Shrinking Violets -- April 07 Bandsters

[TerriDoodle 6]

Well, Jenn, I do have fears, too....but not about the surgery. Mine are more about WHAT AM I GOING TO EAT?? NO LETTUCE??? NO chicken? ?? NO SALADS???? That's a real stumper for me. The other fear I have is not losing weight....of course.

[Jennifur 0]

Terry - I am cracking up, not at your fears but I think about that stuff too, I'm will be stressing about that after I get past this week - but I have been experimenting on stuff I like to make it for the mushie stage.

I just made some Great Black Bean Soup, I did not put the sausage in it and put the entire batch in the blender - you are suppose to leave some Beans whole - I am freezing it in 3 oz containers for my mushie stage.

I am going to make low carb/fat broccoli soup later in the week too.

I'll put the receipe out there if anyone would be interested.

[TracyinKS 7]

Jenn: You are not a baby.. and if putting your fears out here makes you feel better then....... DO IT! We all get different things out of this board..

I have fears too......... fears that if I lose it again that I will again regain it.. the fear of self sabotage, the fear of being a ROYAL "B" during the liquid stage....... the fear of screwing up my band and then having them have to remove it......... and the fear of all that money I'm putting away in my FSA ($3900.00 and it still won't be enough) but the greater fear is that I keep gaining weight and increasingly become less outgoing and energetic.. and that my friends is where I am at today.......... my mind says...... Tracy get out and walk, and then my lazy ass says .... tomorrow.

As for your dbf bailing............ well.. this will be a test, and if he flunks then you win, because you will then KNOW.

[Jennifur 0]

Well, all those are there for me, can you tell I beat myself up tremendoulsy

I wanted to get up and clean today but ... nope... too lazy so now i'm yelling at myself

I finally have a friend who knows my strange habits, and one of them is tearing myself up

I tell her let me laugh when I call myself a fat ass, because sometimes i crywhen I do.

this entire emotional rollercoaster started last weekend on my birthday because someone took a pic of me and then showed me. it has been up and down from there.

I so understand what you are saying, I am afraid that I am not going to surive the liquid stage, I am afraid of failing, and as i was tanning today - i am now obsessing about my belly that is down 30lbs so you all know that isn't pretty.

I thank you for support and listening - I do feel better, BUT I AM VERY MENTAL and do think about all that stuff and how can I revese all the damage of people telling me i'm fat for 30 years? some days I can smile and some days I cry... but you know who always loves me... MY SHRINK! :biggrin1:

I think i was freaked about no insurance approval either and I got good news in the mail today and tomorrow should get 100% confirmation

THIS IS A FANTASTIC GROUP OF PEOPLE AND TOGETHER I THINK WE CAN STAY STRONG TOGETHER, I KNEW APRIL WAS THE MONTH

[CJULZGO 0]

Jenn: You are not a baby.. and if putting your fears out here makes you feel better then....... DO IT! We all get different things out of this board..

I have fears too......... fears that if I lose it again that I will again regain it.. the fear of self sabotage, the fear of being a ROYAL "B" during the liquid stage....... the fear of screwing up my band and then having them have to remove it......... and the fear of all that money I'm putting away in my FSA ($3900.00 and it still won't be enough) but the greater fear is that I keep gaining weight and increasingly become less outgoing and energetic.. and that my friends is where I am at today.......... my mind says...... Tracy get out and walk, and then my lazy ass says .... tomorrow.

As for your dbf bailing............ well.. this will be a test, and if he flunks then you win, because you will then KNOW.

Jenn,

Ditto to everything that Traci wrote. I have all of those fears too. I am scheduled for April 2nd. My Doc will not do the surgery unless I lose 25 lbs or close to it. I have been on his diet for 3 weeks. I did not exercise at first because I was sick. I have been exercising and eating veggies and slim fast. I have gained and lost the same 5 lbs 3 times. I have an appt on Mar 29 and I have all this weight to lose. I went to my GP today to get my CPAP and was right back where I started with my weight.

I am in a lot of pain I have rhumetoid arthrits, Migraines, spondylitis, fibromialgia, chronic fatigue, epstein barr, high blood pressure, insulin resistance, plus I get sick easy from the meds I take for rhumetoid. I feel like I am a lazy ass. I have not cleaned my apartment in weeks other than what I absolutely have to do.

I have this weird thought all the time that if I get thin and get feeling better and start to feel stressed will I have an excuse anymore. I don't do a lot because of my health and my weight. Will people think I can do anything and expect too much out of me.

Isn't it strange what our minds do to us to compensate for our insecurities.

Also, I had a son pass away 5 years ago from a brain aneurysm. He was almost 23. He was my oldest and we were best friends. He makes my lights blink, there was one house I lived in that he would open and close doors, I talk to him all the time, and I do hear him answer me. I have had dreams about him telling me that he is fine and that he is home. He has also told me that he is always with me and all I have to do is think about him and he will be here. I have received a lot of comfront from having him do what he does. It never scares me it just makes me laugh. I went to a psychic last Nov. He said there was a man standing next to me with the uniform on who thought the psychic was funny. He described Jarom and his attitude.

I'm sure that you will do fine with your surgery. I think we all worry too much over things we can't control. Good Luck and keep watching and listening to those signs that come to you.

[TracyinKS 7]

julz: OMG.. your post about your son had my eyes watering....... (my son is my life.. he is my little Atkins after divorce miracle, and I often obsess about something happening to him and how I would just lose it and they would have to cart me away in a straight jacket) so you losing your son really struck a chord and now I'm full on crying just from typing this......

but I also cry at hallmark commercials! LOL

I'm signing off for the night... NIGHT

[Jennifur 0]

Julz,

I stopped working out because I must have found those 5lbs as you lost them and then gave them back. The only thing different I was doing was working out like crazy. I decided to stop until i see the new nutritionist Wed to stop that because I cannot gain an ounce. I have lost 3lbs since I stopped the gym.

