Shrinking Violets -- April 07 Bandsters

[Teachlady 3]

Good morning all you Shrinkin Violets!!!

Hope everyone will have a great day today and think, think, think about those bandster rules.

It looks like now instead of looking forward and counting down to surgeries, we all will be looking forward to and counting down to our first fill!! Whoever is first has to report in right away with, like Sara said.. ALL the details!!

[TracyinKS 7]

Good morning Violets....... boy oh boy do I have a story to tell........

yesterday you may remember that I was very hungry all day at work, my egg drop Soup did not hold me.

I went to the store after work to pick up some odds and ends.. cottage cheese, sour cream, eggs, grated cheese... etc...

I was set to have refried Beans for dinner....... so I combined in a bowl, refried beans, sour cream, taco sauce, grated cheese...... metled in the microwave til down right soupy....... I added to much sour cream so I wasn't all that happy with the taste but I did manage to eat about half of it...... but to get the nasty taste out of my mouth I watered down some SF pudding with calorie countdown milk and ONE tablespoon of Peanut Butter icecream....... I stirred till a chocolatey soup and ate.......

THE PAIN, THE PAIN, THE PAIN :target: ......... to much, to fast, to rich, My little Billy the Bad Ass Band (Kat ref) Knocked me FLAT on my BACK FOR the ENTIRE NIGHT!!!!!!!!!!! I ate at 5:00 p.m. and by 9:00 p.m. I had the WORST (TMI) "squirts" and it still didn't relieve the pain...... I didn't feel like PB'ng because everything I ate was a soupy consistancy.. but it was like my entire "inards" were full to the seems..... finally at 9:30 p.m. I took some of my pain meds and by 11:00 it had relieved somewhat........

DBF was telling me that I shouldn't do that to myself....... (I wanted to throw something at him) LIKE I DON"T KNOW THIS FACT! and he thought I was funny laying there moaning then I got the hiccups..... Maybe I can't do beans.... I am better today except I am STICKING TO SOUP!

HOURS and HOURS of Pain.............. Nothing like a little fear to keep me on the straight and narrow.

[mdrai 3]

OMG, Tracy! That sounds awful... a hard way to learn a lesson... but you know we'll all probably end up with a story like that... a little wake-up call from, what did you call it, "Little Billy Bad Ass Band"??? ROFLMAO! I hope you're feeling better this morning! Maybe putting some unflavored Protein Powder in the Soup would give it more "staying" power?? <shrug>

Whoever wrote about the "reverse anorexia" (sorry, the viewer thingy doesn't go back that far and I have too little time to go back)... I have ALWAYS felt that, but never knew that it was an actual medical term or condition! WOW! I've been aware of it for YEARS... that the me I see in the mirror does not reflect reality... that I'm WAAAAY bigger than I think. Wow.

Lots of extra RL BS going on right now (we ALL have that, I know) led me to eating 2 slices of pizza last night & some (4 or 5) hot wings. Wow. Look at that sentence. Where is my responsibility, control? This is exactly the type of situation that I need to learn to deal with -- and fast! -- before being banded. What if I had yesterday's day on July 1 instead of May 1... I'll be banded, so then what? Scarfing down all that won't be an option... it just physically won't. So what will I do instead? How will I "let the stress out" or calm myself down (because honestly, the act of "attacking" a big 'ol pizza pie is great for that... I start out w/big, fast bites, bit chews, lots of jaw work... then I start slowing down... feeling the anesthetic effects of the carbs as they kick in... get slower... then stop and aaaaahhhhh... all better) post-band? What will get me to that place of "Ok, I feel better now, I can keep on going/dealing w/life... c'mon, give me something to tackle! These are the kinds of behaviors/thoughts/routines that have gotten me here, and these are the things I am trying to work through NOW, so I'll have some strategies up my sleeve for when this hits. And it will! Truly, sometimes I think that the first time I'm in this situation post-band, I imagine myself just curled up on the floor crying in frustration! ... and maybe that's ok! (Just not sure if it's frustration w/the situation or w/not being able to solve it w/pizza!)

