Feeling lonely

[jgriffith0726 3]

I am 4 months post-op and feeling quite lonely. I wondering if I made the correct decision to have this surgery. Unfortunately, I do not know anyone who has had the surgery that I can talk to. My husband said he would be supportive of my decision to have the surgery but that does not seem to be happening. I'm not looking for people to praise me on all that I have lost. Has anyone else every felt this way, like you have no one to talk to that understands what you are going through.

[Vicki Loichinger 444]

That is what we are here for. You can talk to any of us. Ask any questions. Tell us the good and the bad. Somebody here has went through what you are going through and will help you. We WILL praise you for your accomplishments and help you when you are down. Lonely is an awful feeling. And there is no worse lonely when there is someone there but yet they aren't. And that is true regardless of having this surgery or not.

So jump in here, read and post and ask questions and give answers. You have four months of experience to share with some of us that are brand new at this.,

Again Welcome and Great Big Hugs to you.

[mrsblues 81]

Well, I have found most of my support to come from this forum. I think a lot of my friends were just worried about how the surgery was and how well I recovered from that. No one seems to understand the true extent of what we have gone through better than others who have been through it themselves. My fears, expectations, pains, moods, etc....have been shared with many and everyone helps me realize that it is all within a norm or advise me that help might be needed. WE ARE HERE FOR YOU!

[M'Lane 9]

So sorry you are feeling lonely. My best advice is to vent your frustrations (just like you did) and talk with others who have been in your shoes. Unfortunately, this is a very personal thing and unless you have done it, no one really can understand.

Are you in talk therapy? If you aren't, I suggest looking into it. I found it extremely helpful to 'unload' all of my emotional crap that was new to me after having wls. I was a food adict pre-op, and it was the only way I could figure out how to actually learn how to FEEL my emotions because for so long I just ate them away, which is why I ended up very, very sick at 38 years old, and weighed 320 lbs. You need to find alternatives to food as comfort and unfortunately, only YOU can do it. It has taken me nearly 3 years to realize this and even though I was in therapy, and did learn some great coping skills, I had to do it on my own.

Do you have a pet? Is it possible to get one? I love animals and have always kept at least one pet (I like cats and dogs, but cats are my favorite. We have 3 now and I love them so much and treat them like my children) If it is possible, it may help ease some of your lonliness. Sometimes, even in relationships (marriage, boyfriends, and platonic friends) you can be around someone a lot and still be lonley. This was the case when I was married. We were really just roomates who had sex. We had children together and after my 2nd pregnancy (and the children were a year and a half old) I made the decision to kick his ass to the curb because I deserved better. Unfortunately, it wasn't until I met my fiance and partner that I learned what a healthy realtionship looks like. I gravitated toward the same type of man, one that abused me and cheated on me.

Take some time for yourself and do some self-discovery. This is a very tricky time (after wls) and you are going to experience many, many changes which can be detrimental to marriages/relationships. Do not make any decisions right now though, because you are likely in an emotional upheaval.

Good luck sweetie! It will get better. Look into therapy. Perhaps give your surgical practice a call (whoever did your RNY) they may be able to recommend someone.

M'Lane

[jgriffith0726 3]

Thank you all for the kind words. I think you are correct M'Lane, I'm trying to deal with all this emotional "crap" and always turned to food and now I cant. Thats how I became 230 pounds, along with other reasons. I have no problems talking but it is very disappointing when your "other half" tells you they dont want to hear or talk about "your feelings". I guess is numbing the pain all these years with food has finally caught up to me. I know I am supposed to be feeling all energenic and stuff but I find that I still want to sleep all the time and am still very tired. Is this normal @ 4 months or is this because Im depressed.

[M'Lane 9]

Are you keeping up with Protein, Water, exercise and vitamins/supplements?

[jgriffith0726 3]

My vit/supplements are good. They told me to stop the Protein Drinks, plus pretty much all I eat is meat. Working on the Water and I have to get my butt back to the gym. It has been hard getting there right now with the holidays and my boys are involved in so many sports right now. I did just have all my blood work done and everything is great except for my vit D, which was low before sx. Im not anemic or anything like that.

[mizzlaw 130]

My only support is this forum.... Sad but true

[mommy2boys 40]

My main support is this forum. I've only told a few people and they don't understand. But what's great is whatever I'm going thru someone else is too. Or someone else has been there. The advice you get is so valuable. And the best part is we are all kind of in this together.

[jgriffith0726 3]

I have to say i have been struggling all week but after writing and talking people who know what we r going through. I know i at still have much to learn

[jgriffith0726 3]

So sorry you are feeling lonely. My best advice is to vent your frustrations (just like you did) and talk with others who have been in your shoes. Unfortunately' date=' this is a very personal thing and unless you have done it, no one really can understand.

Are you in talk therapy? If you aren't, I suggest looking into it. I found it extremely helpful to 'unload' all of my emotional crap that was new to me after having wls. I was a food adict pre-op, and it was the only way I could figure out how to actually learn how to FEEL my emotions because for so long I just ate them away, which is why I ended up very, very sick at 38 years old, and weighed 320 lbs. You need to find alternatives to food as comfort and unfortunately, only YOU can do it. It has taken me nearly 3 years to realize this and even though I was in therapy, and did learn some great coping skills, I had to do it on my own.

Do you have a pet? Is it possible to get one? I love animals and have always kept at least one pet (I like cats and dogs, but cats are my favorite. We have 3 now and I love them so much and treat them like my children) If it is possible, it may help ease some of your lonliness. Sometimes, even in relationships (marriage, boyfriends, and platonic friends) you can be around someone a lot and still be lonley. This was the case when I was married. We were really just roomates who had sex. We had children together and after my 2nd pregnancy (and the children were a year and a half old) I made the decision to kick his ass to the curb because I deserved better. Unfortunately, it wasn't until I met my fiance and partner that I learned what a healthy realtionship looks like. I gravitated toward the same type of man, one that abused me and cheated on me.

Take some time for yourself and do some self-discovery. This is a very tricky time (after wls) and you are going to experience many, many changes which can be detrimental to marriages/relationships. Do not make any decisions right now though, because you are likely in an emotional upheaval.

Good luck sweetie! It will get better. Look into therapy. Perhaps give your surgical practice a call (whoever did your RNY) they may be able to recommend someone.

M'Lane[/quote']

Are u sure we r not soul sisters. Im going throw the husband bs

[TinyMamiOf3kids 1,280]

This is the reason why I join this group. I didn't know anyone and still don't out of the group like face to face people. I love this group & it's like my own personal family.

[Tammy1975 36]

I can relate...it seems like outside here I dont have anyone to talk to...

Sent from my SCH-R830 using RNYTalk

[mrsblues 81]

I can relate...it seems like outside here I dont have anyone to talk to...

Sent from my SCH-R830 using RNYTalk

It's really hard because of ongoing issues with all that is involved from Vitamins, Protein Fluid intake, exercising, and I realize that the only ones who really get it are the people on this forum! We are proud of all that anyone accomplishes and sadden when others aren't doing well. Others view those conversations as "bragging" or "I told you so!" (Negative about the surgery--especially if there are problems) WE "Get it".....LOL

[beargal66 1]

I too find this forum to be very helpful. Im almost six months post surgery and do have a very supportive family but it is hard when they really dont understand what i am going through. Someone on here also started a Facebook page they i find very helpful. I feel we are all in it together and it helps to know im not in it alone. I find staying positive is the key regardless on how i feel granted i know that its hard but that's what has been helping.