Now I Just Feel Like a Failure

[Andi 0]

If anyone is wondering if they should do this, I would say no. I had it done in July '06. My first consultation I was 257 lbs; had to lose 12 lbs to get the surgery which I did, so the morning of the surgery in July I was at 245. It's now 6 months later and I'm hovering around 230 which is only 15 lbs. I can eat anything and everything I could before with the occasional PB episode, but I manage to choke everything down anyway. I didn't really believe that I would be a failure. I fully expected to do everything "right" but use this "tool" to lose the weight once and for all. I now feel exactly like I did before, obsessing about food, dieting just as much as ever, and not getting anywhere.

No, I haven't been to any support groups because they never schedule them for a time that I can actually go. No, I am not living on Protein shakes and liquids when I "PB". Yes, I do feel fuller after I eat and don't think I'm eating as much as I used to, but chips and crackers go down just as easy as they ever did. I'm just rather disgusted that I spent over $15,000 for what feels like nothing. My last fill was around November and I can't tell if I should go for another one. They make me feel like I have to beg for one and if I don't do everything "right" then I won't get one. I feel like I'm pretty restricted anyway. The foods I'm supposed to be eating hurt when they go down so I just stick to the foods that don't hurt.

I feel so very discouraged and hopeless... If I had known I would have opted for the gastric bypass. The minute I figured out that you can basically eat anything and everything the same as before, the old habits kicked in. It's not a magic bullet. Think long and hard before you jump in. I wish I would have. Now all I have to show is a big ugly scar in the middle of my big ugly stomach. At this rate I will probably lose about 2 lbs per year. So discouraged!

Andrea

[TracyinKS 7]

Andrea: Why don't you start attending some support groups? You sound like I feel right now...... MISERABLE....... you have the band, you have spent the money and the time..... now you must figure out a way to WORK with it, instead of fighting it.

I can't speak to my own experience because I have yet to be banded, but as a person who has lost the same 80 lbs 3 times in my adult life... I recognize SELF SABOTAGE... that my dear I'm an expert...... which is why I come to these board every day, trying to teach myself that I MUST work the band...... for me that means a forced committment Low Carb diet, drinking my Water and as much as I hate to admit it...... EXERCISE.

You wouldn't of been happy with the bypass either, because the chances are you would of stretched your pouch out after a few years and been back where you started except with less less innards.

Go get a fill, and if you feel like you are begging... change doctors.

at any rate: Here is a big cyber hug for you.

[girlinnyc 0]

andrea,

you do sound like you could use a fill--and a list of high Protein food choices on your fridge--and maybe a new item of clothing one size down that you want to get into...

i only got banded last month--and i also see that it's not going to be MAGIC ===but i accept that there is no magic (also, i'm about your age)..and i just want a TOOL to work with. i can tell that when i have restriction--i definitely feel full faster--and therefore eat less--even if it's "bad" food. i find "fancy" Soups to be very filling and not so fattening---have you tried those?

my gf had the severe DS gastric bypass surgery - in 1999--and tho she lost a ton of weight at first--she did gain back some (not all) of her weight--and she has nutritional deficiency issues--because the whole "must take supplements" regimen is not to her liking (!!)==at least with the band--you don't have that!!

you can get a lot of support on these boards--i think you're doing ok--you have the band--you're not in pain or suffering--get it a little tighter and try to eat the Protein first--you may not have room for crackers and chips!

best wishes,

girlinnyc

[ralheit 1]

Everyone is different. I'll be banded for a year in March and am only down just over 50 pounds. Some others have lost 100, and again some have lost much less than me. It all depends on you. Your outlook, your desire to become healthier and committment make a big difference. Like most, I understood that the band is only a tool, but still expected it to do more. What I need is to do more myself.

I got fills once a month up to about 6 months, then went 2 months and am expecting to go another 8 to 10 weeks from my last fill in January. I am surprised by how many bandsters only get a couple of fills in a years time.

