Now I Just Feel Like a Failure

[king_rule 0]

Dear Andrea,

There is no one in this world can stick to a strict diet for long time, it's like a game but the trick is to make it in your side

even if you didn't follow the diet and ate something you shouldn't, it is not the end. Remember that you took so long and put your energy to come this far. Always look at the mirror and say to your self "the next few monthes will be the last time I'm gonna see those mountain of fat and I'm gonna be the SLIM ANDY"

One time, I've seen Dr.Phill's show and he said "when you stick to a healthy diet, there'll be times that you will feel down and fustraited but the most important thing is to retain your high self-steem and courage to continue"

FINALLY, I wish you all the best and I want to look at my signature and see my info so that you'll find your self in a better situation than I am.

*Always remember to thank God for everything.

[Kat817 19]

lisalu, I was not intending to sound condescending in saying that following the rules, and having support was the way to do this. Hell I don't know from one day to the next what works best for me let alone anyone else. What I do know, is that I have read many a post that relate stories of people losing their band. That alone is the reason I am doing my best to learn new eating habits. It is not easy---it is not something I think about every bite I take, it is not something I think about even every day! I too live....and do not feel deprived....I chose the band to keep from feeling that way. If one of my grandbabies has a birthday, I want to be able to eat cake with them and enjoy it---with the band, I have and will continue to do so. If the family goes out for Chinese, I want to go and eat with them---and I do. But I also DO TRY, to keep realistic with it. Cake is "cake" to eat, and I could eat a lot more than I do, but I try not to. I try to choose a chinese dish with more veggies, and do less fried rice than I would have before. These are not things the band will do for me. They are habits I am doing my best to train myself to do. If I ever were to lose my band, I would like to have learned enough not to instantly bloom right back up to the almost 300 pound starting point.

There is no stock plan that works for all of us. I am very glad you have achieved success without worrying excessively about your eating habits. I think different things work for each of us for different reasons....I am afraid of being overfilled, I fear it might lead to erosion...so I err on the side of caution. I feel like I have good restriction where I am right now...I eat normal foods, the only thing I have found I cannot eat is yeasty glazed donuts (which I know I really don't need to survive!!!), and when I eat, I remain full for several hours. I cannot remember being hungry since my 2nd fill. My Dr. was more aggressive with my first fill giving me 1.25cc's, the 2nd fill was like yours .50cc's, and that is how he will go from here, if and when I need another, with 1/2 at a time. But I know for a fact the .50 made a massive difference between the first fill and the 2nd....so sometimes that little tweak is all it takes.

I agree with lisalu, in the way that you need to keep with your Dr, or find one you can work with, and adjust the band you have to a proper fill---whether that be reducing the fill for awhile, or adding to it---having a proper restriction is key with the band.

But look around---you are not a failure, and you are far from alone!!!

Kat

[lisalu 0]

Hey Kat,

I believe your advice is right on. Support works well for some people, but not everyone. I think this website is my support. When I feel like snacking on crappy foods, I can come here & type instead. I might still eat the food, but I took a break & thought about it before I did it.

I wasn't directing my comments at you or anyone. I know everyone's just trying to be supportive & that's the great thing about this website. I just know that willpower & trying to make good choices doesn't work for everyone either. But, it sure doesn't hurt to try. It's just that it didn't work before & that's why I'm banded. Sometimes I'd rather hear people be honest & say "yeah, I eat chips & crackers sometimes too, because that's all that will go down". Then, at least I feel like someone is in the same boat as me and it makes me feel better.

I still say the best thing about this band is that I don't get down on myself anymore. I'm learning patience. Someday I KNOW I'll be the size I want to be. For right now, I just keep trucking along.

[rtgirl77 0]

Andrea,

I could've written your post myself. Everything you've expressed here, I have said before. I got my band in Sept of 05. I initially lost about 42 lbs but began gaining it back after my doctor insisted that the nurse practitioner had made me too tight (he looked at the 1.8 cc I had in my band and decided it was too much). He dropped me down to 1 cc and I quickly learned to out eat the band. I developed reflux (which I'd had prior to surgery also) and he decided that I needed yet another unfill to get rid of it and so he left me at a measly .5cc. I can get anything down if I drink after. Of course, drinking sabotages me and totally defeats the band and I know this. I can't blame all of my issues on my dr. I was tired of Protein Shakes and being afraid to eat anything for fear of a serious PB. I was sick of pencil eraser sized bites and I wanted to be able to revert to my old ways, like a drug addict searching for a fix. My emotions and my addiction to food got the best of me. So, I made a conscious decision to totally give up on my band. That was last July. I share a large part of the responsibility for my failure.

