Jump to content
×
Are you looking for the BariatricPal Store? Go now!

Why do women have to be so competitive?



Recommended Posts

So this weekend my daughter had a huge sleepover. I haven't seen the mother of her bff in a couple of months because both girls switched schools. Anyway, this woman is pretty amazing. She has four kids -all under the age of ten, regularly runs 8 or 9 miles a day, and even does P90X. She is proabably about 5'10 or 5'11" and she looks great. Anyway, what does she say when she first sees me? "Oh my God, Look at you! You're almost skinnier than me I have to start running more!" We walked the girls to the park and all the way there she just kept saying "I have to start running more or you're going to be smaller than me!" I just looked at her and said "Don't worry. I am still in the overweight category and still have a ways to go." That wasn't enough for her. She wanted to know exactly how much I weigh and just kept asking over and over again. I never told her. Then she proceeded to tell me that she is going for her mommy makeover in 2 weeks (boobs and TT) but that she hasn't told anyone else because they will think she is crazy. I told her that it is not crazy, that she deserves it, and that I will be right behind her within a year if all goes well. But, I felt sorry for her in that moment. She looks great, she is in great health, is professionally accomplished, and takes care of four young children! It made me think about how hard we can all be on ourselves.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I think we tend to believe only obese folk have self-image issues. I believe it is more prevalent than we think, even for skinny people. Just remember these are her issues, not yours. A tactic people often use is to try to project their insecurities upon others so they can feel "normal". Be your own person and don't let these people bring you down.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

She obviously identifies herself by her weight and image - that's not necessarily a bad thing, just an observation. I agree with PDX, we overweight people are not the only ones with self image problems. (My 14 year old son is built like an action figure and sometimes says he's fat. It breaks my heart.)

You're a kind person and you treated her with kindness trying to lift her up. You're to be commended.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm competitive, but only at sports or with myself at the gym........That's way too competitive......but as someone said, people of all sizes and shapes have self image issues......you are very kind to her!

My sister learned to hate the word "skinny"......she was underweight.....we'd all just think "wow, she's lucky, she can eat anything she wants and not gain an ounce"......all the while she was fighting to keep on what little weight she had and hated how she looked in the mirror.....we just never know what's going on inside someone's head......

Can I just say moving from a BMI of 42 and going to a 28 is FABULOUS? You're doing great!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I once posted a joke about "skinny b*****s" on FB. I was stopped by an older coworker in the hall who told me she has anorexia and has developed osteoporosis because of it. She said, "It's not always easy to be a skinny b***h." Because we are human, we often judge ourselves based on others. I am constantly trying everyday to remember that I haven't walked in others' shoes, and I don't know their struggles. Trying to stop feeling sorry for myself!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I totally agree. I remember one of the questions in the psych eval being "Do you think being an ideal weight will solve all of your problems?" or something to that effect. It doesn't. Being overweight can exacerbate self esteem issues but most of us have them to some extent. The fat going away doesn't make those issues go away. We just find something else to pick on ourselves about. This person has been through a lot lately (death of her mother, bankruptcy etc.) so I felt no need to pile on to what I knew she must already be feeling. Thanks PGee. This has been a long journey for me five years with a lap band first (28 pounds off with that) and now my sleeve which I LOVE LOVE LOVE!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I know so many women with exactly that mindset. I've heard women that were 110 lbs say they're fat. It's the mindset of society in this day and age. I feel bad for them - most of them look AMAZING and think they're fat. It makes me very sad.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

So this weekend my daughter had a huge sleepover. I haven't seen the mother of her bff in a couple of months because both girls switched schools. Anyway' date=' this woman is pretty amazing. She has four kids -all under the age of ten, regularly runs 8 or 9 miles a day, and even does P90X. She is proabably about 5'10 or 5'11" and she looks great. Anyway, what does she say when she first sees me? "Oh my God, Look at you! You're almost skinnier than me I have to start running more!" We walked the girls to the park and all the way there she just kept saying "I have to start running more or you're going to be smaller than me!" I just looked at her and said "Don't worry. I am still in the overweight category and still have a ways to go." That wasn't enough for her. She wanted to know exactly how much I weigh and just kept asking over and over again. I never told her. Then she proceeded to tell me that she is going for her mommy makeover in 2 weeks (boobs and TT) but that she hasn't told anyone else because they will think she is crazy. I told her that it is not crazy, that she deserves it, and that I will be right behind her within a year if all goes well. But, I felt sorry for her in that moment. She looks great, she is in great health, is professionally accomplished, and takes care of four young children! It made me think about how hard we can all be on ourselves. [/quote']

That's sad to me. My best friend is a single mother, absolutely gorgeous, smart, has an amazing job, is financially secure and yet thinks I'm the one who has it all!! We have been friends our whole lives and I have always envied her looks, and it's so weird cuz she thinks I'm beautiful and I sooo don't see that...I guess we (women) are just crazy like that!!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

That lady almost sounds a little "catty". She would be very annoying to have to hang around with. Maybe you can slip a "chill pill" in her drink the next time you have to see her. ;)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I wasn't always overweight. In college and shortly after I was in amazing shape, very active and enjoying my single life. One of my biggest regrets was not celebrating my body back then. I would always look at myself and think I needed to be thinner. I have promised myself I won't make the same mistake twice. She seems to be driven in being healthy. She might be a great person to buddy up with to be a positive influence in all your healthy changes.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

  • Trending Products

  • Trending Topics

  • Recent Status Updates

    • rinabobina

      I would like to know what questions you wish you had asked prior to your duodenal switch surgery?
      · 1 reply
      1. Green battery collection for

        Copper wire recycling http://cuprum.wang/

    • cryoder22

      Day 1 of pre-op liquid diet (3 weeks) and I'm having a hard time already. I feel hungry and just want to eat. I got the protein and supplements recommend by my program and having a hard time getting 1 down. My doctor / nutritionist has me on the following:
      1 protein shake (bariatric advantage chocolate) with 8 oz of fat free milk 1 snack = 1 unjury protein shake (root beer) 1 protein shake (bariatric advantage orange cream) 1 snack = 1 unjury protein bar 1 protein shake (bariatric advantace orange cream or chocolate) 1 snack = 1 unjury protein soup (chicken) 3 servings of sugar free jello and popsicles throughout the day. 64 oz of water (I have flavor packets). Hot tea and coffee with splenda has been approved as well. Does anyone recommend anything for the next 3 weeks?
      · 1 reply
      1. NickelChip

        All I can tell you is that for me, it got easier after the first week. The hunger pains got less intense and I kind of got used to it and gave up torturing myself by thinking about food. But if you can, get anything tempting out of the house and avoid being around people who are eating. I sent my kids to my parents' house for two weeks so I wouldn't have to prepare meals I couldn't eat. After surgery, the hunger was totally gone.

    • buildabetteranna

      I have my final approval from my insurance, only thing holding up things is one last x-ray needed, which I have scheduled for the fourth of next month, which is my birthday.

      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • BetterLeah

      Woohoo! I have 7 more days till surgery, So far I am already down a total of 20lbs since I started this journey. 
      · 1 reply
      1. NeonRaven8919

        Well done! I'm 9 days away from surgery! Keep us updated!

    • Ladiva04

      Hello,
      I had my surgery on the 25th of June of this year. Starting off at 117 kilos.😒
      · 1 reply
      1. NeonRaven8919

        Congrats on the surgery!

  • Recent Topics

  • Hot Products

  • Sign Up For
    Our Newsletter

    Follow us for the latest news
    and special product offers!
  • Together, we have lost...
      lbs

    PatchAid Vitamin Patches

    ×