There is a lot of love and support for you here and so many people in the same boat. A lifestyle change is the only thing that will help. I know many bypass patients and most have begun to gain their weight back. The DS is the only surgery that I know of that can pretty much guarantee that you won't gain all the weight back, but it is drastic and a friend of mine that had it looks like death warmed over and has to look forward to a life of nutritional issues.

Best wishes to you. You can do this, you just have to really want it and work with the band. Like you said, it's no magic bullet, but for me, it is the best solution I have ever found to a lifetime of weight problems.

Hang in there.

[tonya66 13]

Support is so important. Just because you Can eat everything, does not mean you should. That is where the support comes in. Without support, WE ALL would eat whatever we want. YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE, The great thing about the band is, it is there waiting on you, so why don't you perhaps join a local Yahoo group? I'm not sure where you live, but if you go out to Yahoo.com, look under groups and see if there is a Bandster group in your area. If not, I bet you could start one at the times that will work for you.

Another thing, this forum is a GREAT support group.

So, here is what you do - You dust your bottom off, you walk into the doctors office with your head held high, and you get yourself a fill. There is an excellent book, "Weight Loss for Dummies" that might be benificial for you, it talks about falling off the wagon and how to get back on track. You PAID for the surgery, and you deserve fills when needed, so don't be intimidated by the doc, demand a fill.

Then, you get rid of the junk, get it out of sight, Its not too late and I know you can do it. On the bright side, YOU HAVE LOST 15 POUNDS! So, you can lose more!

Depression leads to overeating, and I have done the same thing! I've ordered a whole pie and eaten the entire thing! We've all been there, you need to know you are not alone. The first step in getting back on track is getting your mind right. You have to get the "I am a failure" thoughts out of your head, you are not a failure. Be determined to get back on track, I find that when I read books (I'm reading Lap band for life by Dr. Ortiz right now), it helps me stay motivated. Its hard to stay motivated, it takes work. But if you are determined, and I know you want to, after all, you bared your feeling on this forum, you can do it. Its not too late! I know some Gastric Bypass who has lost, but gained all their weight back too. So it doesn't matter which WLS you do, there has to be some accountability. Thats where you come in, make it a priority, you DESERVE it! Put yourself first! Realize you are a beautiful woman, inside and out, and you deserve to take control of yourself!

I wish you the best.

[HeatherGurl 0]

It is very sad to hear how unhappy you are. It doesn't sound like your Dr. told you before hand that the band was a tool and you would have to do your part.

I really hope that you can find some support and get on track and put your band to work.

I seriously do not believe that anyone can magically lose weight. It takes hard work and LOTS of exercise.

Best of luck to you Andrea.

[o2bthin 0]

I'm not banded yet but my expectations are that after I am, I will be on a diet for the next 3 years. I'm not looking for a "magic bullet" to do the work for me, but help in sticking to it. My biggest problem with dieting is hunger, and I'm hoping the banding will help with that.

It could be that your problem is your fill isn't correct. It could also be that you're not dieting. I heard of a device called a Body Bugg that can calculate your calories burned. As long as you're burning more calories than you're consuming, you should be losing weight. Do you have foods in your cupboards that are sabotaging you? Clear them out!

How active are you? Did you see a nutritionist before surgery? Contact your nutritionist or find one. How about a few sessions with a personal trainer to kick start your exercise program. Think of your doctor, nutritionist, trainer, etc. as your own "health team" and they and this board can be your support group.

I think your expectations of the band were not met. Set new goals! Good luck Andrea. You can do it!

[giveyouthemoon 4]

Ok, here's some thoughts and perhaps some tough love....

I can eat anything and everything I could before with the occasional PB episode

Yes. I'm wondering if your doctor didn't tell you this? A lot of posts I read here I'm finding that what doctors do and don't tell their patients varies wildly and I find a lot of folks maybe didn't really understand what they were getting into. I fear this may be the case for you...you had certain expectations that weren't properly set by your surgeon.

