Shrinking Violets -- April 07 Bandsters

[lunasa 1]

Hello ladies in tights!!!

Thank God this is not a skype situation or we might not find it so funny! LOL

Anyway, first of all Terri- I got off my Ass last night intending to go walking & asked DH would he come with me, but he didn't want to walk so I suggested he give me a tennis lesson instead (he's a member & quite good) So we went to the court & knocked the balls around for about an hour!!

I felt great after it...big red face n all!! I met someone afterwards who thought I was sunburnt!! LOL

(poor thing, not so bright, it had been raining all day!!)

So, hence my first bit of physical movement since ages!! I'll have another go at something tonight.

TracyInks...That's a dilemma you got on your hands there. I would prob say no. I know you cannot protect him from his bio & extended family for life, but for now you can. A young mind will ponder so much more than we can remember doing!! and for him to start confusing issues, identities and picking up on conflict could generate feelings he won't know how to translate and instead he could lodge them and grow insecure in his own little way, not knowing why.

Innocence is so precious, and I'd let him have his for as long as you can without loosing your own piece of mind!!

No one knows a child like a mother Tracy & you will do what's best for your son no matter what you decide as you will know how & when to handle this. I do know that my own insecurities stem from my childhood, and I was stressing in my own little world, before I even knew what stress and insecurity was!! As children we do try to make sense of the world around us & fit in & be accepted before we have the tools to know why if & how we should.

Love is the most important thing for a child, and if you feel he won't get that from the others in question, then that is where your decision could ultimately lie? For now anyway. There is obvious conflict from the email sender in her relationship and as someone above stated, that is a red flag.

Also, remember, you are loving yourself now too. So are YOU ready to take this on? What's best for you?? Remember to put yourSELF in this equation too..xx You deserve a priority in consideration too!!

I wish you strength, Serenity, courage & wisdom in your decision..xx

[Jennifur 0]

Terry

dbf and I have been trying, but the thing is we are not in the same place, as we never seem to be for 17 years, now he can't commit and for the first time ever, I want to settle down, my wild roots are starting to want to be planted in the ground. He won't commit, and won't let me go. I don't want a relationship with the friend, or anything at all, but a friend and guild consumes me to even be friends with someone, but since my true friends have bailed on me because "I am not acting like myself" I need to get out there and meet new people, it is not good for me to sit in the house by myself al the time, it is depressing me.

I just don't know what to do... 36 is my breaking point, I want more out of life, I want dbf to commit to being with me and maybe... just maybe after all this time move in and be a real part of our lives.

So only I can change things, good, bad or indifferent, but it is the year for change, for a healthier, smaller me!

wow, that all felt good to say, acknowledgement is the first step to recovery!

off to the gym to try to tone some of this fat!

[lunasa 1]

terri...we were posting at same time!! Do I get credit for my tennis?

LAURAJ....oh girl, you're in for a rollercoaster this year with your wedding plans.

Let me just say something to you I wish someone had said to me in my wedding year!

Everyone says your wedding is all about the bride & groom...THIS IS DECEPTION!! The day itself when it arrives THAT is your day alright and you can finally relax & enjoy & let everything happen around you.

Up until that day, it's all about EVERYONE ELSE!!

Everything else you're planning & you're choosing...ie food, drink, wedding party dresses/ suits / hair / make up / menus/ accommodation

Time of day etc etc is with your family & guests in mind.

You will be stressed, P*d off, resentful at times (when you feel DF or you're family/ his family are not doing their part) You'll feel like calling the whole thing off, running away and taking your girlfriend on the honeymoon at times also..

The thing to remember is THIS IS ALL NORMAL...the planning can drive you off the deep end too!! You won't hear this from a lot of brides because as USUAL with women, we don't want others to know we are not always "ON TOP" of life & the decisions we make.

This is also because, once the wedding day comes, you forget all the stress & fighting and the day itself sweeps you & everyone else off your feet and so you all have a ball and remember that it was the best day EVER!!

So, go for it...enjoy every minute of thge planning, don't sweat the bumps when they arise...every wedding is STRESSFUL in the planning stage.

The day me, dh & my family went to the menu tasting we had all fallen out in a terrible row on the way to the venue (a screaming match actually) ...we tasted the menu in silence (hindsight allows it to be funny now, but it wasn't then)

But we got there and it was great.

So remember that and you'll do just fine!!

