Has WLS destroyed your marriage/relationship?

[sophrosyne 0]

I'm just wondering how WLS has affected relationships. I know a lot of people get in relationships while they're heavy - the old "so-and-so loves me for myself, not my body" but then... what happens when you lose weight? I've heard that people gain more self-confidence and realize that the relationships they're in are abusive, or maybe they realize that they "settled" because of their weight and they divorce. Does anyone's marriage survive after WLS?

[Kat817 19]

It has just gotten better!!! I am a happier more outgoing person. I am physically able to "do" more, we bowl, we go walking together, we lift weights together...all kinds of things. It has also improved our sex life---I am able to "do" all kinds of different things there too!! And I just feel better about myself, and how I look without clothes. I mean I know I am still over 200 pounds, and far from a beautiful body---but heck he loved me 80+ pounds ago---so he sees a huge difference too---and we like it!!

He was not pushy, the surgery was my idea, and when I mentioned it to him, he told me, it put him in a wierd spot. If he supported me and encouraged me, he was afraid it would be taken that he was unhappy with me the way I was. And if he wasn't supportive it could be taken that he didn't want me to do it --even if I wanted to. We talked, and he told me he would be there behind me all the way. he has been, he slept on a couch in my room in the hospital, and has been my biggest support ever since. He hugs me and comments on how much I am shrinking---he brags about me to his co-workers...he has been awesome. He had some serious life threatening health issues this last few months, and I was able to repay the "by your side" attitude. He is for sure a "keeper" and I intend to keep on keeping him!!!

Our marriage is stronger---we faced this together---the good the bad and the ugly. I would not have wanted anyone else to see the scales when I stepped on them, or seen my big fat belly when they come in to look at my incisions....just him. My SIL was banded the same time, and she refused to even let her DH know what she weighed---and he never has been much support. it makes a difference. My DH is my best friend----I have girlfriends---but he is my best friend, when something happens good or bad, he is the one I want to tell.

Will my marriage survive? I say YES!!!

Kat

[Alexandra 55]

My marriage is the same as it was before banding, so I didn't vote. All that's happened is that I lost weight--neither of us based our love or the relationship on my size, so it changing has nothing to do with our marriage. I've become more agile, able, free to do things, but the marriage itself has not changed due to my weight loss.

Which is exactly what I expected to happen. :biggrin1:

[Tired_Old_Man 1]

Neither my wife, Tina, nor I based our love or marriage on my weight, my size or hers, but losing weight makes life easier. I promised her, about 15 or twenty years ago, that I would be around for our 50th wedding anniversay. I've got 10 years, 4 months and 9 days to go.

If I had not lost weight, I doubt that I would have a chance at being around for the big 5 0.

[rroswelltx 1]

WOW T_O_M youve been married 40yrs. What an awesome thing this day in age. Be proud!!!

I have been married for 7, my relationship has gotten better in some ways and worse in other's. My hubby is self conscious about his own weight, and the more I lose the more insecure he gets, even though he doesn't have to worry. I LOVE him ONLY FOREVER!!!! and I tell him that all the time!

[sophrosyne 0]

It's good to hear that relationships can survive. I worry, because sometimes I catch myself thinking things like "after I lose weight, he'll have to be nice to me" and I wonder what'll happen if he isn't! LOL!

I had a friend who had the bypass, and she lost a LOT of weight. She also started an affair with a married man and left her husband.

So, it got me wondering...

[StephC 0]

I think its helped our marriage. We've been married 27 years so I was pretty secure anyway but I know he wanted me to lose some weight. He has made little comments about just don't lose too much. And whenever I would diet in the past he'd hold my butt in his hands and tell me he could tell I was losing weight - LOL - I'd say wow those 3 lbs must have all been in my butt then. So I knew in his subtle little ways he wanted me to lose some weight but doesn't expect me to be that skinny little bride I had been. He's definitely a keeper, I love him with my whole heart and this was a good time for me to have this done. Our kids are all just about raised and we are spending more quality time together so me losing weight will just enhance our time together. I've only lost about 30 lbs so I'm still far from thin but thin or fat he'd love me anyway.

[Jimboss 0]

I believe that my WLS has only allowed me to lose weight. As far as my relationship with my lovely bride of over 30 years, it hasn't affected it other than nice comments I get from her.

I did notice that there were at least three votes which involved the "open marriage" and "outside dating". I'd be interested in hearing comments from those gentlemen or ladies.

[Marimaru 7]

I think that the relationships that are 'ruined' by weight loss surgery had something fundamentally wrong with them to begin with. Most of the time what I hear about those relationships is that someone is just fed up with being the way they are treated, and they've realized they don't have to 'settle' for it..

I went through a rough patch, where my fiance was insecure about my losing weight and then deciding to leave him, but we talked about it, and he got over it

[ReneBean 3]

It's good to hear that relationships can survive. I worry, because sometimes I catch myself thinking things like "after I lose weight, he'll have to be nice to me" and I wonder what'll happen if he isn't! LOL!

I had a friend who had the bypass, and she lost a LOT of weight. She also started an affair with a married man and left her husband.

So, it got me wondering...

Soph, Honey.

If he isn't "nice" to you now - leave him, now. You are worth love and respect at any size.

Hugs!

[A1ikou 0]

I agree with ReneBean, why does he have to 'be nice to you' when you lose weight? If he loves you then being nice comes naturally.

My hubby is my biggest supporter. We got together because he liked big women and when I ask him if my losing weight will make a huge difference he just laughs "don't be daft...I love you silly and I want you healthy to be here with me" and that's that. You love a person for who and what they are and if physical appearance is all that love is based on, seems to me it's not something that would survive many other problems life throws at couples, never mind weightloss.

[*susan* 1,709]

I think that the relationships that are 'ruined' by weight loss surgery had something fundamentally wrong with them to begin with.

I agree 100% with Marimaru. When my husband and I got married, we did so because we love each other, as a person, not just the physical body. We married each other for better or worse and always plan to be there for each other. He has always been, and I am sure always will be, my greatest supporter.

Now, with all that being said, I will say it has enhanced our relationship in that I am able to physically do more and am more active. We love spending time together, but my weight literally did weigh me down and I never felt like doing anything or going anywhere because I got tired out so easily. Now, I do feel like going and doing and have the energy to do it. So, our time together has been enhanced and we are able to do more things together and that is wonderful.

[Davyna 0]

So far the only thing getting banded has done to my marriage is it has made my husband realize he too needs to do something about his weight. We can't afford another lapband (and being ex-military he eats like there's a tornado coming, and I don't think he could give up soda anyway) so unfortunately he's going to have to do it the old-fashioned, difficult way. He, like me, has about 100 lbs to lose.

But I expect, like others have mentioned, that I will have more energy and be a happier person to be around, and of course this is going to have a reflection in the marriage. It can only make things better.

Here's the ironic thing. Even tho he's heavier than me, I had a higher BMI than him, which means I was the fatter one!! (i've lost almost 20 lbs pre and post op, which finally brought us down to the same BMI)

[dotofoz 0]

I think that the relationships that are 'ruined' by weight loss surgery had something fundamentally wrong with them to begin with. Most of the time what I hear about those relationships is that someone is just fed up with being the way they are treated, and they've realized they don't have to 'settle' for it..

I don't believe the act of acutal WLS breaks up relationships, there definitely has to be an underlying factor that may just surface once the person has a renewed sense of self....The lucky ones are able to work thru it, the others just move on and get rid of the albatross around their neck! Needless to say, I'm the one getting rid of the albatross!