April 2006 Bandits' March Challenge

[Kat817 19]

WTG Dawn---I knew you could do it! Your time will only go down from here---just like your blood pressure numbers---your time will surprise you! When my DH went to the Dr. las week for a check up I insisted on having my BP checked as well (it is so easy to insist when your DD is the nurse!!!). I clocked in at 118/72!!!! I took 2 different meds for my HBP for years!!!! Amazing what weight loss does my Dr. said---he is still considering his wife doing it. She is going to have problems finding a Dr. to do hers, she is not very overweight, he wants it for the diabetes aspects. He said he has been looking into it, and they results are outstanding. He (as a US Dr.) said if the only way she could get it done is to go out of the country, then it would still be worth it! No wonder I had no problem getting him to write my recommendation letter!!!

Eficka--Julie is right. I know it doesn't make you any less mad, but in the end I feel like you were saved from someone not good enough. Would he still been so easily swayed 6 months down the road, if he were out drinking alone? And if he is willing to sleep with an obvioulsy drunk woman, with no protection, heaven knows what he could have---and condoms don't protect you from everything. I fully understand you being pissy, I would be too. And my advice, is to let the friendship go---IF she is interested in reviving it, away from where alcohol is, then consider it, but I would not pursue the friendship myself any longer. I felt like I stepped back into the past with your post--I too had a friend who drank like crazy. She would always go after someone elses man---never approach one on her own-ever! And when you were with someone, she told you all the time how much it hurt her, because she like him too.***This is not like your case, I was just referring to the drunk friend!!!!*** Well she was eliminated from the group of friends for the most part. We all went on with our lives, she married, and divorced, has 3 kids,(2 dads). I continued the friendship, I mean we had been friends since 4th grade! I told her straight up she had a drinking problem. Which for years she quit. We fought the court systems for child support, we worked together to keep her kids clothed. I had one Daughter, and a supportive family, but she had 3 kids, no child support, and her family was uncaring. A few years ago, as her kids hit their teens, and life was again difficult she began drinking again. I did my best to deal with it. She knew I didn't approve, and she hid it. We didn't stay in contact like we had been, which was fine. Her youngest daughter called me once for a ride home from a school dance because her Mom was too drunk to come for her. Little things--non stop. She called me one day to see if she could borrow $20.00 to help buy her son some boots. She sent her older daughter to pick it up. Well I wanted to see if Chris (the son) really needed it, or if I was buying the bottle--so I went by her house. Imagine my surprise when I find not only a very innebriated friend at home, but also "at home" is MY EX HUSBAND!!!!!!! He had been living with her for some time!! The same jerk she watched me fight to make help support his daughter. He too is a massive alcoholic--she knew of the abuses and the cheating. But it didn't even register a blip on her radar. My daughter says they stay drunk, and get this they have between them 3 teenage daughters, and a teenage son living at home. My daughter tried talking to her former step mom, his girls mom, she blew it off. It is a terrible situation, but at this point they are functioning alcoholocs---so even the state is not involved! It cost me $27.50 to stop payment on the $20.00 check---and I have never contacted her, nor will I respond to her contacting me. I deserve, and have better friends. She will do nothing but drag me down.

I went through this stupid long story because the old saying "leopards do not change their spots" fits your friend. If alcohol is being abused---she is not trustworthy in any way shape or form. And you deserve better in a friend. And the guy is as unworthy as she is. A real MAN would not sleep with a drunk woman just because it is offered. Find you a man that thinks with the head on his shoulders!!! Sorry that was crass, but it fit!

I am glad for you that it made you mad enough to vent about---it shows you have self esteem---you KNOW you deserve better! And with that kind of self confidence, you will find one better!

Hang in there----it will happen!!! Look how long it took me to get it right!!!

Kat

[guysis 0]

Back in the groove - NIA this morning! I feel so much better - missing those 2 sessions last week made me feel "icky". I actually need "it" now......my new addiction (I'll take it).

Dawn - what a wonderful report from the doc......and congrats on the 5K time. Eficka - lots of fish in the sea for you out there - one that will be worth the wait................that one sure doesn't seem right! I definately agree with Kat!

[Boo 3]

Eficka, NO woman deserves to go through that humiliation. I'm just glad it happened now, before you were invested in a relationship. Don't put all of the blame on your "friend." This guy is a total jerk, drunk or not!

There is a better one for you and he is just around the corner!

Bluehill, keep healing!

My fill is JUST starting to tighten up (after a week). Go figure!?

I hope this works!

As for the dreaded plateau...I've been on one for over two months now. Personally, I don't do well with deadlines on losing weight. It terrifies me and stresses me out. When I was banded, I logged some goals and wrote that I would be happy with any weight-loss at the one-year anniversary. So while I would like to drop much more over the next month, I will decide to feel gratitude for the way my life has changed, thus far.

We have to look at the "big picture" of where we have BEEN, where we WERE headed, and where we are NOW headed. This is a lifetime change (even if it takes my lifetime, I'm gonna get it right!!) The band doesn't magically take care of the food demons we all still face every day.