Here's the take from my doctor. Yes, you can eat around the band. You can eat pretty much all the stuff. That's why the band isn't for everyone. The band takes work. It's about a 50-50 match of you and your band, the weight doesn't just "fall off" while you happily eat whatever you want. It was never designed to do that.

I'm pretty sad because I think your surgeon left out some details in the pre-screening.

I now feel exactly like I did before, obsessing about food, dieting just as much as ever, and not getting anywhere.

This would be true of any surgery. There is no surgery out there that takes this away. For some of us in this world, sadly, we were given the burden of always obsessing about food and our weights.

So is this all bad news? No, because over time with some work, things can improve. I believe if you've "got the demon", you always will. It's basically an addiction.... But there are times the demon can be quieter than others.

I know this is a rather unpopular thing to say...but from my own experience, the only way I've ever been able to get that damn demon to hush a bit is through talk therapy with a trained counselor.

There is a lot behind food addictions and food issues. A LOT of mental and emotional stuff. And for better or worse, having a bariatric surgery makes you have to take a real good hard look at that....

It's up to each of us to decide how to work with that.....

Yes, I do feel fuller after I eat and don't think I'm eating as much as I used to, but chips and crackers go down just as easy as they ever did.

If you are eating chips and crackers and not Proteins and veggies, then no, the band isn't going to work for you. And if, as you mention later, that what you are supposed to be eating hurts too much to eat, then I have news for you.....

You Are Too Tight.

This falls right into my surgeon's rules regarding fills. If you are overfilled, you will make bad choices and not lose weight. He's seen this time and again. It's counterintuitive, I know...but it's true. I was overfilled and I gained weight.

The rule is "I'd rather see you be too loose and eat too much chicken than too tight and eat around the band (ie chips, crackers, ice cream)" (<-- loosely paraphrased)

My last fill was around November and I can't tell if I should go for another one.

No. I think you should make an appointment with your doctor and talk to him/her about what you've said here. And how frustrated you are, and how you think you might be too tight.

And you have to look deep within yourself and remember what your motivation was to be banded in the first place.....

They make me feel like I have to beg for one and if I don't do everything "right" then I won't get one.

See, now I'm beginning to be suspicous about this doctor of yours....is there another dr anywhere nearby that you can go to for fills because that type of attitude is just crap, in my humblest of opinions.

I feel like I'm pretty restricted anyway. The foods I'm supposed to be eating hurt when they go down so I just stick to the foods that don't hurt.

Yeah. I really do think you need an unfill.

I feel so very discouraged and hopeless... If I had known I would have opted for the gastric bypass.

Hate to break it to you....gastric bypass...you would be having the exact same problems you are now. Sure, you would have lost like a banshee for the first year while you "dumped" and freaked out your body's insulin for the first year from all the carbs from chips and crackers.....

And then after the first year, all loss would have stopped....and if you kept eating like you are, the weight would start coming right back on.

Because there is NO surgery in the world that allows you to eat anything and everything you want and NOT diet or exercise or work through food issues.

It's not a magic bullet. Think long and hard before you jump in.

No, that's exactly right. And it sounds like your doctor never told you that. And THAT is very concerning to me because everyone should get a long detailed and rather stern lecture about this very point. The band is not a magic bullet. Neither is gastric bypass, or "the sleeve" or verticle gastrectomy or duedenal switch or ANY of the bariatric surgeries out there.

There is no magic bullet.

There, I've said it. I've spent a lifetime looking for it and would sure love to find it....but it just doesn't exist. What exists is a lot of us with a lot of pain and sad thoughts and troubles with food. And everyday we have to fight a little harder.

And you, my friend, are one tired soldier today. I get that. I really do. Ok....now...you've had a chance to think about it. I'm holding out my hand...are you ready to stand up and give it another try?