I totally agree with you that this band isn't all its cracked up to be. My surgeon assured me that I'd vomit if I ate too much. That hasn't been the case for me. I think there are far more people who fail with the band than with bypass although, undeniably people fail with all forms of WLS. I keep going back to the fact, though, that I might not be sitting here now, if I'd had bypass. As I'm sure you know, more people die and have long term complications from it. I am miserable and my self-esteem is beyond low right now. I have decided to make a go of my band again since its here. But the bottom line, as someone pointed out, is that we are still addicts and the band doesn't provide enough negative reinforcement or protection against our own self-destructive behavior. Yes, it sometimes makes us feel full faster. But many times we aren't eating because we are truly hungry and even being aware of that fact, doesn't stop us from downing a whole pie. While people have pointed out that you can fail at all WLS, obviously, its harder to fail at bypass because you dump, which to me is serious negative reinforcement, and you malabsorb.

I wish I had the magic answer for you. I feel the same way you do. Basically, if I could just diet, which is essentially what you are forced to do with the band, I wouldn't be obese and I wouldn't have needed WLS. The "tool", which it is fondly called by so many has done little for me other than make it very hard to eat Protein and make it very easy to eat junk. My dr. says the answer to this problem is an unfill but clearly, that wasn't the answer. I think it is life with the band. The band makes it hard to eat the good stuff and easy to eat the bad stuff. I guess we'll both have to just practice self-control. Do you want to recommit with me? I know my post has sounded very negative and I'll admit, I'm really aggravated about how things have panned out. But, as I said, I have the band and I'm going to try it again and quit fighting it. I'm going to beg for a fill tomorrow and I'm going to follow the rules to a T. Until I do that, I can't definitely say that I've failed. I want to turn this around and start losing again and I'd like to do it with a little less pain. Like you, we have support groups available here but neither are at a time that I can attend because of my work schedule. So, if you want to recommit with me and really try to follow the rules, however difficult they may seem to us, I'd be very happy to chat with you. This journey is really hard and the temptation is always there to give up but lets don't give up yet!

Hugs,

Jennifer

[Lap_dancer 8]

Andrea: Why don't you start attending some support groups? You sound like I feel right now...... MISERABLE....... you have the band, you have spent the money and the time..... now you must figure out a way to WORK with it, instead of fighting it.

I can't speak to my own experience because I have yet to be banded, but as a person who has lost the same 80 lbs 3 times in my adult life... I recognize SELF SABOTAGE... that my dear I'm an expert...... which is why I come to these board every day, trying to teach myself that I MUST work the band...... for me that means a forced committment Low Carb diet, drinking my Water and as much as I hate to admit it...... EXERCISE.

You wouldn't of been happy with the bypass either, because the chances are you would of stretched your pouch out after a few years and been back where you started except with less less innards.

Go get a fill, and if you feel like you are begging... change doctors.

at any rate: Here is a big cyber hug for you.

This is great Tracy. I feel her pain too. i've lost the same 40 pounds three times. It is depressing. But so is being fat which I find is the source of much depression.

I think a fill is in order. Work your tools! I would first check on getting that fill because if you are not losing weight, eating whatever you want, something isn't right.

Secondly, support group. This is good and a wonderful option in addition to local area support where you can sit face to face and share.

recipes. High Protein, liquids...just search on this board. Also if you doctor has a nutritionist, check in with them on your intake and look for gaps.

Best of luck to you!

[Kat817 19]

In a way I agree with the statement you make about being forced to diet with the band....in the fact that the band does force me to diet. I cannot eat more than about 2/3 to 1 cup of food---the band forces me to stop---I am in pain, and will be vomiting it up if I push any more in. So yes it is a forced diet for me. Now I do have choices of what I make that cup of food to be. For instance my dinner tonight....we had leftovers!! Pork tenderloin, baked potatoes (loaded of course!) and green Beans. Using a number as opposed to an amount....Say 20 bites were my fill I have learned to make a choice, and eat 10 of them of pork loin, 7 of them green beans, and just the remaining 3 of the loaded baked potato. Now I am full----I might have felt full prior to my band enforced diet, but I would have scarfed it all----without a doubt! I do not count my bites, this was just an example...I just make a concious effort to make half of my meal out of hard Proteins, and then divide the rest between veggies, and a starch---because I cannot give up the habit of cooking this way!!! If I did not have the band, I would have eaten much more than I did tonight, without question.

