Jbaz777 43 Posted October 14, 2012 Ok, so going to vent a bit about my current situation, ive lost so far about 75 pounds since my surgery july 12th. Im looking a bit thinner, I feel good, have energy and im only going to lose more weight, im roughly 60 pounds away from being at my goal weight. Now that being said my partner is getting soooo jealous lately about anything I do outside my home/job, I mean if I go out with my friends, im apprantly going out to find someone else, now im not one to go looking for anyone else because im happy with what I have. Im not liking the new issues...does anyone else have this problem??? what can I do?? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
PaulB 346 Posted October 15, 2012 The bad news is there is a high rate of separation after WLS not all of it is the WLS patient fault. Spouse don't want change they think that when we get thin we wont want our spouses any more. Or the spouse get jealous of what we have done and won't change with us. Can't they see we do this Becuse we love them and our kids and just want to be healthy for them. Sorry for your problem you have gone though a lot and to have to deal with spouse that is afraid. Yes afraid . I'm no marriage counsellor and don't know what to tell you but hope it al works out if not. You will be slim and hot and ready for what ever comes along next. I have posted here before if I wasnt married this would be a great please to meet hot skinny chicks. ( don't tell my wife I said that) LOL Any time you need to vent just let it out we this Fourm is here for you PS nice weight loss keep it up Surgery Anniversary 7/30/12 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
TinyMamiOf3kids 1,280 Posted October 15, 2012 My hubby is getting jealous also I was warn by other members here but what can I do. It's your too good for me. Everyone is on a diet now. He acts as if I dont cook due to the fact that I dint eat rice & fried food.< /p> Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Jbaz777 43 Posted October 15, 2012 I just wish I could change it because, I do love my partner, but im not doing anything different or act different im just skinnier. I do hope things change. Thank you for all ur words. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
aNuMe 59 Posted October 15, 2012 Im not in a relationship but a friend who had the surgery told me that many people in ur life will be jealous even people u wouldnt think friends, family, co-workers u name it I guess ur competition now in their eyes. U'd think they would jus be happy for u. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
PaulB 346 Posted October 15, 2012 WLS requires us to change our lives,for the ones around us they just don't get it. I have had some people around me put WLS down Becuse they don't know anything about it. For some spouses it scares them Becuse they want you to stay fat so you won't leave them all alone. So they act out and put you down. I'm sure your partner does care for you they are just afraid of change.they should walk in our shoes and see what change we have to go though every day. My wife worried when this all started that I would cheat on here like her ex did 14 years ago. But after long talks and taking her to RNY support group meetings she under stands what I'm going though and now is my cheerleader Hope everything work out for you Surgery Anniversary 7/30/12 1 lili2012 reacted to this Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
tmorgan 87 Posted October 15, 2012 I haven't told my husband for that reason. I will tell him sat I don't want to be stress. If I told him he will ask me if I'm hungry always wants to feed me. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
OleHippieGal 275 Posted October 15, 2012 Haven't had my surgery yet. I am 56 my hubs is 47. I am doing the WLS for me for my health and for my granddaughter. When I met hubs 13 yrs ago I weighed 274 he weighed 353. My top weight was 306 he is still at his at 450. I have lost down to 284 due to shrinking for WLS I know I can do this hubs I don't think can ever. He has been heavy all his life since 5 yrs old. I have asked him many times wouldn't he like to see how normal feels. I gained my weight starting at 28. Mostly from depression. I could care less if I ever have sex again and damn sure don't ever want another man. I just want to be healthy and able to feel good and not be the biggest one in the pictures anymore. Hubs has no worries that I would leave him no reason to get jealous. But I really wish he would consider WLS too he did mention he will see how it goes for me and maybe he will. Crossing my fingers Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
PaulB 346 Posted October 15, 2012 Haven't had my surgery yet. I am 56 my hubs is 47. I am doing the WLS for me for my health and for my granddaughter. When I met hubs 13 yrs ago I weighed 274 he weighed 353. My top weight was 306 he is still at his at 450. I have lost down to 284 due to shrinking for WLS I know I can do this hubs I don't think can ever. He has been heavy all his life since 5 yrs old. I have asked him many times wouldn't he like to see how normal feels. I gained my weight starting at 28. Mostly from depression. I could care less if I ever have sex again and damn sure don't ever want another man. I just want to be healthy and able to feel good and not be the biggest one in the pictures anymore. Hubs has no worries that I would leave him no reason to get jealous. But I really wish he would consider WLS too he did mention he will see how it goes for me and maybe he will. Crossing my fingers You can't make someone due something that they don't want to do but maybe after he see's you losing weight he will want WLS to keep your fingers crossed. It would be way cool for him to do it with you, but look at it like this I have seen it at support group that the spouse has it done a year after, Becuse they see what their other spouse looks like and you will be able to help him though it Surgery Anniversary 7/30/12 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