[HeatherGurl 0]

Excellent post giveyouthemoon. That is everything I wanted to say.

[marys 2]

HI Andi,

I'm so sorry for your frustrations! I sincerely know a bit of how you feel - everyone has such good advice for you- I hope you will be able to try some of the suggestions. Sometimes just one very tiny change can start things turning in another direction. You may notice from my ticker info - I am not very successful with the band. However, I do follow those dang bandster rules, I do eat under 1000 calories a day and I do exercise and I still don't lose weight. Now I'm not telling you this to discourage you more, just to tell you I'm still not giving up either. You know we did this for life - so even if it's 15 pounds for you know, it could be 15 more in 2007 - and going down is better than going up.

I'm not one for Weight Watchers but maybe a group like that would help you be more accountable for your food choices and a support group of sorts. I would kill for a local support group as I had my surgery in Mexico and really need face to face support as I struggle so.

You absolutely know what you are doing to sabatage yourself so try to be kind to you - you are not a failure you are just discouraged and a bit mad at yourself. You can turn this around - remember, small baby steps like eating a healthy 'bandster type dinner every night". good luck!!!

[cutiepie6 0]

Andi - I will be banded on Thursday, Feb 22nd and I realize that I will have to work very hard to lose this weight. I have made myself a promise that my life is important and hence, my health. Pls talk with your Dr. and if this person cannot give you the support you need - switch drs and find someone who will work with you.

This forum is very encouraging -- Karen's email was wonderful and so helpful. Andrea work hard and do this for yourself -- no one else. Think each time you put go to put food in your mouth. We are all pulling for you and wish you the best. Pls keep us updated with your progress. I'll let you know each week how I am doing -- we'll battle this together!!!

Cutiepie

[StephM 0]

Andi:

You are NOT a failure. You HAVE lost 15 pounds and not gained them back. I agree with getting the book "Weight Loss for Dummies". It is a book that I still refer to at least weekly. Another good one is "Lap-Band for Life". Both these books will help you make wise choices, and review the band "guildlines" with you.

It sounds like you are doing many things I have been doing lately, big bites, not chewing, PBing often, blah, blah, blah. I just posed on another thread that this past Sunday I started coughing up "coffee grounds" looking stuff. Talk about scared s*itless! Well after doing some research I concluded that I had irritated my esophugus more than ever and had probably broken a few blood vessels. Sunday evening I put myself back on thin purees and am feeling so much better. The hunger I had been feeling over the past month, while gorging myself, is also gone. Don't let yourself get to this point. If you are hurting or even feeling uncomfortable when you eat, change what you are doing. You can not tell me you enjoy eating when you feel like crap.

Here are my suggestions:

1) Get to your doctor for a fill. If they don't want to give you a fill, find another doctor. When I think I need a fill, I call my doc, and get in within a few days, explain why I feel I need a fill, and then get one. No one at my doctors office ever questions why I haven't lost more weight, etc. I have been banded 6 months now and have had three fills. Fills are NOT a bad thing and are another part of the tool we much manage.

2) Once you get the fill, follow the EXACT post fill diet (liquids, purees, mushies, what ever it is). This will help you get back on track.

3) Sit down and reevaluate why you originally got the band. What your goals are and how you are going to acheive them. Make a renewed committment to yourself and your band to continue this weight loss journey. We all mess up at times and need some guideance.

4) See a counselor if you are getting extreamly discouraged/depressed and don't think you can do this on your own. There are counselors out there that work strickly with bariatric patients.

You have done a great job by coming to LBT to talk about your difficulties. That is what we are here for.

Good Luck!

[Kat817 19]

giveyouthe moon...Karen....EXCELLENT post!!!

One thing my Dr. is always saying is "We band your belly, not your brain....the band can do it's part, but you have to do yours."