Man, you should see my house. It is so bad I get depressed the second I walk in the door. Ok has been much worse but I need a calm neat environment right now, and I just come in and sit on the couch instead of doing anything about it.

I know putting my fears out there and knowing I am not the only one has made me feel better. And as for my cousin. She seems to be around much more since her dad passed in September but was quiet for many years. I really was freaked because I think I closed off that part of my life for a long time and now opening up again and full force.

I have analyzed and analyzed all day and here is my end result.

I am afraid of change, I know it will be great change but it is still the unknown and is still a bit stressful. It is hard to imagine myself not shutting down and going on rides with my kids, running and walking the beach being the HOT one and not the FAT one.

Hugs to you all-

[Jennifur 0]

julz: OMG.. your post about your son had my eyes watering....... (my son is my life.. he is my little Atkins after divorce miracle, and I often obsess about something happening to him and how I would just lose it and they would have to cart me away in a straight jacket) so you losing your son really struck a chord and now I'm full on crying just from typing this......

but I also cry at hallmark commercials! LOL

I'm signing off for the night... NIGHT

I have to reply to this here, my children are my life, It is amazing to have him with you.

I am so glad he is there with you all the time. You are special, and you will be down 25lbs. You let us know what you need, this is a great group and i have never seen so many people care about people they have never met in my life.

[CJULZGO 0]

Traci~

There for awhile I wondered if I was going to need a straight jacket. I started drinking heavily....luckily I have now quit. It was a way to avoid the physical and emotional pain. It didn't last for long but I could start over a few days later. I am a social drinker so I made every attempt possible to go out with friends. Now I'm just a lazy bum!!! LOL )said in the most loving possible way.) My kids are also my life. I have another son and a daughter and they are all equally as important to me. I tried to hide my pain but everyone knew I was a mess.

I still cry a lot. I just passed the 5th anniversary on Mar 1. My birthday is Feb 28, and his birthday is April 11. Each year on his birthday, my other 2 kids and I try to go out for his birthday to one of his favorite places.

Jenn~

I do understand the fear of change. I have found that the more I fear it the more my life changes. So, I just go with the flow. I have put my life in the hands of the Universe. When I allow the Universe to run my life things flow quite well. If I try to force issues then it all goes to hell.

Sometimes I have to tell my son to be quiet....LOL! If he isn't heard he won't stop until I acknowledge him. But it is very comforting to know that what I taught him here on earth he is continuing the teaching with me on the other side.

My point is, "THIS TOO SHALL PASS." I know I worry and obsese too much about things I can't contol. I just have to keep remembering to all the EBB AND FLOW of the Universe to make the abundance flow into my life. When I decided to do the surgery I had a snag in the beginning so I kind of gave up. Then I found out that I could still do it. So, I let the Universe take over. It has all come around in just over a month. The Dr turned in the request to my insurance on a Fri afternoon and the insurance called the Dr office on Monday to say Yup she's approved.

[Jennifur 0]

I was a social drinker, and now the DD for my friends because i figure I need to get my head in a good place and drink is not going to help.

You will make it! Happy belated B-day That is so nice that you still do that and I would be a mess myself.

Last night I was not sure who was here with me at first. I was having my major meltdown the other day and went to the cemetary to talk to my best friend who killed himself 3 years ago this summer. He is my strength still to this day. So I guess I was a little freaked.

You are so right that this will pass, and when it does we will all be so much stronger and healthier and be around for a long long time.

I guess I'm going to continue my lazy pattern today and go to bed. I am on vacation this week and still doing nothing.. LOL

have sweet dreams

[maziemommy 8]

My thoughts and prayers go out to each of you and your individual needs!

[TerriDoodle 6]

Julz, I just want to say how sorry I am that you have lost your son. There are no words to express it, as you know. I only want to say I'm sorry. It does sound like you have adapted as well as you can and I'm so glad you are in touch with his presence. That must give you such great comfort.

I wish you well with your upcoming challenges... we're all in this together and we're forming some pretty special friendships here. This is good.

[CJULZGO 0]

Jenn~

You might as well take it easy now while you can....cuz in a month you'll be kinda busy!! Keep up the good work. You'll do fine! You have a lot of unseen backup support and they will watch over you!!

Thanks MMM!

Terri~

Thank you!! I don't think losing a child gets any easier. You just learn how to deal with it or you don't. And sometimes I Don't so I just sit down let myself have a good cry and then go about my business.

It is extremely comforting to have him near. Sometimes it is painful not to be able to touch him or to have dreams about him and wake up to realize that he is passed over. But, He is always there to comfort and let me know that all is well.

I think this is such a great place to make friends and to have such a wonderful support system! it is amazing.

[ShineOn 0]

Hey everybody!

I talked to the DR. today and my surgery has been moved to 4/4 - two days earlier! I don't know why but I am getting soooo anxious. I can't believe my ticker says 16 days until surgery. Two weeks and two days until the big day....gulp. I wish I could say I was doing well on my pre-op diet but I am an emotional eater so things have gotten worse not better. I have actually gained 4 pounds. :cry

Any advice for calming the nerves? Maybe I'll start with a bubble bath and try again tomorrow. Wish me luck.

[maziemommy 8]

If there is any good advice for calming the nerves at this point, I'll take it too!! I would try the bubble bath but--(I have bad luck) I would just get a Urinary Tract Infection!!!