Bad Day..

[sc_mama4 92]

I really don't know how much longer I can live in severe pain like this. Got up this morning and tried to drink got down my Protein smoothy but the pain has literally not lifted at all. I have hit such a bad point I'm now drinking wine to make it stop. I have neither quality or quantity of life left. Searched down Walgreens to see what script I have I could possibly get filled out of pocket and I have nothing. I have an appt tomorrow, but I'm not sure how its gonna go. If I didn't have children and an amazing guy holding me up y'all I'd give up and die I'm to that point. This really blows. I can't be admitted because I refuse to make ppl take time off work for me yet again. I feel like a burden on my boyfriends family(bc that's all I have now) and really sit and wonder when is my boyfriend going to say to hell with this shit and walk off. He's so terrified he's left work and drove home in the middle of the night to make sure I'm still breathing. I can't imagine the fear he has. I wanted a life from this surgery I didn't expect to make such a bad deal with the devil when I got on that table... really bad day. Whats sad is its beautiful out and I'm yet again on the couch. Seriously how much more can a human being take before they give up?

[worm2872 635]

I don't know what to say besides, prayers for you and I hope they can finally help you. I just wish I understood why we all react so differently to this process. I had a really bad scare early on but so far I have been pretty blessed, esp when I read your story. Again, you are in my thoughts. Let us know how your appointment goes. hugs!!

[sc_mama4 92]

Thanks

I know the complications vary its like I drew the really really well non existant small straw. A lot of people don't understand the severity of this pain. I honestly think if just one day I broke down screaming to the top of my lungs and verbally showing ppl how extreme this is they may understand. I doubt it they'd all think I was being melodramatic and a drama queen. ugh. I've all but gave up on Dr's to be honest.

[sc_mama4 92]

To add to this this is how bad Dr's are. Ok end of Oct 2012 I started having bad right lower belly cramping. Kept getting worse finally took myself to the ER after seeing urgent care 3 times. Told the ER doc I had been to urgent care was treated for gastrointeritis sent home. I said then i came to the ER bc you all can do u/sound etc. Well he does a pelvic us comes in says he seen Fluid and I had ruptured a ovarian cyst its now Nov 25. Then proceeds to lecture me for 30 minutes about narcotic pain medication and how they don't like treating "unknown" belly pain and giving out narcotic scripts. I went another week. It was going on 3 weeks I went back to my primary he had to FORCE the insurance to do a MRI they did it and found out my appendix had ruptured 3 weeks prior and the fluid the dr saw was actually my appendix. I spent 2 weeks in SICU and instead of lap surgery I had to be fully opened and had to wear a drain for a week. I had to have a private person pay for my antibiotics because they were so expensive. This is the shit I run into. I go in there in pain and get treated like I'm narcotic seeking. So, precisely why I don't even go to the ER.

[momlambert 77]

So, so sorry for all you are going through. I do hope you get answers tomorrow. Please keep us posted.

[sc_mama4 92]

Thank you. I do too. I'm going to really home in this pain needs to either a) be managed or surgically fixed. I am so scared of another surgery and its so bad I actually fight propofol. I'm seeing my neuroligist tomorrow and he's a great dr he actually listens to you and tryies to fix it. What's sad is my insurance wont pay for half my meds so I have to go out of pocket. I'm going to explain to him and see if he has any ideas on how to fix this issue.

[nairali 48]

What is the source of ur pain? What kind of pain? What do u think it is?

[sc_mama4 92]

The pain is random but it feels like when you swallow wrong and that sharp intense pain ..well that's the pain but mine doesn't end. Like now in fine. Then suddenly boom its back and I'm laid out rubbing my sternum. The pain is intense and unbearable.

[sc_mama4 92]

Forgot to add I'm about 95% sure its esophagus spasms but at this point Idk.

[nairali 48]

I was gonna say sounds like spasms!! Those ate the worst. I'm so sry u r going thru that. U just can't get comfortable.

Have u talked to docs about it? Maybe a muscle relaxer could help. If I drink too hot or cold I get them awful. Or if I do too much activity, cause I'm only 4 weeks out.

Let me know how it goes for you.

[sc_mama4 92]

Yeah tried a lot of meds valium muscle relaxers and the. Levisin..that worked and then stopped. Mine starts if I bear down or pick up something heavy or if I get upset...the mayo clinic said these can be a form of a panic attack. They are horrible to live with. When u swallow anyyhi g when ur hurting do u gag trying to get it down? I do and it makes it worse. Smh. Ugh.

[IChatman 24]

Reading this really scares me... My surgury is scheduled for the 23 of this month assuming I can get off. My Doctor is suppose to be a good one I pray I adjust fine to this New style

[sc_mama4 92]

Oh don't let it. Any surgery can result in complications surgery is surgery ya know. Especially when man starts reconstructing Gods work. . .being aware and educated can help prevent a lot and persistence.

[nairali 48]

Yeah tried a lot of meds valium muscle relaxers and the. Levisin..that worked and then stopped. Mine starts if I bear down or pick up something heavy or if I get upset...the mayo clinic said these can be a form of a panic attack. They are horrible to live with. When u swallow anyyhi g when ur hurting do u gag trying to get it down? I do and it makes it worse. Smh. Ugh.

Yes, I know what ur talking Bout. But I'm only 4 weeks out. I actually had this w my band. Have they done a test to c if u have a stricture or if ur new tummy has adhesions or has attached itself to something? Bc this is what was happening to me w the band and it had attached itself to my liver.

I'm just so sorry ur still dealing w it. I've suffered from panic attacks before and I can c how the two would b related.

[sc_mama4 92]

I'm up for a egd so I see that coming. What they find I have no clue. Hopefully its something that requires minimal invasion to my body bc major surgery is getting harder and harder to recover from. Got split wide open in Nov for a ruptured appendix that had hardened into a mass they had to cut out. . .I got pics of that ugly baby I birthed LOL. I was feeling better for the first time since before the appendix and now it's just one thing after another.