female only Husband fears I will lose weight & divorce him.

[erikaloftin 62]

I think his fears aren't stemming from insecurity or issues. I think its just fear of the unknown.. and it looks like a few other women on here have husbands that share his fear..

That's exactly it. It's a huge life change for both of you. You'll find a way to get past it. You guys sound solid

[terry1118 1,274]

Every marriage is different' date=' and this process will test your marriage in so many ways. The most important thing is to communicate. Talk about everything - your successes, anger, frustrations, anxiety. Those are just a few emotions you will go through. Many marriages end after RNY, but I believe that rny is a very small piece to that puzzle. My marriage has grown stronger, but that takes work and communication. Before I had the surgery my hubby and I had several long heart to heart discussions about the decision.[/quote']

I believe that any marriage that ends after rny had other issues to begin with. It's those issues that end the marriage, not the surgery. But surgery and the resulting changes can be the last straw for some couples w/other issues. Communication is a very important part of keeping a marriage strong. As is love, respect, compromise, nurturing, etc.

[Jennie_B 6]

Hi' date=' I am set to have my RNY on 10/22. This whole journey my hubby has been scared about the post op me. My mother had this surgery 12 years ago. She lost her weight, found a bf, and divorced my dad. They were married for 20 years. I've been married for 3 years but with my husband for 10 years. We have 2 kids together & I am so in love with him as I was from the start. He is so scared I will be like my mother and hurt him. I know I would never do such a thing.. I love him & I adore our life we've built together. How can I make him realize I'm not going to do that? He is so sure it will happen. =([/quote']

I have a different take on some this. My husband was very very supportive of me having the surgery. He would say things like "don't lose too much" and we went to all the pre-surgery meetings together. After several complications (and he was at my side) my fat seemed to melt away! I lost 134 lbs in 8 mos. Now 15 mos post op and I feel like my marriage is in shambles! I DID lose a lot of weight due to those mentioned complications and I am now a size 4. My body has changed sooo drastically! Thankfully I don't have much extra skin at all, but my chest is just about nothing! You can see my ribs through what's left of my breasts. He doesn't touch me, says I need to "eat a hamburger...or two". I don't know if he must lacks security in our 25 year relationship or what. I'm going to counseling, he refuses. So yes, in my case the surgery DEFINITELY affected my marriage, and ours was very strong!

[mrsb12 73]

Same here my husband thinks I'm going to leave him because I'm truly trying to help him stop the bad habits or he will be having the surgery soon too! My weight loss has him acting jealous for no damn reason but he's coming around though :-)

His family or should I say his stupid sister went and told some of his family when I told my husband not to tell her bc I knew she would do that and now he swears she may be right......

INSECURE never that but his familys and my sisters inputs are needed :-(

MrsB surgery 1-21-13

[Greenize42 62]

My husband popped up and said he should resign himself to the fact that I would leave him! I couldn't believe he said that we have been married for over 20 yrs also! My surgery is for my health issues and that is the reason I am having it! I hope that it doesn't cause problems! We would go to Christian counseling if that happens! I will be praying for all of you having major issues????

[frankt04 80]

I have a different take on some this. My husband was very very supportive of me having the surgery. He would say things like "don't lose too much" and we went to all the pre-surgery meetings together. After several complications (and he was at my side) my fat seemed to melt away! I lost 134 lbs in 8 mos. Now 15 mos post op and I feel like my marriage is in shambles! I DID lose a lot of weight due to those mentioned complications and I am now a size 4. My body has changed sooo drastically! Thankfully I don't have much extra skin at all' date=' but my chest is just about nothing! You can see my ribs through what's left of my breasts. He doesn't touch me, says I need to "eat a hamburger...or two". I don't know if he must lacks security in our 25 year relationship or what. I'm going to counseling, he refuses. So yes, in my case the surgery DEFINITELY affected my marriage, and ours was very strong![/quote']

Mine is kinda the same but not lol. I went from 440lbs to 210lbs and my wife told me she misses her big Teddy Bear. We were actually on the verge of separating all her actions and choice. Then she send she realized how petty her reasons for leaving sounded when she voiced them to me. We recommitted our selfs to each other a few months ago and things have been a lot better.

Men are more insecure then you might imagine. We also need compliments and doting on. The old saying the grass is greener on the other side of the fence may be true but Water our own lawns and it will be just as beautiful. Trust me it's just that he feels that you're going to leave him with your newfound body & he doesn't realize he's making his fear a reality. I truly wish you the best, I know how isolating you feel right now.