Mom Using Scare Tactics to Stop Surgery!

[crmills74 11]

Since my hubby is deployed and won't be back until 4 months after my surgery, my mom will be my support person after the surgery. She is so scared that her anxiety is driving me up the wall. She told several ppl and they keep sending me emails with links to ppl that have have major complications or even died from surgery! I am very aware of the risks and I know that my compliance has a lot to do with many of the complications. However, I am almost to the point of telling my mom that I cancelled the surgery and have someone else come and help me out. I have so much to do already to prepare ( arrangements for transpo for kids activities, cleaning, organizing quick meals, etc) that this is becoming too much. How do you deal with loved ones that try to scare you into not having the surgery? I've tried giving them up to date literature and my mom was there at the pre op with my surgeon but she just refused to really listen. They are very opinionated and won't listen to reason. Their justification is that since I gained 100 lbs with both pregnancies and lost it within 8 months, I can lose this weight. But that was before my injuries and I ran close to 40-45 miles a week and did some real drastic things that were pretty dangerous. Also, I was in the Army and if you were overweight it was equal to being dirtbag and I was called a fat ass pig everyday until I lost the weight. They are so used to me losing weight quickly in the past that they think I'm being lazy and looking for an easy way out. Anyway, I expect ppl who don't know me to have opinions but I expect more from loved ones who have watched me struggle.

[Sparklette 381]

My parents were the same way before my surgery. Every morning they would show me another horror story, And I'd show them 10 good stories. Three days before my surgery I put my foot down and told them that this is what I'm doing, they can be supportive or they can keep quiet or leave. It's really frustrating and awful. But ultimatums are sometimes the only way to get results.

[crmills74 11]

My parents were the same way before my surgery. Every morning they would show me another horror story' date=' And I'd show them 10 good stories. Three days before my surgery I put my foot down and told them that this is what I'm doing, they can be supportive or they can keep quiet or leave. It's really frustrating and awful. But ultimatums are sometimes the only way to get results.[/quote']

Yes. You are absolutely right. I don't like ultimatums but in this case they're necessary because I need support, and if that's not what I'm gonna get, she can leave. Thanks, I knew that was the right way to go but some have said, "oh that's your mom, she's supposed to do and say things like that". I know if it were one of my kids, I would be 100% supportive. Thanks again!

[Tcisme 13]

I know exactly how you feel. My parents (Mom more than Dad) does NOT want me to have this GB surgery. She is closed minded to the reality that I will be healthier. She has seen a few people who it has failed. They are sick all the time... But they are NOT Doing what they are supposed to do.

I am taking my mom on the 6th to a seminar and to meet the surgeon, hopefully it will change her mind I would love to have her support.

But, If it doesn't.... I still have to do this for myself.

And I told her I WAS doing this regardless of her decision.

Glad I'm not the only one goin thru this

[crmills74 11]

I know exactly how you feel. My parents (Mom more than Dad) does NOT want me to have this GB surgery. She is closed minded to the reality that I will be healthier. She has seen a few people who it has failed. They are sick all the time... But they are NOT Doing what they are supposed to do.

I am taking my mom on the 6th to a seminar and to meet the surgeon' date=' hopefully it will change her mind I would love to have her support.

But, If it doesn't.... I still have to do this for myself.

And I told her I WAS doing this regardless of her decision.

Glad I'm not the only one goin thru this <img src='http://www.bariatricpal.com/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/smile.png' class='bbc_emoticon' alt='' />[/quote']

Yes. We have to remain firm in our decision

[yasminsnewjourney 52]

Yes. You are absolutely right. I don't like ultimatums but in this case they're necessary because I need support' date=' and if that's not what I'm gonna get, she can leave. Thanks, I knew that was the right way to go but some have said, "oh that's your mom, she's supposed to do and say things like that". I know if it were one of my kids, I would be 100% supportive. Thanks again![/quote']

You need to sit down with her and tell her your a adult and this is what I chose I need you to support me on this and this is not the easy way out I will struggle but I will make it and be healthier and live my life tell her all the reason why you chose this path and if that don't work then put your foot down I did it with my mom and now she is even going to do the pre op liquid diet with me that goes to show you some parents just need a wake up call

[mzshay35 215]

you know what my mom was all for it but know she acting like she dnt want me to well to late been through to much i really need this to take care of her so she needs to stop

[elli'smommy 160]

I wanted the RNY 4 years ago but my mom and husband was so against it I went with the lap band. 8 months out the doc assistants that did the fills ruptured my band. Now....4 years later...and 2.5 year old daughter to worry about...Im facing surgery. Im a little bitter. Now everyone is on board and thinks it's great that Im having RNY! Im like, I wish you had felt that way 4 years ago! I would not be sitting where I am now! I will not be talked out of it this time!

