Rant: Sensitive People

[feelinggood 152]

Spent the last couple of days reading through posts from here, fb, oh, tt, etc.. Why is it that some people on social media sites are so sensitive about other people's comments?

Just some examples:

I thought this was a support site, why are you being so mean?

I don't like this group because someone was cursing.

I was just asking if it was ok to have a cocktail and eat a pizza at 2 weeks out, why is everyone being so negative?

I don't mean to be insensitive but this just drives me batty! It's not like we are one big happy family. And if we were, family can say a lot worse things then what I've read on these sites.

Ok that's it. Feel better now.

[gowalking 10,790]

Just my opinion but I think guilt has a lot to do with it. When you make bad choices and do not follow the rules, it hurts to have someone call you out on it. Many people who abuse the band are looking for someone to tell them it's OK. When that is not what they get, I think that's when you see people reacting very negatively. Again...just my opinion based on what I see posted.

[GoingforGoal 1,734]

laughing

This is such a cyclic post..comes up frequently because emotions rise and fall frequently here.

I think it's important to remember 2 things:

1) Just because we share a common interest (the band) does not mean we engage life and people the same. Some of us are realists and find it far more supportive to speak about truths and get honest feedback opposed to hand holding which won't get you to reflect on your behaviors/attitudes.

2) You cannot ask a public forum for feedback and expect anything other than what you get. Take it, leave it..whatever. But this site is here for support and support can sometimes come be in the form of tough love. Rationale: because there are dire consequences to your band and your health if you do not change your behavior/attitude. Your issue is risky and people are going to emphasize it. There's no way to get around it, you need a wakeup call.

Gowalking, you are absolutely right. Misery likes company and people DO seek comfort when they know they've done wrong. But it is absolutely the wrong thing to do in certain situations to undermine the real risk they are putting themselves into right. I just wish people understand the difference. One post someone can have a hard time or feel defeated, which lends to us being empathetic and giving them some moral support. But than there's the other person who comes in and says they've done everything short of pulling our their band with their bare hands to compromise themselves and they will get zero empathy, it's not justified or warranted. What aggravates me the most is when people want to call you out as if you are the big bad wolf because you are pointed in one post, but fail to recognize how supportive/educative you really are overall.

Best thing to do, on both sides, stay emotionally distant (smirk) and don't take it personal

[m1aman 944]

Many people who abuse the band are looking for someone to tell them it's OK.

BINGO!!!!!

[terrydumont46 1,954]

i want constructive opinions. so feel free to blast me and blow me away if i feel sorry for myself or are looking for support in something i did being stupid. most of the time this is the best way to learn and i have a lot of learning to do

[B-52 7,113]

Many people are jealous or resent others success......their way HAS to be the ONLY way.....how dare you follow another path?

Bottom line....who cares? You need to take care and look out for you and your own.

And only you will have to pay the consequences OR reap the rewards.....no one else....

I do not believe anyone should tell anyone else what they should and should not do, what is right and what is wrong.....

What people should do is lead by example based upon experience.....it's amazing how many people here are experts and have all the answers, when they have just started out themselves and could not possibly experienced what they are preaching....

That's my rant....

[feelinggood 152]

honestly i prefer the know it alls that really don't care what others think then the poor me needy people. guess i still have some ranting left in me, lol!

[GoingforGoal 1,734]

Many people are jealous or resent others success......their way HAS to be the ONLY way.....how dare you follow another path?

Bottom line....who cares? You need to take care and look out for you and your own.

And only you will have to pay the consequences OR reap the rewards.....no one else....

I do not believe anyone should tell anyone else what they should and should not do, what is right and what is wrong.....

What people should do is lead by example based upon experience.....it's amazing how many people here are experts and have all the answers, when they have just started out themselves and could not possibly experienced what they are preaching....

That's my rant....

I agree with parts of your post but not the part of not telling people what to do, what is right or wrong. Naturally, I am not talking about being a dictator, but rather, sharing information or educating person's to help them improve their health.

I agree there are far too many newbies doling out advice. My particular favorites are when people start their comments as "I really don't know, but..." or "I heard" or " My guess is..but I'm no expert". Clearly people want to participate in the discussion and be supportive, and I appreciate that, however, I have also had to correct people because their input was incorrect. More importantly I share information based on medically based evidence or the primary education we received from our surgeons/support staff.