Sorry to go on... just trying to work out some thoughts here. And I know I've touched on this topic in the past... and received some good suggestions... the cleaning/organizing, or going on a walk, etc... which ARE good... but in the "it's dinner and I've got to eat and I'm dealing with ___ (add your own crap here)"... it's still a challenge. What are you gals who are post-band doing when you find yourself in this type of situation?

But, I'm right on track today... 6 days 'til I meet w/my surgeon. Yay. Focus!

[TracyinKS 7]

Michelle: Don't sweat it!!! Remember my sewer line problem a few weeks ago........Well, I too indulged in pizza......your doing good to get back on track today.

I am currently nibbling on a sf pudding... I'm talking less than baby bites..... LOL.......

[mdrai 3]

Careful there Tracy... don't want another "squirting" incident! :target:

[TracyinKS 7]

LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Don't I know it!

I've been nibbling on it for an hour NOW! LOL

[Jennifur 0]

Tracy, I did the same thing with Water last week when I was still on Clear Liquids, I wanted to die. From chugging water. I can now drink water a bit faster than I was but carefull not to ever feel that way again.

[kity 2]

Hey Violets-

Tracy- My guess is that you probably got sick from the hot sour cream. I have in the past (similar symptoms) from just that. A suggestion: I buy the veggitarian Beans (less animal fats). And just add the sour cream after it is already heated. I'd hate to see you give up on beans, it has been my staple. Or the ice cream, after being on liquids for soooo long, your body just probably said, "what the #$%^".

We all learn as we go. HERE IS MY AHA MOMENT FROM YESTERDAY. I went to the drugstore, where BLB I would always buy a candy bar. Well, I thought I would buy some SF candy, choc. covered peanuts. So as I was driving, (DID I NOT LEARN ANYTHING FROM MONDAY???) I ate the whole bag. My first thought, "I hope I don't get sick". Well right during American Idol, guess where I was...yep, on the potty, trying to listen from the bathroom. Man o Man...will I ever learn. It said SF, but what are sugar alcohols...and why do they give you the "squirts" (thanks Tracy) when you EAT THE WHOLE BAG??? I was pissed that I missed most of the show!

Have a good day ladies (and gents). I have also not exercised since last week...oooooo man...what happened to me. my poor charm braclet is soooo lonely w/ one sad charm on it. I NEED A FILL!!!!!

[wolfmaydn 0]

I was just banded on April 30, 2007. I have so many anxieties about getting enought Protein, Water, Vitamins, Calcium. So far it has been ok, the worst was in the hospital, i had gas and was just too uncomfortable. I think the strangest feeling is that my stomach (the top half) feels full all the time and the bottom half feels hungry. I wonder if this is normal? I look forward to sharing my experiences and reading all the different advised.

[Daisalana 33]

adorable- just wanted to say, 90% of my restriction is gone at this point, so it's hell until my first fill.. but I eat split pea Soup (Campbell's), I scoop out half the can and add water.. and eating the bowl fills me up. I would guess you're not much restricted if you're able to eat that and cottage cheese (or do you mix it?).

Hope everyone's having a good day! A co-worker brought me some carnation instant Breakfast (we had a talk about it yesterday), so I might try that today for lunch. We have our frame walk-through for our house today! If we approve everything, they move forward and put up the sheetrock, etc. I can't wait to mooooove.

[lunasa 1]

Hello all..xx

Sara Mos...don't be ashamed you are back on the cigarettes!! You got a band not a sainthood!! LOL ( easily know I'm a smoker too!)

This reminds me of something...let me share.

While my weight was creeping back up the scale the last time I was beside myself with frustration. In my innocence i decided to wage an unholy war on myself & sign up to a programme that combined a diet & excercise regime. I am not a fan of excercise as I have melted into my brains association with being overweight. AND I hate to feel myself wobble on the threadmill..