sexycanadian 3 Posted October 15, 2012 My boyfriend left me before I had the surgery. He is a overweight man and was on the program to have the surgery and decided to drop out. I had the surgery and feel great, I felt bad at first since he left me but decided my life was more important. You will have to make sure he understand that you are with him and him only, show him that you are there for him. For now instead of going out with your friends go out with him, you have to start to built your relationship all over again Unfortunately this is one thing part of this surgery that is hard to deal with but keep your head up and you will get true this I have lost many friends and work friends due to this surgery but I keep thinking that if they where really my friends they would have stand by me Good luck 1 Vicki Loichinger reacted to this Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
PaulB 346 Posted October 15, 2012 My boyfriend left me before I had the surgery. He is a overweight man and was on the program to have the surgery and decided to drop out.I had the surgery and feel great' date=' I felt bad at first since he left me but decided my life was more important. You will have to make sure he understand that you are with him and him only, show him that you are there for him. For now instead of going out with your friends go out with him, you have to start to built your relationship all over again Unfortunately this is one thing part of this surgery that is hard to deal with but keep your head up and you will get true this I have lost many friends and work friends due to this surgery but I keep thinking that if they where really my friends they would have stand by me Good luck [/quote'] Why do people and mostly the skinny ones hate WLS. And then don't want to be your friend anymore. Maybe they weren't your friend to begin with. I only lost one so called friend he just couldn't see why someone would do this to your self, (his words) why can't you just diet and exercise more Why take the easy way out ( this person is 6 feet weighs about 145 can eat what ever he wants and not gain a oz) so he is a expert at lossing weight. And now does not want to talk to me at work Becuse he see that WLS is working for me. I have a wife that is there and supports me though this journey she has been more involved than myself goes to gastric support group with me searches the web for new recipes watches what I take to work for lunch and worries constantly about me. Or as I say Mothers me. To bad everyone can't have my support she makes this easy. And I feel bad for the ones that have to go it alone. Need help see if there is a support group in your area Surgery Anniversary 7/30/12 2 Vicki Loichinger and BBdoodle reacted to this Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kiwiladydee 402 Posted October 15, 2012 My sister and I went shopping and she realized we could now shop in the same section. She started working out 3 times a day!!! I don't think she's doing it in a bad way, I think everyone is so use to me being the bigger person, it's scary when I'm wearing the same size. Sent from my iPhone using RNYTalk Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
music1618 879 Posted October 15, 2012 Before my surgery my hubby and I had long talks about this subject. I told him my fears and feelings and we seemed to have worked through things ok. My hubby was always the one when I was doing well on a diet he would bring home the sweets. I felt like he was sabbatoging me every time. Well he did it my third week after surgery. He brought home a chocolate cream pie, saying since it was cream he figured I could eat it and he bought it for me. Well that night we sat down and I said this is exactly what I was talking about before the surgery. After a good long talk he has changed his ways, and learning about this everyday with me.y husband has never had a weight issue and he says he just wants me to be happy and healthy. My advise to everyone is talk to your partner. Even if that does not work at least you tried! 1 BBdoodle reacted to this Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Jbaz777 43 Posted October 16, 2012 Well, my partner does love me, but being a truck driver and unable to be here, I believe triggerrs the obssesion to be overly jealoys, thinks becuz not here to give me all the new attention people, are now giving me, that ill be straying off to find better. Just time and patience for the changes made will hopefully be the key, I just hope its not to late at that point. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kisersassy 369 Posted October 16, 2012 Why do people and mostly the skinny ones hate WLS. And then don't want to be your friend anymore. Maybe they weren't your friend to begin with. I only lost one so called friend he just couldn't see why someone would do this to your self' date=' (his words) why can't you just diet and exercise more Why take the easy way out ( this person is 6 feet weighs about 145 can eat what ever he wants and not gain a oz) so he is a expert at lossing weight. And now does not want to talk to me at work Becuse he see that WLS is working for me. I have a wife that is there and supports me though this journey she has been more involved than myself goes to gastric support group with me searches the web for new recipes watches what I take to work for lunch and worries constantly about me. Or as I say Mothers me. To bad everyone can't have my support she makes this easy. And I feel bad for the ones that have to go it alone. Need help see if there is a support group in your area Surgery Anniversary 7/30/12[/quote'] Because you were the fat friend that made them look better and more attractive when out in public and now taking all the attention away from them Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
