Roadside shrines

[Devana 0]

In our neck of the woods we have roadside shrines popping up wherever there has been a death due to an MVA. They bug the hell out of me and I'm not quite sure why. I guess it's because I think people wouldn't dream of putting these up in their homes if someone died in their own bed. I'm tired of seeing bedraggled teddy bears and other mementos by the side of the road.

I do have young relatives that died in a fiery crash, so I don't think I'm insensitive to grief.

Does anyone have any opinion on these? How long should they stay up? I go by some that have been in place for years. Is this filling a need that a grave site would?

[Carlene 12]

We have those here, too. The city/state traffic depts don't like them but they will leave them up for a few months following a fatal accident. I have seen articles in the newspaper when they remove them and the families are angry about it. Some people think they are dangerous, in and of themselves. Passing motorists gawk at the crosses, photos, etc and try to read what the signs say.

I think, however, that I understand what drives people to do that. My first husband died in an industrial accident during the construction of a large building in Richardson, TX. (For the edification of those who live/work near by, it is just off Central Expressway and was originally Citizens State Bank.) Passing by the site bothers me, even 30 years later. I used to think it was a shame that there was no marker saying that a man (two men, actually) died here, but I guess that wouldn't be good for business. I'm pretty sure that if I had tried to erect one of those little memorials in their parking lot, I would have been arrested.

About 25 years ago, when they still left the doors to my church's sanctuary unlocked all during the day, a woman shot herself on the altar. There is no marker to indicate that anyone died there and most of the parishioners now don't even know about it, which is just as well, I suppose. It creeps me out a little bit every now and then, if I let my mind wander during Mass. The woman's funeral Mass was held in the same church, by the way. I think it was big of them not to hold a grudge.

[Jachut 487]

I actually find them really distracting if I'm driving - especially when its a site where the death has been publicised on the news. But I always find myself looking around to see what it is about the site that could have caused the accident.

For that reason, I dont think they should be allowed. I understand the need to mark the site and make it special, but its a public spot and not really appropriate for such private use.

[MissyC 0]

Devana,

I am so glad to hear someone else say that those roadside shrines disturb them.

I understand the original concept was started by MADD to memorialize victims of drunk drivers, but they are everywhere now in my area.

I am a nurse, am I don't feel like I am unsympathetic to death at all.

I deal with death and dying almost every day.

I am bothered that we "society", puts up these shrines for death. I guess I think to myself.....is the poor young women who died suddenly from blood clots in bed 20 any less tragic or unimportant?? ......or the middle aged man who died from cardiac kidney disease in bed 15 ???

We don't put big crosses on every bed where someone dies. Our sorrow and grief are no less heartfelt.

I personally love cemetary's. It is moving and important for me to spend time with deceased loved ones in my family several times per year. Me and my mom make sure that graves are tidy and silk flowers renewed.

They are peaceful and quiet spots of tribute to the dead. Why can't we stick with them?

I don't mean to offend anyone. That's just my point of view.

In our neck of the woods we have roadside shrines popping up wherever there has been a death due to an MVA. They bug the hell out of me and I'm not quite sure why. I guess it's because I think people wouldn't dream of putting these up in their homes if someone died in their own bed. I'm tired of seeing bedraggled teddy bears and other mementos by the side of the road.

I do have young relatives that died in a fiery crash, so I don't think I'm insensitive to grief.

Does anyone have any opinion on these? How long should they stay up? I go by some that have been in place for years. Is this filling a need that a grave site would?

[maudeispam 2]

The road side shrines don't really bother me. Here in South Dakota the DOT puts up regular highway type signs where ever someone dies in a MVA. I'm not sure if the family must request this, or the DOT does it for all MVAs. When I lived in Michigan still and good friend of mine was killed by a drunk driver, he was 25 and was giving some kids and their folks a hayride. The drunk driver topped a hill, hit the hay wagon and bucked my friend off the tractor, which in turn ran him over. He died right there. The other people only had minor cuts and bruises. The DD was not injured. My sister and I hired a wood worker neighbor to make a cross, with my friend's name and the date he died and friends forever on it. My dad helped us stain and waterproof it and set it in the site. Far enough off the road not to be a distraction, but within few feet to remind people of the dangers of drunk driving. We never mentioned to any of my friend's family or other friends we had did this. Then the family started asking who did it, and we admitted it. They were honored and happy that someone had erected such a beautiful tribute to their family member. As always there are two sides to every story. JMO.

[Wheetsin 714]

We have them all over the place, and they've been there for *years*. I have no idea what the law is about them, but I do think they are distracting. And I do know you can't put up signs advertising a business or a house for sale in an interstate median, so I'm not sure why you can advertise someone's death.

If a person has a heart attack at work, I doubt anyone would allow a cross to be put up at the place in the breakroom where they fell. Even if it was a state building. And if someone was hit in the head by a wildly hit baseball at a public park, I doubt they'd allow a memorial to be placed. So I'm really not sure why it's "ok" to have them on medians and shoulders.