Anyway, I arrive at the gym and am assigned my trainer who was kinda of on a no winner with me anyway as I really (in hindsight) did not want to be there. To add to his loosing streak he was a STAUNCH anti-smoker & on reviewing my file decided to lecture me about how they were going to kill me etc... Ya I know, I know I said and that's a whole other show I said, I am here to loose this weight and quitting smoking is not part of the plan...this said through gritted teeth in my continuing frustration with the thought of being on cardio machines for the next hour! Well, as he rabbitted on at me I began to get very angry & finally let him have it with.. "well I'd rather die from smoking than die of fatness!!! At least nobody will collapse under the weight of the coffin!!"

Needless to say the hour did not transpire & my self and the pure & clean Mr Muscle ended our short relationship there & then with me forfeiting my payment & me leaving very angry & upset & hating him & his vegan mentality.

Now I secretly knew it was more than just him that bothered me..It was the fact that I was in ANOTHER programme AGAIN feeling my ass wobble around me AGAIN...after having lost that ass AGAIN only to let it back into my life AGAIN...I was at my wits end AGAIN.

But my outburst wouldn't leave me..I couldn't stop it ringing in my ears, what I had said in my anger & frustration, it was actually true! I wasn't concerned with the fact that cigarettes were slowly killing me, I was more concerned that I was unpleasing to the eye & that was the ultimate issue.

How vain am I?

There I was choosing to poison my insides but was selective in how I went about it! I wasn't bothered about my insides, I just wanted to look good on the outside. My reasoning being that sure smoking is bad for me, it'll make me old before my time, my mouth will shrivel & I'll prob get a horrible disease BUT gradually...not now. I am fat right now & that bothers me!

I began to question my motivation...why am I wanting to loose weight anyway? I had filled out that form ticking off "to be Healthy" as a reason & now here I am in all honesty not really concerned with being healthy as I have no intention of giving up the smokes & if that really was the motivation, would that not have been just as urgent? No I just wanted to look good so I could feel good.

BUT when I weighed 148 lbs...I didn't feel good either. I just clung in there for dear life, because I didn't answer the ultimate question.

WHAT DO I WANT? SPECIFICALLY?

No I wanted to loose weight because I hated being fat. That's negative motivation..it was strong alright, but only as strong as my self hatred & that just was not enough. I had to get rid of the anger & so I realised that I would never achieve anything if all I had to depend on was anger.

Einstein once said that 95% of any probelm lies in asking the right question.

What does that mean for us? Well it means we may not know what we are doing. We may just be (excuse the expression) pissing in the wind.

Think about this..I have no doubts that I can loose weight...I am the best & most successful dieter I know...NOBODY i know has achieved what I have..You are all prob the best dieters you know too! Who else do you know who has lost as much weight as you have in your lifetime? The problem is not one of willpower, but the fact that we are all just stuck in our patterns like robots that have been programmed to know no others way of functioning!

By the sounds of things some of you are the only ones in your offices to walk past the doughnuts & buffets of shit, or cooking healthy meals at home, or campaigning for healthy choices from vending machines. Who else do you know who committs them selves as much as you all do? Who go online to check nutritional information? Willpower can only do so much and yet we float around confusing ourselves by finding ourselves in the local drive thru's, ice cream parlours, sitting over cheesecake , smoking & drinking and doing all the things we though we had established as the enemy and turned our back on!!!

Cheesecake is prob not the problem, your will is not weak either. Your will can onky work so hard when it is not informed as to what it is it's working for.

So ask yourself what IS IT you want, be specific. Running away from fatness only trains your perspective to remain in that state of mind & you will become so magnetised to it, it will enevitably become your only outcome. It will become your life...

Don't blame your will, but challenge yourself to find questions, get to the bottom of your motivation to find out if it is running on fear.

