I'm new here!:)

[Ammariehs mommy 150]

I feel so crappy when I cheat. I beat myself up mentally so my cheats have only lasted 1 day at time. I'm scared that will change once I quit smoking this weekend. Glad you are back up now. I'm rooting for you you to get those last 5 pounds off!!! You can do it girl!!!

(Pre op) Journey Starting Weight: 341' date=' Current Weight: 319, Goal weight: 140 (After GB) Hoping for December surgery date!!![/quote']

Thanks!! And I feel so bad after I cheat as well. But I went out of town and I didn't plan any meals out or bring anything with me. So I was a fast food junky. But I'm back on track now. I can't dwell on the past just look toward the future! And you can do it! I know smoking is an addiction just like food. Just think about your future. How much better you will feel. How much healthy you will be. My motivation is being able to walk. Right now I can only walk short distances. I can't wait to be able to just go out and walk with my daughter. Take her to the zoo or the museum. We can do this!! I have faith!!

[kasper 34]

Thanks!! And I feel so bad after I cheat as well. But I went out of town and I didn't plan any meals out or bring anything with me. So I was a fast food junky. But I'm back on track now. I can't dwell on the past just look toward the future! And you can do it! I know smoking is an addiction just like food. Just think about your future. How much better you will feel. How much healthy you will be. My motivation is being able to walk. Right now I can only walk short distances. I can't wait to be able to just go out and walk with my daughter. Take her to the zoo or the museum. We can do this!! I have faith!!

I too can only walk short distance. My lower back is so sore all the time. A trip through the grocery store and I'm shot. Honestly, I'm ready to put down the cigarettes...I'm not even enjoying them anymore. I get so winded between the weight and smoking. I'm also only 5'2 so 341 is A LOT. I try to do some Wii fitness but its so hard...but every little bit helps. Your little girl is beautiful. Just think of her smile when you can take her to the Zoo. My kids are older now. I was always heavy but when they were small, I was able to do a lot more bcuz I wasn't this heavy. They are 15 and 20 now and don't want to do much with mom these days lol. I remember asking God to just allow me to live to see my son graduate because I didn't think it was possible to live long enough to see my daughter graduate too the way I was feeling. He graduated in 2011...and I'm still here so its time to do me and get my health in order so I can see my daughter graduate too :-) and hopefully not be the biggest proud mom in the crowd pristine around. You are right...WE CAN DO THIS!!!

(Pre op) Journey Starting Weight: 341, Current Weight: 319, Goal weight: 140 (After GB) Hoping for December surgery date!!!

[Ammariehs mommy 150]

It's my lower back also. I slipped a disk in April and could hardly walk . Then I dislocated my knee in may. I was stuck in my apartment for two weeks because I lived up stairs. It was horrible. I finally was able to go swimming and do some Water therapy. I feel 80% better. Not 100% yet but loosing this weight his helping a lot. Also I can't walk through the stores yet. I still have to ride a scooter. And thank you about my daughter!! She truly has been a blessing to me !! She is my main motivation to loose this weight.

[kasper 34]

It's my lower back also. I slipped a disk in April and could hardly walk . Then I dislocated my knee in may. I was stuck in my apartment for two weeks because I lived up stairs. It was horrible. I finally was able to go swimming and do some Water therapy. I feel 80% better. Not 100% yet but loosing this weight his helping a lot. Also I can't walk through the stores yet. I still have to ride a scooter. And thank you about my daughter!! She truly has been a blessing to me !! She is my main motivation to loose this weight.

I'm not sure what's wrong with my lower back. It's been a lot of years. Believe it or not, my weight kept me from going to doctors for the last 10years. Everytime I went, I always heard the same thing. "You need to lose weight and quit smoking". I didn't want to hear that nor did I want to know my weight as the numbers got higher and higher. I had no idea how much I weighed until I went to the Dr in July. However, i wasn't shocked to hear 341. The last time I was weighed before July, I weighed 180, alot for 5'2, so my weight almost doubled in 10years. I'll be 40 in December and I was feeling like death was right around the corner for me. I woke up one day and said, enough is enough. If I have to live like this every day, in this fat suit with no energy, then I don't want to live anymore....and I made a Dr appt. So, I still need to find out what's wrong with my back. And then I broke my step on the deck yesterday and banged up my knee really bad. Now I'm limping between my back and knee. I grabbed the pringles can after I fell and said I was eating the entire can...but I stopped at 1 serving (15 chips, 150 cals) I was proud of myself even tho it was a bad choice. I should have grabbed the carrots or even pickles but whatever. Today will be my last day smoking so....my journey will be put to the test for sure.

