female only I think god is talking to hubby

[TinyMamiOf3kids 1,280]

I only post my feelings & issues here & on Don group on Facebook but I'm detail here not there. I don't have a best friend well I do but we haven't had marriage conversation she is a busy woman & I don't want her concern to the point to say leave him & come here with all the kids! That's how she is.

Well hubby was telling me. I feel you are planning on leaving me. I love you & I know I get mad at you a lot but I love you. I don't want a surprise you should be honest enough to tell me if your planning on leaving me. I told him I'm not leaving him since its in my plans but nothing is official. He know he needs to change & I think it's too late for that.

What you think?

[LilBoo007 491]

With me I tried and tried to make it work until the youngest started seeing him beating on me... Once that happened I said that's it!!! I left, for my children's well-being. But if you still love and have feelings for him then don't worry about what others say, do what's in your heart! Now if he is abusing you and/or your children the only thing I can say is to seek counseling for you and the children. Once you start counseling things may be put into better perspective for you and you can make a better informed decision and I'm sure the counselor can help you find a place for battered women and children.

[TinyMamiOf3kids 1,280]

I'm going to be honest here. I love my hubby,and there is nothing I wouldn't do for him,but his verbal abuse must stop. I understand being jealous,and especially now that I'm slim,but it doesn't matter. He should treat me with love & respect. There is no counseling for this man. He is in counseling which turn out to only be for my daughter since he wasn't cooperating. All he kept talking about is his job,and fishing. Instead of the issue,and reason they are attending counseling in the first place. The therapist basically gave up on trying to help him. I know the type,and kind of person he is so of course I won't tell him I'm planning on leaving unless it's 100% sure,and I only have months or days till I move out. Who knows if this marriage can be saved.

Now: up date my 16 year old said she is planning on moving out a few moments ago. She is waiting to turn 18 and she can't deal with him anymore,and how he treats us all. She feels things will get worst,and she doesn't want to be here anymore. She would love for me to leave with her when she turns 18 that's in 2 years,and I can't do it. She is leaving out of anger,and she has no ideas what's like to pay rent each,and every month. That's not easy. She will learn a life lesson leaving cuz you don't like your father,but then not having money to pay rent or buy food. I feel sorry for her. She's not prepare for life,and neither is her boyfriend. She has a little work experience,but the boyfriend never work,and will be turning 18 in June. Two people that don't know about life living together. I would love to see how this turns out. I'm willing to accept my daughter back home,but things will get worst cuz hubby will throw it in her face every chance moving in with a bum,and having to do it all. You thought he was the one,and look your back home now. It will never end,and she rather live on the streets then hear him talking shit. Oh well let's see what happens. She thinks oh I'm saving money I can do it all. Having $600 saved up doesn't pay rent or food. If she thinks I'm going to keep giving her extra money to leave me I'm not. She will get the allowance we agree on,and nothing more not with the plans she has. She wants to leave let her bust her ass like I did as a teenager working & attending school. If I make it easy she will not learn how hard it is to make a dollar. The boyfriend is saving from his allowance. Every time I turn around my daughter is buying him something a candy or something like wtf she's gonna support his ass also/

[Crkrjax76 76]

My niece is in the exact same position as your daughter. Her father is very verbally abusive and she gets a lot of his abuse. She is 17, just graduated from high school and is now living with me. I would rather her come live with me than run off with the firs guy she finds when she turns 18.

If he is verbally abusive to your children, my opinion is you need to get away from him. My niece has severe depression and self esteem issues because of her father.

[kristy3k 1,133]

OK... my take on this...love ya girl... but a mothers job is to protect her kids. If any of your kids are being abused then it is your job as the adult to get them out of the situation. No amount of money in the world would have me stay with a man that abuses me or my kids. Now with that being said you are going to do what you are going to do.. but how sad is it that your underage daughter is having to make such a heart wrenching decision. God bless you honey I hope it all works out.

[TinyMamiOf3kids 1,280]

If it was like he put his hands on me,and of course I'm not looking forward to that,but nothing would hold me back. I know I'm not the only woman that lived a lone or have kids,and live alone. I'm not used to the so called lower class life. I'm in the middle class,and want to stay here forever. I'm not money hungry,and I don't think I'm all that or better then anyone,but I got used to a certain life style that I don't want to change.

