female only Marriage problems

[TinyMamiOf3kids 1,280]

Lately my husband been drinking heavily. It's no longer a weekend thing it's more like almost daily. We live in a 2 floor apartment(I call it house) top apt bottom basement. He either drinks solo with his brother or his adult son.

Now that I cover that area the issues I'm having...

He comes at anytime after drinking 1am-3am from the basement drunk fighting arguing with me & throwing things. He talks about me not feeding my kids. I feed them every single day. He mentions how I don't clean the house. Ok I'm not the best housewife & he has been a witness to the kids making a mess after I been cleaning all day. I try the best I can to keep it nice. He has a new thing now. You think your all that cuz you lost weight you only care about your diet your body only you. We need to higher someone to clean this house(that was today) I said I'm not getting someone to do anything I do my self. He said you there saving for your surgeries. I said yes I'm not paying for someone to clean with my own money.

This makes me think really hard about my life & I know I said this before or mention that I have bills & in this world you are screw if you don't have good credit score. So it's looking like I won't grow old with my husband. The good news is he already have paid for a lot of the bills(paid off) so there is still bills but much less. He bought me a new car & that has a monthly payment for about 4 years & that's our last bill.

I guess I should be gone when I turn 38. I know I don't want to stick around for more verbal abuse. I'm venting here & I know some may say f the bills just leave but my credit score is important to me. I can make it on my own my kids will be still under 10 except my now 15 year old she would be 19.

Wish things were different only a miracle can happen from now to four years. Gives me plenty of time to save money after I get my surgeries cuz there is no way in the world I'm getting surgery after 40. I want everything done before I age. That's my personal opinion I want to have everything done before 40. Life sucks!

[jeanetteramirez2 45]

I'm so sorry Mami. From previous post I've read your husband sounds like an ass hole. Just remember, this is your only life and you deserve to be happy!! I'm a single mom, it's hard but definitely doable!! Good luck with everything!!

[Vicki Loichinger 444]

I don't know what to say except I feel for you being in this situation and I know it is so hard. You are so strong and I think you will make it through and make the right decisions at the right time. You have a plan and you aren't going to be derailed. He is showing his insecurities and jealousy at you getting healthier and feeling more attractive. These are his problems. And he either will get over it or he won't. Just take care of yourself and your kids and do what you feel is best,

[M'Lane 9]

I'm sorry you are having marriage problems. As someone who grew up in a household with an alcholic father, I know how much this sucks. (((HUGS)))

I understand it's difficult in this economy and many people stay together for many reasons. You have to decide what is right for you and I don't want to come across and harsh, but what message are you sending your children? Ulimately, when I finally got out of a very, very abusive marriage (physically, emotionally, and verbally abusive) and I decided to throw his ass out, I never looked back. I was a single mom for 10 years to my five young children (I had twins and then 3 years later, triplets) and became a single mom when the triplets were just a year and a half old. In the end, it came down to my happiness and what my children were exposed to. I was not willing to allow my children to see us fight anymore (horrible, physical, screaming fights) and there was a lot of infidelity too. My ex-husband never did any household chores, diaper changes or child care so I figured, well, I was already a single mom AND married so why not do it all on my own. It IS tough, but there are options.

If you don't already have one, get your own personal bank account and start squirrling money away. I didn't do this and wish I had. Even if things work out between you and your husband, you can use that money as your plastic surgery fund. If you have a trusted friend or family member that knows your situation, ask them if they can put the account in their name, especially if your state is a community property state.

Good luck in whatever you decide!

M'Lane

[TinyMamiOf3kids 1,280]

I'm sorry you are having marriage problems. As someone who grew up in a household with an alcholic father' date=' I know how much this sucks. (((HUGS)))

I understand it's difficult in this economy and many people stay together for many reasons. You have to decide what is right for you and I don't want to come across and harsh, but what message are you sending your children? Ulimately, when I finally got out of a very, very abusive marriage (physically, emotionally, and verbally abusive) and I decided to throw his ass out, I never looked back. I was a single mom for 10 years to my five young children (I had twins and then 3 years later, triplets) and became a single mom when the triplets were just a year and a half old. In the end, it came down to my happiness and what my children were exposed to. I was not willing to allow my children to see us fight anymore (horrible, physical, screaming fights) and there was a lot of infidelity too. My ex-husband never did any household chores, diaper changes or child care so I figured, well, I was already a single mom AND married so why not do it all on my own. It IS tough, but there are options.