I do believe it affects everyone differently, I do not have problems eating Protein. That in and of itself, makes this easier for me to follow. THAT is what I would be trying to figure out with my surgeon.

If eating good food is an issue, no amount of support, or feel good therapy is going to help you much.

Is talking to your surgeon about switching to another WLS out of the question? I have heard of others changing. I was self pay, so it would be totally out of my ability.

I really don't find it all that hard to believe we all have such different results, I mean every person you talk to on here, has been given different instructions about when to eat what stage of foods, how much to fill....even before surgery...some get pre op diets, others do not. So maybe another Dr.s approach would do better for you? Not saying anything against yours, was just a thought.

Kat

[rtgirl77 0]

Kat, I think you had some very good thoughts. I don't get full after a cup of food. But, I can't say for sure that its not because I drink with my meals to help get the Protein down. I'm really not sure. But, I'm going to discuss it with them at my appt tomorrow and I'll let you guys know. I'd like to get on band imposed diet. liquids don't sound too bad.

[marrakesh 0]

This has been a great thread for me - I've posted in "life after lap-band removal" about maybe getting my band removed, for all of the reasons mentioned above. (http://www.lapbandtalk.com/new-and-seeking-t28099.html, if you'd like to see). I really appreciate the responses above and it's very encouraging. I'd also like to say to the OP that maybe you could stop thinking of "diet", but aim more for health? Good food, exercise, and the occasional "whatever floats your boat". Not that I can talk...!

[tonya66 13]

Andrea,

I could've written your post myself. Everything you've expressed here, I have said before. I got my band in Sept of 05. I initially lost about 42 lbs but began gaining it back after my doctor insisted that the nurse practitioner had made me too tight (he looked at the 1.8 cc I had in my band and decided it was too much). He dropped me down to 1 cc and I quickly learned to out eat the band. I developed reflux (which I'd had prior to surgery also) and he decided that I needed yet another unfill to get rid of it and so he left me at a measly .5cc. I can get anything down if I drink after. Of course, drinking sabotages me and totally defeats the band and I know this. I can't blame all of my issues on my dr. I was tired of Protein shakes and being afraid to eat anything for fear of a serious PB. I was sick of pencil eraser sized bites and I wanted to be able to revert to my old ways, like a drug addict searching for a fix. My emotions and my addiction to food got the best of me. So, I made a conscious decision to totally give up on my band. That was last July. I share a large part of the responsibility for my failure.

I totally agree with you that this band isn't all its cracked up to be. My surgeon assured me that I'd vomit if I ate too much. That hasn't been the case for me. I think there are far more people who fail with the band than with bypass although, undeniably people fail with all forms of WLS. I keep going back to the fact, though, that I might not be sitting here now, if I'd had bypass. As I'm sure you know, more people die and have long term complications from it. I am miserable and my self-esteem is beyond low right now. I have decided to make a go of my band again since its here. But the bottom line, as someone pointed out, is that we are still addicts and the band doesn't provide enough negative reinforcement or protection against our own self-destructive behavior. Yes, it sometimes makes us feel full faster. But many times we aren't eating because we are truly hungry and even being aware of that fact, doesn't stop us from downing a whole pie. While people have pointed out that you can fail at all WLS, obviously, its harder to fail at bypass because you dump, which to me is serious negative reinforcement, and you malabsorb.

I wish I had the magic answer for you. I feel the same way you do. Basically, if I could just diet, which is essentially what you are forced to do with the band, I wouldn't be obese and I wouldn't have needed WLS. The "tool", which it is fondly called by so many has done little for me other than make it very hard to eat Protein and make it very easy to eat junk. My dr. says the answer to this problem is an unfill but clearly, that wasn't the answer. I think it is life with the band. The band makes it hard to eat the good stuff and easy to eat the bad stuff. I guess we'll both have to just practice self-control. Do you want to recommit with me? I know my post has sounded very negative and I'll admit, I'm really aggravated about how things have panned out. But, as I said, I have the band and I'm going to try it again and quit fighting it. I'm going to beg for a fill tomorrow and I'm going to follow the rules to a T. Until I do that, I can't definitely say that I've failed. I want to turn this around and start losing again and I'd like to do it with a little less pain. Like you, we have support groups available here but neither are at a time that I can attend because of my work schedule. So, if you want to recommit with me and really try to follow the rules, however difficult they may seem to us, I'd be very happy to chat with you. This journey is really hard and the temptation is always there to give up but lets don't give up yet!