Oh wow...another novel lol. Sorry so long.

(Pre op) Journey Starting Weight: 341, Current Weight: 319, Goal weight: 140 (After GB) Hoping for December surgery date!!!

[Ammariehs mommy 150]

I'm not sure what's wrong with my lower back. It's been a lot of years. Believe it or not' date=' my weight kept me from going to doctors for the last 10years. Everytime I went, I always heard the same thing. "You need to lose weight and quit smoking". I didn't want to hear that nor did I want to know my weight as the numbers got higher and higher. I had no idea how much I weighed until I went to the Dr in July. However, i wasn't shocked to hear 341. The last time I was weighed before July, I weighed 180, alot for 5'2, so my weight almost doubled in 10years. I'll be 40 in December and I was feeling like death was right around the corner for me. I woke up one day and said, enough is enough. If I have to live like this every day, in this fat suit with no energy, then I don't want to live anymore....and I made a Dr appt. So, I still need to find out what's wrong with my back. And then I broke my step on the deck yesterday and banged up my knee really bad. Now I'm limping between my back and knee. I grabbed the pringles can after I fell and said I was eating the entire can...but I stopped at 1 serving (15 chips, 150 cals) I was proud of myself even tho it was a bad choice. I should have grabbed the carrots or even pickles but whatever. Today will be my last day smoking so....my journey will be put to the test for sure.

Oh wow...another novel lol. Sorry so long.

(Pre op) Journey Starting Weight: 341, Current Weight: 319, Goal weight: 140 (After GB) Hoping for December surgery date!!![/quote']

It's ok to write it all out. It's therapeutic for you and inspiring for others!! I feel like I be writing a book also. Lol I feel you on the doctors situation. I stopped going to the doctors for a long time too. The only time I would go is if i was sick And I would only go to the er. The doctors always would tell me you need to loose weight. All of your health problems would go away. The last doctor that told me that I cussed her out. I told her if it was that easy do you actually think I want to be this big? Do you think I want knee pains and back pains? Do you think I want the stairs and the snickers? Or not being able to buy clothes that fit. I told her until you live in my shoes don't judge me. You don't know my struggles and pains. Right now I have a war going on in my brain. It's like food is crack. I want to eat to feel that satisfied feeling I get after some that was so good. Just like drugs or even your cigarettes! It's going to be a hard and long road for the both of us but we can do it! We just have to get our heads in the game and stay there! We can support each other through this!!

[kasper 34]

It's ok to write it all out. It's therapeutic for you and inspiring for others!! I feel like I be writing a book also. Lol I feel you on the doctors situation. I stopped going to the doctors for a long time too. The only time I would go is if i was sick And I would only go to the er. The doctors always would tell me you need to loose weight. All of your health problems would go away. The last doctor that told me that I cussed her out. I told her if it was that easy do you actually think I want to be this big? Do you think I want knee pains and back pains? Do you think I want the stairs and the snickers? Or not being able to buy clothes that fit. I told her until you live in my shoes don't judge me. You don't know my struggles and pains. Right now I have a war going on in my brain. It's like food is crack. I want to eat to feel that satisfied feeling I get after some that was so good. Just like drugs or even your cigarettes! It's going to be a hard and long road for the both of us but we can do it! We just have to get our heads in the game and stay there! We can support each other through this!!

I never even went to the Dr when I was sick. If I felt I needed an antibiotic, is wait until after hours to call the Dr and hope they call me in something. Doctors and people that are of normal size don't realize the everyday struggles that comes along with obesity. Just bathing/showering and wiping after using the toilet is a struggle. These are things that need to be done daily. It's things like this that people will never understand. Forget about the obvious things like shopping and clothes never fitting or looking good walking, sleeping eat. I have just about zero support thru this. I mean, my kids understand kinda and support my decision, somewhat. My son tries to encourage me that I can lose all the weight on my own but realistically, that isn't possible at this point and it would take years. I basically have no friends. Over the years, I've become a hermit per say and just slowly faded out of friends lives. I never wanted to go out anymore so eventually, people stop asking. I don't blame them. I know its my weight that caused me to fade out. A few call me once in a while but I don't feel close enough to them to discuss my weight or gbs. And family...well, they are all normal sized so again, I don't discuss my weight with them because of course, they wouldn't get it. I'm glad I found this app. I feel very comfortable here speaking about my size and issues....because everyone here TRULY understands the struggle...and to me, that's the most important thing. One day ill have the courage to put a picture up. I've not liked myself for so long, very few pictures of me exist. We can definitely support each other!!! It's obvious that you definitely 'get it'. I've enjoyed conversing with you. My name is Kelly btw.

