So I have this friend...

[Jeepchick42 193]

We've been friends for about 16 years and she knows about my plan to have this surgery. She is supportive of my decision and even wishes that we could do it together. However, whenever I'm around her I start having second thoughts and develop a really pessimistic attitude. It's the strangest thing. I hung out with her over the holiday and the next day I was second guessing myself and questioning my decision. I don't know if its because I see that her lifestyle isn't going to change and mine is (which will be really tough). She does tend to undermine my surgeons directions (he says I can't drink for a year, she says ill be fine in six months). I do intend to follow my doctors advice over hers. I'm also kind of happy that she's not doing this journey with me because in the past some things tend to become a competition. Can anyone help me with this or have a similar friend? I know I'm doing the right thing for myself but how am I going to hang out with her if the result is undermining my achievement. Any advice?

Ahhhh that was a good rant

[tinyt 1]

It's good your friend is supportive and you have know each other a long time. Your lifestyle is about to change and you are not always going to be able to do everything that your friend is doing. I would always follow your doctors' advice. Has your friend had the surgery or is she going to have the surgery? It's going to be hard, sometimes friends drift away on this journey because of the completion. She may become jealous of you and your new success. I am not saying this happens all the time but you will see as time goes by if you and your friend will overcome this barrier. Hopefully it works out for the best and you are making the right decision for you and do not let anyone else tell you different. Good luck!

[MissNikki27 54]

Things may change between the two of you. My life revolved around food and eating poorly, and I know I can't change the mindset of my friends but I can let it be known that I'm changing mine. Encourage your friends to do things that don't involve food like go to shows, movies, start a book club,

[music1618 879]

I am going to be honest with you. Your relationship with her will be different after your surgery. You need to be prepared for that. This is more than a weight loss journey. This surgery makes you face things that you did not know were there. I have confronted things within myself that I did not realize were there. Most of it is good, but there have been some dark sides that have come up.

Here is a small example: since losing my weight I have discovered I love being a woman. What I mean by that is that I have been a Tom boy all my life. I hated dress and purses and all things womanly. Now all I want to buy is dresses and cute shoes and purses. So a few days ago I had the thought of maybe I was a Tom boy to hide the fact that I was overweight.

All your relationships will change most of all your relationship with yourself. The best thing to do is talk about it with your love ones. Tell her your fears and thoughts. I know as women this can be tough, but if you want this journey to strengthen your relationship you must be open and honest.

I hope this helps.

[FLUFFYMOM 19]

I know that relationships change after having surgery. You change after surgery and not just your body. Your priorities, goals, tastes, and interests all change; not to mention your confidence and sense of self. Relationships only survive such a drastic change if the other person adapts and/or changes too.

One of my husbands biggest fears is that I will lose the weight and my personality would change too. He was very negative about the surgery for quite a while, until I sat him down and told him flat out that I needed his support. I pointed out how difficult this journey was going to be. I told him that I needed him to be there to be my cheer leader and my crutch too.

I made him understand that he has been my best friend for most of my life and that isn't going to change just because I lost weight. At the same time this is a major life change and to survive as a couple he was going to have to change a little too.

I know you are talking about your friend not a spouse but the same rules apply. A major lifestyle change for you will affect her and shes going to have to make some changes too or you will grow apart. Sit down and have an honest talk. Be clear and specific with her about what you are worried about and what you need from her.

[Sparklette 381]

We've been friends for about 16 years and she knows about my plan to have this surgery. She is supportive of my decision and even wishes that we could do it together. However' date=' whenever I'm around her I start having second thoughts and develop a really pessimistic attitude. It's the strangest thing. I hung out with her over the holiday and the next day I was second guessing myself and questioning my decision. I don't know if its because I see that her lifestyle isn't going to change and mine is (which will be really tough). She does tend to undermine my surgeons directions (he says I can't drink for a year, she says ill be fine in six months). I do intend to follow my doctors advice over hers. I'm also kind of happy that she's not doing this journey with me because in the past some things tend to become a competition. Can anyone help me with this or have a similar friend? I know I'm doing the right thing for myself but how am I going to hang out with her if the result is undermining my achievement. Any advice?

Ahhhh that was a good rant[/quote']

My best friend is just like this. She has been my best friend for more than half of my life.

She is my number one supporter but also my number one tempter. Before surgery when we would hang out we would eat. The lady at the Chinese place knew our names and drink order. Its hard to completely change our relationship. Almost as hard as how I am changing my life.

[BBdoodle 483]

All my friends and family who knew I was having surgery were 110% supportive. Two of my dear friends are overweight and I don't push healthy eating and exercise on them, they are adults and know how to make the right choices. I will love them no matter what size. My skinny friends were cheering me on as I lost and gave me 110% support. So I can say I am VERY lucky with the family and friends in that department.

I think people do get jealous when you lose and will only have negative things to say just because the are jealous... I don't play into people like that and don't even get on the subject. Don't let people bring you down.. YOU are in control of that.

[Jeepchick42 193]

Thank you all for your advice!!! I guess I'm just nervous about the change that this surgery will bring. She has been my friend for half my life and we have literally done everything together (high school, college, vacations). I'm really hoping that our relationship doesn't change but if she's not willing to change a little as well, I'll have to continue on this journey without her. I guess it's wait and see.

Sparklette -

I could have written your post, only me and my friend were at the clam shack. Lol

[Sparklette 381]

Thank you all for your advice!!! I guess I'm just nervous about the change that this surgery will bring. She has been my friend for half my life and we have literally done everything together (high school' date=' college, vacations). I'm really hoping that our relationship doesn't change but if she's not willing to change a little as well, I'll have to continue on this journey without her. I guess it's wait and see.

Sparklette -

I could have written your post, only me and my friend were at the clam shack. Lol[/quote']

Lol!

Don't give up on your friendship. Just set her down and tell her that you need her to be supportive of your decision and that you don't need the Negitive ideas. Friends and family are necessary to our transformation.

[heather200202 73]

I pray that you and your friend can make it through this. It will be hard too. I've lost contact with a few friends and close family members too. The main issue was jealousy but other stuff came up too. I wasn't letting people run all over me and treat me like dirt that they walk on. I stick up for myself and have more self confidence. It's a great thing for us but others will see it different. I'm dealing with the fact that I've lost 2 of my best friend and my close relationship with my sister is now over. I haven't talked to my sister in 2 months now and I don't even know why. It's been hard yet to look at it at a different view, it's been good too. I don't get stressed out anymore cause my sister always stressed me out over bs. I'm happier and I'm enjoying the new me and my new life with my husband.

Like someone said earlier, sit down and have a heart to heart talk. Also, try and start some new activities that the two of you can start doing now. That way she may not feel so overwhelmed once you have the surgery.

Good luck and hope all works out!! If not, I promise it will get better. Keep your head up and know you are doing this to better yourself.

HW: 331 SW: 11/26/12 319lbs CW: 219 05/26/13 GW: 157