Feeling Guilty About Losing Weight

[mypov 0]

The only thing overshadowing my success thus far with the lap band is the guilt I feel. The more I lose, the more my husband seems to gain. He is 6'1 and 274 lbs. He has gained about 10 lbs just since I've been banded. It used to be that I was the one that ate more. We used to overeat together alot. But now his portions seem to be larger than ever and he is constantly complaining about his weight. His own mother is 5'9 and weighs over 600 lbs!! I do not want that to happen to him and I know he lives in fear of it too.

I don't know how to help him because without the band I wasn't able to figure out how to help myself. I told him that once we pay off my band (in two years) he can get the band if he wants but he was INCREDIBLY insulted with me that I'd even SUGGEST that HE needed weight loss surgery.

I don't know how to help him. I feel like I can't share my success with him I think he now feels lonely in this struggle that he didn't even ever mention before I was banded. I really want him to be happy and healthy. Any advice??????

[travelgirl 3]

Mypov, I'm experiencing exactly the opposite of what you are right now. I was banded on Feb. 5, and my husband was at 347. Here's a wake up call if I ever had one. Since the day I started my pre-op diet, I've lost 20-22 lbs. In the same amount of time, my DH has LOST 40 LBS!!!! He's not even trying! The difference? No fast food. No ordering pizza 1 or 2x a week. No donuts/cake/cookies/crap in the house. My revelation: it was ME bringing all that junk into the house.

So, do I have any advice for you? Not really. But I can really share in your feelings of guilt, but for a very different reason. I can't believe (ok, I can believe it, but am having a hard time coming to terms with) the fact that I was basically killing us one drive-thru at a time.

[TracyinKS 7]

I feel for you....... he is most likely an emotional eater (like we all are) and maybe he is eating more to compensate for losing his "binge buddy" he may be insecure about you getting all skinny and leaving him behind,... so maybe he is in self sabotage mode right now.... this is a HARD one.. but you have to lose weight for YOU... and just keep on keeping on... and along the way reassure him that it is HIM that you love and cherish.... and that your not going anywhere....

[Jachut 487]

I know exactly how you feel, its awful. My DH is probably 50lb overweight on his 6ft 3 frame, he's not huge, but he's fat enough, and he has a build where its all gone on his gut. It makes him miserable, his pants fall down, lol, he either has to constantly pull them up or give up and wear them under his armpits. He suffers back problems too and I can really sympathise becuase he looks like nothing more than a 9 month pregnant woman with the way its distributed on him.

He eats very little for a man of his size, truly, he doesnt eat a lot more than I do banded. He runs with me, he's not as fit as I am but gets on the treadmill four or five times a week to run 4kms and he walks at lunchtimes too.

Yet he loses NOTHING! His weight just stays at 112kg day in day out.

To make it worse, he has mates his height who weigh the same and they're not fat! He just is not muscly, he has a very very think and long body shape (competitive runners in the family) so he's meant to be really light for his height.

I think he should get banded, that it would really help him but he's not willing to do it. I dont know what else to do for him.

[MimIN 19]

Mypov, my boyfriend and I went through this too. It seemed he found everything I lost, when I was down 60lbs he was up 60lbs. As I was changing he was getting more and more insecure and started eating. I learned that he mourned that I could no longer eat like I use to and I never wanted to go out to eat and I cook entirely different so in retaliation he started eating out 3 + times a day. He realized it was a problem when he stood on the scale and it wouldn't register his weight, at that point he was 327 standing 6'6'' tall.

We came up with a reward system for him. He is a car enthusiest and we forever have junkers that will 'one day' be restored. His motivation is for every 20lbs he loses he can spend $500 on his hobby - sounds steep but it worked! He is now watching what he eats, going to the gym with me and down 30lbs. I have my buddy back that will do things with me that do not revolve around food.

[deckedout 0]

One thing that my hubby and I have discovered, we are both banded, is that we tend to eat everything we cook for dinner. If we don't purposefully make less food for dinner, we will force ourselves to eat more than we need to. Is it possible that you are, or your hubby is, cooking the same amount for dinner as you did befoe being banded, and he has that "waste not" mentality? We had to cut down on everything, because even with the band, we would force ourselves to eat what had been cooked. So, we cut an average dinner in half, figuring a serving size for 3, we still have a 15 yr old at home, and only cooking enough to feed one serving. If the boy is still hungry, he knows how to use the microwave.

This strategy has helped us both, plus our food bill, quite a bit. Instead of eating or throwing away food. It sits in the cupboard until the next meal.

It is possible that your hubby want to keep from wasting food,, and instead is waisting it.

[mypov 0]

Thanks for the replies. My husband does worry about wasting food, so I wonder if that contributes to it. As for the money incentive- that is a great idea. he's got some rather expensive hobbies and that may be a motivating factor. We'll give it a shot. Thanks for everyone else who had and advice and/or could sympathize. I appreciate it!!!

[Success in lapband 0]

Mypov:

Who does the cooking in your house? Cook much much much less and more vegtables, transition slowly, start making his lunches, which is leftovers from the night before and BEG him to help you stay consistent in walking after dinner (pretend that you can't doit for yourself). Hopefully this will work.

Don't wait for 2 years to "fix" him, he may not last that long, at the rate you will lose, he will die before you can fix him. Start today! Even if he just loses 5 pounds, it is a start in the right direction~even if he stays the same,it is better than gaining.