Feeling out of control :(((

[Olivereindeer 30]

Oh gosh, my date us April 23 and I wish it was tomorrow. The more I try to prepare by eating well and exercising the more my eating us out of control. I can't stop thinking about my surgery and food. Apart from eating terribly the feeling of having no control and gorging myself is so demeaning. I feel rather hopeless and stupid. I'm gaining weight rapidly. I will get to a psychologist this week but in so scared that I will sabotage myself even after the surgery. I know my anxiety levels are high at the moment but the negative thoughts are horrendous and my self esteem is very low.

Rani