Teenager most of them don't like being told what to do. I see there relationship,and she doesn't want to work on anything. She would rather spend with the boyfriend father then her own father. How is a relationship between a father & daughter will get better when she wants to be apart.

No marriage is perfect! No relationship between family/sibling is perfect. If she leaves she will struggle in life unnecessary. There is no need to leave and do what is your job going to pay you enough to live. If it doesn't work,and it's not peaches & roses I will open the doors of my home for her again. I will not turn my back on her,but I'm not going to pay her bills or shop for her. She has all that at home for free. She leaves on her own free will. I'm not responsibility for her actions once she leaves. She should try to work things out. He calls her a pig,but she is messy & disorganized that makes him a bad father. I don't think so. He doesn't know how to say things yeah,but still if you pay mind to his words he's being honest. heck! I'm the best cook & horrible housekeeper

[oldoneyoungagain 200]

I only post my feelings & issues here & on Don group on Facebook but I'm detail here not there. I don't have a best friend well I do but we haven't had marriage conversation she is a busy woman & I don't want her concern to the point to say leave him & come here with all the kids! That's how she is.

Well hubby was telling me. I feel you are planning on leaving me. I love you & I know I get mad at you a lot but I love you. I don't want a surprise you should be honest enough to tell me if your planning on leaving me. I told him I'm not leaving him since its in my plans but nothing is official. He know he needs to change & I think it's too late for that.

What you think?

I think you already answered your own question. "He knows he needs to change", you think he won't. You are probably correct he won't unless he wants too. And since he only talks with the counselor about his job and fishing, and not the issues at hand, then you've got your answer. The only person that is going to change is you, because that is the only person you can change if you stay in this relationship. But that has to be your decision.

[TinyMamiOf3kids 1,280]

You can't teach an old dog new tricks. Can't teach a man anything new. He does have to want to change to make things better. I'm no fool. I'm saving my money,and that day will come that I will decide leave or stay. The worst about him is his mouth. He would be perfect if he was MUTE! lmbo I'm not a maid so I'm not killing my self cleaning or anything so if he wants to bitch about a messy home so be it. When I'm good,and ready,and especially the winter comes back it will be almost perfect again. I don't hang out as much. In the winter I'm like the squirrel I hide all winter,and come out in the summer. So I have all the time in the world to get my house in order. This is the only time I look good,and manage to stay slim so there for I'm enjoying the attention from men,and the nice weather. So the chores,and all the crap can wait. I'm 21 years younger then hubby so I think it's normal to be jealous,and think the wrong thing. I'm not siding or agreeing with his behavior he has no excuses,but I understand how he feel. Heck I don't wanna be in here my self. Messy house isn't my thing so I run away my self. LMBO

I have a lot to think of,and I know the outside world being alone isn't fun or easy. With the exception of food money I don't know what is like to live off the government to be a low income person,and I don't look forward to it neither. I want to have my own place,and say I bought it my self or I pay my own rent but if worst comes to worst I'm not living on the streets. I have to suck in my PRIDE and get off my high horse,and accept whatever government help is out there to avoid living on the streets,and then having unhappy children.

I appreciate everyone opinions,and I'm not offended or feel I'm being judge or anything so you can continue to reply,and such. I read,and I comment back when I get a chance thanks

[oldoneyoungagain 200]

You can't teach an old dog new tricks. The worst about him is his mouth. He would be perfect if he was MUTE!

I've been in your shoes, but only had two children with no child support and one child that has been ill since age 5. I had to think of them first, me second. I am now 70 and I can say you can teach an old dog new tricks, but only if they want to learn. I would like to share what my single daughter says what she is looking for in a man. Qualifications are, he has to be good looking but deaf and mute. Just want to bring a smile to your face, because I know you are very sad. You will survive all of this because you are a survivor. You know you have the support on this forum.

[LilBoo007 491]

I feel yah! I was soo scared to leave my ex! He was verbally and physically abusive, cheated, did drugs and drank! He would tell me I would never be able to do it on my own and nobody else would ever love me or put up with me! I dealt with that for 10 years!!! Then I finally said duck it and kicked him out! I got a job, had no child support or help from government ! I kept going up in the company until I made decent money! I bought a house, fed and clothed my 2 boys with no help, paid for daycare with no help!!! You can donut on your own! I'm not saying it wouldn't be hard but its doable! Now I have a great new husband who puts up with me and loves me and loves my 2 boys !!! It was worth all the hard work ! And you know what Mami... It was soo much more peaceful without someone bitching about everything I didn't do to there standards!!! Good Luck Mami!!