Hugs,

Jennifer

Your only a failure if you give up, and you have not given up, you should be very proud of yourself. You have the right attitude. The band is not easy, but it can help. Our biggest enemy is ourselves. Fighting with the head hunger, the cravings etc, thats the tough part of our job.

I know you will succeed because you are determined. Please come to the forum and seek support so everyone can help you.

I wish you the best!

[kebsa 1]

There was a time a could have written a very similar post, I felt like an absolute failure. I went through cycles of constant PB'ng and sliming, complete obstruction, severe oesophagitis ulceration and aspiration pneumonia. If I followed the rules I hit problems every time but I could manage crackers and stuff that we shoul avoid. FInally they talked about removing the band. I really did feel like a failure, mainly because I really had been trying my best to follow the rules. I had all the Fluid removed from the band and that slowly relieved the problems but I gained weight, I gained all that I had lost ( which was not much, plus some), my problems were eventually diagnosed as being esophageal motility issues, for me it was related to MS that had been present when I was banded, but not diagnosed.

I felt I was doomed to be morbidly obese until I died. I am already wheelchair dependant but had so far managed to live independantly. But in sept last year I had a MS flare that paralysed my left leg ( my only leg), all of a sudden i was aware of the fact that my weight was going to rob me of independance before it killed me- I need to be able to transfer from chair to chair at least!

That was the light bulb moment for me, I go help from the dieticians and other health professionals to work out how to adjsut the rules to fit my swallowing problems, I started calorie counting and measure foods -and started lsoing weight! I did feel hungry but I had no restriction and was able to eat without the symptoms I had had before, fnally I went back to my surgeon and he agreed to give me a small fill and finally over 5 yrs post band I am lsong weight and have not had any further problems with the negatve symptoms- I simply decided that this was going to be hard work but I WAS WORTH THE EFFORT! todate I have lost 62 pounds since november last year and 31 inches down in body measurements, I have a long way to go but do not intend to gve up

Think long and hard before having the band removed, you may be able to eat like you used to but, is that really going to solve your problems? As for other forms of WLS that have the malabsorbtion- that may seem appealing- but you still have to change the way you eat or you will be experiencing dumping on aregular basis- some people find that anything that has sugar/ refned carbs will cause severe dumping.

wether you chose WW, lap band RNY or any other option, they all require you to make changes, to account for emotional eating etc. so the choice because fairly simple- are you worth the effort?

just because you feel like thngs have not worked to date does not mean that it can't get better- fear was my motivaton, you just need to find yours

good luck with what ever you decide

[Meme 0]

The Lap band works!!! If it works for me, it can for you. chips, candy, soda etc. you are what you eat! If you give 1% you get 1%. Yes we all have been at that point when we just feel like giveing up. I may give OUT, but I don't Give UP!!! You get back up again, and lets do this!!!!!

[rtgirl77 0]

I think you guys here are probably the most supportive band community that I've ever seen! Even for those of us who express discontent or frustration with our band, we get support and plenty of honest "you can do it" affirmations. I am so grateful to all of you for being so kind and respectful. Please know that you are all very appreciated!

I am seeing the NP in just over an hour and I'm hoping for a fill. I can't wait to come back and let you all know how it goes.

Meme: You are absolutely correct and I was totally only giving 1% so I got very little out of the band. I need to go back to what was working which was TINY bites, chewed to mush and lots of Water in between meals. Thanks again! I hope the OP and the others who have expressed frustration with the band, will consider joining me in recommitting to the band!

[Meme 0]

Rtgirl11 You can do this. Girl go and get you some "Red Bull " Power drinks

and get to walking. Try to eat every 4hr. and drink your Water. The I lost

15lb. in 10weeks.

[Meme 0]

Get the drinks that are 10cal. per can.

[marrakesh 0]

Karenb, that is just a tremendous post! Good for your for finding a way to make it work, especially given all your other considerations. Makes me feel like a bit of a whiner....

Jennifer, I agree that this board is so supportive, even when things go wrong. (Which is when we need the most help, right?) I'm really going to be thinking hard the next few weeks.