[maziemommy 8]

First fill was quick, simple and painless!!! I did loose 8 pounds since surgery!!!! Got 1cc put in my 5cc band under floro. Hope I can feel restriction when solids start again!!! If not, I can go again in 2 weeks!

Good luck and much success to you all-Violets!!!

Got a tattoo same day as first fill, of BIG butterfly, and small vine on my leg. It represents my change and growth...lots of change, and a little growth (for now)!!!

[TracyinKS 7]

GOOD MORNING!!!!!! Deanna I think you are my pizza twin, because that is the same type of stuff I would do... (and yes, we love Papa Murphy's) The Delite crust is their (Low Carb version).

I had more to say but I had someone come in to my office...

I'll be back later.

[GonnaBfree 0]

TracyinKS, is it possible just to meet at a park for an hour just to let the kids play together? I have a stepson that is 24 years old and my triplets are 5. They love him and he love's them back. My stepson is an only child, but he'll always have his brother and sisters no matter what happens to us parents.

Laura, make your wedding what YOU want. As far as your dress goes, find a bridal shop that does cheap alterations! Let them know that you are loosing weight and they will know what to do. You're not going to be the first bride doing this. They can always make it smaller! And find out when's the LATEST you can order it.

When you find a photographer, remember it's all you'll have left for years to come. Get as many pictures as you can for your money. Some only offer an album full, ours we got all of our proofs as well, so we got 2 albums worth. Granted, we don't look at them much now, but the kids are really getting into them.

It's great to read about everyone getting their fills. I go on the 30th for my first. How do they know how much you already have in there?

GUESS WHAT - I'M WEARING JEANS TODAY WITH A REAL ZIPPER AND BUTTON, their a 24, but they're real Lee jeans. I'm hoping they don't irritate one of my scars too bad. Might have to send myself home LOL.

have a great day!

[TerriDoodle 6]

WAY TO GO, LUNASA!!!!

[Haydee 2]

Terry

dbf and I have been trying, but the thing is we are not in the same place, as we never seem to be for 17 years, now he can't commit and for the first time ever, I want to settle down, my wild roots are starting to want to be planted in the ground. He won't commit, and won't let me go...quote]

Jennifur - your post made me tear up. I am in the same exact situation as you. I've been with my boyfriend for 10 years now. Almost eleven. For years I had been demanding for him to either marry me or to leave me. I wanted to get married and start having kids from about 26. We finally got engaged in April of 2005. We set the wedding date for November of 2006. Well I started planning the wedding. Everything was bought, set, reserved... In August 2006 he told me that he didn't want to marry me. That we had too many issues that we needed to work on. He felt that we fought too much and that we didn't communicate. So we called off the wedding, we broke up and he moved out. Ever since then we have been trying to work on our relationship. It's been almost nine month now since we called off the wedding and he still doesn't seem to want to commit to any type of relationship with me. We are not officially "together", but we spend about 70% of our time together. We don't interact with each other's families because he says that we will confuse them and they will think that we are officially together and he's still not sure if he wants to be with me. So then this week I finally told him that I needed to start moving forward. I told him that I felt I was at a stand still in my life. I told him that if he couldn't commit to me then I wanted us to completely stop seeing each other. He just said that he was surprised that I was finally taking a stand. He said he didn't know what to say to me. This was on Tuesday. We haven't talked about it since then. I am leaving for Chicago today but when I come back then I definitly am going to be looking for an answer from him...

[househuntress 1]

I've got to take off now for work. But I wanted to reply to Kat. I have a very dear friend that had cardiac ablation after years of added beats, skipped beats, taking meds. The procedure didn't take long at all and he was and is back to tip top shape...without problems and living a full life.

That's my prayer to you for hubby that this will fix his problems.

[areellady 1]

Tracy...its nice to have a pizza twin...LOL...you girls need to find someone to respect you and love you for you...I would never wait 10 years for someone..if you are good enough to be with now then why not forever...that is my opinion...Have a great day girlies...I LOVE the butterfly tattoo...I was thinking about getting one of those myself...I want it on my lower back though...Deanna

[chiefsfankatie 0]

Oh ladies, our personal lives have trials and tribulations not even related to our weight loss issues don't we? I am sending good vibes to all of you and hoping that your strength and "girlpower" get you through the tough times. Remember, you are the only one who knows EXACTLY what you want, so GO for it!! Gr8ful, my fill on Wednesday this week went a lot like yours, but mine was done with the flouro. She hit the port first try but I only got 1cc. I am not feeling any restrictions and haven't lost nearly as much as most of the people on here and I have more to lose. It's a little discouraging, but I will persevere. I guess I am just feeling a little down today, wanting so much in such a little time. I hope you are all well and have a great weekend!!