And yes, I do find them distracting. Here people will go as far as to put shiny little windmills, or battery operated lights (like xmas tree lights), or metallic streamers all around... and laminated photographs, etc.

I'd think most people would want to memorialize the place where the person was "laid to rest", not the place where they were "brutally decapitated".

I'm only aware of one where the state has intervened, and that was because the people went so far as to plant flowers & greenery around the memorial they built, and whatever body manages the "natural wildlife" along the interstate (it's one of the "scenic route" places) was afraid that the planted greenery had a chance of seeping beyond the memorial and overrunning the natural foilage.

The other thing I really don't understand is why people make tributes out of their vehicles. I don't know if this is done everywhere because honestly, I travel a LOT and I've never seen one outside of my own state (thought that could be coincidence), but here people people very frequently have "In memory of John Doe, 1980 - 2004" stickers on their back windows. Usually next a Dale Earnhart (sp) "3" and Calvin peeing on whatever make of car they aren't driving.

[mrspruett 0]

I think the person's final resting place would be a more appropriate place for the "shrine". Here in southern Indiana these roadside memorials are everywhere. Some are dirty and the crosses are falling over but I guess the roadside workers leave them there out of respect.I think they should be banned.

[Carlene 12]

The other thing I really don't understand is why people make tributes out of their vehicles. I don't know if this is done everywhere because honestly, I travel a LOT and I've never seen one outside of my own state (thought that could be coincidence), but here people people very frequently have "In memory of John Doe, 1980 - 2004" stickers on their back windows. Usually next a Dale Earnhart (sp) "3" and Calvin peeing on whatever make of car they aren't driving.

That's a new one (to me), although I have seen LOTS of the DE decals and the urinating Calvins, as well. Here it's a sports decal (or dance, cheer, etc) and the kid's name under it. My DIL, for example, has an SUV with a hockey player decal and under it "Joseph", because my grandson plays hockey. Sometimes they get carried away. I saw one the other day and the whole back window was covered with them - all for "Whitney": a ballerina, a cheerleader, a softball, and a gymnast. Makes you wonder what Whitney does in her spare time.

[Betsyjane 2]

I hope the shrines are a reminder to drive carefully.

[green 6]

People in Ontario are pretty conservative about bumper stickers. You almost never, ever see them. I think this is partly because we worry about them causing rust to form around them and, too, we seem to see them as defacing the cars.

My city - Toronto - has its fair share of shrines. In the case of some traffic mortalities, usually those involving the death of a child, or in certain instances when a child has murdered, shrines may spontaneously pop up. These are never allowed to last for more than a week or so but there are individuals who do derive some measure of comfort through

marking the loss of a life by leaving flowers or a plush toy and a card at the site where the body has been found. These temporary shrines may give the families some solace while they themselves are mourning.

And of course the shrines point out that these lives have been lost in an unexpected and violent fashion through the actions of third parties. This is why we never see shrines at the desks of individuals who have died of heart attacks.

[threebeauties 0]

I don't like the shrines either. Don't understand them.

[MS_mom_1965 0]

I've told my hubby and kids that if I die in a car accident, DO NOT put anything by the road at the accident site. I don't want them to drive by every day and say, gee, there's where mom gasped her last breath.

Please, remember me living!

[green 6]

Yah, I would prefer not to be enshrined in a shrine, too. Though I am intellectually aware that there are people who do find comfort in placing flowers, cards and plush toys at the site of violent deaths, I personally find this practice weird.

[kebsa 1]

I would prefer that the memorials remained in the cemetries too. I think ts really sad that regardless of how long the person lived, it is the moment of there death that gets memorialised and not their life. A lot of these roadside shrines very quickly become tatty looking garbage heaps that certainly do not honor the persons life.

As Jacut said, they are distracting when driving past but I also feel for the residents that live in the street if it is a residendial area. There is one that i drive pass occasionally it is near a school bus stop in a resdential street outsde private residences. It marks the spot where an 8yr grl died years ago and I know that it causes dstress to the people who live nearby to have their yard treated like a cemetry and be constantly reminded of the tragedy on ther doorstep.

I worked in Palliative care for a number of years and we recognised the need for people to memorialise there loved ones, teh organisation that i work for has a yearly rememberance gathering for familes and staff to get together to remember their loved ones lives, not where they took there last breath

[mariecarmen 1]

I think the shrines are a physical manifestation of someone's sense of powerlessness; the need to DO something. People who are unnaturally, suddenly, prematurely and violently taken from us shake our belief in the natural order of life. People are supposed to be old when they die, supposed to give some fair warning of impending death, supposed to die in hospitals--not go out for a gallon of milk and never return.

When I see the roadside shrines I understand the meaning--a vibrant and loved person died here. A person that was valued and not supposed to die. Please remember this person, please be careful, please hold your loved ones close.