How To help a Friend Understand

[HotButterFly 981]

She's in her fifties and is morbidly obese 300+

She's like a spiritual mother to me because she was always there for me when I first became a Christian, and she's still in my life even though I don't attend church anymore. It saddens me that she has so many weight-related issues. I know if she had mobility she would be so much more happy because she loves kids and she love to tend gardens and grow food.

I've suggested her this option (even before I wanted it for myself, thinking I could do it through diet and exercise) but she CLAIMS that God wouldn't want this for her because she wouldn't be "dealing with the root issues". I answer to that always was: but once you're losing and healthier, it would be easier to deal with the "root problem" because you don't have to worry about all the health issues...... But she still claims God wouldn't want this for her.

I had my surgery July 20th and she still hasn't asked me ANYTHING about it. I would never bring it up, because I don't want her to think I'm bragging or anything like that. How can I at least make her entertain the thought without her using GOD as a cop-out???

[DELETE THIS ACCOUNT! 12,703]

Honestly? You can't.

You already brought it up to her once and she was very clear she was against it for spiritual reasons. You have to respect her intuition and reasons- whether you like or agree with them or not. God isn't a cop out. If she's a strong Christian then God is the best reason she has. It's not anyone else's job or business to decide if reasons based on God are legit or not. That is between her and God- no one else.

If you push this topic with her, there's a good chance you could lose your friendship with her. If I were you, I'd respect her decision and let it go for the sake of your friendship.

[☠carolinagirl☠ 18,721]

until a person decides to lose weight (with wls or not), it wont happen

us overweight/obese people know what we look like and we need to lose and dont need to be told/reminded..that is my opinion.

inspire her to make her own decision by you doing what you are doing, losing weight and getting healthy..and who knows, maybe a spark may ignite

[mrsto 2,925]

Personally, I think saying that this is God's plan for her, is a total cop-out. Sounds more like fear than anything else. But it doesn't really matter what I think, because it's her life, and her choices to make. I agree with Mis, in that you've already talked with her about it, so it's best to let it be. As painful as it is to watch, if she drops dead from a stroke or heart attack, then that is the road she chose based on her beliefs.

[mrsto 2,925]

until a person decides to lose weight (with wls or not), it wont happen

us overweight/obese people know what we look like and we need to lose and dont need to be told/reminded..that is my opinion.

inspire her to make her own decision by you doing what you are doing, losing weight and getting healthy..and who knows, maybe a spark may ignite

Agree - totally!

[HotButterFly 981]

until a person decides to lose weight (with wls or not)' date=' it wonthappen us overweight/obese people know what we look like and we need to lose and dont need to be told/reminded..that is my opinion. inspire her to make her own decision by you doing what you are doing, losing weight and getting healthy..and who knows, maybe a spark may ignite[/quote']

THANKS! You're right! Maybe I SHOULD talk about my experience and like you said, maybe inspire her in the process. I HAVE let it go at least as far as I don't talk about it anymore or even bring up what's been going on with me and how much I've lost already. But every time we talk SHE brings up the weight and health problems topic. I was previously against getting surgery thinking I could do it on my own and THEN, I spoke to a friend and asked her how she lost all the weight and she told me the sleeve... And THAT sparked this journey. So maybe I've been wrong for not sharing my success thus far. THANKS FOR OPENING MY EYES, y'all!!

[mrsto 2,925]

THANKS! You're right! Maybe I SHOULD talk about my experience and like you said, maybe inspire her in the process. I HAVE let it go at least as far as I don't talk about it anymore or even bring up what's been going on with me and how much I've lost already. But every time we talk SHE brings up the weight and health problems topic. I was previously against getting surgery thinking I could do it on my own and THEN, I spoke to a friend and asked her how she lost all the weight and she told me the sleeve... And THAT sparked this journey. So maybe I've been wrong for not sharing my success thus far. THANKS FOR OPENING MY EYES, y'all!!

Maybe, when talking with her about your experience, talk about all the feelings and issues that you're dealing with, now that you're not stuffing them down with food. It's really the truth, isn't it? When we stop using our "drug", we have to deal with the underlying issues. When she said that God wants her to deal with the root of her issues, it sounds like she thinks that being banded is some sort of free ride; a space shuttle ride to "thin", bypassing all of the issues we all deal with. When you talk with her, just avoid telling her what she should do. Stick to what you're going through, and it will be more digestible for her. She may not act on anything right away, but (hopefully) she'll think about it. I think it's totally okay for you to share what's been going on with YOU. She's your friend, right?? That is a two way street. Just don't gloat about the weight loss......that will probably be hard for her to handle. Gloat to us, and everyone else in your world who is cheering for you. It's hard work, and you deserve a few pats on the back!

[HotButterFly 981]

Mrsto.... I'm gonna run with everything you've said above. I'm so glad I posted this question more than ANY OTHER QUESTION I've posted. Thanks, from the bottom of my heart!

[cheryl2586 3,053]

Maybe if you do talk about how well you are doing to her since she is your friend she will get interested once she sees how well you are doing. Sometimes people need to see before they want to do it. Whatever she or you decide best of luck to you.

[HotButterFly 981]

You're right! That's exactly what happened to me wen my friend told me about HER surgery. I'll definitely share with her... Without gloating, of course