There are some topics that are universal. There's not too many ways around it. For example, choosing food for nutritional content. Making Protein a primary focus. All to avoid malnutrition. Like it or not, if you post a question that opposes this concept, your'e likely to get a universal WRONG!!! as a response and people will share their rationales. Some founded, some not. But sharing this information is a form of education. And there is always room for education.

You can do what you want, make your own choices. But to contemplate someone's answer and discern if it's a better way or to identify a topic you were previously unaware of and can now act on it to enhance your health and achieve your goals than no harm no foul. Actually all gain if indeed it's relevant and helps you. That is what these forums are all about.

I have an inclination you are referring to people who are adamant about their approaches and protest when people practice alternative approaches. In which case I agree. I think when people do this it's because they have adopted hard rules and don't want the confusion of alternative approaches. I also think their regurgitation of the rules and info they operate by helps them reinforce in their minds what they should be doing. But everyone needs to be aware that our docs give us different guidelines and rules, and in the long run our own experiences and supplemental education will add to or modify our practices. Additionally, the info we receive from our docs is very limiting and is hardly an 'education'. For example, to be told to intake 60-90g Protein daily does NOT educate you on why, or how the body utilizes protein, or give you any true education on nutrition. This is where LISTENING helps people gain a true awareness of they why's and not just what and how's.

(laughing) I do wish that when people post they put how long they've been banded. Fair or not, I would struggle taking advice from anyone with minimal life experience w/ the band. I always warn people to focus on WHO is giving the advice just as much as the advice being given.

[feelinggood 152]

(laughing) I do wish that when people post they put how long they've been banded. Fair or not, I would struggle taking advice from anyone with minimal life experience w/ the band. I always warn people to focus on WHO is giving the advice just as much as the advice being given.

I'm laughing at this too. Only 10 months here and consider myself a newbie even after reaching goal and a revision under my belt. At a couple months out I thought I knew everything and was giving out advice right and left. I can only hope the people receiving it didn't take it as gospel. Live and learn!

[rose6850 29]

Warning to the newbie haters... I'm only two weeks out! Lol

But... I'm here trying to figure all this out and I don't need support as much as advice and answers so I'm definitely on the, "give it to me straight" bandwagon! I'm wondering what my body is telling me and what it needs and you little experts better give me the hard, cold facts!!

[sweetie__13 99]

Spent the last couple of days reading through posts from here' date=' fb, oh, tt, etc.. Why is it that some people on social media sites are so sensitive about other people's comments? Just some examples: I thought this was a support site, why are you being so mean? I don't like this group because someone was cursing. I was just asking if it was ok to have a cocktail and eat a pizza at 2 weeks out, why is everyone being so negative? I don't mean to be insensitive but this just drives me batty! It's not like we are one big happy family. And if we were, family can say a lot worse things then what I've read on these sites. Ok that's it. Feel better now.[/quote']

I had the same thing happen to me. People are taking questions too personal. I agree with you. I'm 2weeks post op tues. Just stay positive and don't let negative people get to you. PS I had a cocktail and pizza and it's all in moderation. Cheers! Enjoy your band. We didn't get this band to be miserable right! Everyone on here is not bad.

[GoingforGoal 1,734]

I had the same thing happen to me. People are taking questions too personal. I agree with you. I'm 2weeks post op tues. Just stay positive and don't let negative people get to you. PS I had a cocktail and pizza and it's all in moderation. Cheers! Enjoy your band. We didn't get this band to be miserable right! Everyone on here is not bad.

Sweetie,

I think you got this backwards. We are talking about people who post questions and get straight responses and become emotional/sensitive about it.

[sweetie__13 99]

Got cha lol

[tipsyb 71]

(laughing) I do wish that when people post they put how long they've been banded. Fair or not, I would struggle taking advice from anyone with minimal life experience w/ the band. I always warn people to focus on WHO is giving the advice just as much as the advice being given.

I see so the comments of newbies are not needed ? Well I'm fourteen months post band, however I have a lifelong addiction to food and an emotional eater which I think makes me an expert in my own journey . I think from day one of my journey post op I still brought a huge amount if knowledge about struggling and living with addiction. The decision to have the band was based on a year long treatment programme in over eater anonymous which led me to make the decision to band. The physical mechanism and the diet advice is the smallest part of why I am here. Looking through the posts I think I have found that the main theme I see is people coping with the psychology of their addiction. So I want to hear their opinions and I want to understand their coping mechanisms and I don't care how long they have had their bands because I hear their struggles and I identify mine in there and it helps me .