I Wish I Had Known Before Surgery...

[mizzlaw 130]

I found this on another support group site; I thought it was very informative and thought I'd share.

(I just copied and pasted below)

1.Things I wish I'd known, part 1

These thoughts on "things I wish I'd known" were compiled by Lisa M on thinnertimesforum.com. Originally compiled in 2007, the "thoughts" were updated in 2010.

They all come from people who have "been there, done that."

Though the post is lengthy, I encourage you to read through to the end. There is much to discover here; comfort and company, hope and inspiration.

Here are LisaM's notes on her efforts:

"I gathered these off a thread that we had on here around about four years ago, took off everyone's names, added where the person was post-op, and put them in order by how far post-op the person was, so you can see how things change as we move further away from the surgery... If you have anything to add that you don't see here that you wish you'd known, please add to the bottom of the thread. If you recognize yourself in these words, has anything changed?"

. . . . . . . . . . . . .

Things I wish I’d known:

Post-op less than one month:

Gas pain gas pain gas pain!!! (one day post-op)

• how hard it would be to eat and get the Protein in.

• how hard it is to drink constantly.

• what types of pain I really would go through.

• what types of pain were "normal".

• what type of protein I would be able to handle in the liquid stage (at this point, not much). (one week post-op)

As stupid as it sounds, I wish I had known that getting the staples out was going to be more painful than anything I had been dealing with in about a week. And that the catheter was going to be such a pain to get out. Not painful; difficult... It took more time and energy to find somewhere/someone to take it out than I had energy-level wise. How annoying... (two weeks post-op)

I thought I would have no appetite, but I do once I get through the morning sickness stage of my day. I didn't believe anyone when they said they couldn't tolerate Water - I am one of those people. (three weeks post-op)

Post-op one month:

I wish that I knew how truly hard it is to eat!! I am not hungry and it is very hard to get in all the protein that my body needs. Not only is it hard to get all the protein in, when I do eat I feel guilty. Hello!!! I know I shouldn't feel guilty, I am barely getting in 500 calories a day...but somewhere in my brain when I am eating (no matter what it is) I feel like I am being "bad".

I was shocked at the post operative pain I personally went through - for about a week. It was hell on earth & I cried & swore every day about what I had done to myself. Maybe I am a wimp & have a low pain threshold but even so, there should be stronger analgesia on offer to those of us that are wimps.

I also wish I'd been warned how emotional I'd be too & that sticking to fluids only is psychologically very difficult; if you used to be a "foodie". I wish I'd known how tired & weak I would be, just having a shower would exhaust me in the early days & I'd have to have a rest! At nearly a month out I'm starting to feel better about why I had the surgery, the weight is melting away & I feel better physically every day. Also at last the pain is practically gone. I'm taking note of all the other advice for later in my journey & I am looking forward to more energy in a few months & a sense o*******n when I get to my 100lb down mark. I'm also buying clothes on ebay as I've dropped two sizes already.

As a guy, I really wish I had known about the catheter beforehand... as I was coming out of the anesthesia, I reached down to scratch myself and had a giant wtf moment because I wasn't expecting it.

I wish I had know that six weeks post op and 35 lbs lost, and no one has noticed anything except that my face looks thinner and my boobs are smaller!!

Post-op two months:

I wish I understood what a challenge taking pills would be...at least at the beginning, and how all-consuming the transition is until it becomes 'just life.'

I wish I’d known how getting hit on for the first time in my adult life would make me more insecure about my new (emerging) body.. not less.

Post-op three months:

I wish I’d known that:

• Its hard to get in all the food you are supposed to every day.

• Some days are easier than others.

• How emotional you are when you get home.

• Why your pouch is happy one day and not the next.

• Plateaus.......need I say more!

• That my co-workers are MORE supportive than I thought.

• That I would show my scar off to people all the time - I am proud of it.

• How the smell of some food turns you right off.

• That there are many different rules from doctors.....and it’s ok, they are all correct.

... How much i would really miss food early out. It was crushing to not be able to run to the fridge and drown my sorrows and pain in a pint of Ben n Jerrys.

... How much i actually thought about food! I didn’t understand why i was so obese, i honestly thought i ate pretty well most of the time.

... What a pain in the butt it is to sip sip sip sip sip sip liquids ALLLL day.

... How weird it is to "eat" dinner with your family without shoveling it in like everyone else.

... Having people that don’t know you have had the surgery assume you’re becoming deathly ill or suddenly anorexic.

... How completely amazing it feels to be at the same weight I was when i got married 8 years ago and know that I could be at a high school weight by Christmas!!