(For some reason, I've convinced myself that the way to keep food from getting stuck is to lubricate the band ...with CHOCOLATE! haha)

All I can offer is to remain hopeful and be patient. And I can feel a change coming on! The day is fast approaching where we will ALL be onederlanders! That will be an exciting success for all of us!

[Eficka 0]

Kat, Boo, Julie and all the girls, thank you so much for your support. It helps cause theres more to come and I will tell you later:-)

I know that the guy is a jerk if he sleeps with her just because she offers it and that its not only up to her. But if Im drunk, and yes it happened to me that I was very drunk few times I still know about my actions and wouldnt do anything like that to my friend, but I guess it might also work the way that she really didnt know what she was doing.still I think I have the right to be offended and hurt.I dont care that much about the jerk but about what my friend has done.

Ok so with that friend (Steph is her name) we are supposed to goo to Greece in June, we are putting down money in four payments.So yesterday I wrote her that I will send her the last two payments in one. She writes back that shes afraid she will have to cancell the holiday because some of her friend is getting married. Ok so now Im pissed I tell her that my guess is that its all about what happened not about some wedding.

She writes back that Im right and that she thinks that we are so fed up with each other that the holiday would be a disaster (Ok this is a friend who I have known for 6 years and we know everything-really about each other)??So I write back that we should get togehter and talk and that the holiday is in June which is quite far. She doesnt write back. So in the evening when I was watching some chickflick I was upset and wrote her that I think we really should talk and that I value our friendship and dont want to lose her over some stupid guy. No answer.

I know that the last message was probably a bit desperate and that Im not the one who should be apologizing but she is/was my friend.

Now Im upset with her because I feel that she wants me to apologize (dont know what for???) and she is kind of racketing me cause of that holiday.Right now Im so pissed at her that if she doesnt contact me I wont, or I will have to cause of that holiday but thats it no friendship anymore, although it hurts...why the hell is she acting like a child that cant admitt a mistake or just talk about it????

On the other hand this whole drama helps me with my weight loss:-)) I couldnt get almost anything down yesterday:-)

My mom knows all of it cause we are very close and she says that she might be jelaous of me:shes 32,overweight and Im 25 making the same money,losing weight and have,great family and Im regaining my confidence back (finally). Something might be right about it.

Again I know this might look stupid but its taking up almost all my last 4 days.Thank you for listening to me and your great advice!!! luv you:-) :bananajump:

[amourette 5]

I've learnt as we get older we change friends,, sometimes for particular reasons and others we just have nothing in common!!!!!!!!! Please just put yourself first, yes she has %$*## up big time,but let it go otherwise it will destroy you, I HAVE had a few friends like that, I think we all have, she must knoow what she has done wrong, let her make it up not you, if she doesn't then it is no great friend to lose and you have all of us instead!!!!!

Men are too weird sometimes.........

XX Amourette:D

[Eficka 0]

more update-guys honestly if you are fed up with that drama just tell me and I wont write about it.but it helps to hear your opinions and to vent a bit.

so Steph wrote me an email saying that she thinks we are competing.hello I was never competing with her, like ever I have always been supportive and I would also say a bit submissive,but maybe she feels that shes competing with me, but that would be her problem right?

she also mentioned our last holiday, on the second day of our holiday she slept with a bartender, who told her before they even kissed that he has a girlfriend,wants to marry her, but if Steph wants to sleep with him, that he is ok with it.So she did sleep with him and in the morning he literally kicked her out.She was so humiliated that we couldnt go to that bar ever again,and since it was the beggining of the season that was the only bar opened!!yes I was upset with her and told her the reason-we had no place to go to anymore and that its not only humiliating for her but for me also. Today she tells me that she remembered how angry I was over the bartender,suggesting that I wanted him and thats why I was mad.She stated this as another reason why not to go to that freaking holiday.

Now other reason she gives me is that George Michael is going to be in Prague at that time and she really wants to see him.how lame is that????

so I wrote to her that I feel upset and wouldnt ever expect her to cancell holiday just because of some concert and that I respect that she likes G.Michael but still take it as betrayal.No response from her and trully said she disgusted me so much that I dont think I would be able to go to holiday with her anyway. So I guess the friednship is over because I wont be able to trust her ever again.

Now when Im reading it, this whole drama just feels stupid maybe I should just dont care about her anymore and forget it all.its depressing though

[Eficka 0]

oh I forgot to ask if any of you want to join me on my holiday in Greece-Zakynthos you will be more than welcome. Its like 450 US dollars/appartment,airfare and all fees included/ for 12days 1st-12th June, flying from Prague Czech Rep. also if you want to stay in Prague you are more than welcome, you can stay at my place:-)!

just an idea

[JulieNYC 4]

Eficka, I think it's hard for your friend to be around you right now because you're on a good path and she's not. Your successes are probably holding up a big mirror for her and she doesn't like what she sees. So, she's chosen to not be around the mirror, even though it's not the mirror's fault. It's one of the side effects of weight loss, I fear. You're going to be fine though -- you're the one on the healthy path.

