I know i have made the right choice for me

[OleHippieGal 275]

Here it is as close to the nutshell I can get. I started gaining weight when I was 27. I was never rail thin but was thin. When I got pregnant with my son I was 25 124 lbs 5'9. At delivery 170. Lost down to 145. . Bad marriage divorce another bad marriage divorce. Stared gaining with 2nd marriage got close to 200 lbs stayed around 200 for about 7 yrs added more weight. Met 3rd hubs. Weighed 268. Highest weight 305. Still married 13 yrs later. When I met him he was around 350. 6'3. He has been big all his life since age 5 his mother the enabler. Ruined him for life. He is 47 weighs between 430 to 480 . I decide to have surgery I am 56. Is he excited for me No but he is like ok about it. I have never ever approached him about the surgery he doesn't even ask me about it. Think he is afraid too. His parents are also ok with it hoping maybe their son might decide to do something if not surgery to challenge me. I feel so sad for him that he doesn't even try or want to do anything. I asked him once don't you want to know how it feels to be just normal? He said how would I know I was. I am sure he is afraid of the extra skin because he would have alot. It's mostly all belly. And I know if he lost the weight his parents would pay for a body lift. But do you think just maybe if he sees what I am doing and I am successful he could possibly want to make a change? I sure don't know. Seems the less I eat the more he does. My surgery s the 31st he is going with me to my preop to see my surgeon on the 20th lets see how that goes

[mommytonya 77]

Maybe after you get yours done and start loosing the weight he will maybe want it also? Or maybe if you are the cook in the house he will lose weight if you cook healthier? I eish you the best on your journey and just remember there is only so much you can do for someone before they have to make the right choices on there own. Just be supportive of him. I hope he comes around!!

[OleHippieGal 275]

Beginning of marriage I cooked, not alot cause I worked evenings. He loves fried foods mostly burgers fries pizza hot wings. I don't cook that. He was so far gone when I married him it was hard for him to stay away from the drive thru's . I had finally realize that even if I cooked something be it spaghetti or meat loaf. Fish he would hit drive thru earlier and then eat another meal when he got home. Packed on the LBs fast then. All we do is Co exist now. He works from 3 to midnight stays down in his man cave playing some zombie multiplayer online game and watches sports. I am cool with that. I stay upstairs in the living room watch my shows. It's the new marriage lol know alot of people who live like this weird to some but it works

[mommytonya 77]

well you just consentrate on you than and pray he will come around. You have done what you can. Now its up to him. I know alot of people with marraiges like that! Nothing wrong with it me and my husband enjoy our time apart also lol. We like different things on tv so when we do watch its usually in diff rooms.

[OleHippieGal 275]

Yep only way to go now a days. Really wouldn't want it any other way.

[BBdoodle 483]

I think you should focus on yourslef first.... If someone does not want to get healthy you can force them too, they have to WANT it etc. That is what the phys. evaluation is about before you have surgery...they want to make sure that it is YOU who wants the suregery and that you are not doing it for your spouce etc. He is probably scared of the outcome, if he has been heavy all his life and his mom is the enabler you need to get to the root of his problem, by him having surgery it would only be a band aid and it will not be successful. He needs to figure out WHY he over eats...is it for comfort, boardum, security, etc. etc. Once you find out why you over eat then at that point you can fix your problem but that has to come from within not from anyone else. You can talk to him, give him enouragement etc. but he has to be the one who wants it not you. So go on your WLS journey, don't expect to have support from him, stay away from him when he eats and develop your own support system. Hopefully he will come around but you can't force someone if they don't want to lose AND as I said earlier, I had to know why I over ate at times and once you find that answer you can move on and be a success with your WLS. I wish you luck in your decision it sounds like you are on the right track

[OleHippieGal 275]

its all good, trust me i am so independent i never once asked him about me having the surgery, I honestly dont care what he thinks or feels about it. its my health and my life. luckily for me we may eat 1 meal every 3 months with each other and that is when we go out to eat with his parents. so there is no harm in the eating in front of each other. even when i cook and yell its ready, he comes upstairs fixes his plate and back to the man cave he goes. lol usually with most of the food i prepared, except for vegetable. lol so I am all good, Like I said I dont ask him if he would want to do it. I dont bring it up. but I also told him, and its harsh, if you get diabetes, and his parents and I both think he does but wont admit it. I told him if he becomes wheelchair bound into the nursing home he goes because no way I would be able to lift him to get on the toliet or help change his clothes or bathe him. thats why i married a younger man, I just really thought he had more pride in himself then he does, boy was I wrong.

[TinyMamiOf3kids 1,280]

I think once he see the new you he will get jealous & put extra locks on the door so you can't leave lmbo.

[OleHippieGal 275]

Yea never know but I am not looking for anything outside the home men around here are yucky. I just want to feel better and become more active. Everything else I will be grateful