... How weird it would be to look in the mirror and finally see the person i thought i was all this time emerging from the layers.

i wish i knew how many times i'd stall! (like every 3rd week) and that every BODY is different, that at 3 months i'd only lost 40 pounds.........

Post-op four months:

I wish I had known how obsessed I would become with my weight and my appearance. Pre-surgery I was aware of how fat I was I just didn't dwell on it. As long as I was clean and semi-presentable I was fine. Now I find myself super conscious of everything I wear, every pound I lose and obsessing on how I can lose more weight in the fastest amount of time. Now I have to have pedicures, manicures, and my hair done. I feel uncomfortable without make up. I thought losing weight would make me more comfortable with my appearance and instead it has made me more self-conscious. Who knew!

I wish I understood how EVERY aspect of my life would change dramatically. I wish I understood how tremendously happy I would be. I wish I understood how for me... the benefits far outweighed the risks. I wish I understood how many beautiful people I'd meet, and how much they would add to my life. I wish I understood how committed I would be, how strong I would be, and how wonderful I'd feel. I wish I understood that I needed to do this a long time ago.

1.Things I wish I'd known, part 2 of 3

Post-op five months:

I wish I'd known how REALLY IMPORTANT it is to get enough protein! Yes, my doctor and my dietician both told me that, but I'd never eaten a lot of protein, so for some reason I just assumed I'd be OK if I didn't get as much as they said. Well, I got really sick. I was totally exhausted and throwing up constantly. I lost a LOT of hair. I developed pneumonia shortly after my surgery, and it took me forever to recover, I think because I wasn't getting adequate protein. I was in the hospital with the pneumonia for three weeks, and when I came home I was so weak I could hardly stand. I am proud to say that I am now getting about 75 grams of protein a day and feeling much, much better, but I wish I had known in the beginning how very important it was and what could happen if I didn't do it.

I wish I'd known how quickly you'd forget about the early stuff; pain, weakness, exhaustion & struggling with only drinking fluids for a month. It's horrible I know but it will pass believe me & is soooo worth it.

I'm now so fit I go to the gym every day for approx' an hour and a half, I'm lifting really big weights three times a week, I can do 90 mins of cardio work when not doing a class & I love it (I can even jog now for 15 mins).

Post-op six months:

I wish I'd have known not to sink so much money into protein supplements!

I do kinda wish I'd have done it in my younger years, but then again, I think timing and such is part of our great plan for our life. I wouldn't want to alter who I was supposed to be and what I needed to learn by my experiences. But it would have been so cool to be thinner and still be a young thing!

I wish I had known just how emotionally tough this journey is. No matter how much research, how many questions, how many support groups, or even what the Doctor & NUT tell you. I was still not fully prepared for just how emotionally and mentally hard WLS is. Until you are on the path, you really can not know what it will be like for you or how you will feel or what parts of your everyday life will be impacted. The journey is as individual as we are.

Post-op seven months:

I wish I had known how bad I would feel not being able to help my daughters lose weight. I have this great tool and I try to lead by example, but you all know how hard it is without the tool. On the other hand: I wish I had know how good it would feel to wear whatever I want and know I look good in it. Sometimes when I am out I have to remind myself that I am small!

I was well aware of the known possibles, the published ones, the one your doc and NUT tell you about, but had I known about the myriad of problems others have had, the decision to go forward would have been even more difficult.... and I say that because I have not had many problems, nor difficulties in getting my protein in, nor wicked Hair loss, nor constant dumping, nor hydration difficulties. I think my obstacles have been manageable, and overcome... which is how I treat obstacles... just a minor roadblock that you have to get through -- Such is life.

I like that I recovered quickly from having an open RNY.

I liked seeing 299 again, which kept me going.

I like the support I received from professionals and friends.

I like the friends I've made post WLS.

I like the fact that I had not met anyone who had anything negative to say to me about having had WLS.

I especially like the fact that I do not weigh 400 lbs, because had I not had WLS, that's where I'd be tipping the scale. So to me, this was worse than any negative that could be presented to me.

Post-op eight months:

--I wish I had known how much I enjoy working out regularly now that I am getting such great results for myself and such wonderful feedback from people who seem almost mesmerized about how different (read: "good") I now look having lost 16" in my waist and well over 100lbs so far this year!

I wish I would have understood how losing weight would affect my relationships with other people.

I wish I would have known that eating and drinking were going to become a full time job. The planning and weighing the grocery shopping and reading labels on everything you buy.

