New - Scared - Confused

[robinlwade 0]

Its funny that alot of use haven't told people because they are going to judge us, these are the same people who have asked if you have tried this diet or that to remind us how bad it is to be this fat, I am also one of those, I haven't told anyone except my over weight family or friends because they are the ones who understand and are supportive everyone else thinks I had my gallbladder taken out. Telling the ex, told mine and as soon as he gave me grief I knew it was the right thing to do. Losing weight is the hardest thing to do we all know we have all tried all the diets to lose the same weight over and over again. We are the strong ones because we did something and everyone who doesn't see it is jeolous!

[anniegs 0]

Robin I find that my Mother is the worst - she seems to think she can say things that just floor me - like 'have you thought of wearing a girdle' (I know!) or why don't you get a personal trainer - etc.. although I know she loves me totally but it is almost more hurtful that your nearest and dearest feel obliged to cut you down. Because I have failed so many other diets I feel like people will just roll their eyes at this and mutter about burning money Possibly I'm wrong but if I did tell anyone - I wouldn't be able to un-tell it!

annie

[footballmom 0]

Hi all. I am new to this lap band thing, I still have three months before I can have the actual operation because of my insurance. I am twenty years old and weigh 307. I am having a hard time deciding whether or not to have this surgery. I've tried to lose weight in the past and failed miserably. However, my ex keeps putting me down for having this done. I feel like everyone will think that I took the easy way out - but they don't understand how hard I have tried. Granted, I am only 20 years old but I've been heavy my entire life and tried to lose weight my entire life - just to gain it back.

I'm not sure where I am going with this, but feedback would be appreciated.

-Danielle:help:

Danielle - I am 50 and going to be banded on 3/5 (Monday). I have been heavy all my life and felt like I was an embarrassment to all family and friends. I have 2 sons, 22 and 20, who play college football and who I adore. With all the activites and games that go along with the football season the activites were mindboggling. Thinking that my sons were embarrassed to have me come to their games was so depressing that even medicine couldn't help. You would think that a mom whose 2 sons weightlift and live on Protein shakes would know better. . . well, I didn't. My boys knew more than I did. DO NOT let this be your life and miss out on all the fun years with your children because you feel embarrassed. If you want the surgery, GO FOR IT, don't listen to anybody. The only person who knows I am having this done is my husband (who is thin). If anybody asks I will tell them that I had my gall bladder out and that will justify the change in eating habits.

GOOD LUCK and reach for the stars . . . you are young enough to start your life over and meet that real nice guy who will let you be you.

[Desiree1970 0]

XO,

Head up Baby doll! You are so wonderfully and fiercely created! Don't give a crap about your ex because he doesn't know a thing. I love you and you are in my prayers!!!

Love Ya!

Desi

[robinlwade 0]

Annie I know what you mean, I have a step-mother like that they don't really even realize what they say is hurtful. My sister needs to lose at least 150 lbs and she made the mistake of telling my father of course they thought it was stupid but they always have something negative to say about her weight. That is why I only told my friends and family that have a weight problem its amazing I lose the weight and they think its wonderful and I'm great but as soon as you put it back on they make you feel like a failure, like I like being fat. I stood in the mirror and said I will do anything to be thin but I know I can't do it on my own I need help and its not going to come from a girdle.

[lynne leck 0]

People who are close to you always think they can insult you , dont understand why? Five years ago whilst visiting inlaws my father inlaw asked me if they charged me double on a bus? he then proceeded to say they must do as i must take up two seats . I did not cause a scene but left immediately and have never been back since , i refuse to be put on any birthday cards , fathers day cards . Do these people think by coming out with these comments that they will help us in some way, i always turn to food when upset or angry so his comments did not help how i felt .

Us bandster have to stick together , encourage each other , support each other , and most of all ignore all negative comments off everyone .