[TinyMamiOf3kids 1,280]

I've been in your shoes, but only had two children with no child support and one child that has been ill since age 5. I had to think of them first, me second. I am now 70 and I can say you can teach an old dog new tricks, but only if they want to learn. I would like to share what my single daughter says what she is looking for in a man. Qualifications are, he has to be good looking but deaf and mute. Just want to bring a smile to your face, because I know you are very sad. You will survive all of this because you are a survivor. You know you have the support on this forum.

That's on my to do list for the future looking for a man deaf & mute LMBO that sure made me laugh.

[TinyMamiOf3kids 1,280]

He would tell me I would never be able to do it on my own and nobody else would ever love me or put up with me!

My husband used to tell me this all the time. You know what stoped it. I said I will get skinny one day,and you will see. Wala I did... I will get a good paying job ,and I did for 5 years. Seems like everytime I say I will do something I make it happen so I think be believes I'm able to make it by my self,and I tell him the day I leave you. You will remember me forever cuz I'm taking everything,and not only that get prepare for child support cuz your ass won't have a penny left over so keep on with your crap it won't get you far. I can't lose but you will lose everything. Your an old man,and you should be glad a very young woman pay attention to you,and gave you more kids. I can start my life over,but no one in this earth will put up with you as long as I have,but if you find someone good luck to her cuz she sure will need it. Paying bills it's not all there is to life. I don't work but I get income every month so I'm able to pay my own bills. One time I did say I owe $1000 on my amex bill so I went and pay $500 and he was shock. I was like who told you I couldn't pay my bills.

In the mean time let him pay them LMBO more money in my pocket,but I'm realizing as time goes by I will be able to make it on my own. What messes me up is I'm disable(doctor disable me due to back injury at work) so I'm not able to sit long or stay long,but I'm determine to make it work. If I have to get a job off the books to get income that doesn't affect my back as much I would take it. I'm not a lazy woman. I'm even willing to babysit,but that's a little difficult if I have to lift kids,but I have a back brace so that helps with carrying stuff.

I'm so glad you find someone that loves you. That's a really nice story. I always think of you,and if you made it so can I. You inspire me. How long after leaving hubby you found new love? I always feel that I will become a lesbian or never ever get with someone else ever again. or stay with B.O.B. (battery operated boyfriend)

[LilBoo007 491]

I left him in 2005, had a few boyfriends before I decided I was done with men in 2006! I met him in Aug. of 2007 but we were just friends. He was literally my best friend and we were inseparable. Then 6 months later I confessed I had other feelings and he did too. We started dating in feb 2008. I moved an hr. away from him and he couldn't stay away so he moved in with me in oct. that year. He proposed Christmas Day and we got married may 2009! We don't really fight and he calls me his queen.,, he worships the ground I walk on, Lol ! I love him soo much and he is still my best friend !

[TinyMamiOf3kids 1,280]

I left him in 2005, had a few boyfriends before I decided I was done with men in 2006! I met him in Aug. of 2007 but we were just friends. He was literally my best friend and we were inseparable. Then 6 months later I confessed I had other feelings and he did too. We started dating in feb 2008. I moved an hr. away from him and he couldn't stay away so he moved in with me in oct. that year. He proposed Christmas Day and we got married may 2009! We don't really fight and he calls me his queen.,, he worships the ground I walk on, Lol ! I love him soo much and he is still my best friend !

Do you happen to be in New York? We can be neighbors lolz I honestly think there is no other men in this world for me. I love men don't get me wrong,but after all the verbal abuse I want to be alone. I'm going to have one of the hottest body and no one to share it with except B.O.B. lmbo I gotta do some cleaning up. I have so many memories & so much stuff "did someone say donation"? I will have to donate a lot of crap. Well laundry time got like oh boy 6 bags of clothes ugh double ugh....

[LilBoo007 491]

No, unfortunately I live in Virginia. About an hour south of Richmond( state Capitol ) I felt the same way about men and when I didn't want any men here comes new hubby... I fought it like the devil but I'm the end I fell for him! I was also scared to be in another realationship because I just knew it wouldn't last. Well he proved me wrong!!' Nobody said you can't share your new body if your single. Lol !!! Trust me when the time comes I will be getting my body fixed if it looks saggy and nasty and the 1st on the list is my boobs!