I wish I would have known how difficult it was going to be to answer the same questions from people daily after surgery: How much have you lost? What did you eat today? Is that a new shirt? Did you get your water and exercise in today?

I wish I would have been told how rough this surgery is mentally. The physical and mental changes that your body goes through are unbelievable. It is way more then just "losing weight".

And the biggest one for me is that I never understood how hard it was going to be to say good bye to my best friend in the whole world. FOOD! It was there for me for any emotion or feeling that I had. It is like a death in the family not being able to rely on it or use it anymore.

I wish I knew that I would be thinking about food constantly throughout my day. Food is on my mind now more than it was when I was 265 pounds!

I wish I knew that I would be disappointed in myself for "only" having lost 70 pounds. I think if I hadn't had the surgery and lost 70 pounds I would be jumping for joy but now I can't help but feel somewhat unsuccessful.

I wish I knew I would feel guilty for eating certain things even though its nowhere near the amount I used to eat (i.e. a cookie...)

I wish I knew that my butt and my chest were going to become flat and my hair was going to fall out so much.

I wish I knew how overwhelming shopping can be when you're not limited to the "Lane Bryants" of the world.

Post-op nine months:

That at 9+ months out you REALLY have to work at eating correctly... you CAN eat more and you DO have the old cravings. I did know this before surgery...I knew this during months 1-9...but I thought to myself, "nope, not me...I am going to be one of the ones that is never hungry...that never wants to eat" YEAH RIGHT! What a dork I am...It has just in the past few weeks become such a job to eat correctly and not eat crap.

Post-op eleven months:

I wish I had known that I am NOT truly that big boned......and therefore know not to overbuy clothes when I get to the limit my mind had made. Yep, a whole bag of my "never can imagine" size barely worn if at all, and hanging in the closet are the clothes in my "shut up......I would never be THAT small" size!

I wish I had known that my tastes would change and make some of the healthy eating aspects easier than I imagined.

I wish I had known that I would still somehow miraculously be able to consume mammoth amounts of salty munchies......which makes some aspects of my new life more difficult than imagined.

I wish I had known not to overbuy the supplements, but rather to stock up on tea, cocoa powder, and dry milk.

I wish I had known that I was not saying good-bye to food, but just setting new boundaries in our relationship.

I wish I had known that I would like my body more and more with clothes on and less and less naked as I get smaller.

I know it sounds silly but I wish I would have known just how chapped my lips were going to be! I also was not prepared for thinking "WHAT have I done to myself....... I must be stupid and crazy!!!!" It only lasted a day or two but I had no idea that others had this same thought! I felt as if I made a mistake and got extremely depressed. Even the next day I didn't feel that way I was excited for my journey!

One year post-op:

I wish that I realized how difficult "head hunger" was going to be for the first few months post op. I kept hearing about the fact that although I would be on a restricted diet, the DESIRE to eat "regular" food was going to be nearly insatiable. I couldn't eat like a normal person and I knew that, but I wanted to so bad. The mental changes that you go through to change the way you think and feel about food is a slow, phased and sometimes painful (but necessary) process. I did not understand that pre-op. I kept thinking I could deal with it without any problems at all and I was wrong.

I also wished I listened to people tell me that I should not buy any new clothes (except for thrift or deeply discounted****il I was ALL THE WAY down to my new weight. Along the way, I kept thinking that was the smallest I could get, so I may as well get new clothes. I got a little wear out of the in-between sizes, but not much.

I wish I had known the REAL reason why I was doing it - which had nothing to do with losing weight, but was about reclaiming my life.

I wish I had known that the way I felt the first month post-op was temporary. Maybe it was better that I went in not knowing how truly awful I was going to feel for a while. Looking back on it, it passed quickly, but they don't call it hell week for nothing.

I wish I had known how amazing it is to meet people who haven't seen me since before the surgery.

I wish I had known that my life would change so much so fast. I love who I am for the first time in decades, and glory in the ability of this body to do so much without pain or tears or humiliation.

I wi****ruly understood the COMMITMENT...100% life style change....they told me but real life is different from a zerox handout/support group once a month.

I regret I had it. It is very dangerous. We never hear of those who died from Wernicke's encephalopathy, and other issues, as they are not considered by-pass related, "directly". I have Wernicke's encephalopathy, severe dry eye, ataxia, night sensitivity, and cannot keep weight on. I regret I had the surgery. Deeply regret it. I aged some 15 years. Hair is all but gone. And I am 1 year out.

