Husband problems

[enterprise01 0]

He was working 24 hours a week for three years and with just 12 more hours we could have pretty good Ins. So he relunctantly got another 12 hours added on and he is still mad at me that he has to work 12 extra hours a week. All in all it's really 36 hours a week(three 11 hour shifts a week and now we are covered.(my husband hates to work) well so do I but I work a full schedule and go to school....

Boo hoo. He has to work 36 hours a week. Let me get out my violin. Sorry, but this just makes me incredibly mad. I wish I could work ONLY 36 hours a week. Most people don't like work. That's why they call it work. If it were fun, it would be called fun. A normal work week for me is 80+ hours. January and February are the slow time of the year for my industry, so that's the only reason I could take time off for the surgery. A 36 hour work week would be part-time for me. I have no sympathy for your husband. He's lazy and self-centered.

[Alexandra 55]

Oh he is not physically abusive but goes for several days without talking to me when I have done something to make him mad, and most of the time I have no clue what set him off. I guess that since the health Ins and lapband are so important to me right now, he is using those as tools to punish me by threatening to pull the plug on my journey.

My ex-husband used to behave exactly the same way. Sweetie, there's a name for this. It's emotional abuse. You don't deserve this kind of treatment, and IMO he's sending you a strong, clear message that he doesn't really want to be married.

I hope you find some peace, before this situation goes on too much longer. No one deserves this sort of situation at home. Life doesn't have to be so negative.

[o2bthin 0]

I'm sorry for all your troubles Jainee. Your husband is very immature. You two do not need to have kids, that's for sure. I hope you can proceed forward with your surgery--that is for you. I would not trouble the waters with dh until that was accomplished. Find yourself a good network of support, because you will need it if you can't find it at home.

[Boo Boo Kitty 3]

My ex-husband used to behave exactly the same way. Sweetie, there's a name for this. It's emotional abuse. You don't deserve this kind of treatment, and IMO he's sending you a strong, clear message that he doesn't really want to be married.

I hope you find some peace, before this situation goes on too much longer. No one deserves this sort of situation at home. Life doesn't have to be so negative.

I agree with Alexandra. OR if he does want to be married he certainly doesn't want you to be equals.

[piercedqt78 658]

That's how it started with my ex, instead of not talking to me he would go to the bars (I was under 21 and he was 23) and stay out until 3 or 4 in the morning. Then tell me it was my fault he didn't want to be/stay home. I invested a huge amount of money in opening a business that was his dream, after 2 years, he decided I was not supporting his dream enough and closed the business (refused to sell it, or contuine to work there until I could sell it). I lost $25,000 but learned a very strong lesson. I had to love myself enough to not take the mental/emotional abuse anymore. I am sorry that things are not smooth for you right now. I hope you are able to make some kind of resolution and find peace in your life. ~Mandy

[paladin 0]

You should be entitled to COBRA benefits. I'd check on that directly with the insurance carrier. The next time he brings it up, tell him you'll still have coverage regardless of what he decides to do. Let him make the call. He'll be forced to let it go or think of thing else. You deserved to be be cherished and treasured....not threatened and abused. Keep your spirits up and good luck!

[Shellybeans 0]

By taking you off of his insurance he has bigger issues to worry about. If something major happens to you, who ends up being responsible for the bills? Both of you. In California, community property state, means even if the bill is in your name, if you are not able to pay, he will be looked to for payment. He better rethink his threats and what they could cost him.

[Alexandra 55]

You should be entitled to COBRA benefits. I'd check on that directly with the insurance carrier. The next time he brings it up, tell him you'll still have coverage regardless of what he decides to do. Let him make the call. He'll be forced to let it go or think of thing else. You deserved to be be cherished and treasured....not threatened and abused. Keep your spirits up and good luck!

She would only be entitled to benefits under COBRA if there were a divorce. Simply being taken off a spouse's policy gives her no rights at all.

[paladin 0]

You know, I think your right. We recently considered an application for COBRA and I remember seeing the word "divorce". It's worth a phone call nonetheless. Janiee, I hope you can get resolution and find peace.

[janiee 0]

Hmmm...

What is your self-respect worth?

Lap-Bands can be had for around 12-14K and financing is available. :nervous

Seriously, though, this is a choice only you can make. Just do what's right for you.

Truly, best wishes.

Ya know Cascadian, I really want to thank you for this response. I don't have much in my life, but I do have self respect.

At this point in my life, I would rather not have to kiss my husbands ass just to remain on his health ins. I am planning to file for divorice next week and ask one of the hospitals where I work, if they could find more hours for me and make me a full time employee instead of an outside contractor.

I am determined to get the surgery and nothing is going to prevent me from moving along.

I also want to thank everyone who perticipated in this thread and gave me some real things to think about. You people are best!!!

Thank You, Janiee:)

[TheCascadian 1]

Janiee,

You're welcome. I wish you the very best in this difficult time. You deserve to have a happy, healthy life. We all do, in fact.

[Boo Boo Kitty 3]

Ya know Cascadian, I really want to thank you for this response. I don't have much in my life, but I do have self respect.

At this point in my life, I would rather not have to kiss my husbands ass just to remain on his health ins. I am planning to file for divorice next week and ask one of the hospitals where I work, if they could find more hours for me and make me a full time employee instead of an outside contractor.

I am determined to get the surgery and nothing is going to prevent me from moving along.

I also want to thank everyone who perticipated in this thread and gave me some real things to think about. You people are best!!!

Thank You, Janiee

Janiee:)

Best of luck to you sweetie! I hope that you find all the happiness life has to offer you!

[jennikate 0]

I wish you the best of luck! Your life reminds me of my mom's first dh. He was emotionally abusive-didn't work for long stretches, didn't speak for long stretches, drove by my mom walking with my sister in the winter, etc. And it got worse and worse as the years passed. My mom stayed because of my sister but as soon as she was grown, my mom left. My sister didn't appreciate it-that's for sure. Thank God you don't have any kids with this man. Again, good luck and stay strong.

[AngelaT 2]

Ya know Cascadian, I really want to thank you for this response. I don't have much in my life, but I do have self respect.

At this point in my life, I would rather not have to kiss my husbands ass just to remain on his health ins. I am planning to file for divorice next week and ask one of the hospitals where I work, if they could find more hours for me and make me a full time employee instead of an outside contractor.

I am determined to get the surgery and nothing is going to prevent me from moving along.

I also want to thank everyone who perticipated in this thread and gave me some real things to think about. You people are best!!!

Thank You, Janiee:)

Good luck...I think you made the right decision...you DESERVE to be treated with love and respect. BIG step to not take emotional abuse any longer. You are a wonderful human being... go get that surgery. You will also find that not being in a Toxic relationship will change the way you feel about food...

[MarySue33 0]

I'm an HR Director and I know benefit laws and regs inside and out. Typically, the ONLY time one can change a dependent on his or her group coverage is during open enrollment or if there is a qualifying event (divorce counts -- him being an @ssh@!e does not count as a qualifying event).

If you are seriously concerned about this, though, call the insurance company for peace of mind (I would call them and not the employer) and find out for yourself, but I think that you will find that he cannot do a thing until the next open enrollment. Even then, you would still qualify for COBRA coverage if he drops you at the open enrollment period. Yes...COBRA is not cheap, but it is probably still a whole lot cheaper than self-pay.

Feel free to PM me if you have any additional questions.

I think I was married to his twin bother, BTW...the best thing I ever did was to divorce the SOB.

Mary