BAD day

[mommytonya 77]

I had surgery 12/3/12 I went from 279 to 153 as of today. I struggle EVERYDAY with even putting one bite to my mouth. I am diagnost anerexic and I feel like a complete cow and failer when I even take one bite. Go days without eating and the last few days have been awful. Im just so messed up in the head it makes me sick! I dont know I guess I just needed to vent. Feeling completely drained in everyway

[deaddemmama 474]

I had surgery 12/3/12 I went from 279 to 153 as of today. I struggle EVERYDAY with even putting one bite to my mouth. I am diagnost anerexic and I feel like a complete cow and failer when I even take one bite. Go days without eating and the last few days have been awful. Im just so messed up in the head it makes me sick! I dont know I guess I just needed to vent. Feeling completely drained in everyway

Are you getting help, hon? Concerned...

[mommytonya 77]

I go to counseling and take valium to try to relaxe me enough to eat but honestly nothing is really working. It got so bad at about 4 months out that I was near death...was taken by ambulance because my heart was stopping. It got a little better after two weeks in the hospital ad its been just recently that its getting bad again. I fear everyday things will get bad again. I did this surgury as a tool to "save" my life I never thought in a million years I would go the otherway I have a 3yr old and 16month old twins and a husband in korea for 16months I get up everyday with a smile on my face and try and give my best to them. some days are better than others but the last few have just been shitty. noone in my family understand. I hey try to and they are amazing people and I wish they could know what im feeling but they just dont and cant. I know ill get through this but you know those days that you just dont want to feel anything?! Blah!!! And now I just feel like a drama queen...things coukd be worse right?!?!

[mommytonya 77]

Oh and thank you deaddedmama for the concern

[Ammariehs mommy 150]

I had surgery 12/3/12 I went from 279 to 153 as of today. I struggle EVERYDAY with even putting one bite to my mouth. I am diagnost anerexic and I feel like a complete cow and failer when I even take one bite. Go days without eating and the last few days have been awful. Im just so messed up in the head it makes me sick! I dont know I guess I just needed to vent. Feeling completely drained in everyway

I'm so sorry that you are going through this! Is this a new thing that has happened since surgery? Or was you struggling with issues before? Just remember that your body needs nutrition and take small bites. You will get through this!! You are stronger then any eating disorder!! And it's ok to vent here I do the same thing! People are so supportive I get more support here then I do from family!!

[mommytonya 77]

This is new to me. The anerexia. It just replaced the overeating...which im sure stemmed from childhood abuse :/ from the day I went to my pcm to tell her I was interested in the surgery to the day I had the surgery was about two months. I was not educated enough and certainly not prepared mentally for this. I had 6month old twins and a two year old...after a very hard pregnancy and months of my girls on oxygen and than moved 5weeks after my surgery to another state...than 3 weeks later hubby left for korea than in and out of the hospital for 6 months. It was just way to much way to fast! My famiky and friends have been amazing but they saw me dying... literally so it was tramatic for all of them so now I just dont think they know what to say or do and thats ok.. I mean if I were them I wouldnt have a clue how to help me. Its just soooo overwhelming. I tried to go to an overeaters anonymous meeting and had a panic attack because all I saw was overweight people ..me 8 months ago and freaked out. So its a lonely and hard road right now with my rock (my husband) gone for another year still. Ill make it through it....I have to for my babies! But some days it seems impossible. Blah ..I feel like I have word vomit right now but it feels good to get it out.

[Ammariehs mommy 150]

Just hang in there! Your babies need you and your husband will be home before you no it. It may seem difficult and unbearable at times but you can get through this!! And at least you have family that cares. My sister is so involved with her abusive relationship and my mother is extremely over weight herself. She won't do anything about it. If there is food around she's got to eat it. She will sneak and eat like a 2 year old. I don't have any support. I joined this website a couple days weeks ago and feel like I have gotten more support here then anywhere else. On the days you feel the need to vent post on here. It always makes me feel better!!

[mommytonya 77]

Thanks so much! I am blessed to have very supportive family. And im sorry you arnt getting the support you need from yours I really wish you the best and that they come around!

[ElleG 394]

Praying for u! (HUGS)

[deaddemmama 474]

I go to counseling and take valium to try to relaxe me enough to eat but honestly nothing is really working. It got so bad at about 4 months out that I was near death...was taken by ambulance because my heart was stopping. It got a little better after two weeks in the hospital ad its been just recently that its getting bad again. I fear everyday things will get bad again. I did this surgury as a tool to "save" my life I never thought in a million years I would go the otherway I have a 3yr old and 16month old twins and a husband in korea for 16months I get up everyday with a smile on my face and try and give my best to them. some days are better than others but the last few have just been shitty. noone in my family understand. I hey try to and they are amazing people and I wish they could know what im feeling but they just dont and cant. I know ill get through this but you know those days that you just dont want to feel anything?! Blah!!! And now I just feel like a drama queen...things coukd be worse right?!?!

Message me...let's talk if you want...

[Dorian 683]

You have been through a ton in the last months. Please contact your therapist for extra help. Your kids need their mommy so you need to stay strong for them. Best wishes and please keep us posted! We worry just like a family would.

[mommytonya 77]

Thanks dorian. I go every week to a counselor. Just messes with my head so much. Im trying.

[Dorian 683]

Thanks dorian. I go every week to a counselor. Just messes with my head so much. Im trying.

Good for you! thats all we can do is keep trying! Keep it up girl!

[tlynn4love 48]

My heart goes out to you. You and your babies are in my prayers ♡♡

[sunshine413 343]

Praying that things get easier for you. Things are overwhelming for us moms sometimes. Please nourish your body. Please get some extra help. Please know that we are all here to listen, encourage, and support one another. Xoxo