First year down...

Alexandra · August 21, 2004

A year ago right now I was recovering from surgery, trying to explain to my girls why they couldn't jump on Mommy. I'd made the decision to take this step so I could be there for them, but in the short term I had to push them away. Hey, they got over it.

Things have always happened slowly in my life. I didn't learn to drive until I was 28, and got married at 33. My two children took their sweet time about coming, both at conception and delivery. (Can anyone say induced at 42 weeks? Twice? And in labor for 24 and 72 hours respectively??) It takes a long time for me to get numb in the dentist's chair and just as long for the feeling to come back.

So when it took almost a year for my fight with the insurance company to resolve, I found patience in my belief that things happen in their own good time. If Providence wanted me to wait so I could learn more in the interim, that's what I'd do.

This year has been exactly what I wanted. EXACTLY. I remember the giddy feeling of losing three and four pounds a week while fasting twelve years ago, and sure that was fun but it was never REAL. And it sure as hell wasn't permanent. What's happening now is a loss of a little more than 1 pound a week consistently for a whole year, and it's REAL. This pace is absolutely right for me, allowing my whole being to embrace the idea that my lifelong truth of being very obese may actually become a piece of history. Not tomorrow, but someday.

What I worried about the most before banding was whether I'd ever be able to feel "normal" -- would I always self-identify as a WLS patient? Would I have to make excuses, feel deprived, sit things out, sacrifice in order to accommodate the band in my body? The answer to that is a resounding NO, I'm happy to say. Sure, there's a learning curve that can be steep sometimes, but a year out finds me confidently handling whatever culinary obstacles life throws my way.

Now I'm sitting here recovering from another session with my personal trainer (I STILL can't believe it's me saying that), and pondering how I'm going to get in a workout over the next two weeks when the gym is closed. Huh? What happened to worrying about whether one box of fried chicken was enough for dinner?

All I've lost is the ability to gorge. And that ability isn't one I needed to have.

I. Love. My. Band. :(

Someday I'll figure out how to do a fancy side-by-side montage of before and after, but in the meantime anyone who's interested in my photos can check out this thread:

http://lapbandtalk.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=2681

La_madam · August 21, 2004

Job Well Done ALex!

You look amazing and you write such words of wisdom. I'm very happy for you . You are successful and thats all that matters! It doesnt matter how we get there or how long it takes us to get there or what we do along they way..as long as we get there ! You are proof of that. Congratulations to you on such a productive year of your mind body & spirit. You are beautiful!

New Hope · August 21, 2004

Yea, Alex!! I've also always had everything come slow. Our first son, 8 years after marriage, 2nd one 3 1/2 yrs. later -- both adopted and healthy. But maybe we appreciate things more - because they don't come easy and we don't take them for granted. I'm so happy for you!

hagerteresa · August 21, 2004

Alex, you have done a wonderful job! Your family is adorable and I am glad you are banded with us. My day isn't the same unless I see words of wisdom from you to other people. Best wishes, Teresa

Vera · August 21, 2004

I comend you for all you've been through

(Can anyone say induced at 42 weeks? Twice? And in labor for 24 and 72 hours respectively??) It takes a long time for me to get numb in the dentist's chair and just as long for the feeling to come back.

and I thought 32 hours was bad.

Would I have to make excuses, feel deprived, sit things out, sacrifice in order to accommodate the band in my body? The answer to that is a resounding NO, I'm happy to say.

Amen, I feel the same.

Thanks and Congratulations

Iluvharleys · August 21, 2004

I love reading your posts, and you have done an awsome job.

Betty

donali · August 21, 2004

Alex, you're wonderful.

I <3 U...

Bright · August 21, 2004

what a great perspective Alex, I love your one year story! I had to be induced at 42 weeks too, BOTH times so I'm with you on the waiting.... so proud for you - well done xx

Ps - I put the montage together for you - hope that's ok....

sassaay · August 21, 2004

Happy Anniversary Alex!

It is refreshing to read your post and to see how so much of what you have gained has been about your actions and emotions and not how much weight you have lost.

I think when the weight starts coming off it is easy to focus soley on that aspect of what the band has provided us, but I always take notice to your posts because they give me hope that I can learn so much more about myself as I continue on this journey.

I know that I struggle with head-hunger and wanting to use food to relieve stress, pain, tiredness, etc. But, reading insightful messages from you and others on this site (Donali, to name just one of the extraoridinary folks that spend time here)... I see hope and that is something I lived so many years without and didn't even realize it.

Thank you for sharing your jouney.

Alexandra · August 22, 2004

Bright, thank you so much!! I've grabbed that photo and saved it for posterity. How did you do it? I have lots of software but every time I start trying to figure it out it just starts looking like it will take forever so I give up. Is there some easy thing that I can use? Anyway, thanks so much!!

And thanks, everyone, for the pats on the back. I've read so many bandiversary messages from people who seem to be realizing new abilities and achievements and even new personalities. But when I sat down to think about it I really didn't have anything totally transformational on that level to share. I've been big so long that whatever effect it's had on my personality is probably permanent. And I won't be running any marathons anytime soon.

Of course, I'm not done yet. Who knows what sort of loudmouth smartass triathlete I might be at 200 lbs?

But one thing is new, as Anne pointed out, and it's hope. That's what I have now that I never had before.

The other thing I forgot to mention is that I now have a completely new appreciation for the Internet. It came to my aid when I was looking for an answer, and now I have real friends I may never meet face to face. We live in amazing times, people.

I for one am very appreciative of it and especially of all of you for being here. This is an amazing band of bandsters!!!

Bright · August 22, 2004

your welcome Alex! I just saved the pics, then cut and pasted them in a graphics (Micrografix Windows Draw) program on a blank A4 page, then saved the whole thing as a .jpg, cropped and resized it!

You look great side by side !

Audrey · August 22, 2004

i'm so proud of you !!

What an achievement ! brilliant !

Aud x

Janie Jackson · August 23, 2004

Hey Alex, Congratulations. I think you are doing great! I agree with Bright whole hearted. I allways feel inspired after reading your posts. The first time I ever posted you and Donali posted back to me and made me feel so much better. Thank you. It can be a little intimidating when you first post. One thing you have taught me is that this is a journey and I dont have to go so fast. Anyway THANK YOU! ...Janie