female only Relationship Issues

[NurseTAB 65]

Where to begin this might be lengthy but I need outsiders opinion. I been with my boyfriend six years he has worked off and on but mostly hasn't worked. I love him and he does some house work and helps with our 2 kids. He is a good man to me but as I am getting older I want things like a nice house and to live comfortable. He has a GED but no education beyond that. I have a college degree and support all of us and I'm just sick of it. He lost his license and has been driving my car and all I can think if he gets pulled over or wrecks it I have no money to fix it or get it out of impound an I work an hour away so I need my car. It's 300 to get his lose de back so once I start making money again since I been off for surgery I will have to pay it. He isn't known for his good driving or lack of crashes. He has been looking for work but not as much as I would be if I didn't have a job. He has changed a lot since we first got together he is a way better man but I'm sick of supporting him but I love him and have told him he needs to find work to help out. My question is am I being shallow cuz money is the issue? I'm sick of working so hard and not getting ahead and I went to college to better myself and not be broke, what should I do? I want all opinions nice or not.

[kiwiladydee 402]

Well this is my open and honest opinion. If he was the woman of the house and was handling the kids, cooking, cleaning etc I don't think most men would have a problem. However it seems like you are more upset by his lack of assertiveness than anything else. You have enable this behavior for six years, so you will have to put in the same amount of time to change it. Now, just because he starts to work doesn't mean everything else will fall into play. There are a lot of men who can provide for their family, but they are not necessary good husbands, fathers boyfriends etc. I think it would be great if you could help him find a hobby or part time job. Say you need a little extra Christmas money or something. Lol

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[Cheryl Barfoot 69]

it all comes down to what you are willing to put up with. where do you draw the line? do you love him enough to take care of him for the rest of your life? is taking care of him taking away from you kids? it's your decision, good luck!

[NurseTAB 65]

He doesn't do all the house work he never does dishes sometimes does clothes I think that's my other issues he doesn't do the house husband thing. If I'm the one working he should be doing all of it and me some on my days off. But he is not.

[Lissette2022 53]

Something's gotta give. I've heard of many stay at home dads but they do the house work at least... Honestly it's not fair to you. Ur busting ur butt working and not getting any form of support. Living comfortably is not asking for much. we all deserve it. I've never been one to support a man especially if he shows no ambition. With that said... That's my opinion

Surgiversary 8/27/12 @ 255lbs (Sent from my iPhone using RNYTalk)

[TinyMamiOf3kids 1,280]

He doesn't do all the house work he never does dishes sometimes does clothes I think that's my other issues he doesn't do the house husband thing. If I'm the one working he should be doing all of it and me some on my days off. But he is not.

"I don't know why I must comment" us woman sometimes have a weeknest for love. We love & give so much & as time passes we start to get older & realize we are getting no where & need something better. My sister in law after 22 years I believe woke up & kicked her husband out. She was supporting him had 2 daughters & enough was enough.

I was about to leave my husband there must have been some strong prayers in this group that my husband changed. Not the perfect marriage but the bills are getting paid. The arguments are less.

Men/women get comfortable in there relationship & take things for granted & feel that's it let the other work support the house & bills. If woman work then men should do all the house chores & child minding.

[Shrinking Don 365]

ok a guys view i personally could not let any woman support me i don't mind if she makes more money then i do but i would have to work and put my share in. As far as him driving your car with no license it is putting you in jeapordy of ruining your insurance you better tell them he stole it if he gets caught.

[jenneliza 257]

I agree with kiwi and don. He shouldn't be driving your car until he gets his situation taken care of. It's just not good sense.

As far as the working/housework, I dealt with this before. It just made me resent him. Why can't he work part time in a field that would make him happy? And if not working, he should do a minimum of dishes, laundry, and some basic straightening up. But that's just me.

If he didn't work or help but was amazing with the kids and me it would be easy to look the other way. But if he wasn't a good dad or husband too I'd be gone. It isn't always equal but marriage should be a joint effort.

[DLove41 26]

My mom always told my "you can do bad by yourself" you guys have 2 kids and ok he's good to you but what about the strain doing it by yourself is causing you. Think of how much better things would be for your family with 2 incomes. Its time for him to man up and help provide for his family. Good luck

[NurseTAB 65]

Thanks guys, I talked with him tonight and told him no more driving until he gets his license back. And that why he doesn't have a job needs to do all the house work, I just hope he finds a job soon so I don't have to be so stressed.

[jerz 251]

I skipped all the responses. All I have to say is....if you have the drive for the future and goals, then why can't he? Stop making excuses! We all are born with the same brain! If it doesn't feel right, then it's not for you!

[toothfairy 1]

I tell this to my friends who are going through relationship issues with their significant other..."you knew this person, and accepted them as they were from the begining." I understand people change but I'm referring to the educational issue. Having a GED is ok, but in today's society its not enough to secure a position (most of the time). I understand where your frustration comes into play and lazyness should not be tolerated. DO NOT allow him to drive your car. If he loves you he won't put you or your kids in jeopardy! It's a huge risk since you are the bread winner.

I strongly believe ultimatums in situations such as these. Set standards and expectations and a time frame it all has to be accomplished by. I know you love him and this will be tough, but if you don't take care of yourself then who will your kids have to rely on? Make sure everything is reasonable, but make sure he sticks to the plan. If he's willing to do it...then he's a keeper. If not then he's fallen too deep into bad habits....and that's NOT good for you or the kids!

Best of Luck and remember to Love yourself first! I have two kids a husband...and if I don't take care of me first then I would never have energy for them!

[Shrinking Don 365]

If he only has a GED that is fine he can still find a decent job i don't even have a ged i am a 10th grade drop out why because i had a single mom who was struggling hard with the loss of my grandmother and life in general she needed help so i quit school and went to work full time. If he puts his mind to it he can get a decent job i have done everything from pizza delivery and worked my way up to management now i drive truck for a living locally and make about $18 hr plus ot after 40 it can be done i have never been one to live off someone else and always paid my way from a young age not knocking anyone just saying it can be done without a GED even if the person has the motivation i may not be making $100,00 a yr but i bet if he could go out and make 45,000 a yr that would help a lot it can be done

[kiwiladydee 402]

Great story don... Starting off small can lead to big things

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[TinyMamiOf3kids 1,280]

If he only has a GED that is fine he can still find a decent job i don't even have a ged i am a 10th grade drop out why because i had a single mom who was struggling hard with the loss of my grandmother and life in general she needed help so i quit school and went to work full time. If he puts his mind to it he can get a decent job i have done everything from pizza delivery and worked my way up to management now i drive truck for a living locally and make about 18 hr plus ot after 40 it can be done i have never been one to live off someone else and always paid my way from a young age not knocking anyone just saying it can be done without a GED even if the person has the motivation i may not be making 100' date='00 a yr but i bet if he could go out and make 45,000 a yr that would help a lot it can be done[/quote']

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