Family acting different since surgery...

[Harwood 9]

I was alway really close to my mother in law and sister in law. I think the world of them. I would do anything for them. Both of them are size 16. That's what I was before surgery . Since I had surgery they make mean comments or say I look sick. They even say I look like a stick when I am walking off. I can't say anything about my weight my husband was told it hurts people's feelings when I do. That it hurts them. I can remember when they both have been way smaller then me and I never changed or acted different to them. I can remember having to seat there and listen to every calorie she had ate that day. I didn't say a word. I didn't stop going around them. I didn't stop texting them. Now today my husband took me shopping and I can wear A SIZE 8!!!!!! I can't say anything because its not right... It's hard to feel good about yourself and be happy . If everyone around you thinking mean stuff because I am thin now. I didn't walk in saying stuff about my weight but people that has not seen me since I had it go on and on about it to me. I still love them like crazy and just want stuff back the way it was. I know I can't change them. I just can't talk to anyone else so I turned to here. I am still my goofy,acting stupid self. I don't dress like a hooker since I am thin. Still a jean and t-shirt girl. Just don't understand how someone that says they love you so much can turn on you that fast. I had surgery Dec16 2012 weighted 246 and now Sept 2 2013 I weight 148.

My before and after pic. Thank you for listening to me cry... ????

[WildGrits 101]

It's easy.

You were the fat one. No matter what they could count on you being bigger than them. They could lose or they could gain but they would never be the fat one as long as you held up your part.

Now that you have decided to be a healthier you, they see you as not holding up their expectation of you.

It's like when people treat you badly for going back to school. "Look at so-and-so thinking they are better than us", people will say.

Their problem is not a "you" problem. Some people really hate change. Don't stop being happy about your successes. Only two things can happen, they get over themselves or they don't. And if they don't then you will just find other folks to spend the energy you use to spend on them.

Please don't think I was calling YOU fat. I'm just using it as an example.

[ArmyOfMe 82]

Speak up for yourself! WLS is no walk in the park. Did you go thru all the pre-surgery emotional stress and now the permanent change of lifestyle to have a bunch of envious family members silence you? I think not!

Remember: you made this lifelong change to improve your health and your mind. Don't let others walk over you because you were courageous to change for the best.

Pleasing people will get you nowhere. It just gives them the courage to be meaner and uglier.

[Harwood 9]

Thanks ... I will get over it. I guess I just don't have the heart to treat people like that and it blows me away when I get treated like that. I am already moving on and trying to forget it. Thanks for taking time to post.

[Sparklette 381]

I happens frequently in close knit families/friend groups when there is a dramatic change in one of the people, but not the others triggers first off Jealousy. Second, a phenomena that I've dubbed 'the fat friend constant". Families and friends rely on the fat friend to always be there to, in a since, make themselves feel better. Although no one will ever admit that they do that, but everyone does.

There really isn't much you can do about the situation, except sit them down and tell them that their comments are hurting you. If you were having this problem with your friends, I would tell you to dump them, you don't need the negativity, but seeing as it's family, you can't really do that. But you can be brutally honest and tell them that you need their support, or if not their support at least their snide comments to stop.

Good luck! I hope things get better for you.

[alc1071 43]

Harwood, congratulations on your weight loss, you look great! Jealousy is a tough thing to deal with, especially when family is involved. It's unfortunate that you don't have support from these family members but you can get lots of support from your RNY "family" here!

[Nel 189]

This sucks for you. I'm sorry it's happening. My main point is for your husband though. It's his family? Why isn't he handling this? Why is he not defending his wife and doing the talking to? If my mom was rude to my husband, I go straight to her. He made a choice when he married you. That choice included protecting you from the sizeist jealous witches. Seriously, you were willing to risk life and serious lifelong complications for surgery. They continue to make bad food choices and be rude to you. They're hateful and fine, whatever. You can't change that. But your husband could and SHOULD change that. How is it okay for them to talk about your weight....but you not talk about it? and how is it fair that they can comment about your appearance...yet you can't on theirs? I'd be a bitch and start asking if they wanted my fat clothes? *whilst holding up a size 12* and then say...oh yeah....I guess that won't work, huh? And stuff like that. It's rude what they're doing and it's vicious what your mister is allowing.

I'm sorry, it's just my opinion. I apologize if it's blunt. I just feel that situation is crap. Just stay away from them. Poison.

[ajustice 484]

1st off..u look amazing! U were beautiful before and u are beautiful now just thinner! I have had to deal with friends probably more so than family so I'm not exactly there but I understand the losing dear people over something that u didn't even do wrong. It hurts! The hubby would really be great if he could step up and have a word with them. After all u guys were close and he should want to facilitate that continuing. People do treat u different when u lose..I'm seeing it myself now. I've lost 2 friends and have had a few that just seem not as close anymore and I'm not sure why. Nothing has happened. I do know that I'm seeking out people that are positive now. People that can build me up. Hope u are able to maintain a relationship with them..they are family after all but u deserve to be loved and treated as u always were.

[G-MaYoYo 29]

I was alway really close to my mother in law and sister in law. I think the world of them. I would do anything for them. Both of them are size 16. That's what I was before surgery . Since I had surgery they make mean comments or say I look sick. They even say I look like a stick when I am walking off. I can't say anything about my weight my husband was told it hurts people's feelings when I do. That it hurts them. I can remember when they both have been way smaller then me and I never changed or acted different to them. I can remember having to seat there and listen to every calorie she had ate that day. I didn't say a word. I didn't stop going around them. I didn't stop texting them. Now today my husband took me shopping and I can wear A SIZE 8!!!!!! I can't say anything because its not right... It's hard to feel good about yourself and be happy . If everyone around you thinking mean stuff because I am thin now. I didn't walk in saying stuff about my weight but people that has not seen me since I had it go on and on about it to me. I still love them like crazy and just want stuff back the way it was. I know I can't change them. I just can't talk to anyone else so I turned to here. I am still my goofy' date='acting stupid self. I don't dress like a hooker since I am thin. Still a jean and t-shirt girl. Just don't understand how someone that says they love you so much can turn on you that fast. I had surgery Dec16 2012 weighted 246 and now Sept 2 2013 I weight 148.

My before and after pic. Thank you for listening to me cry... dde0a[/quote']

Very well said!!!! Some of my family is the same way... Friends are more supportive...

Congrats to you and your pics are awesome!!!!

You look healthy & great...Keep doing what you are doing with a smile on your face...

HW/SW 289

SD 1/3/13

CW 202

87 lbs off

[WildGrits 101]

I'd be a bitch and start asking if they wanted my fat clothes? *whilst holding up a size 12* and then say...oh yeah....I guess that won't work, huh? And stuff like that. It's rude what they're doing and it's vicious what your mister is allowing.

Just stay away from them. Poison.

OMG!!!!! Hilarious!!!

But totally true.

[hottamale 27]

I do agree w/ previous posts, your husband should stand up to his family for his sweetie! When you are present you should tell them how you feel. They are the ones losing out! If they don't change their ways then you just find cheerleaders for your life not downers.