Unsupportive Family

[blapstev 9]

I'm so sorry your family isn't supportive of your decision to get healthy. Have you asked them why they won't support your decision? I think they are just scared that you will be the skinny one in the family and then it will make the rest of them look bad. You have chosen to do the right thing for you and it's NOT really their choice so I wouldn't sweat it. We here on RNY talk can be your new supporting family if you'll let us. You can bounce anything off of us and we'll be here for you. You can email me any time if you want someone to talk to one on one at dviveiros56@gmail.com. Good luck with your surgery and wash your hands of the toxic people in your life.

Thank you so much for the advice and future support! I will definitely do so.

[Mid West 99]

Good luck - a very clever Englishman once said "to thine own self be true" :-)

[sugarsmack 7]

I am sorry that your family is negative about the choice you have made to become healthy. I would love then from afar and focus on my goal, being healthy, although you love them and would respect their support, they just do not see your point of view of wanting to be healthy. I respect your decision . My family has been very supportive and I am glad that I told them. But remember you have us and we support you. Good luck and please keep us posted on your journey.

[anappleaday 25]

So I haven't told many... But the ones I have told- that are closest to me, are unsupportive. Everyone but my hubby. When they offer their opinions, I remind myself that they love me and are afraid. Then I politely tell them: there have been many choices that you or others have made that I don't entirely agree with, or cause me concern and worry... But that I just have to suck it up cause you are an adult. I ask for the same in return.

I have stopped telling people.

[2biglamb 65]

I have told most of my family as they are the ones that have seen most of my struggles all my life. Over the holidays I told a niece that I am very close with as we share the battle of the life long bulge. She said to me so you are taking the easy way out? I was so hurt that I just froze as I thought she of all people would understand and be there for me ! I never talk about it with my mother n' law either because when I told her she said are you sure you want to do that it's very bad and dangerous. I personally think they both need to read up on it! I really like this support group online I know you all will help me through this!

[terry1118 1,274]

Only the uninformed think it's the 'easy way out'. What is easy about all the testing and education pre-op, the pain, recovery, and possible complications of surgery, learning all over again how and what to eat, getting sick on foods as you learn, trying daily to meet Protein and fluid goals, and remembering to take your Vitamins and supplements for the rest of your life or risk permanent damage to physical and mental health? Not to mention that eating right and exercise are important lifestyle changes that we will have to maintain to be successful long-term. How is this easy? Set her straight - the girl needs educating. :-)

[ReaRaes 49]

I have chosen to tell very few people, a few coworkers two of who have had the surgery and my two closest friends there. The only family I am telling is my husband and mother in law. I have many siblings but am dealing with other issues with them that I don't need to even guess what they will say. It's my life and I am doing this for my health and lifestyle. I want to be able to get out and work I my gardens and go down to the lake and swim and not feel lime I need to hide my body from my entire family that is skinny and fit. And, I don't want to be my mother with all of her health issues that helped speed up her diseases and death.

[w8loser 58]

Wow! It's unnatural? I wonder if any of them would pass up the opportunity to have a life saving heart bypass surgery if they had a heart attack or other heart issues? I wonder how unnatural it would be to them then? Have the surgery? Die? Why is gastric bypass any different? Yes, there are risks. However, many lives have been saved due to both!

Edited December 28, 2013 by w8loser

[alex76 184]

I have decided to tell a few people at work and most of my family knows. My fear was that if I didn't tell, they would think I was trying to hide it because I am ashamed, etc. I try to educate and be firm about how strongly I feel about having surgery to everybody I tell so that they won't have a chance to put me down or make negative comments. I quickly tell them that this option isn't for everybody- but it's definitely one that I have thought about and feel it's best for me. People haven't been negative, but they continue to encourage me to engage in bad habits... quietly or unintentionally trying to sabotage me- either way, I'm out to prove them wrong!

[2biglamb 65]

That's how I feel. Although I know I am not ashamed of the surgery, I have told most of my family and my closest friends. My husbands family is a different story! I did tell my mother n' law who I am sure has told most of her family which sucks cause they are so judgemental and yet a huge majority of them are obese and always on a diet or detox. I am looking forward to when I can go to a family reunion and be smaller!!

