Why do women have to be so competitive?

[Fixerupper 335]

So this weekend my daughter had a huge sleepover. I haven't seen the mother of her bff in a couple of months because both girls switched schools. Anyway, this woman is pretty amazing. She has four kids -all under the age of ten, regularly runs 8 or 9 miles a day, and even does P90X. She is proabably about 5'10 or 5'11" and she looks great. Anyway, what does she say when she first sees me? "Oh my God, Look at you! You're almost skinnier than me I have to start running more!" We walked the girls to the park and all the way there she just kept saying "I have to start running more or you're going to be smaller than me!" I just looked at her and said "Don't worry. I am still in the overweight category and still have a ways to go." That wasn't enough for her. She wanted to know exactly how much I weigh and just kept asking over and over again. I never told her. Then she proceeded to tell me that she is going for her mommy makeover in 2 weeks (boobs and TT) but that she hasn't told anyone else because they will think she is crazy. I told her that it is not crazy, that she deserves it, and that I will be right behind her within a year if all goes well. But, I felt sorry for her in that moment. She looks great, she is in great health, is professionally accomplished, and takes care of four young children! It made me think about how hard we can all be on ourselves.

[PdxMan 4,292]

I think we tend to believe only obese folk have self-image issues. I believe it is more prevalent than we think, even for skinny people. Just remember these are her issues, not yours. A tactic people often use is to try to project their insecurities upon others so they can feel "normal". Be your own person and don't let these people bring you down.

[McButterpants 2,846]

She obviously identifies herself by her weight and image - that's not necessarily a bad thing, just an observation. I agree with PDX, we overweight people are not the only ones with self image problems. (My 14 year old son is built like an action figure and sometimes says he's fat. It breaks my heart.)

You're a kind person and you treated her with kindness trying to lift her up. You're to be commended.

[PGee 318]

_{I'm competitive, but only at sports or with myself at the gym........That's way too competitive......but as someone said, people of all sizes and shapes have self image issues......you are very kind to her!}

_{My sister learned to hate the word "skinny"......she was underweight.....we'd all just think "wow, she's lucky, she can eat anything she wants and not gain an ounce"......all the while she was fighting to keep on what little weight she had and hated how she looked in the mirror.....we just never know what's going on inside someone's head......}

_{Can I just say moving from a BMI of 42 and going to a 28 is FABULOUS? You're doing great!}

[Teachamy 1,042]

I once posted a joke about "skinny b*****s" on FB. I was stopped by an older coworker in the hall who told me she has anorexia and has developed osteoporosis because of it. She said, "It's not always easy to be a skinny b***h." Because we are human, we often judge ourselves based on others. I am constantly trying everyday to remember that I haven't walked in others' shoes, and I don't know their struggles. Trying to stop feeling sorry for myself!

[Fixerupper 335]

I totally agree. I remember one of the questions in the psych eval being "Do you think being an ideal weight will solve all of your problems?" or something to that effect. It doesn't. Being overweight can exacerbate self esteem issues but most of us have them to some extent. The fat going away doesn't make those issues go away. We just find something else to pick on ourselves about. This person has been through a lot lately (death of her mother, bankruptcy etc.) so I felt no need to pile on to what I knew she must already be feeling. Thanks PGee. This has been a long journey for me five years with a lap band first (28 pounds off with that) and now my sleeve which I LOVE LOVE LOVE!

[7 Bites_Jen 479]

I know so many women with exactly that mindset. I've heard women that were 110 lbs say they're fat. It's the mindset of society in this day and age. I feel bad for them - most of them look AMAZING and think they're fat. It makes me very sad.

[ReDbEaN 654]

So this weekend my daughter had a huge sleepover. I haven't seen the mother of her bff in a couple of months because both girls switched schools. Anyway' date=' this woman is pretty amazing. She has four kids -all under the age of ten, regularly runs 8 or 9 miles a day, and even does P90X. She is proabably about 5'10 or 5'11" and she looks great. Anyway, what does she say when she first sees me? "Oh my God, Look at you! You're almost skinnier than me I have to start running more!" We walked the girls to the park and all the way there she just kept saying "I have to start running more or you're going to be smaller than me!" I just looked at her and said "Don't worry. I am still in the overweight category and still have a ways to go." That wasn't enough for her. She wanted to know exactly how much I weigh and just kept asking over and over again. I never told her. Then she proceeded to tell me that she is going for her mommy makeover in 2 weeks (boobs and TT) but that she hasn't told anyone else because they will think she is crazy. I told her that it is not crazy, that she deserves it, and that I will be right behind her within a year if all goes well. But, I felt sorry for her in that moment. She looks great, she is in great health, is professionally accomplished, and takes care of four young children! It made me think about how hard we can all be on ourselves. [/quote']

That's sad to me. My best friend is a single mother, absolutely gorgeous, smart, has an amazing job, is financially secure and yet thinks I'm the one who has it all!! We have been friends our whole lives and I have always envied her looks, and it's so weird cuz she thinks I'm beautiful and I sooo don't see that...I guess we (women) are just crazy like that!!

[aroundhky 1,174]

That lady almost sounds a little "catty". She would be very annoying to have to hang around with. Maybe you can slip a "chill pill" in her drink the next time you have to see her.

[Brighteyes 237]

I wasn't always overweight. In college and shortly after I was in amazing shape, very active and enjoying my single life. One of my biggest regrets was not celebrating my body back then. I would always look at myself and think I needed to be thinner. I have promised myself I won't make the same mistake twice. She seems to be driven in being healthy. She might be a great person to buddy up with to be a positive influence in all your healthy changes.