(Pre op) Journey Starting Weight: 341, Current Weight: 319, Goal weight: 140 (After GB) Hoping for December surgery date!!!

[Ammariehs mommy 150]

I never even went to the Dr when I was sick. If I felt I needed an antibiotic' date=' is wait until after hours to call the Dr and hope they call me in something. Doctors and people that are of normal size don't realize the everyday struggles that comes along with obesity. Just bathing/showering and wiping after using the toilet is a struggle. These are things that need to be done daily. It's things like this that people will never understand. Forget about the obvious things like shopping and clothes never fitting or looking good walking, sleeping eat. I have just about zero support thru this. I mean, my kids understand kinda and support my decision, somewhat. My son tries to encourage me that I can lose all the weight on my own but realistically, that isn't possible at this point and it would take years. I basically have no friends. Over the years, I've become a hermit per say and just slowly faded out of friends lives. I never wanted to go out anymore so eventually, people stop asking. I don't blame them. I know its my weight that caused me to fade out. A few call me once in a while but I don't feel close enough to them to discuss my weight or gbs. And family...well, they are all normal sized so again, I don't discuss my weight with them because of course, they wouldn't get it. I'm glad I found this app. I feel very comfortable here speaking about my size and issues....because everyone here TRULY understands the struggle...and to me, that's the most important thing. One day ill have the courage to put a picture up. I've not liked myself for so long, very few pictures of me exist. We can definitely support each other!!! It's obvious that you definitely 'get it'. I've enjoyed conversing with you. My name is Kelly btw.

(Pre op) Journey Starting Weight: 341, Current Weight: 319, Goal weight: 140 (After GB) Hoping for December surgery date!!![/quote']

You don't have to tell me about support. I have absolutely none at all. My mom is obese and she has a lot of health issues. I try to help her and talk to her about loosing weight but she is so addicted to food that she can't control herself. She just wants to eat all the time. I have a couple friends and most of them are a little over weight. Nothing like I am. So they go out and do things that I can't do. They used to ask me to go with them all the time but I guess they stopped asking because I always said no. I hate having to plan a trip out. I have to go places where there are scooters. It sucks not being able to go anywhere you want. I have one friend that is obese that basically said to me she's fat and she has just come to live with the fact that she will always be fat. I told her I can't do that. I can't live like this anymore. I have to loose this weight so I will be here for my daughter. It's not her fault that I can't do anything with her. It's not fair she has to stay in the house all the time because I cant carry her around. I have to loose this weight. Failure is not an option. This particular friend also tries to get me off my diet. She always wants to go out to eat. Most of the time she wants to go to a buffet. It's very hard not to eat a lot at a buffet. So I have distanced myself from her. I still talk to her on the phone but as far as going places with her I try to limit it. I have seen on here that a lot of people loose friendships. I hope that I have a couple friendships that will last even after my surgery and weigh loss. But I need positive people around me. If you ever need some encouragement just message me. I'll try to lift your spirits up. Do you have a Facebook? If so inbox me your name and I'll search you and add you. My name is Terri!! Oh and this site has become my outlet also. I can come here and talk about my weight gain and loss and actually tell my actually weight. I wouldn't dare do that on Facebook. Everyone there would judge me. No judgement here at all!! Love it here!!

[kasper 34]

You don't have to tell me about support. I have absolutely none at all. My mom is obese and she has a lot of health issues. I try to help her and talk to her about loosing weight but she is so addicted to food that she can't control herself. She just wants to eat all the time. I have a couple friends and most of them are a little over weight. Nothing like I am. So they go out and do things that I can't do. They used to ask me to go with them all the time but I guess they stopped asking because I always said no. I hate having to plan a trip out. I have to go places where there are scooters. It sucks not being able to go anywhere you want. I have one friend that is obese that basically said to me she's fat and she has just come to live with the fact that she will always be fat. I told her I can't do that. I can't live like this anymore. I have to loose this weight so I will be here for my daughter. It's not her fault that I can't do anything with her. It's not fair she has to stay in the house all the time because I cant carry her around. I have to loose this weight. Failure is not an option. This particular friend also tries to get me off my diet. She always wants to go out to eat. Most of the time she wants to go to a buffet. It's very hard not to eat a lot at a buffet. So I have distanced myself from her. I still talk to her on the phone but as far as going places with her I try to limit it. I have seen on here that a lot of people loose friendships. I hope that I have a couple friendships that will last even after my surgery and weigh loss. But I need positive people around me. If you ever need some encouragement just message me. I'll try to lift your spirits up. Do you have a Facebook? If so inbox me your name and I'll search you and add you. My name is Terri!! Oh and this site has become my outlet also. I can come here and talk about my weight gain and loss and actually tell my actually weight. I wouldn't dare do that on Facebook. Everyone there would judge me. No judgement here at all!! Love it here!!