I would've taken the couples counseling sessions more seriously or read more into the dramatic effects it can and will have on your marriage/relationship post surgery. If you don't think it can happen to you, like I thought about my marriage, DO IT!! It will be worth it in the end and the "spouse support" is a major factor when talking of the TOTAL success of your surgery (other than the weight loss figures).

1.Things I wish I'd known, part 3 of 3

14 months:

I wish I’d known:

1. that smells are so much stronger now and can make you ill

2. that skin is not always so elastic when it's going down as it was going up in weight

3. that your relationships change so much because you change, not just physically but emotionally. You have to deal with the issues you stuffed down your mouth, so the rawness of that can be hard to swallow

4. people don't always think you look good

5. some people like you better fat and don't know how to deal with you skinny

6. you really could lose your life and surgery is a huge step! I was so lucky my doc was a good one and fixed me up quick

7. How eating is a chore sometimes and you won't be hungry for food some days

8. people will think you are sick "all" the time even if it only happened 4 times in 9 months

9. that you won't see the changes as fast as some other people see them so you can get discouraged when you haven't lost as much weight as so n so

10. that the people who were attracted to you when you were fat, may not be attracted to you skinny

11. people who wouldn't look at you before, now have an interest in you

12. family can ignore your accomplishments because they are jealous or resent you took a chance on your life

13. that it would give me back my life such as playing, running, jumping, stretching, walking, etc...

14. fitting into clothes you haven't ever dreamed you would is such a HIGH!!

15. that WLS can be lonely if you don't have support

18 months:

I wish I had trusted my fellow gbs friends when they said "Don't buy too many clothes...you will shrink out of them" I never believed I would ever be the size I am today.

I was at 185, but I let a remark throw me off. Someone said " Oh God, your cheeks are all sunk in, you look terrible".

So I purposely gained 35 lbs. regretting it now. I am dieting again to get back to 185. That is where I have no gut, naturally.

Other wise, I lost 175 lbs...So, don't let a remark get to you.

20 months:

Know that though Moderation is the long term goal for post op life... using 'living life with moderation' as an excuse to go off the post op plan before maintenance is unwise... active weight loss stops, and sometimes you cannot control how early it will stop or how much (or how little!) you will lose so it's wise to take that very short time (in the grand scheme of things) to stick as closely to your doctors plan as possible.. work that honeymoon phase and work it hard.. the more you lose towards your goal in that active weight loss plan the better.

Take it from one whose weight loss stopped at 9 months and doctor after doctor has informed me that this is it, even though I still measure and log my food at nearly three years out and even though I work out a minimum of 10 hours a week at the gym.. and these aren't pansy workouts at a leisurely pace either.. random people come up to me and tell me how inspirational I am to them because they see how hard I work.. 'energizer bunny' at the gym is one label I'm proud to wear for sure.. 20 year olds have told me they feel intimidated because they can't keep up with me. And I'm still 'done'. And I am still classified as "Obese" on the BMI chart.

I don't want any of you to end up like me. Though some days it messes with my head.. a LOT.. to see people years later, have surgery and then pass me by on the weight stats.. but it is still gratifying to me for the most part... if it wasn't, I wouldn't bother talking about the problem some of us have. And yeah, not all of us have this issue but you won't know till you're there, you know? :/

Two years:

I wish I’d known that it would become a daily struggle for me to keep on track. I was told it gets harder and I have to work at it every day. The good thing is this tool works and forces me to eat well in order to feel good.

I wish I knew how badly I would hate the sagging skin. I thought I would be ok with it and it would be better than having all of the extra weight, but it really became and still is an issue with me. The thing I can not tolerate the most is my calves...all of those who know me know that I am so called teeny tiny, but my calves are huge. I have to roll them up in my pants...literally. When I wear shorts, and my legs are relaxed, I have calf wings...seriously. I am not exaggerating. the nurse at my pcp told me yesterday that she can't believe how big they are in proportion to my body. I was laying on the table and my calves were flopped there skin laying there....looked like slabs of meat with the skin hanging off. At least she was honest with me. She told me my tummy and chest look great…I think because she felt bad after she talked about my legs. No worries...I know they are gross. Anyway, skin is a big thing with me and I just wish I knew that I was going to need help with it...mental help that is. I don't regret surgery though...not for a minute.

Three Years:

I wish I had known how great life really is after you reached the various goals...then perhaps I wouldn't have struggled so much over the journey Then again, it's hard to appreciate what you have if you didn't struggle for it.

I wish I would have known just after losing my first 50 pounds my ankles would stop giving out on me!

I wish I would have known how many friends I would have lost.

I wish I would have known the hardest thing to deal with was how much my face and facial features changed!