[TracyinKS 7]

Pamela: SF candy is a big NO NO for me!!!!!! 2 pcs will send me RUNNING to the bathroom! I can not imagine eating an entire BAG.. OMG! Now I feel sorry for you!

Welcome Wolfmaydn!!!!!!!!!!!!! I will add you to our list (Post #2 of this thread) How did your surgery go? How long are you on liquids? When do you get to go to mushies?

I FORGOT to mention that I had a major NSV today......... I was feeling thinner this morning so I tried on jeans..........(I have sized 22 - 10 ) in my closet the smaller the size the higher up in the closet they are.....

drum roll.......... I was able to button AND zip WITHOUT laying on the bed 2 pairs of size 16's........ (now, before you all FREAK and say size 16!!!!.. I will preface with...... they are stretchy and WOMENS 16's and mid rise....... but YAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOO!

I out grew these jeans last fall, and now I'll be wearing them to Branson MO next week (Adult weekend).. Can I get a "Hell Ya!!!!"

[Daisalana 33]

Lunasa- Wow! What a great post!!

I'm a smoker, and for me, smoking isn't holding me back right now. My weight is. My weight makes it too painful to walk for long, my weight gives me aches and pains, and makes me worry about the future. I am changing my weight. I smoke, but thus far, smoking has not caused me any grief. If anything, during my dieting life, smoking kept me sane! If I got hungry and wanted to go out of control, a cigarette was there for me. I do plan to quit smoking when I feel there is a consequence. Kids. In about 2 years we plan to start our family, and I will quit smoking. Because I'll have the motivation and want. For now, I don't.

I HATE doctors that shove quit smoking down my throat. It's not like I woke up not knowing the risks of smoking. They give lectures of everything I already know, and it feels like a waste of my time. Nothing is going to 'click'. I already have my stop date in mind and it will happen. I WILL do it then. But being a smoker that has tried to quit before, I know you have to WANT to quit smoking, and the bottom line is I do NOT want to quit right now. Your post made me grin because, if I was there at the gym I would have done the exact same thing. I would have gotten pissed off and told him his job wasn't to convince me to stop smoking, it was to help me lose weight. I know you were going somewhere else with the thread, but that was entertaining to me at least!!

[Daisalana 33]

Kity- Oh just to fill you in about SF candy. They're sweetened with a laxative!!!! That's the sugar alcohols, normally in the form of melatol (sp). But it says on the bag- causes a laxative effect. I did this once, ate a whole bag of SF gummi bears, and lived on the toilet for the night. I tested my limits since then, and found (I prefer the Russell Stover's Net Carb SF candies) and I can eat 2-4 pieces of the coconut mini bites before getting the laxative effect. Poor thing, but I have to say IMO you didn't miss much on AI. Bon Jovi week wasn't good to the ladies.

[Sara Mos 0]

Wooohaaa Lunasa,

You hit the nail right on the head there Mrs!!

Snap....

I hate being fat too, and I hate the 'thought' of others seeing me as a fat slobby person' AND IM NOT....but I feel that my body portrays me as this type of person, psychologically.

And you know what, I am NOT going to let my fat beat me....jeepers kreepers....how many people are there, that diet for 20+ years, have over 15 diet books.....and go through surgery.....I am not gonna 'piss in the wind' anymore with my life....Lunasa...this is the year I am going to decide what I want !!!

BUT....its hard....not physically, but mentally. I mean I have several areas I need to crack:

1. Weight....started on the journey

2. Exercise....started but I have to conquor the commitment

3. Smoking....(I feel like this is becoming an eternal yoyo diet senario) I have given up over 8 or so times....I have to find the door to get out of the loop..

4. Work....I need a job that stretches my brain, BUT that doesnt leave me feeling that 'I live to work'....and continually work away from home....this is another 'biggie' for me....

If I can get those 4 areas of my life as 'I want them' to be then I feel I will have reached a 'balance' in my life.....

So whats yours folks????

:thumb: Sara x