Hi Terri!! I do have a Facebook, but I don't use it anymore. All I did on there was play farmville. Yeah, embarassing lol. It's basically an anonymous FB with all farmville players...and very few people that I actually know that don't speak to me anymore anyway. I stopped playing farmville about a year ago. An online friend now uses my FB/ farms to send herself farmville items. Someone might as well use it. Buffets?? Did u say Buffets?? Where?? Lol. Chinese Buffets are my weakness. My daughter and I hit one on July 3rd AFTER my very first gbs appointment and I started my diet the next day. I made a promise to myself that it was the very last time and so far it has been....but yeah, I miss all that wonderful food!!! food is definitely an addiction and sadly, its in our faces every minute of every day...But we can do this!! The end results will be so worth it. Just being able to live much easier and longer makes it worth it. Looking much better is just a bonus. We definitely need positive and encouraging people around us thru this. Just reading the boards here has given me so much encouragement to keep moving forward and my hands out of the oreos!! I don't know how to private message here yet but the same goes for you, if you need a boost, message me and ill do my best to boost you up. Some days I feel like I'm wasting my time. I start to think about how my insurance will probably deny me because honestly, I feel horrible daily, I'm in a lot pain daily But, according to blood work, I don't have any medical problems besides obesity and next month I have to see the sleep Dr to be checked for sleep apnea which I'm sure I have. When I sleep I feel like I'm smothering under my own weight. I would be better off with health issues that disappear with weight loss but I don't have any at the moment. Not sure if I should consider myself lucky or not yet. My general Dr. Told me that insurances likes to see medical issues instead of looking at it as medical issues will eventually arise if they deny my surgery. So, that stresses me out and discourages me big time. 5 cigarettes left. They will be gone in the next few hours...things are about to get even more real. Dropping 2 addictions at once seems so overwhelming at this very moment...but I CAN DO IT!!

(Pre op) Journey Starting Weight: 341, Current Weight: 319, Goal weight: 140 (After GB) Hoping for December surgery date!!!

[Ammariehs mommy 150]

Hi Terri!! I do have a Facebook' date=' but I don't use it anymore. All I did on there was play farmville. Yeah, embarassing lol. It's basically an anonymous FB with all farmville players...and very few people that I actually know that don't speak to me anymore anyway. I stopped playing farmville about a year ago. An online friend now uses my FB/ farms to send herself farmville items. Someone might as well use it. Buffets?? Did u say Buffets?? Where?? Lol. Chinese Buffets are my weakness. My daughter and I hit one on July 3rd AFTER my very first gbs appointment and I started my diet the next day. I made a promise to myself that it was the very last time and so far it has been....but yeah, I miss all that wonderful food!!! food is definitely an addiction and sadly, its in our faces every minute of every day...But we can do this!! The end results will be so worth it. Just being able to live much easier and longer makes it worth it. Looking much better is just a bonus. We definitely need positive and encouraging people around us thru this. Just reading the boards here has given me so much encouragement to keep moving forward and my hands out of the oreos!! I don't know how to private message here yet but the same goes for you, if you need a boost, message me and ill do my best to boost you up. Some days I feel like I'm wasting my time. I start to think about how my insurance will probably deny me because honestly, I feel horrible daily, I'm in a lot pain daily But, according to blood work, I don't have any medical problems besides obesity and next month I have to see the sleep Dr to be checked for sleep apnea which I'm sure I have. When I sleep I feel like I'm smothering under my own weight. I would be better off with health issues that disappear with weight loss but I don't have any at the moment. Not sure if I should consider myself lucky or not yet. My general Dr. Told me that insurances likes to see medical issues instead of looking at it as medical issues will eventually arise if they deny my surgery. So, that stresses me out and discourages me big time. 5 cigarettes left. They will be gone in the next few hours...things are about to get even more real. Dropping 2 addictions at once seems so overwhelming at this very moment...but I CAN DO IT!!

