Not sure what to do anymore:(

[annalobdell79 5]

So, I had the RNY on 12/11/12. I started out at 298 and as of today I am 233. Saturday I went to the Water park with my family and for the first time in probably 10 years I had a blast. I could ride all the rides they I had been unable to ride previously because of my size. I was so happy. I was smiling so much my darn face hurt. Until my husband decided that my having fun was not fun for him. My husband is 380 pounds and has been complaining about his weight since I had my surgery. I am very supportive of him, I try to give him tips, but he is resistant to anything that I try to tell him. He picked a huge fight at the water park because he says that since I have lost so much weight and can do more stuff, I expect him to as well. This is not true. I am sorry that he cannot ride the rides but he is the only one who can change that. I feel so sad that my happiness and joy over losing weight is causing my husband unhappiness. I don't know what to do anymore. I feel like I shouldn't have to hide my happiness, but at the same time, my happiness is clearly causing my husband to be upset. What can I do?

[MissNikki27 54]

Sounds like a bit of jealously over your happiness which is to be expected. They talked about this in my pre-op classes. I think that you should be sensitive to the fact that he is not yet ready to make a life change but continue living your life. Perhaps you may want to do things that interest him as well. I'm sure he feels left out at the Water park and just took it out on you. Don't take it personal. I know there were plenty of times I felt the same way.

[cfergie911 90]

maybe talking to him about getting the rny done too. It will make your family stronger!

[annalobdell79 5]

I thought about the RNY for him as well but I am scared that he will put himself in the hospital due to overeating. He is constantly telling me that I don't eat enough. I know that he is a little jealous. This is the first time in a long.time that I was able to do something that he couldn't. I am sad for him but at the same time I am angry because he ruined my day.

[cfergie911 90]

have you tried to bring him to one of your doctor appointments? maybe that'll do the trick?

[Anniesmom12 181]

tough situation for you i know. My husband is resistant to making any changes (other than complaining about the meals I cook now--- cause they are healthy and he wants "regular food")

He started off walking with me, now he says he doesnt want to, nor does he want me to. He finds things to side track me so I cant exercies at the gym or even walk in our neighborhood. But he's finally figured out that he cant stop me from exercising or being happy about losing the weight.

I hope things get better for you, it's tough to be happy and try not to hurt feelings at the same time. I feel like this is MY moment to shine because I worked for it....and he's just jealous and will have to either get on the program, or get off- but support my efforts anyway!

[DLCoggin 1,788]

Is your happiness and joy really the source of your husband's unhappiness? He may think so. You may think so. But is it really the source? Is it not more likely that when all is said and done, the source of his unhappiness is the fact that he suffers from a progressive, life-threatening disease - obesity? A disease that he feels powerless to do anything about? A disease that affects his quality of life on a daily basis.

From that perspective, what can you do? You made a very personal decision to do something about the same disease. He did not make the decision for you. And it is not your responsibility, or even possible, for you to make the decision for him. What can you do? You can be an example of what is possible. You can be happy. You can be joyous. You can Celebrate your success. You can enjoy every delicious moment of the journey to better health and a better life. You can literally be the most precious gift your husband will likely ever receive. Be understanding. Be supportive. Be patient. But most of all, be the example of what is possible. It is a very rare person indeed who will not be motivated to inspired action in the presence of what can be.

[deaddemmama 474]

tough situation for you i know. My husband is resistant to making any changes (other than complaining about the meals I cook now--- cause they are healthy and he wants "regular food")

He started off walking with me' date=' now he says he doesnt want to, nor does he want me to. He finds things to side track me so I cant exercies at the gym or even walk in our neighborhood. But he's finally figured out that he cant stop me from exercising or being happy about losing the weight.

I hope things get better for you, it's tough to be happy and try not to hurt feelings at the same time. I feel like this is MY moment to shine because I worked for it....and he's just jealous and will have to either get on the program, or get off- but support my efforts anyway![/quote']

Just like any addict, a food addict finds it very threatening when someone else gets well. Try to treat him with the same compassion you would any other sick person..remember, he has the disease of obesity, and probably food addiction. Until he changes, you are a threat. You may have to get support elsewhere until he comes around counseling for both of you may be helpful.

[DiminishingDawn 50]

You have to let Him live his life. He may decide to have surgery. He may not. Don't push him. It had to be on his own timeline. Just keep being his partner and supporter and try to be sensitive to what he may be feeling.

[SoccerMomma73 1,867]

Do your best to support him but Celebrate and enjoy the new found you! It's not your fault he can't do the things you want. Don't nag, don't harass, but i'd have a long talk with him about living life to the fullest while you can. I would try to do activities he can enjoy as well so he doesn't feel abandoned but I'd keep rolling and enjoying the real you!

Good luck!!!!!

[marymcg62 23]

Wow you are in such a tuff situation, you need & deserve to feel the joy in all the things you can do now, but on the other hand you were in your husbands shoes not that long ago so you know where he's coming from. When you were making your decision to have the surgery , I'm curious (& if you don't mind me asking) what was your husbands thoughts on you having it done? Did he go to any of the seminars or pre op appointments with you? Right now he's probably insecure & a little afraid of what the future may hold for the two of you, that as you reach your goal & he stays the same he may feel that you'll have nothing in common any more & he'll loose you. I am having that problem with my own husband, don't get me wrong he's my biggest cheerleader he brags to the neighbours & family how much I've lost & he gets on me if he thinks I've eaten to much ( mostly Sunkist fruit bars the coconut one's are to die for! Only 120 cal 0 fat & 16 grams sugar) but he too is over weight 278lbs @ 5'10" & he is diabetic & has high BP &cholesterol & is so insecure he is convinced that once I reach goal I'll be looking for someone new. Try to get counselling for you both before it becomes a wedge between you. Good luck & be happy! Peace, Mary

[TinyMamiOf3kids 1,280]

If he wants to be unhappy let him. Don't let him ruined you. I was in the same situation & still hubby tells me you don't eat. What??? I eat all the time. At the amazement park Coney Island he lifted me & move me to the side saying take a photo this way. He is so lucky I'm tiny. Wish he would had try to move me at 211 pounds. I wanted to kill his ass Saturday lmbo

[annalobdell79 5]

My husband was completely against me having this surgery, even telling, me that he didn't think he would be attracted to me anymore when I got smaller. He is constantly telling me that I have forgotten what it's,like to be fat. I am like WHAT?!?! I am 230 pounds. Still considered morbidly obese. I love him so much AND it hurts me that I can't share my joy with him.

[DLCoggin 1,788]

I don't believe that anyone forgets what it's like to be fat. And I don't believe that anyone forgets every delicious moment of the journey back to healthy. One is a progressive, life-threatening disease. The other is an almost miraculous accomplishment that requires courage and commitment. Both are unforgettable.

[deaddemmama 474]

My husband was completely against me having this surgery' date=' even telling, me that he didn't think he would be attracted to me anymore when I got smaller. He is constantly telling me that I have forgotten what it's,like to be fat. I am like WHAT?!?! I am 230 pounds. Still considered morbidly obese. I love him so much AND it hurts me that I can't share my joy with him.[/quote']

Tough without support. Sounds like an insecure husband. Remember ( and remind him) that this surgery is about health, not size.