Keeping it secret - what excuse did you use at work?

[TerriDoodle 6]

I'm considering the band. One of my major concerns is how long the recovery will take. I'd MUCH prefer to keep it a secret at work, but what do I tell my boss and how much time off should I ask for?

I suppose I could say I"m having 'minor'(?) surgery and expect to be back in X number of days....but I'm pretty close to the folks I work with. That may cause quite a bit of alarm. Also, I'd prefer to take medical leave rather than vacation time.

Any ideas and shared experiences are appreciated.

[o2bthin 0]

Fortunately, I work at home. I have my own business. I will tell my friends and customers that I am having gall bladder surgery, if they ask. My worry is what to tell people when I start to lose weight. I'll tell them I'm low carbing again---lost 30 pounds doing that a few years ago---but that may not work forever.

[cher 0]

i was wondering what i was going to do about work also my best friend works where i work also i have a very good friend at work so i told her .. from the meetings i been to i am going to take 2 weeks off after surgery because all u can have is Protein Shakes chix. broth and sugar free jello.... so im going to:) tell my boss i am going to be out because im having minor surgery done... i will return w drs note to return to work..... hope this helps...

[Ollie 0]

I decided not to tell everyone about my surgery either. Only my husband and two sons know. I was having a hiatal hernia repair when I was having my lapband so I told my employer that I will be having a hernia repaired and used my sick time for it. I also told my immediate co-workers that I needed to lose a few pounds before the repair could be done, this way they wouldn't make a big deal about the weight loss. It has worked out perfectly. After the surgery I told them that I am still seeing the nutritionist for continued weight loss as I had done so well before the surgery. I returned to work with a doctor's note with no info other than the clearance to return. My opinion is to be honest about having surgery because somewhere down the line, you will refer to having had surgery at work without thinking about it. I just made it seem like it was not a major health issue, I wanted to relieve the constant heartburn I had. It wasn't a lie....just was a half truth. Now when people want me to "try" a taste of something I can't have, I just say that I can't have it because of the hernia surgery and no one argues with me to go ahead and have a little.

I have no regrets, don't feel guilty about keeping the secret and can still talk about 'dieting' without giving away the store. I knew that I would slip at some point about having surgery so the hernia repair fit the bill. I am happy about not broadcasting the details. I work with people who talk nice to your face but stab you when you aren't looking and I didn't want to give them any more info than they needed. Best decision I ever made. Good luck to you I hope you do what it best for you.

[MarySue33 0]

I did just that...told them that I was having surgery...and left it at that. I did not want to lie to them, as I think that set you up for a whole lot of other problems -- especially if it ever slips out later that you had something that you did not really have. I just said to them, "I am having surgery...it is nothing major...just necessary." If someone would pry, I would just say, "It's kind of personal...if you know what I mean" (and give them kind of an 'I'm not comfortable talking about this' look). That nipped most of the questions (except from the rudest of the rude) in the bud. Most folks would get all embarrassed that they asked and trip all over themselves apologizing for prying. I know that I left many of them with the impression that it was 'female stuff', and that was fine. I left it to their imaginiations. The big thing, though, was that I made sure they knew it was nothing life threatening.

Once I got back to work (I took two weeks off), I came back eating healthy. I was still on the mushies at that point, but cottage cheese and yogurt are things that a lot of folks who have not had the surgery eat, anyway, so it was not a big deal. When someone (only a few of the very nosy fall into this category anymore) would ask...I told them that (again...not a lie) I had not felt like eating much right after my surgery and decided it was a good time to give up junk food. After the first month, for me, anyway, the weight loss has been slow enough that nobody questions it anymore. They all see that I am eating healthy now and just attribute it to that. I have given up soda and caffeine and they have seen that, too.

Keep in mind, if you are like most of us, our coworkers have watched us go up and down the scale a number of times. Heck, I had five sizes in my closet before surgery and I have fit into every one of those sizes at least once -- and the middle to upper range a couple of times -- over the past 15 years, so me going on a diet is nothing new. (Staying on it...now that's another matter altogether...but that's why I got the band.)

If you DO think that you want to tell folks at work, do a search on a lot of the posts here. There are a lot of people who had no problem with it, but there are a lot of other folks who wish they had not said anything -- that now they have offices full of food and exercise police and it is driving them nuts.

[MarySue33 0]

Fortunately, I work at home. I have my own business. I will tell my friends and customers that I am having gall bladder surgery, if they ask. My worry is what to tell people when I start to lose weight. I'll tell them I'm low carbing again---lost 30 pounds doing that a few years ago---but that may not work forever.