[TinyMamiOf3kids 1,280]

I will go with I cancel surgery & get someone else & never ever tell her & let her think wow! See I told you will lose weight you didn't need surgery. Lmbo I would do this if I was you. Now after having WLS I wish I didn't tell anyone except my teenager & hubby. No one has been negative towards me but I still wish I kept it to my self.

[mzshay35 215]

I agree my mom is the only person I told I wish u never said anything but everybody else will be guessing what happened lol

Mzshay35 RNYTalk

[terry1118 1,274]

I hope everyone makes out okay. After reading about the troubles some of you are having I'm kind of glad I have no family around other than hubby and grown kids. My hubby's worried about me but going along with it and my daughters are supportive.

I am keeping my surgery from my husband's family (all are very opinionated). My mother-in-law comes over on occasion but never comes in the house (hubby calls her the "drive-by grandma"). I think hiding it will be no problem! She thinks my husband working out and eating healthy is a fad and always asks when he's going to eat 'normal' again. Lol

[Dawnolson 85]

My mom is the same way. Every time she goes somewhere like to her hair dresser she calls me and tells me tha ther hairdresser knows someone who had it done and all your hair is going to fall out!!! Or she starts in with the are you sure you want to do this. Ya know it is forcer!! No really!! I'm 50 years old I think I know if I want to really do this or not. I told her the other day. Enough! I'm having this surgery and nothing you can say or do will stop me. She was like well I'm just worried and I to,s her that's ok but she needs to quit. My surgery is in a little over 2 weeks.

[KellyLessBelly 31]

Since my hubby is deployed and won't be back until 4 months after my surgery' date=' my mom will be my support person after the surgery. She is so scared that her anxiety is driving me up the wall. She told several ppl and they keep sending me emails with links to ppl that have have major complications or even died from surgery! I am very aware of the risks and I know that my compliance has a lot to do with many of the complications. However, I am almost to the point of telling my mom that I cancelled the surgery and have someone else come and help me out. I have so much to do already to prepare ( arrangements for transpo for kids activities, cleaning, organizing quick meals, etc) that this is becoming too much. How do you deal with loved ones that try to scare you into not having the surgery? I've tried giving them up to date literature and my mom was there at the pre op with my surgeon but she just refused to really listen. They are very opinionated and won't listen to reason. Their justification is that since I gained 100 lbs with both pregnancies and lost it within 8 months, I can lose this weight. But that was before my injuries and I ran close to 40-45 miles a week and did some real drastic things that were pretty dangerous. Also, I was in the Army and if you were overweight it was equal to being dirtbag and I was called a fat ass pig everyday until I lost the weight. They are so used to me losing weight quickly in the past that they think I'm being lazy and looking for an easy way out. Anyway, I expect ppl who don't know me to have opinions but I expect more from loved ones who have watched me struggle.[/quote']

I have a co-worker doing the same thing. Thank God she only works there 3 days a week, because I don't think I could take it any more than that! Always coming in with another story or off-putting question or remark that's meant to scare me out of surgery. No way lady, not gonna scare me into settling for lifelong obesity. Thank you very much!!

[crmills74 11]

I will go with I cancel surgery & get someone else & never ever tell her & let her think wow! See I told you will lose weight you didn't need surgery. Lmbo I would do this if I was you. Now after having WLS I wish I didn't tell anyone except my teenager & hubby. No one has been negative towards me but I still wish I kept it to my self.

I think I'm leaning more towards doing this. My mom is so darn stubborn, the sit downs and ultimatums aren't working! Lol! She just acts like I haven't said anything.

[crmills74 11]

I hope everyone makes out okay. After reading about the troubles some of you are having I'm kind of glad I have no family around other than hubby and grown kids. My hubby's worried about me but going along with it and my daughters are supportive.

I am keeping my surgery from my husband's family (all are very opinionated). My mother-in-law comes over on occasion but never comes in the house (hubby calls her the "drive-by grandma"). I think hiding it will be no problem! She thinks my husband working out and eating healthy is a fad and always asks when he's going to eat 'normal' again. Lol

Lol! I def don't want my mother-in-law to know. She's worse than my mom because she is an a passive-aggressive airhead. She never really talks to me, just kinda interrogates me about her son. Anyway, my in laws are very opinionated too. At least I know my mom is coming from love and concern.