[Haydee 2]

Ok Violets, I'm off to Chicago. Send me good vibes please! I'm flying solo for the first time, without friends and family to sit next to me on the plane. On top of that I am sitting in the middle seat! Ugh. I'm not looking forward to that. Usually my fat just carries over to the next seat but my seatmates never mind. I'll have to be sucking my breath the whole flight! I'll catch up with you guys tonight and let ya'll know how it goes...

Bye!

[lunasa 1]

Goodness haydee...That's more than a bummer.

As much as I am in no place to cast judgement on your situation what I read kinda made me want to get mad at your fella!!!

Is he playing mind games with you? He says he's surprised you're taking a stand...When I don't think you've taken a stand at all!! You're gonna wait n see what he has to say when you get back, if you were taking a stand for YOURSELF ...YOU would have the last call, no?

I'm sorry girl If I sound cruel or insensitive but it sounds like he calls ALL the shots and you've left the ball in his court again. As for confusing his family...that just makes me wanna slap something...what about confusing you for God's sake??

He is gettin the best of two worlds here, with nobody on his back. You need to up your self worth & ask yourself what you value.

In a choice of husband I value honour, security, respect , responsibility, loyalty, trust , affection, someone who works hard and loves his family.

What qualities do you value & want from your life partner and compare them with your guy, how does he stand up to your expectations?

Could it be that he doesn't make the grade with you and maybe deep down somewhere you feel you have set your hopes too high and may never find a guy with all the qualities you value so you settle with him & his conditions for now?

I'm so sorry to be "on your case" about this but I suspect you are and have been selling yourself short..

you said for years you were demanding either marriage or break up..Haydee you've given him power over you. You have let him dangle a carrott in front of you for all this time and now you are still looking for an ANSWER from him. This is not taking a stand and don't let him convince you that it is...if he wants you to think you are calling the shots, and you think you are but still waiting for make or break time then that just gives him more time to mess with you & your dreams.

This may be the hardest thing you'll ever do Haydee but it looks to me like it IS time for you to move on, and I don't know if consulting him on your decision would even figure if that's what you really wanted to & were ready to do.

Search your soul Haydee...you have a very brave decision to consider taking..xxx I wish you luck

[mdrai 3]

ACK!

Just got a call from the Middle School VP... my son was caught "kissing on the lips with a girl"!

This is a "first" in mommyhood for me... he's my baby boy, my little buddy... we have an excellent relationship, (I think) very open and honest w/each other... just the other day I asked him if he "like liked" anyboday or had a crush on anyone and he said "no"... so this is really out of the blue! My little baby boy is growing up! What a mommy moment! A milestone! Waaaah. I know this is normal & I'm not upset about the kissing... it's the "he's growing up" aspect... I;m such a sucker for these milestones & life passages... boo hoo...

AND... I KNOW that this would be the exact type of thing that would send me straight into the arms of a big, warm, gooey pizza in my pre-band life... all the mixed, churning emotions... I'd have gone for the calming effects of all those carbs! So here I sit, wondering :What do I do?!? Jumping jacks spring to mind... that's how amped up I feel.

Ok... it's taken me hours to type this due to interruptions... gotta dash... will check back later...

~~Cassenova's Mom

[Jennifur 0]

Haydee

it is a hard situation, mine is reversed, I loved having my freedom while still having him in my life, this year, I realized I want more and we were working on it then.... he was in a horrible motorcycle accident, which put things back to before, he has short term memory loss, so it is difficult for him to function at times - and of course I am the most understanding person in the world, but time to more forward. I hope he decides to come along for the ride.

He has been with me thick and thin.. literally (sp) and he knows how i am thin... sometimes nuts and out of control - i do love him but the time will get here when I'm strong enough to take my stand.

I wish you the best of luck and I know it is not easy, but whatever the universe has planned for you (and me) will be what it is. Learn from it if you move on and don't start anything new the same way. That is me going forward, not ready to give up the past but know what needs to be in the future

hugs

i hope you have a good safe flight