You can always tell them the truth about the continued loss, too..watching what you are eating and exercising...which is true (just not the whole story). Also, once the novelty of the initial weight loss has worn off, I honestly don't think they are all that interested in what we are doing, anyway. At least that has been my experience. My first 20# got me tons of comments. Now that it has slowed down a wee bit, nobody says a thing. They just keep seeing me eating healthy and watch my clothes get a little bit looser.

[Boo Boo Kitty 3]

You can always tell them the truth about the continued loss, too..watching what you are eating and exercising...which is true (just not the whole story). Also, once the novelty of the initial weight loss has worn off, I honestly don't think they are all that interested in what we are doing, anyway. At least that has been my experience. My first 20# got me tons of comments. Now that it has slowed down a wee bit, nobody says a thing. They just keep seeing me eating healthy and watch my clothes get a little bit looser.

I guess maybe I am lucky then that I get asked CONSTANTLY...I quit avoiding the truth and now I just tell everyone. I am no longer ashamed of it anyways, so why try to hide it??

[kygal 0]

I agree with everyone...and enjoyed reading everyone's persepective. I am a supervisor (similar to a vice president position) at my work, and I don't think that everyone should know...or has the right to. If they think i had my tubes tied or something , that's fine with me. I too lost fifty pounds a few years ago, and have gained it back and more. So it's nothing new for folks to see....we all go up and down. (all of thelow carb dieters at work are "fluffy again now)

Anyway, I don't feel compelled to tell anyone what I am going to do. None of us should be privy to each others' medical information unless we cose to make it public, and I think when someone pries, it's ok to sweetly say "If you don't mind, I'd rather not talk about it." This should stop all but the nosiest people, who may require more firm redirection.

[Glogirl 0]

I agree with MarySue. I told my principal where I teach I am having surgery and she was fine. I told my team I teach with but that's it.

If people ask how I am losing weight I am going to say exactly what MarySue said and leave it at that until I am ready!!

Great Advice MarySue!!!:clap2: :clap2:

[TerriDoodle 6]

Thanks to everyone so much for your responses. So it sounds like I'd need to ask for about 2 weeks off, huh? I don't feel compelled to tell my boss any details....it's against the law for him to ask anyway. I have girlfriends (my best friends) that I've worked with for 15 years...so I'll have to get REAL creative in figuring out what to tell them. I guess it may have to be the truth.

Thanks again.

[lapbandliz 0]

I don't know what to do. I just had the surgery and only told a few people. My husband is having it probably next month. The problem is that he is a pastor and everybody in the congregation wants to know everything about us. I feel like this is something I want to keep private, but how do I handle some very nosy people? Already some negative things have been said about me because I wasn't at a meeting on Tuesday night (the day after my surgery while I was still in the hospital). HELP, please!

[1ting2lose 0]

I told my work that I was having surgery, I tried to leave it at that but my boss asked me what for. I had to think quick so I just said I was having female problems. BIG MISTAKE, She started asking me if I was having this done, and that done, who was your doctor. And I have no idea what type of things they do for female problems so it became a very unconfortable situation. I guess if I could do it again I would tell the truth.

[niecyrenee 2]

First off, a lot of people know about my surgery but I choose to not share it with my co-workers. I feel certain that they will find out eventually but I didn't want to discuss it originally so I didn't. I just told them I was having a minor surgery. They didn't ask and I didn't tell. People just assumed because I was a woman and I was having surgery and not talking about it that it must be female related. I never confirmed or denied their assumptions. I let them believe what they wanted. When people started asking me how I am losing weight, I just told them that I was making some major life changes such as starting to eat right and exercise. I am still telling them the truth without having to disclose all the details. No one has right out asked me if I have had it so if that happens, I'll probably fess up.

[8675309 0]

I am a teacher and plan on having the surgery over summer break and not even mentioning it to my co-workers. When we come back, I'll say I am on Weight Watchers or something.

[marys 2]

Why can't you say - I'm having surgery - of a personal/private nature - thanks so for much for asking but you don't have to worry - I'll be fine in a few weeks. I'd rather not discuss the particulars - I'm sure you understand.

END OF SUBJECT.

I absolutely can't stand nosy neighbors, co workers, parishoners, etc. it is no one's business but your own.

I strongly encourage everyone not to tell anyone but your absolute closest and dearest - you can tell everyone much later should you chose - once you tell it is done and you can't do a darn thing about WHO THEY TELL. Just my two cents...