Family unsupportive

[rlm34 42]

My family ( predominantly my mother) have been very interested and quite supportive of my choice to get the rny until I actually had my surgeon appt and made my insurance application. Now she is refusing to even acknowledge the topic and constantly changes the subject when I update her on progress. Im still waiting to hear if my insurance application has been approved ( submitted yesterday) and today I made the decison that if im declined, I will go ahead and self pay (eek! huge loan). My mom's reaction is now even worse. I know she'll be understandably worried or dealing with her own regrets over weight and health. ..but its a horrible feeling to not have her support suddenly. It's making me wonder if I'm making the right choice. Anyone else had close family turn a bit strange the closer they got to surgery??

[Ammariehs mommy 150]

I am in the same boat as you right now. My mother who is also over weight doesn't support me either. I try to talk to her about it and she always changes the subject. My sister who is very self centered and if the subject isn't about her also could care less bout my surgery. I'm still pre op also and it's been tough going through this by myself. I have found people on here to be more supportive then my own family. I am still going to go through with the surgery. I have been so worried about others for so long now it's time to work on myself. Don't worry about others this is your time to shine! Get healthy and I'm sure in the end they will come around. And if they don't its their loss!

[rlm34 42]

Thanks. Ive been reading these threads and knew if I wanted support i'd probably have to look online, rather than my own family. We're quite close so this is hitting me hard. Thanks for your support. It's good to know I'm not the only one feeling a bit abandoned. It's definitely time to look after myself. I've put myself last for way too long. You're right...their loss.

[Ammariehs mommy 150]

You are definitely not alone!! I felt that way when I decided to try for the surgery. All of my friends except 2of them said don't do it. And now that I have lost about 40pounds on my own they are like see you can do it alone. Then they will tell me some horror story about something they have heard about the surgery. So that scares the crap out of me. I'm already nervous about it. I don't need any help being scared. I just told them don't talk to me about it anymore. If they start I will shut them down and tell them hush it. I am ready to live again. This weight has had me basically shut in the house for years. I mean I go out but I have to plan trips. I can't go anywhere without scooters because of my knees. I'm ready to walk, walk, walk again! Screw everyone else and their feelings! This is our life and we deserve to be happy again!! Good luck to you!! Feel free to message me anytime we can support each other!

[Obeasta 92]

This is so sad for me to hear.

How can your loved ones not support you and want you to be happy and healthy? Putting their own issues in front of your health and actual drive to do something about it.

That makes me so mad.

[heather200202 73]

Im really sorry to hear about how your family wont support you. I dealt with the same before and after my surgery. I went into surgery that day with only my husband's support and no one else. I was ok with that cause I had worked hard and was determined to have this surgery. We all have our own personal reasons why. My family came around and was really supportive but I became thinner then them then it all went to hell again. Jealousy will also be a huge problem later on but its the truth to be told. Keep your head up and keep reminding yourself why you are doing this. I will never regret my decision no matter what.

My family and I are no where close like we used to be. Which is really sad cause I am now pregnant. I lost friendships I've had for years but thats all right. I have new friends which has been a plus. Keep your world full of happy and positive people and it will all work out.

[rlm34 42]

Then they will tell me some horror story about something they have heard about the surgery. So that scares the crap out of me. I'm already nervous about it. I don't need any help being scared. I just told them don't talk to me about it anymore. If they start I will shut them down and tell them hush it.

Yep, Im getting the horror stories now too. It's like they've spent hours on Google pulling out all the cases of tragic complications or excess weight re-gain and essentially told me thats my likely future. I refuse to be brought down. I know the risks are real, but im going in with a positive attitude. I only wish they could too. Hopefully in time...

[rlm34 42]

This is so sad for me to hear.

How can your loved ones not support you and want you to be happy and healthy? Putting their own issues in front of your health and actual drive to do something about it.

That makes me so mad.

It's definitely sad alright. And makes me angry too sometimes. But im guessing my mum feels threatened and scared and I'm trying to be a little more understanding of the way she's reacting.

[rlm34 42]

Im really sorry to hear about how your family wont support you. I dealt with the same before and after my surgery. I went into surgery that day with only my husband's support and no one else. I was ok with that cause I had worked hard and was determined to have this surgery. We all have our own personal reasons why. My family came around and was really supportive but I became thinner then them then it all went to hell again. Jealousy will also be a huge problem later on but its the truth to be told. Keep your head up and keep reminding yourself why you are doing this. I will never regret my decision no matter what.

My family and I are no where close like we used to be. Which is really sad cause I am now pregnant. I lost friendships I've had for years but thats all right. I have new friends which has been a plus. Keep your world full of happy and positive people and it will all work out.

Im sorry you've experienced this too. I'll probably go into my op with only my partners support too, but thats ok. Im so over living a shadow of my life. Im so over being a hermit and living in pain.

It's quite tragic to hear of the breakdown between you and your family...especially with a wee bubba on the way (congrats). I hope they come round and can one day get over the jealousy and you can reconnect. I've heard heaps on the effects of jealousy. I've been the "fat one" amongst my friends all my life. I know my future weightloss will affect the dynamics there...im just hoping not too badly.

[M.A. Cruz 15]

That was my mother prior to getting banded, horrible support. After I came out ok and lost a lot of weight she was happy. Now I'm in the process of getting the RNY and she's unsupportive again.

It's just natural human reaction to potential life threatening situations involving someone they love. (Psychology major)

[rlm34 42]

That was my mother prior to getting banded' date=' horrible support. After I came out ok and lost a lot of weight she was happy. Now I'm in the process of getting the RNY and she's unsupportive again.

It's just natural human reaction to potential life threatening situations involving someone they love. (Psychology major)[/quote']

Yeah...I figured the reaction was because of the fear. Which is why I'm trying really hard not to feel down about it. I hope she comes round and stops shutting me out once I get through ok. Thanks