I didn't do this for cosmetics. This was not a cosmetic surgery.

I did this because I felt like I ran out of other options and was desperate for a solution for a problem that was likely going to lead to my death before the age of 40. I didn't want that, so I took this drastic measure.

[erp 2,016]

My husband has verbally came around to my surgery 1 week prior. I know he has a fear I'm gonna get skinny and leave him. We've been together for 13 years' date=' since I was 16. I was never skinny but now I'm 60lbs heavier. Has anyone else had to deal with their husbands insecurities?[/quote']

My guy was very negative for months before my surgery. He wasn't afraid I would leave rather he was just scared that something would go wrong. Now he is fine except he still doesn't like to talk about my weight loss.

[Ree 215]

I think my husband is a little insecure and sometimes I think he would rather keep me fat. Maybe I'm wrong but I do know he is an enabler. For an example, if I was dieting in the past and I would start to get grouchy he would go out and buy chocolate and tell me I should eat it because it will make me feel better, or he'll say "doesn't (fill in the blank) sound really good" like pizza and wings or something. Knowing I'm starving and would love to have a slice of pizza and (my favorite) chicken wings. So in a way he has sabotaged my efforts in the past so of course I am now really worried how or what he'll do this time around. Now that I've made myself aware of it I don't let him do it. The last time he tried to sabotage me (about a month ago) I screamed at him, like I literally screamed at him and told him he couldn't do that anymore and that I am on to him. He totally denied what he was doing and just said "I just thought I was being nice by offering you a chocolate bar". Um no dude, you're not being nice. You are sabotaging my efforts to lose weight. Then I wonder if he is just trying to be nice (in his mind) or really trying to sabotage me. ?

[Jouselle 45]

Wow, I didn't realize how lucky I am. My husband and I are going through this together. Neither of us have insecurities. Not yet anyway. I don't think we will either.

[TinaF1971 5]

I'm going through this post-surgery. My husband was supportive of it in the beginning. Now that I'm down over 180#, he is trying to sabatoge me. He's always eating pizza and telling me I can have one piece and he knows it's my weakness. We got married when I was 450#, eight years ago. I could barely walk prior to surgery. In fact, I was bedbound. I did this for my health, though. He keeps saying that he's afraid I'll leave him, but yet, he's not giving me any attention. He's always playing his video games and when I say something about it, he laughs at me and says he can't believe I'm jealous of a video game. He's the one attracted to BBW's and more likely to leave me when I get too small for him. He is always "liking" BBW model's pictures on his Facebook (I see it in his feed). I confronted him about it a couple of times and he's like, "I'm just supporting them!" Just yesterday he said he's afraid that I'll leave him when I weigh less than him (which he is 250#, so it's not that long before it'll happen). I'm like, yea right, you're the one that likes BBWs. He keeps insisting that he loves me, though, and would never leave me even if I got to my ideal weight. I don't believe him. He's never been there for me, emotionally, but I never realized it until after my surgery. I've thought of leaving him, but I'm still physically dependant on him until I have a knee replacement and financially I need his income to pay the bills. We've already went banktrupt and can't do it again for five more years and we just had to sign up for a combined credit program where they save us money by negotiating with our creditors. He won't do couples counseling, as he's against me going to counseling as it is. He gets mad at me if I fight with him after seeing my counselor, as he claims the counselor is encouraging me to leave him. I have had a counselor do that in the past. I don't know why I'm so dumb. Anyway, yes, I deal with a very insecure husband and maybe I sound like a "B" for the reasons I am staying with him. I really do love him, but I'm getting very tired of this.

Edited October 20, 2013 by TinaF1971

[MichiganChic 3,262]

My husband of nearly 30 years has actually expressed this once or twice, but only early on. He went to the seminar with me, where they gave the statistics of increased divorce rates after WLS. He was also a huge feeder. If I wanted some absurd food item at any time of night or day, he would actually run and get it for me, lol. I am spoiled. I was 145 when I met him, and while I think this behavior contributed to my weight gain, I blame no one but myself. But, since surgery, he understood my goals, and has been very supportive. He stopped offering food, and doesn't bring much of it in the house. He can eat anything and everything, and will try not to do it in front of me. Anyway, I do think it's a rational fear, given the statistics. If you have a solid marriage, he will quickly learn it's not a risk in your circumstance.

