Memories anyone?

[TinyMamiOf3kids 1,280]

Did you walk down the church or up to the priest thinking in a few years I'm getting a divorce? Did you buy your dream furniture hang up picture frames? Watch your kids grow? Look at your wedding band? Thinking I need to get out!!!

I never in a million years felt or thought of leaving the man I gave 17 years of my life to. Gave him 3 kids. We decorated the house together. Put up picture frames all over. Went to different places. Spend hours together. Spoil me rotten. Put me threw school. Paid for my college. Watch me grow from a teenager to my thirties.

I go over & over in my head why can't I make this marriage work?????

The 3 kids are being verbally abuse. That's a good enough reason to leave a marriage. Have I talk to him? Of course did I accomplished anything? Nope. It's becoming a little less maybe cuz he isn't home so they don't hear it if they are sleeping. I'm being verbally abuse. Suddenly he doesn't like how I cook. He thinks I'm a slut sleeping around cuz I'm slim now.

Why it's so complicated to keep a marriage together? This time I'm putting my kids 1st and thinking what's best for them & how long till xxx is paid how about xxx is paid. Can I buy a prom dress? Will I have money left over? I don't know what is like to pay rent light gas cell phone cable my own bills. Why? Hubby always paid them. If I ever mention I paid something it was with hubby money but checks are in my name. I do pay for diapers(not anymore getting it free) clothes non food items & sneakers my own nails & hair if needed. When it comes to utilities hubby pays for them so I have a lot to learn about life. How to pay my own damn bills?

[sawyersmommy 11]

I hear the same thing about it being his money that pays for everything. Only problem is if I don't make sure it gets paid before he gets a hold of "his money" it won't get paid. He also puts things in my name or opens accounts in my name and then let's them go bad, ruining my credit and I'm not supposed to be upset about it. I told him I want a divorce and he said "I won't let you do that".

[oldoneyoungagain 200]

Did you walk down the church or up to the priest thinking in a few years I'm getting a divorce? Did you buy your dream furniture hang up picture frames? Watch your kids grow? Look at your wedding band? Thinking I need to get out!!!

I never in a million years felt or thought of leaving the man I gave 17 years of my life to. Gave him 3 kids. We decorated the house together. Put up picture frames all over. Went to different places. Spend hours together. Spoil me rotten. Put me threw school. Paid for my college. Watch me grow from a teenager to my thirties.

I go over & over in my head why can't I make this marriage work?????

The 3 kids are being verbally abuse. That's a good enough reason to leave a marriage. Have I talk to him? Of course did I accomplished anything? Nope. It's becoming a little less maybe cuz he isn't home so they don't hear it if they are sleeping. I'm being verbally abuse. Suddenly he doesn't like how I cook. He thinks I'm a slut sleeping around cuz I'm slim now.

Why it's so complicated to keep a marriage together? This time I'm putting my kids 1st and thinking what's best for them & how long till xxx is paid how about xxx is paid. Can I buy a prom dress? Will I have money left over? I don't know what is like to pay rent light gas cell phone cable my own bills. Why? Hubby always paid them. If I ever mention I paid something it was with hubby money but checks are in my name. I do pay for diapers(not anymore getting it free) clothes non food items & sneakers my own nails & hair if needed. When it comes to utilities hubby pays for them so I have a lot to learn about life. How to pay my own damn bills?

More than I want to count. Married the first time at 18 and had a son two years later. I worked, hubby worked had a beautiful home and when I started sticking up for myself I got my front teeth knocked. Second time he was in the baby's bedroom whose wall was opposite the dining room, so when I came home with groceries and sat them down the shotgun went off. The buckshot didn't make it through the wall only because he was so close they went into the 2 x 4. The next time and last time was when he tried to strangle me and I passed out. I put the down payment on our home, the furniture was mine (I had money my mother step father saved as I received VA benefits as my father was killed in WWII, so all the money had been put in US bond for 13 years). I left with mine and my son's clothes, my son and with the car. I had been married 4 years and had planned to be married for the rest of my life. During those four years, I found out 20 years later, he was seeing other women and in fact my son had a half sister about two months younger then him. I've walked out on my daughter's father also 15 years later, leaving everything behind. I had to put myself and my children first. My daughter still remembers the arguments and fights her father and I had and she is now 42. Yes there are memories, loads of them. I don't want to dwell on the bad ones though as the Man above led me to a good man and showed me I could be loved. Life is a learning lesson, and survivors always make it. Granted it won't be easy and sometimes not fair but you learn, grow and it becomes easier but might be difficult at times.

[oldoneyoungagain 200]

I hear the same thing about it being his money that pays for everything. Only problem is if I don't make sure it gets paid before he gets a hold of "his money" it won't get paid. He also puts things in my name or opens accounts in my name and then let's them go bad, ruining my credit and I'm not supposed to be upset about it. I told him I want a divorce and he said "I won't let you do that".

You realize he is commiting fraud since you did not authorize these accounts? Plus what makes him think he can stop you from getting a divorce. Nothing is stopping you from discussing your whole situation with an attorney to know where you stand and what you can do.

[oldoneyoungagain 200]

Tiny also reply to "why is so difficult to keep a marriage together". It is like a job you have to work at it, but both of you have to. Mutual respect, love, understanding, communication. A psychologist once told me when a person tries to control another person, it is because they cannot control their own life. I'm totally a firm believer in that.