[*Misty*Raine* 192]

My entire "motherhood life" I have been heavy. My oldest child is going to be 20 in July. Prior to that... I never weighed over 90 lbs all thru school. I was always told to "eat something" or "you look sickly"... So when I had my daughter and I jumped to 190 the day I delivered her, they all were ticked of that I went right bak into my prebaby clothes. But it was short lived. When my daughter didn't clean her plate, I felt like I had to. Or if I was cooking for her, I was snacking. Before I knew it... I weighed 150 again. Then I had my 2nd child and then my 3rd... Now 6 kids later, I have diabeties, diabetic neuropathy, asthma, copd, sleep apnea and sleep with a bipap machine, I have high blood pressure, and high cholesterol. So since developing all these health issues... Gaining a tremendous amount of weight.... Up to 230lbs.... Now they make fat girl jokes. They ARE hurtful. It does hurt. I am so sick of being the butt of everyone's jokes. I finally decided to takes own life back. Stop beings dads jokes, stop living in and outta the hospitals with copd exacerbations ..... I want to be able to par take in my kid lives. I'm tired of being a spectator in life. It's time for misty to live it.

When I told my dad I was having rny.... He laughed at me and asked if I was serious? I said yes dad I am... He said I was stupid, it was the most ignorant thing he had ever heard of, and that he hopes I come to my senses before I go do something I can't change. I told him how I felt and that I needed this to get my life back and stop letting it pass me by... He told me to "stop being lazy" and it wouldn't be a problem. Needless to say it was the last time we spoke. And I'm ok with that... Ty all for being what I don't get from my family... Nonjudgmental support!! I need this. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!!!

[*Misty*Raine* 192]

Sorry for the long rant... Lol I'm a chatterbox!

[Wallflower7522 328]

I can't bring myself to tell my family I'm doing this. I've been in the process for 8 months and I can't do it. I finally told my brother and that was a relief but I'm stuck with my parents. I think they'll be supportive, but they can also be overbearing to the point it seriously stresses me out. My relationship has never been great with either of them but now it's like they are trying to make up for it, not by doing what I need, but by doing what makes them feel better. Does that makes sense?

I recently had a extremely minor surgical procedure and my dad absolutely would not listen to what I needed. Even though I had my husband to drive me, my mom and dad both insisted on coming. He insisted on coming to my house, sitting for hours, and watching tv. When all I needed was to be driven home and dropped off so I could sleep. I could even see him trying to take my car while I'm recovering because "I won't be driving it."

My mom likes to be the center of attention. She'll storm in, make a show of "helping" and disappear again. But she is a nurse so she could at least be helpful. She'll also call everyone she knows and tell them I'm having surgery the second she finds out. He'll, she'll probably call my husband and tell him. (He knows, obviously) I don't care if people know Im having surgery, but I'm very private and really really just want to be left alone while Im recovering.

I could probably get through the hospital without telling them, but they'll guilt trip the hell out of me and I fall it every single time.

My husband is very supportive, and I have a few good friends and coworkers who have had the surgery, so I of have support. I'm just at a loss as to how to even start the conversation with them. My surgery will probably be sometime in February.

Sorry this is kind of a rant, I know there isn't much I can do other than grin and bear it but it anyone has any advice I'd appreciate it.

[*Misty*Raine* 192]

If this was me.... (And only me)..... I would prob wait til the surgery was done and ur at home recovering on ur own time, and then wait for th to call.... I'd just say, oh btw this is what I had done and down play it so that it's no big deal. And I would prob tell them that the dr doesn't want u exposed to a lot of people cause of the risk of germs and infection. Tell them u will call them once you heal enough to be around people. they sound like my grandparents Before they passed away...I'd just overly stress no visitors til you are ready... And that buys you some time to heal, not be stressed out by the craziness and maybe just enjoy some YOU time! You deserve it and need it.

[Abbie213 2]

My "boyfriend " of 15 years thinks its too much of an inconvenience to him. I don't see us staying together much longer. I go Monday 6/8 and I had to ask his boss if he had taken tbe day off to watch our 4 year and he hadn't. I had a hard time with that. ... cried for awhile but better to kniw than never.... my friends and family will be there.