Shrinking Violets -- April 07 Bandsters

[TracyinKS 7]

GOOD MORNING!!!!!!!!!

I need to catch up on posts.. but

TRACYK.. LOVE THE NEW AVATAR and hair cut!

DS had his 4th birthday yesterday it was a long fun day including ice skating and a party at my sisters... here are a couple quick pics.

I duded myself all up in a newish shirt, product in my hair.. BLACK size 16 levis.... It was the first time several in my family have seen me NOT wear a pony tail and 2x sloppy tshirt...... I felt like I looked good.

and

[mdrai 3]

Just back from another 8a soccer game... phew! Now it'll be "get ready for school" day -- yay!

TracyKS, those pics are great -- you DO look great! I can see confidence & happiness shining from you! & ds is adorable!

Make it a great day, everyone!

[kity 2]

Tracy, You look great! I have got to learn to get my pix from the camera to puter. The only one I can figure out is from my cell phone! Great pic!!

[Kat817 19]

Tracy Darlin' take just a minute and look at your pictures....compare the new one of you & DF with your starting 272# pic---the difference is astonishing!!! What a wonderful job you have done. And that little guy is way too cute for his own good! He is SSSSOOOOO cute!!!

Jenn---If you would hunt up similar pictures and put them side by side, I am sure your new true size would begin sinking in. When I posted mine last week on here, it made me cringe---but for some reason, when I know others are seeing them, it makes me look at them in another light, and I see the change more clearly.

As for meeting and getting in with a new crowd. The way to do it, is the same way it always has been. Smile, find common ground ---What do YOU ride?---being bikers----Did you make it to Sturgis this year?---any conversation starter---then just keep in touch. You have so much to offer, they will see it, even if you aren't fully seeing it yet. And if they have ANY responsibility, they will also notice the 1 drink and out of there. The bikers we know fall into 2 categories, those that either do not drink, even in a bar, or limit it to 1 drink....and those that drink non stop all the time. Guess which ones we avoid!!! DH is not a tee totaler---but if we are on the bike, he has no more than a beer with dinner. If we are not eating, he does not even have the one beer. Our friends we ride with, he is a tough sell, he would drink beer like Water all day if you let him. But he knows we will not ride with him, if he is drinking...so he chooses to ride!

We have a rally in SW Colorado this coming weekend. If my Dad gets good news, or gets scheduled for a later date when we take him to ABQ on Friday, then we will go up to the rally for Sat. & Sun. Then we want to take a couple of desert trips later this season, when it is a bit cooler. Hit the Grand Canyon again, and maybe Arches National Park.

Laura--sounds like you and your siser are quite different! She is so young---when you are that age it seems like everything has to be done TODAY!!!!

I cannot believe you forgot DH's birthday! Girl you better have been reaally nice to him!!! LMAO!!!

Well I am off to get dressed, yep it is after 10, and here I still sit! It is time to go pick veggies---will the fun ever stop!

Will check in with you Vunderful Violets in awhile!

Kat

[Daisalana 33]

Judy- Welcome back, we missed you!!

Tracy- What a cute pic, and wowee,look at the chins you lost and that cute angle to your chin now!! I'm jealous :confused:

[TracyK 3]

<p>Glad to hear that you had fun Judy!! Welcome back!!</p> <p> </p> <p>TracyKS-love the pic....you are so pretty!! You and your df make a geat looking couple!! Not to mention your son is precious!</p>

[kity 2]

Kat, the trunk sounds sooo fun. I collect antiques, and I have a few nice pieces. The goodies inside are fun I bet. I still love to play dress up!

[TracyK 3]

Pamela-Thanks for the BB 'spoiler'.....like I was gonna be able to skip over it, yeah RIGHT!! LOL

But even if it is true, those are the 2 that I figured she would put up for eviction. Gonna be interesting to see who america told Eric to try to get nominated....probably Amber. I hope so anyway. By the way...if Jen actually goes to the sequester house, I will be very surprised. I guess it depends on how bad she wants to continue to be on TV. :confused:

Everyone have a good evening!!

[adorable 1]

Ugh, well I see that I still want to eat when I'm upset or have had a bad day...good thing I'm tracking my food or I would have sabotaged myself today.

I had to make my adult daughter move out today...breaks my heart because I see her going down such a rough road. We've done the in-patient rehab thing and she did so well, gets out and starts hanging with the group she went to the program with and starts drinking again. I've enabled her long enough, it's time she stand on her own two feet...but it still hurts to do it....:rain:

[kity 2]

Denise~ Sending you a cyber hug during your hard time. I can't imagine what your going through, but...I can offer support and friendship during this time!

[Daisalana 33]

denise- I know I'm young, so it sounds silly, but from the outside looking in (at my older brother vs. my parents) in a similar situation, kicking them out seems to be the only thing to do...they kept taking him back for about 7 years, till they *finally* had enough.. and low and behold he had no where to go and cleaned up his act (relatively). And now my DH's family going through the same thing with his younger (but adult) brothers.

I know it must be hard, sending my cyber hugs to you! (hugsssss)

[Ms Jen 1]

Ugh, well I see that I still want to eat when I'm upset or have had a bad day...good thing I'm tracking my food or I would have sabotaged myself today.

I had to make my adult daughter move out today...breaks my heart because I see her going down such a rough road. We've done the in-patient rehab thing and she did so well, gets out and starts hanging with the group she went to the program with and starts drinking again. I've enabled her long enough, it's time she stand on her own two feet...but it still hurts to do it....:rain:

:girl_hug::girl_hug:

I've been there, but with my sister. Tough love is hardest on the person showing the love. But you can't make grown folks do! The last time I did for my sister, took her daughter to my mother, packed up her apartment and she went into a home. Told the workers there to tell here when she was sober that if she comes out this time and doesn't stay clean to forget that she has a sister and that, Yes, even though it would kill me, I'd let here daughter go into the system. She had 3 months to get it together while in rehab and that was it.