[singdeborah 0]

I think the thing that bugs me the most is when I loose weight I don't want anyone to tell me how horrible I used to look. I mean someone who is close and a "friend". Because I don't feel horrible now, and I may look better after I loose weight, but that's definitely a pet peeve of mine. I'm sure someone will do it but I'll be ready!!!!! LOL

i will be banded in April

People who are close to you always think they can insult you , dont understand why? Five years ago whilst visiting inlaws my father inlaw asked me if they charged me double on a bus? he then proceeded to say they must do as i must take up two seats . I did not cause a scene but left immediately and have never been back since , i refuse to be put on any birthday cards , fathers day cards . Do these people think by coming out with these comments that they will help us in some way, i always turn to food when upset or angry so his comments did not help how i felt .

Us bandster have to stick together , encourage each other , support each other , and most of all ignore all negative comments off everyone .

[anniegs 0]

Wonderful Lynne - good excuse to ditch the inlaws :-)~ It makes me so mad the way people make judgements - it seems the bigger you are the more invisible you are.. anyway I'm stocked with painkillers and have now told my kids that i'm having a 'procedure' the closer I get the more nutty it seemed not to tell them.. haven't said what it's for.. 'womens problems' it makes life much simpler as my daughter whos at sheffield can drive me home, so that's been a bit of a relief, although the two older kids are a bit anxious!

[Betsyjane 2]

I figure some people have the erroneous belief, as my father did, that people improve through criticism. Couldn't be farther from the truth. Their loss.

[Sissy907 1]

I am not banded as of yet, but I can't wait to be. When I saw this post by The Cascadian I really became firm about my decision. There will always be negativity, you are going to have to learn how to deal with it in a positive way for yourself. I don't think your ages matters as long as you are ready to stop being fat. At 20 I wasn't even close to fat, at 32, I am with extras. I can tell you at 20 if this surgery was available, and I needed it, I would have been a guinea pig leting them try it out on me.

I hope this copy of Cascadians post will help you figure a way to tell your Ex and everyone else who is negative why you need/want this procedure. I did. It helped more than I ever thought, and now they now support me. And if they continue to be negative, maybe you should say enoughs enough, and hang out with the people that do support your decision!

:lalala:

TheCascadian

I had a minor/friendly debate with a coworker about the merits of obesity surgery. But I think I might have made some progress by the end of it. We were talking about all of our coworkers who have had gastric bypass and how great they look. I mentioned that they had inspired me to get banded and he asked me about it. He listened for a moment and then, in a very friendly way, began to question my diet, exercise and personal history. We are normally very open with each other so I didn't feel he was prying or being nosy, but my answers didn't seem to satisfy him.

He suggested elliptical trainers, cardio, seeing a nutritionist, eating 6-10 times a day, the usual clap-trap. He basically stated that surgery really was unnecessary that that fat people should just work harder. He said they are eating too much and if they just ate a normal 2,500 calorie diet and did some cardio they'd shed the pounds and be thin.

I pointed about that my diet was well under 3,000 calories and that I worked out regularly for years and was gaining weight the whole time.

He responded that I must have a thyroid condition. I told him he was dead wrong, that I'd just had that test last week and have perfect thyroid function.

Clearly, he didn't get it, so I tried to explain things to him a little more, to no avail. We went back and forth on it. Finally, I got a bit fed up and pointed something out to him (coworkers names changed to protect the innocent):

I said, "Jim is thin and healthy, right? So if he got the bypass surgery, what would happen to him?"

Coworker says, "He'd prolly be really sick and might even die. His body wouldn't be getting enough calories! He's too thin to have the surgery done."

I responded, "Exactly. So Peter was really fat, got the bypass surgery done almost 3 years ago and ever since then he's been thin. In fact, he's about the same size as Jim, right? Same height and weight, right?"

He agreed this was true. Then I laid down the clincher:

"Why isn't Peter now dying from malnourishment and hunger? Why is he struggling to maintain his weight loss even eating tiny portions and exercising, all while Jim still eats whatever he wants and never exercises and stays the same weight?"

