My Struggle

Bandlam · February 3, 2007

As I go through my prequalification phase, I have had time to reflect on what has lead me to where I am today in my life. I love poetry, so I thought I would share this poem I wrote to help inspire me and hopefully others in the Stuggle.

My Struggle

At eighteen, A Doctor looked me in the eyes and told me if I don't do something about it now, I would Struggle later. I held a tear back as hard as I could.

I wanted to tell him about the pain of seeing women abused, men reduced from alchohol abuse, children left alone to watch themselves, but I stayed silent. My Mom struggled, My Daddy did too. My Sisters fought if off as long as they could, but now it has taken over them like the flu.

I wanted to tell The Doctor about the two week starvation diet that almost ended my life because of the teasing and pain that cut through my soul like a knife. I was only sixteen.

The loneliness I held inside as my weight fluctuated up and down, up and down, up, up, and up.

food became the eneny. Meals became a chore that I must endure.

Over the years I thought about how easy it was to blame Mom, Dad, The Pain, The Doctors, The Children, The Men, and eventually taking full ownership was my Sin.

As I walked down the street, I was either looked at or looked away in disgust. Or, maybe I just felt that way. Beating myself up was always easy. The fried chicken I ate in private to hide the pain was greasy.

I have decided Enough is Enoough! I'm ready to Give Up!!!

To give up the Junk food Runs, the Endless Hours of Sitting Down, The Health Problems, The Swollen Limbs, The Denials, The Blame Game, The Hatred, The miracle Diet pills, The Yo-Yo Dieting, The Late Night Bindge Eating, and most important... The Struggle.

From this day forwarded I will take charge of me. I will be in the driver's seat. I will make a change despite what has been placed before me. I now see.

The Doctor was right, I did Struggle. But he never told me that there is a light at the end of the tunnel where we can find our way.

JUST LOVE YOURSELF FOR WHO YOU ARE AND HANG IN THERE FOR JUST ONE MORE DAY!:clap2:

Good Luck,

Prebander

revolution · February 3, 2007

That was the one of the most sincere things I have ever read, and I could totally relate. I wish you the best on your journey and I'm sure everything will be good for you because you seem like you really want this. TC

DiscoDiva · February 3, 2007

I have felt that way too. So has my daughter. I had wonderful parents of normal weight, but I took back after my grandmother on my mothers side. From the time I was in first grade, I was made fun of and everything else you can think of. I did have some very close friends that never made me feel differnent. I did slim down in high school by starving myself.. I turned green and that was when my mom made me eat, and eat I did for her that day..After I was married and had kids I gained and lost a hundred pounds and now I am at my largest. So hang in there we are being banded on Feb 14th. Good luck.

Debbie

gigi8 · February 3, 2007

Prebander- That poem really hit home. That was so touching! Best of luck to you on your journey! I was banded 5 days ago. Feel free to ask me or any of the other members anything. This site is full of lots of information and supportive people. Please keep us updated-Gigi

juliegeraci · February 3, 2007

I love the poem. I really hope you can have lapband surgery. I am convinced to help me to save my life.

magnolia · February 3, 2007

After seeing the shrink and the nutritioist i saw the dr and got a date for march 5th. Now I am trying to calm my nerves by reading other success stories.

Bandlam · February 4, 2007

The poem was intensly personal, but I felt I needed to share these words

to help me and others out there who struggle everday with their weight and are in need of a solution. We will win! :confused:

Thanks for your support

-Prebander

MEW · February 4, 2007

Wow....that really hits home. To know that so many others have experienced what I have gone through and still am going through....

Thank you pre-bander!!

Linda12 · March 5, 2007

your poem was from the heart...and in some way, we`ve all lived a version of it!

hope we all reach a goal and point in life where our outside beauty comes close to matching our inner beauty...if only others in the thinner world could see the way those here lay their heart apon their sleeve for everyone to see...they`d see past the weight to the true beauty we all possess!!

Rosi · March 5, 2007

That poem was so beautiful,and I can tell very heartfelt. I have struggled with my weight since toddler days and very excited to start this new journey with the band. I really feel it is the tool that I need to help me.

Best of luck on your journey>

Bev