She came out clean had a few problems but wouldn't come to me because I meant it!!

Then a few years later I moved to Missouri and she had to stand on her own two feet as I was the only one in the family who truely knew what her life was like. For some strange reason she could always get a well paying job (types over 100 wpm) and kept her daughter in private school with a little help from family.

She is 10 years clean. Makes all AA meetings wherever she is and evens works the crisis hot line. She is also going to school to get her BA.< /p>

Her daughter graduated for high school as valedictorian, got married, had a baby and is now pre-med and is 20 yrs old now. Things can turn around only if they want to but it has to be them. You have to be tough and cut her loose show her love and perhaps you can go to a few AA meetings without her. It is a real eye opener, at least it was for me, to hear what’s going on in their heads and what their true needs are.

I had the opportunity to take an addict to her meetings for several months. Things that we take for granted are hard for some of them. One guy had been clean for a few months and got a job. It was his first paycheck and he couldn’t go to work for fear that if he had the money he might go straight to the drug house or do what ever his addiction of choice was. Something we would look forward to was a demon for him.

One woman had been clean and sober for several years and something like her 8-year anniversary being clean came and no one in her family acknowledge it and it sent her immediately into a funk, Her children were being children that day and she was there at the meeting trying hard not to do her addiction of choice.

One person state that the high for a crack addict starts the second they seen the dealer. The high starts then, with the anticipation of the drug. (I never knew that).

It is a must, to change “people, places and things” because anything can start the downward spiral.

It changed the way I looked at things in connection with addicts/alcoholics. In some strange way I can relate with my addition to food. I had to change the exit on the highway so as not to go to my favorite donut shop in the beginning and not go down certain isles at the store or anywhere near certain people where food was an issue be cause the cravings would start. Food, my drug of choice.

All that to say show tough love, commend when you see achievements … and…pray not only for her to be strong but also for yourself.

Hang in there!!!

[Kat817 19]

Denise, I am so sorry you are going through such turmoil. I have dealt with alcohol issues with my ex husband, and with my brother, but never with a child---which would be the most difficult without question. Our son had a brief but scary as hell brush with meth---it put a wedge between he & his Dad, it was a really difficult time, I am so glad it is long behind us, and hope yours too will improve quickly and be nothing but a bad memory. (((((Big giant Hugs))))) to you--please know you can come here, or PM me anytime, I'll send you my home # ---that goes for any of you---if you just need to talk to someone not so closely involved. We do care about you and what you are trying to deal with.

I am tired, picked black eyed peas....about 2 bushels full, and spent the next several hours shelling them, my MIL will can them tomorrow. I guess I will go out each day and try to get something done, they are frantic with the garden, he has 2 fields of hay cut, which got rained on tonight, so it will have to be turned to dry, before baling. They have cucumbers ready to pickle, green Beans ready to pick & snap, and corn ready to cut, and deal with---lots to be done....right when the person responsible for them having such a huge garden...is gone! If you guys were close, I'd be dropping squash and tomatoes off on your porches!!! I guess I will make salsa, whether I really want to or not!!!

Being in the garden with the corn tasseling has my allergies torn up---I am going to get a cool rag for my eyes, and go to bed.

Will catch up with you guys in the morning!

Night!

Kat

[Jennifur 0]

Night all, just getting in from work and checking in. I'm going to get up in the am and go to the gym. going to try to get my time in this week.

Denise. I'm so sorry to hear what you are dealing with. I can't even imagine but send you good thoughts.

[adorable 1]

I was upset when I made her leave...she's 24 and I've been dealing with her drug/alcohol abuse since she was 17. She's done a few outpatient rehabs and was kicked out for using. Then she just completed a 6 month live-in program, in which she graduated in May of this year. She got out, found a job, got her license back (she had a DUI March 2006 which is the only time she's been in trouble). Now she's hanging with some of the girls that graduated with her and they're all using or drinking. She's been clean off the meth for 11 months, but continues to drink.

When I found out today that she had been drinking (and driving the car that I bought for her), I finally said enough is enough. I told her that if she wanted to live that lifestyle to go stay with her friends that she's partying with. She said "I'm 24 and if I want to have a beer or whatever on my day off I can". I said great, do it without my help then. I don't want you to call me, contact me or have anything to do with me until you straighten your shit up and want something more for your life. Until then pretend that I'm dead.

Now I feel like shit for saying that...but I truly think that the only way she's going to snap out of this, IF she will snap out of it, is if I cut her off 100%....we're very very close and hopefully it will hurt her as much as it's hurting me. Maybe then she'll see what she's doing to her and to her family...maybe not. We'll see....either way I can't stand here every day and watch her drink her life away. It makes me sick to look at her when she's slurring her words and being clumsy because she's drunk. I called and turned off her cell phone (I was paying for it), and tomorrow I'm taking her car off my insurance. Before she left I told her to make sure this is what she wanted to do because once I take her car off, she won't be able to drive. She'll lose her license (she has to have insurance and an SR22 for 3 yrs from the DUI or lose her license again), she won't be able to register her car again in February without insurance, and if she gets pulled over, they'll impound her car. She's only working part-time and no way can she afford gas, cigs, insurance on her car, food, etc without some help. But she still chose to leave....I just can't help her anymore until she really, really truly wants the help for herself....

It feels like I'm watching her die in front of my eyes and it's killing me....

Thanks for everyone's cyber hugs and wishes....