(Pre op) Journey Starting Weight: 341, Current Weight: 319, Goal weight: 140 (After GB) Hoping for December surgery date!!![/quote']

You can do this!! It's gonna be a struggle but you will get through it!! Don't think negative thoughts. I have those days also and sometimes they overwhelm me but then I think about the life I could be living instead of the life I am living. This life sucks!! Basically being home bound most of the time. Not being able to get out and enjoy the fresh air. We need to live because this isn't living! It's a long road but at least we are on the road!! You can do this!! We can do this!!

If it helps make a skinny bucket list. Put things on it that you want to do. I have a list going and I try to add something to it every day. It helps motivate me!!

[kasper 34]

You can do this!! It's gonna be a struggle but you will get through it!! Don't think negative thoughts. I have those days also and sometimes they overwhelm me but then I think about the life I could be living instead of the life I am living. This life sucks!! Basically being home bound most of the time. Not being able to get out and enjoy the fresh air. We need to live because this isn't living! It's a long road but at least we are on the road!! You can do this!! We can do this!!

If it helps make a skinny bucket list. Put things on it that you want to do. I have a list going and I try to add something to it every day. It helps motivate me!!

Great idea!! Thank you. I will start my skinny bucket list. Never thought of doing that. Top on my list will be fitting into rides at an amusement park which I haven't done in many many years. I don't even care what park...lol.

(Pre op) Journey Starting Weight: 341, Current Weight: 319, Goal weight: 140 (After GB) Hoping for December surgery date!!!

[Ammariehs mommy 150]

Omg the first thing on the list is getting on the boat ride at our county fair..lol I haven't been able to fit on it since I was 15. I'm ready to go have fun again!!

[kasper 34]

Omg the first thing on the list is getting on the boat ride at our county fair..lol I haven't been able to fit on it since I was 15. I'm ready to go have fun again!!

Wow. I bet your daughter will love it too. What state ate you in? I'm in Pennsylvania. Id love to get out of pa at some point in my life. I was born here and there so much more out there then what PA has to offer.

(Pre op) Journey Starting Weight: 341, Current Weight: 319, Goal weight: 140 (After GB) Hoping for December surgery date!!!

[Ammariehs mommy 150]

Wow. I bet your daughter will love it too. What state ate you in? I'm in Pennsylvania. Id love to get out of pa at some point in my life. I was born here and there so much more out there then what PA has to offer.

(Pre op) Journey Starting Weight: 341' date=' Current Weight: 319, Goal weight: 140 (After GB) Hoping for December surgery date!!![/quote']

I live in illinois. I was born and raised here. I'm so ready to get out of here too. I want to go on vacation to an island somewhere. You never know I might like it and start a whole new life there. I've only been out of illinois a few times. But I know there is so much more to life then just sitting here in the same spot. I'm ready to get out and enjoy life.

[kasper 34]

I live in illinois. I was born and raised here. I'm so ready to get out of here too. I want to go on vacation to an island somewhere. You never know I might like it and start a whole new life there. I've only been out of illinois a few times. But I know there is so much more to life then just sitting here in the same spot. I'm ready to get out and enjoy life.

Same here. Only been out of PA about 5x in my whole life. I never even saw a beach until I was 20 lol. And I'm not even sure I like the beach. I like cooler weather but hate PA winters. I've had it with snow. Ugh. Pa isn't even a pretty state aside from maybe the mountains and fall...but I've live with the same scenery so long that I barely appreciate the beauty anymore.

(Pre op) Journey Starting Weight: 341, Current Weight: 319, Goal weight: 140 (After GB) Hoping for December surgery date!!!

[Ammariehs mommy 150]

Same here. Only been out of PA about 5x in my whole life. I never even saw a beach until I was 20 lol. And I'm not even sure I like the beach. I like cooler weather but hate PA winters. I've had it with snow. Ugh. Pa isn't even a pretty state aside from maybe the mountains and fall...but I've live with the same scenery so long that I barely appreciate the beauty anymore.

(Pre op) Journey Starting Weight: 341' date=' Current Weight: 319, Goal weight: 140 (After GB) Hoping for December surgery date!!![/quote']

I seen the ocean at 18. I like cooler weather also but I love the Water. I think I live in a great state we have all four seasons. 90s in the summer the teens in the winter. We only get about 20 inches of snow a year. I love the weather here but Im ready for a change also!