Even super beautiful and/or SKINNY people are incredibly insecure...yup...and those people kept me from exploring here...but no more...surgery SOON

[douchewafflebear 160]

And seriously folks - THIS isn’t about vanity - I ROCK my thunder thighs and big ass and budda belly - SERIOUSLY - I’m quite positively the most confident thick girl you will ever meet -

I’m in an industry where I have a laundry list of clients (clearly can’t “name") who even at the “ideal” size and are completely delusionally insecure. IDEAL - which varies all over the spectrum - has as many insecurities as the overweight - the too skinny - the fill in the blank - we all have an idea in our mind of what makes us beautiful - if we didn’t I don’t know what I’d be doing for a living - but I digress...That perfect size 2 little girl - who seriously can’t see her perfection in the mirror - she prevented me from doing any WLS research years ago... I’ve said it - some beautiful people out there are insecure - there is always something. - I’ll get a size 2 client and she will be all sincerely insecure about this or that - and I’m thinking girl I have ONE thigh that weighs more than your boney tushie...AND I rock it. On the other hand I’ve had clients who have been thick - even very thick - and exude an addictive confidence and sincerity that you just want to be near and emulate...there was no rush - always thought I’d fix this on my own time - until last summer...

Don’t even get me started about the young girls and the muffin tops - been hiding my “muffin top” since 1974 and proud of hiding it. Never would I intentionally pull down my drawers and show that sh** - no one wants to see it - SO PULL YOUR PANTS UP PEOPLE

I’m Chicago and very sarcastic - lived a life that positioned me to be on the defensive - and even with my weight I’ve always come out and made fun of myself before anyone else can...I am confident and beautiful - I KNOW THAT - at the end of the day - my confidence doesn’t erase the quiet shame I feel - how the co-morbidities will kill me many years before I’m ready to leave this earth - and how I’m selfishly doing this for me - not for society - not for the cameras or the people I live among - I’m doing this for me and for once in my life I don’t care what the scale says - in 18-24 months I will have hit my lowest - I’ll probably see a 15-20% bounce - and I’ll figure out what my ideal - did you see that MY IDEAL is - and it maybe something I had no idea I could do...

I’m ready for this party to get started - ready to move from the shame and to the complete woman I have always been - last summer was brutal - hot and moist and horribly painful - my kiddo’s begged to go for walks or bike rides or beaches or pools and I just didn’t have the energy - I can’t live another season on my couch - I can’t spend another decade on a computer - and I can’t afford to spend anymore time messing with 8-10 meds that make me look like I’m “healthy” on a medical exam... from this note to God’s ears (he has always been in charge) I can’t wait to see what’s in store for me - for us - all of us here...

thanks for stopping by.