[Bombs 353]

I think my husband is a little insecure and sometimes I think he would rather keep me fat. Maybe I'm wrong but I do know he is an enabler. For an example' date=' if I was dieting in the past and I would start to get grouchy he would go out and buy chocolate and tell me I should eat it because it will make me feel better, or he'll say "doesn't (fill in the blank) sound really good" like pizza and wings or something. Knowing I'm starving and would love to have a slice of pizza and (my favorite) chicken wings. So in a way he has sabotaged my efforts in the past so of course I am now really worried how or what he'll do this time around. Now that I've made myself aware of it I don't let him do it. The last time he tried to sabotage me (about a month ago) I screamed at him, like I literally screamed at him and told him he couldn't do that anymore and that I am on to him. He totally denied what he was doing and just said "I just thought I was being nice by offering you a chocolate bar". Um no dude, you're not being nice. You are sabotaging my efforts to lose weight. Then I wonder if he is just trying to be nice (in his mind) or really trying to sabotage me. ? [/quote']. I hear you. Exactly the same thing here.

[Ree 215]

My husband of nearly 30 years has actually expressed this once or twice, but only early on. He went to the seminar with me, where they gave the statistics of increased divorce rates after WLS. He was also a huge feeder. If I wanted some absurd food item at any time of night or day, he would actually run and get it for me, lol. I am spoiled. I was 145 when I met him, and while I think this behavior contributed to my weight gain, I blame no one but myself. But, since surgery, he understood my goals, and has been very supportive. He stopped offering food, and doesn't bring much of it in the house. He can eat anything and everything, and will try not to do it in front of me. Anyway, I do think it's a rational fear, given the statistics. If you have a solid marriage, he will quickly learn it's not a risk in your circumstance.

This sounds just like me, when I met my husband I wasn't heavy either. I was 15 years old when we started dating and I weighed 118 pounds. I think the weight gain had to do with a few things, one I grew up poor and we lived off of pb&J, mac and cheese and ramen noodles. So when my husband (boyfriend at the time) would bring me McDonald 20 piece nuggets or take me out to eat it was like a huge luxury to me and I would just pig out. Around age 18 (literally like over night) I went from someone super active to not even being able to get out of bed because I was just so exhausted all the time and I was also never hungry. This went on for YEARS!! and during that time is when I gained about 100 pounds. I didn't have health insurance at the time so I never went to a doctor. Then we got married and I was on his health insurance policy. About a year into the marriage we decided to try for a baby and I ended up having miscarriages and ectopic pregnancies (one of which took my fallopian tube) so we set up an appointment with an RE and he ran a bunch of tests and that is when I discovered I had hypothyroidism. The doctor said most likely I had it for years and it was never diagnosed because I hadn't been to a doctor. My thyroid levels were through the roof he said. So I'm a little bit bitter and angry because I feel like the weight gain could have been prevented had I even known what hypothyroid was and had it diagnosed 9 years sooner. Anyways, what I meant about being in the same boat was that my husband is an enabler and spoils the crap out of me and gets me whatever I want but I really hope after this surgery he doesn't try and sabotage my weight loss efforts.

[NMJG 1,266]

I just googled the divorce rate for wls and found many anecdotal articles that the rate is 75%, and 85% for those who were obese prior to marriage. However, although I found these articles I couldn't find the original studies to support them. Remember, the general divorce rate is 50%.

[TinaF1971 5]

I just googled the divorce rate for wls and found many anecdotal articles that the rate is 75%, and 85% for those who were obese prior to marriage. However, although I found these articles I couldn't find the original studies to support them. Remember, the general divorce rate is 50%.

Wow! That's pretty high! Do you have a link for the article that states 85% for those who were obese prior to marriage? I'd like to share it. Thanks!

[LeahJade 26]

I was just sleeved last Thursday and my husband has been shitting himself and joked around by asking for a skinny prenup hahaha silly man!

[NMJG 1,266]

Wow! That's pretty high! Do you have a link for the article that states 85% for those who were obese prior to marriage? I'd like to share it. Thanks!

Try these

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2700826/

http://www.healthcentral.com/obesity/c/276918/148486/soar-necessarily/

http://www.aamft.org/imis15/Content/Consumer_Updates/Bariatric_Surgery.aspx

http://www.obesityaction.org/educational-resources/resource-articles-2/weight-loss-surgery/relationship-challenges-before-and-after-weight-loss-surgery

http://seattletimes.com/html/health/2015195540_bari02.html

[JoannLz 62]

When I started to research this my husband said no to me that I was crazy for even concidering it. So I kept talking to him reading articles the good n the bad. And he just wouldn't budge. Until one day I just said either u go with me or u don't but I will do their s for me n my health and for my kids. And he kindaa got the picture. So he has been supportive. Until now I'm 5 1/2 mths out down 89 lbs. And I feel better than ever my labs r great. And he keeps telling me to stop that he doesn't want a skinny girl. And he trys to make me eat more. I'm pretty strong n just keep to my plan. His insecurity has gotten to the point to him getting super jealous over just about everything. I love this man. We've been together for 16 yrs. But I cannt stand the way he's acting. Its hard. But I take it one day at a time.