I don't know if I would consider Andi overfilled, but possibly she has a very irritated belly, that is having problems with the good Protein, due to the PB, and NOT going back to liquid following one. Andi--I know it isn't easy going backwards, and doing the liquid, but it really is for a good reason. You set up an evil cycle if not careful, of PB'ing each time you eat hard protein, because the swelling has never had a chance to heal properly.

I too extend you the hand of friendship and support---but first you need to look in the mirror and make a friend and support of yourself. You will always have the food demons and issues you went into this with, until YOU slay them. chips are not going to keep you fat, if you eat a few with a meal here and there...if you make a meal of them on a regular basis...they will for a fact make you or keep you fat!

Part of me wishes, that I had a magic bullet, and that the 80 pounds I have lost was just magically gone---but the other part is proud of the lessons I have learned about eating in moderation, and in a healthy manner---it gives me hope that in the event of something happening to my band, I would have a chance at maintaining the loss.

Why don't you give yourself, the band and us another chance----what do you have to lose....besides excess weight?

Kat

[giveyouthemoon 4]

I don't know if I would consider Andi overfilled, but possibly she has a very irritated belly,

That could very well be true and if that's the case, an unfill would also help to rest and then a refill after a month or so after everything is calmed down.

I'll tell you tho, "i can eat chips but can't eat hard protein" is a pretty CLASSIC symptom of being overfilled.

[lisalu 0]

Andi,

I can totally relate. Good advice StephM, by the way. I'm sorry to disagree with all of you who say "make better choices" "don't eat chips", "eat more protein", Yeah if I could have done that in the first place I wouldn't have needed the band. I know they are all good intentioned, but sorry some of us just don't have it in us to be "good".

I was banded May of 2005. Thankfully I have lost 60 pounds. 30 per year. I know others are doing much better than me and I do get frustrated. I eat chips, chocolate and drink regular pop. I just get full much faster. I know I'm not supposed to eat this stuff, but I LIKE IT and am not going to deprive myself. Luckily, I can't eat much of it anymore. Thankfully, when you get an adequate fill, you have no choice but to follow bandster rules. you can't eat & drink at the same time, you can't overeat.

My weightloss is slow, but it's there. I stopped beating myself up about it long ago. I know I'll loose the weight eventually with the right fill amount. I no longer obsess about food or get up in the morning and hate myself for being fat and failing. I don't wake up anymore and say "ok, today I'm going to do better, I have to do better". I don't even think about my weight much anymore, and for that . I AM HAPPY. Even though I'm 5'4" and still 183 pounds. I DON'T CARE. I eat what I want and eventually the weight will come off. I eat much smaller amounts then I did before and I think I LOOK GOOD! That's what's important to me, how I feel about myself.

Don't talk to me about exercise, eating right, and support. I had all those things pre-band and it didn't work. What works for me now is a proper fill.

Also, My docs are really conservative on the fills. They make me jump through hoops to get one just like you Andi. I lie about what I eat if I have to. I know my body and I know when I need a fill (after 2 years).

I'm only at 2.5 cc's and would prefer to be completely full, but don't know if that will ever happen. I know I could be more full, but the docs won't do it. Actually, my surgeon would. He overfilled me to 3.00 cc's on my second fill. But, the docs who do my fills now will only do .5 cc's at a time, and I loose about .5 in between fills everytime. So I've been stuck in the 2's Forever!

Stop beating yourself up and just have confidence that with proper fills you will lose the weight. Who cares how long it takes. The important thing is that the scale is going down not up! You are a SUCCESS, not a failure!

Stop obsessing and feeling miserable, it doesn't help. Get a fill and be patient. You'll know if you're overfilled. You won't be able to keep anything down and it will be painful with reflux, heartburn and choking on your spit in the middle of the night. I've experienced it all. And slowly, still was able to take the weight off, even with not so good eating habits.

Congratulations to those of you who follow the rules and restrict your eating to only healthy food and find success through support. It just doesn't work for all of us.

Good fills is what works for me.