Four Years:

The reasons why I believe depression came on about a year after surgery, the first year is so exciting and challenging I dont think you think about much... until all the loss and changing comes to a slow roll.......... Why I got depressed!

I think it is because of so many life hurts, and turning to "comfort foods" and putting up the wall of fat around me to protect me for several years. Now that the weight is gone, and my eating habits have changed where I dont turn to food to soothe my feelings and emotions have been left stranded. I know I am a codependant person, and the idea of turning to drugs and alcohol has been a teetering source of comfort that alarms me. So I stop doing that, now what? How do I deal? In comes depression because I feel lost, hopeless, scared, develop anxiety, lose friends and feel abondoned, you are constantly criticized by family, friends, neighbors about how SICK you look... what is someone to do who at one time was invisible to the stares and comments? Someone who wasnt a threat to the people around you? These are some of the experiences which I feel led me to fall into depression. It is because of my experience I strongly urge people to stick with a therapist for 2 years after surgery, on at least a monthly basis just to "check in" emotionally.

Five Years:

I wish I had known I would love the person I would become, and that I had worth. It would have saved a lot of tears, if I had known that. The tears, though, are part of the reason I became this person. Without being fat, and without GBS as a catalyst for the implosion of my entire life post-op, I would not have as much respect for the person I have become.

I wish I had known that GBS wasn't bulletproof much earlier on in the process. I certainly heard the words, but I didn't listen to them, because I just knew I would be the one who didn't try sugar, and I just knew I was the one who was capable of only eating the calories I needed after the surgery was over. My own humanity came as a distinct shock.

I wish I had known the depression that I went through at about two years post-op wasn't because of the surgery, but because the surgery didn't fix my life. I still had the same life, I just could no longer tolerate the fact that it didn't all change along with my body. As a result, I tried a number of drugs for depression, and in hindsight, it was to medicate myself into staying in that life that I had outgrown while I was shrinking.

[TinyMamiOf3kids 1,280]

Wow! I feel like I read a book. Good reading

I wanna comment on

... Having people that don’t know you have had the surgery assume you’re becoming deathly ill or suddenly anorexic

My husband was telling me a few days ago how my neighbor was asking if I was sick or have health problems that I lost so much weight. He said she's fine she has back problems. & her doctor suggest for her to lose weight so she did.

[worm2872 635]

Wow. Thank you. Two things.. It reminds me why I'm terrified of failing and how hard this is. I wish everyone who say easy way out could read this. Also to the poor woman who lost her hair, I'm so sorry!

[FatFreeinNC 22]

This is amazingly informative! Thank you sooo much for sharing!

[kristy3k 1,133]

What a great piece... loved the part of Reclaiming my life!!! So true... some parts made me weep because I saw myself there. Thanks for sharing

[BBdoodle 483]

Very imformative and some of us only have "some" of the things she listed, everyone handles everything differently some more better than others. It was nice to read !

[Uniqueladybug 80]

Thank you so much for sharing. I think we can all see ourselves somewhere in there. While not one of us is the same, we all have similar struggles and we are all here for the same reason. Thank you to my forum family for always being there for me, for the laughter and the tears. You all are truly amazing!!!

Jess...Surgiversary 9/19/12

[EEsMom 15]

WOW! That was an eye-opener. A number of things I hadn't concidered there. Other things I thought of or worried about and knowing they're a possibility helps. Thanks, will be using this as another reference tool.

[ladyspl 161]

Eye opening. Hard to read while I'm in the midst of pre-surgery jitters. However, I have 3 daughters who need a healthy roll model, and I cannot do this on my own. Thanks for sharing this.

[DrMomFlrs 22]

Wow--- I loved this! Learned a lot (I usualy do on this forum) and saw myself in it many times. I am only one month post op, but I will be returning to this post often.

[lenabeena 13]

This was very insightful and touching. Definitely made me think. I'm going to save this story.

[worm2872 635]

Looking back on this... so much is true. The emotions, the stall at three weeks, Hell week, etc. But you get through it.

[aep2k1983 12]

This was a great post. I think it's helpful to go back & read this at different times throughout this journey.

I will say the emotional toll of this surgery for me has been tough. The hardest part is having family members no longer speak to you because you've lost weight & they are struggling to do so.

I think it's also been harder to accept the smaller me, than the fat me... I believe with time I will get past it & hope that anyone else dealing with this will be encouraged.

[MalyssaSue 65]

This post was amazing.

[Sparklette 381]

Enjoyed this post, I'd heard of all the things she talked about from doctors, but Put in this context its really scary. I'm preop, and this was very interesting.