If you don't already have one, get your own personal bank account and start squirrling money away. I didn't do this and wish I had. Even if things work out between you and your husband, you can use that money as your plastic surgery fund. If you have a trusted friend or family member that knows your situation, ask them if they can put the account in their name, especially if your state is a community property state.

Good luck in whatever you decide!

M'Lane[/quote']

Thanks I have my own bank account but due to having two special needs children I get SSI for them I can't have more then 1,500 in the bank so I keep the extra money hiding in a safe. I just started saving again I had so much more but ended up lending my mom 1,000 and till this day she haven't paid me but I gave her till May 2013 to pay up. My hubby borrow 2250 he is paying me a little at a time. Then since I'm the only one that buys grocery & clothes the money started going until I was left with nada. I got my 1st 1,000 saved again & each month I'm saving 1,000 for my grocery & diapers & non food. I apply for SNAPS got emergency SNAPS only and they made it so hard for me to get it again. Asking me stupid questions. Well I reapply recently so let's see if this time I'm approve completely. It's so hard to save money when it all goes on grocery. I have a small business I sale pediasure each month that's 100.00 extra & I get 240 also a month for feeding hubby's adult son since he works here 5 days a week cleaning & doing the garbage. So with 340.00 a month I manage to put food on the table on a budget always looking for sales & stretching the food. Right now I don't have Water for my self and since surgery I can't drink faucet Water it makes me sick. I'm checking the mail everyday & calling the 1-888 number to see if I have SNAPS yet so I can go grocery shopping. I do have to buy a few things as an emergency like Tomato sauce ect... If your wondering why I have to buy grocery & such. 100 percent of hubby money goes on bills. So the rest is up to me. So less McDonald French fries that my 4 year old loves and more home cooking. My 15 year old treated us out about 3 times already with money she saved. I can't abuse of her. I have left over money from last month. So I can buy a few items that's needed & hope I hear from SNAPS soon. It's difficult to buy things when you get only monthly money. Oh well GOD is big & I will pull threw like I have been.

I don't want my kids going threw this seeing the verbal abuse mommy goes threw but if I would had lost my job that I had 5 years in making great money & had good insurance & at the time I wasn't getting SSI for my kids. I wouldn't had stay in this marriage. I made enough to pay my own bills. Feed the family & had enough to save in the bank. The government wasn't involve in my life as to how much money I should have or what not. But everything happens for a reason and now I'm in this situation where I have to think straight cause once I step out the door I'm not coming back. So my bills need to be paid & my car needs to be paid. When this is all done I should be ready to move on with my life. And of course have my kids in a happy stable home. I don't need a man after my bills are paid not to verbally abuse me. I just need a fresh start so I don't have bill collectors after me.

[M'Lane 9]

I've been in your shoes. I too, have a son who is on SSI and he gets very little every month (under $300) He has a variety of mental health diagnoses (since he was born I knew something was different about him) and has been in and out of psychiatric institutions his whole life (10 times since he was 4 1/2, he's 10 now) He takes phychiatric meds too and that process is a tricky one because he is a child, growing, and they often need to be changed/adjusted. It was very, very difficult maintaining a job when he was very young and he was thrown out of the 3 daycares in our area where we lived. I was always getting called out of work (I was a customer service associate at Walmart for 5 years) and was lucky to keep my job as long as I did.

Good luck getting SNAP benefits. Its been my experience that it can take a while (which is STUPID) because even after you submit all of the necessary paperwork, they come back at you saying they need like 3 more things! URGH!! Frustrating to say the least but perservere and you will get help. In the meantime, go online and research food pantries in your area. Often local churches will have them and you usually just need to supply a current bill (proving address) and your license.