Betty, So glad you got to NIA. I got my run in last night and I felt all vibrant and healthy.

Boo, I love your post. When you said -- "We have to look at the "big picture" of where we have BEEN, where we WERE headed, and where we are NOW headed." -- that struck a chord with me. It's easy for me to remember where I was and where I am now, but I almost never think about where I was headed without the band. I was headed to a lonely life of immobility. I was headed to the 400 lb mark, and now I'm headed to a number that starts with a one. I have to stop and think about that more often when I'm kicking myself for succombing to the chocolate bin or whatever it is that got me on the day in question.

OK, but let's talk about Boo. Boo is one of our "lightweights" yet over the last 11 months, Boo has lost FORTY-ONE pounds! That's amazing and incredible! Boo, you must feel so great. Forty-one pounds is such a difference in a body your size. You have the perfect attitude about dealing with long-term success and I'm going to try to emulate it (but I reserve the right to be neurotic until I reach Onederland).

Take care all,

[Eficka 0]

Julie, thank you, I kinda feel that you are right, it just seems rediculous to me,she has known me fat and Im changing now, but Im still the same person although more confident and less submissive. No more tears about her.

Lets go to the gym now:-))

[NJGirl 0]

I know I am late getting in, but can I hop on the band wagon. I too am stuck. I should be losing be cause I am too tight. I can't drink anything until noon and can't eat anything until 6:30 at night. Maybe exercise is the answer.

[Eficka 0]

wow NJGirl I had a fill once so I dont know what is it about to be that tight but maybe you should get an unfill? to get more cals so your metabolism starts to work properly?

[JulieNYC 4]

Welcome NJ Girl! Exercise is definitely the answer, or at least part of the answer. Come on in and join us -- there's still plenty of time left in March to meet the challenge.

This is unsolicited and it's the only time I'll say it, then I'll let it go -- It scares me that you keep your band so tight that there are times (daily, even!) that you can't drink. Too tight doesn't equal more weight loss and I want you to have a long and healthy experience with your band. That said, I don't know you or your situation, so I'll let it go. Welcome to the exercise challenge and I look forward to seeing how you challenge yourself. You'll do great!

All, I had to go to the GYN for my annual today, which is never fun, but oddly (for a doctor's office) I actually weighed LESS than I do at home! Woohoo! I'm sticking with my home numbers for my ticker, but I sure do love seeing a lower number wherever I can take it....

Take care,

[Boo 3]

NJGirl: Come on board!! I have a question for you. Do you get the PB's? If you are, you might have gotten into a syndrome of swelling. Also, could you be drinking too fast? If the answer is "no," PLEASE get an unfill. It is dangerous to deprive your body of liquid and nourishment. We end up severely malnourished if we cannot eat a variety of foods.

Eficka: It sounds like your friend is sick of hearing you tell her what to do. She wants to screw up her life. She is in a downward cycle. You have tried to be her friend, by urging her to stop her risky behavior. She does NOT want to stop! Don't let her pull YOU down, too. When a person is drowning, they can panic and fight so hard that they can pull the rescue swimmer down, too. Sometimes you have to make the painful choice to save yourself by letting them go. PLEASE take the high road! You have a better life in store for you! But you deserve to choose the highest quality friends! You are very young and need to be cautious as to who you let into your life. Especially now!

Amourette: Great advice!!

Julie: I feel so honored to be QUOTED!! How cool is THAT?! Thanks for the compliments. You GO for it! While I am envious of your results, I am thrilled at my own, too!

Betty: I am thinking about your retreat...sounds fun! I am almost comitted to the "opportunity"! Have another offer to consider.

LOVE TO YOU ALL! Gonna watch "American Idol" at the gym tonight!

[Boo 3]

If my enthusiasm gets to you, let me know. I get a little carried away with the exclamation points!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YES!!!! I'm a happy person by nature!!

[guysis 0]

Boo - I love your enthusiasm - happiness is contageous - bring it on!!!!!!

NJGirl - Welcome - we'd love another April bandster to join us - you'll love this wonderful group of supportive bandsters!

Alan had his angiogram today - he did well - it was uneventful/routine and he has good arteries (so no bypasses needed) and his pump is strong (good), but the valve is a little worse than they thought - no emergency still - but he definitaly needs surgery - we'll know more about the schedule when we see the surgeon next Tues. The doctor that did the test today assured us that he is a great candidate for this surgery......his proceedure will really be "routine" and he's healthy (otherwise) and "youngish"!

Julie - it seems like you and Alan will be March surgery buddies - you'll get a "hard tummy" and he'll get a "soft valve"! So, now you'll have more in common with our family!!!

I'm having some troubles keeping food down - stress really is a factor with my band (I'm finding out)................not all the time tho, it's sort of strange - just happens a bit more often than before - for no obvious reasons......??? I think I'm just too stressed to pay attention - gotta do that I guess!