My coworker looked stumped at this idea, that clearly the patient's starting body weight was irrelevant for a permanent surgery like gastric bypass... But I was just getting started. I said,

"If what we ate and how we exercised were the solution for morbid obesity, there would not be very many morbidly fat people. It took a massive rerouting of Peter's digestive track to get him to where diet and exercise even have a chance of controlling his weight. He and Jim may look the similar on the outside, but inside they are hardly the same species.'

'They are obviously processing and using calories very differently or else people who had bariatric surgery would all eventually get too thin and die off. Instead, even with surgery, some people never lose all their excess weight and have to put in constant effort forever just to stay thin!"

He seemed impressed by this and said, "I never thought about it that way, but you got me with that one. If what I said was true, Peter should be really getting sick by now!" He was laughing ruefully and I was getting into it, so I continued on my rant.

I said, "Have you been on a strict diet and exercise regimen every day of your life to stay thin? Or do you generally eat what you want and exercise when you feel like it? When you gain a few pounds, does it really take more than a few weeks of mild effort to shed that weight?'

He laughed again and agreed that he didn't really do ANY of the things he was suggesting I do and that he easily lost weight. I kept on my rant:

"Normal people maintain a healthy weight with nary a thought of diet or exercise. Obese people gain weight almost inexorably. Some fat people cannot control their compulsive eating due to mental health issues, but most of us are simply hungry too often or for too much AND our bodies happily convert everything we do eat into fat. It packs on easily and burns off hardly at all. We are not normal and someday doctors and thin people are going to realize that, stop putting us down and start looking for a cure to the disease we have- a cure that doesn't involve chopping into our guts."

He threw up his hands and surrendered the point. Though I was off on quite the tangent, it was all in good fun. He could tell he really got my goat even though I ultimately won the debate, so I guess it was sort of a draw.

Anyway, I do think I made progress helping him understand what we go through. No, more than that... I think he understands now just a little bit about WHAT WE ARE. It was a good conversation, so I had to share it with all of you.

[Betsyjane 2]

All I can say is that the negativity is meaningless to me when I can wake up-like this morning-and see the scale down 2 pounds!

[Cheryl S. 0]

You are 20 years old and have your whole life ahead of you. Don't let anyone (especially an ex) tell you that you are taking the easy way out. You are making a choice to lead a full, healthy, happy life.

I heard someone say that if we were diagnosed with breast cancer today, we would be out having surgery or treatment immediately to save our lives. Why is it any different with weight? You have been given a tool to help you regain your health and your life. (O.K. I'm off my soapbox)

Good Luck to you!

Cheryl S.

[emmasmom60 0]

Danielle,

I am a pre-bander too, and I was scared about the changes that this will make in my life, but I don't think this is the easy way out. NatalieC said something that really sums it up well - something that every young woman should get printed on a card or tattoed on their forehead so they can see it every morning...'Do what you need to do to make yourself happy and healthy and leave behind those who would have you settle for otherwise.' Truly great words!

Good luck

Laura

[xo739 0]

thank you..

[annalee 0]

hi danielle - I'm just about to have my surgery on march 6th .. and I haven't told anyone!! well I eventually had to tell some close friends that I was having surgery for 'women's problems' because I needed help with looking after my 8 year old. I told my work that also but there is no law that they need to know what my operation is for and my doctor will give me a 'sick note' (a uk phrase). I just can't stand the idea of people being in judgement of me, having had such low self esteem for a long time.. I can't bear anyone even my family to know what I'm doing. I don't know how I'll carry it off to be honest, and hopefully i'll be foccused enough to get on with it. I'm freaking out here as it is so close now!

annie

I do understand how you are feeling. I think one of the commonalities for many of us is low self-esteem. This is not the easy way out. I am now five days post-op, feel very good, but am facing a new world; that of new diet rules and new goals. I am more focused than I have been in years. I think of the lap band as a tool to help me regain my life.

Lap band is not magic, but it is the FIRST step. And yes, some people will judge you if they find out, but aren't they the same people who have judged you for being fat, the same people who judge everyone around them. Tell who you chose and forget the rest.