[deaddemmama 474]

Tiny also reply to "why is so difficult to keep a marriage together". It is like a job you have to work at it' date=' but both of you have to. Mutual respect, love, understanding, communication. A psychologist once told me when a person tries to control another person, it is because they cannot control their own life. I'm totally a firm believer in that.[/quote']

Tiny....you are not the one breaking up this marriage. Keep the faith, girl. You, and your kids, don't deserve abuse. Stay strong. I know how hard divorce can be.

[TinyMamiOf3kids 1,280]

Thanks guys for all your comments. Shock at all the abuse other experience. We women put up with a lot of crap before realizing I need to get the hell outta here. Yeah it's 3:04 am my stomach was bothering me that woke me up.

[SoccerMomma73 1,867]

I've been married once, divorced over 9 years ago. He was always a jerk but as soon as I got pregnancy money started disappearing and he started hitting me. I always thought the stats tat say a woman is at highest risk for domestic violence when she is pregnant were crazy. However I became a statistic. There was always an excuse. He'd had a bad day, something had happened, he didn't mean it, etc. it happened 5-6 times during the pregnancy, never beat me, would just punch me somewhere and be done with it. He quit his job, my savings disappeared, I felt trapped. Decided that I was leaving as Ono as I got back from maternity leave however 5 days after my son was born the police called to tell me there was a warrant out for him and that he had are threats against my son and I and that we weren't safe. So, with a five day old, I walked out and never saw him again. Filed for divorce the next day. Soon discovered thousands of dollars in credit cards in my name that I never applied for, ended up going through bankruptcy. It was a hellish year. He did 3 years in prison then was found dead in bed of 'natural causes' at the ripe old age of 39. Karma is a bitch!

It took me the summer to decide my life wasn't over and that I could raise a child on my own. Our lives are amazing. I have the coolest kid. He is funny and smart, and caring, and compassionate. We are happy, and safe, and financially secure. I don't know if i'll ever get to the place I trust someone enough to get serious but time will tell. It took me YEARS to start liking myself after he had beaten me down though....

HW 312, pre-op (RNY) 255, current weight 199

[Obeasta 92]

Once you're a mom, you always always have to do what is best for your kids. They are your all and for always. People come and go, but your kids are your kids. You are slresponsible for them. Be that! The rest will work out!

[deaddemmama 474]

Thanks guys for all your comments. Shock at all the abuse other experience. We women put up with a lot of crap before realizing I need to get the hell outta here. Yeah it's 3:04 am my stomach was bothering me that woke me up.

I hope everything gets better....in Wisconsin, if you live in a shelter for a period of time, you move to the top of the housing list.....is this a possibility? You and your kids don't deserve abuse. I worry for you, as abuse tends to escalate over time, and God knows your kids don't. need to be exposed to it. Screw him...you're great, and you deserve better.

[TinyMamiOf3kids 1,280]

I've been married once' date=' divorced over 9 years ago. He was always a jerk but as soon as I got pregnancy money started disappearing and he started hitting me. I always thought the stats tat say a woman is at highest risk for domestic violence when she is pregnant were crazy. However I became a statistic. There was always an excuse. He'd had a bad day, something had happened, he didn't mean it, etc. it happened 5-6 times during the pregnancy, never beat me, would just punch me somewhere and be done with it. He quit his job, my savings disappeared, I felt trapped. Decided that I was leaving as Ono as I got back from maternity leave however 5 days after my son was born the police called to tell me there was a warrant out for him and that he had are threats against my son and I and that we weren't safe. So, with a five day old, I walked out and never saw him again. Filed for divorce the next day. Soon discovered thousands of dollars in credit cards in my name that I never applied for, ended up going through bankruptcy. It was a hellish year. He did 3 years in prison then was found dead in bed of 'natural causes' at the ripe old age of 39. Karma is a bitch!

It took me the summer to decide my life wasn't over and that I could raise a child on my own. Our lives are amazing. I have the coolest kid. He is funny and smart, and caring, and compassionate. We are happy, and safe, and financially secure. I don't know if i'll ever get to the place I trust someone enough to get serious but time will tell. It took me YEARS to start liking myself after he had beaten me down though....

HW 312, pre-op (RNY) 255, current weight 199[/quote']

I'm so sorry you went threw this experience. I'm so glad you are better in life & how horrible finding out you owe thousands on credit card you never apply for

[TinyMamiOf3kids 1,280]

I hope everything gets better....in Wisconsin' date=' if you live in a shelter for a period of time, you move to the top of the housing list.....is this a possibility? You and your kids don't deserve abuse. I worry for you, as abuse tends to escalate over time, and God knows your kids don't. need to be exposed to it. Screw him...you're great, and you deserve better.[/quote']

There is still a waiting list if you go to a shelter. I don't know how long. I hard no more then 1 year but still you wait.

[deaddemmama 474]

There is still a waiting list if you go to a shelter. I don't know how long. I hard no more then 1 year but still you wait.

Can you move farther out from the city?

[deaddemmama 474]

I'm just brainstorming ideas here.

[TinyMamiOf3kids 1,280]

I'm just brainstorming ideas here.

Brain storm away. I'm married NYC life style & cost of living that I can't see my self else where.