Cooking homemade saves money too. I used to buy so much pre-made stuff when I worked for convenience but it did cost more. I make everything home made now and it does save on $$$. You can easily learn crockpot cooking (if you have one) all you do is throw the ingredients into it in the morning and by dinner--you're done! So easy and so much healthier too. I used to do bulk cooking one day a week and make a big batch of meatballs, spaghetti sauce, meatloaves and pre-cook Pasta, usually on the weekends. You can freeze stuff in ziploc bags (I always buy storebrand) and flatten them out to save room in the freezer.

Do you have a support person you can talk to? Is individual therapy something you could explore? Many insurance companies (including medicaid) have a mental health benefit and I suggest using it. I used to go to weekly therapy while the kids were all in school during the day and it does help. I used it to unload my emotional crap of the week and I'd feel so much better.

Good luck sweetie in getting through a difficult situation!

M'Lane

[TinyMamiOf3kids 1,280]

Yes I know a therapist & that's the therapist that see my hubby & daughter for family counseling. My insurance pays for it even though I'm not part of the issue. They go to therapy by court order. He is accuse of child abuse & we have an order of protection for 6 months if he breaks the rules he may do time in jail.

After they are done which is like February 2013 I should attend counseling for my self. I don't need marriage counseling I need to work on my self & see why I continue to stay in this marriage.

[kristy3k 1,133]

Hugs your way sweetie!!!

[TinyMamiOf3kids 1,280]

Things are starting to work its self out or I'm just getting old lmbo I'm like I'm 34 I go where ever do whatever & feel like I owe no one explanation.

[roczy 17]

Wow im so sorry to hear this, i was kind of scared to get the surgery while i was in a relationship, since ive been heavy all of my life & now that im about to be thin its going to be a whole new life, i have always been a trendy dresser but i know now im going to dress even better and im going to get attention from men that would of never looked at me twice, fortunately i broke up with my boyfriend before i even found out i was having the surgery for sure.

[TinyMamiOf3kids 1,280]

Wow im so sorry to hear this' date=' i was kind of scared to get the surgery while i was in a relationship, since ive been heavy all of my life & now that im about to be thin its going to be a whole new life, i have always been a trendy dresser but i know now im going to dress even better and im going to get attention from men that would of never looked at me twice, fortunately i broke up with my boyfriend before i even found out i was having the surgery for sure.[/quote']

It ended over the fact you were having surgery or other reasons not due to surgery?

[roczy 17]

It ended over the fact you were having surgery or other reasons not due to surgery?

Ended over other things. he wasn't there for me when i was going through spine surgery (that actually prompted my gastric bypass surgery to be done asap) As in he didnt even visit me in the hospital.. but he was actually pushing me to get the gastric bypass surgery while we were together, For my health mainly, because my weight is affecting me a great deal. Glad i dont have him around now for when i get this surgery he would of made me miserable.

[TinyMamiOf3kids 1,280]

Ended over other things. he wasn't there for me when i was going through spine surgery (that actually prompted my gastric bypass surgery to be done asap) As in he didnt even visit me in the hospital.. but he was actually pushing me to get the gastric bypass surgery while we were together' date=' For my health mainly, because my weight is affecting me a great deal. Glad i dont have him around now for when i get this surgery he would of made me miserable.[/quote']

Sorry this sucks! Men aren't so understanding sometimes. Mine feel like I put the family on a diet. I cook the same but since I haven't had much money I'm making up meals lmbo. Now we can have the good stuff like pork chops. Not easy being on a budget.

[SoccerMomma73 1,867]

Yes, to be blunt your husband is an ass who treats you and apparently at least 1 kid like dirt. I know money matters, but your emotional well being and that of your children also matters. What a jerk, who has an order of protection for their father? That's crazy!! Good luck. Stay safe.

[TinyMamiOf3kids 1,280]

Yes' date=' to be blunt your husband is an ass who treats you and apparently at least 1 kid like dirt. I know money matters, but your emotional well being and that of your children also matters. What a jerk, who has an order of protection for their father? That's crazy!! Good luck. Stay safe.[/quote']

They are working out there problems. They go to counseling every Monday. Thanks for being blunt & I love when ppl talk straight to me:)