Unsupportive Husband..

[connie3 43]

Is making this choice even more difficult for me to make. He's not fat and has never been so I feel like he will never understand me. I'm just wondering if anyone else out there has or had a similar problem and how where you able to over come it.

[JustJenn 542]

I'm so sorry you are experiencing this. I knew my extended family wouldnt be supportive so I didn't tell them! But for your husband, I would suggest making an appointment with a counselor so he can put words to his feelings and you can explain how important this is to you and your health. Do you have children? Explaining how a healthy you can mean a more involved mommy or a healthy you for a future family.

Best of luck!

[DLCoggin 1,788]

I agree with Jenn. There are a number of reasons that a spouse might not be supportive - from concern about the risks to worries about the cost and everything in between. Identifying the source of his concern/objections will give you (and us if you decide to share) a better idea of how to address his concerns. I think the majority of us opt for the surgery for health reasons and there are a lot of them. The associated risks are real but the odds are overwhelmingly in your favor. It isn't uncommon for an initial unfavorable reaction to become favorable once the spouse has all of the facts. You're gonna love the new you (and so will he)!!

[kloveburd 132]

Is making this choice even more difficult for me to make. He's not fat and has never been so I feel like he will never understand me. I'm just wondering if anyone else out there has or had a similar problem and how where you able to over come it.

I am right there with you! My boyfriend (almost like husband we have been together 4 years and he is a step dad to my 4 yr old son) he absolutely disagrees with the surgery and he is skinny as can be. His mom however had weight issues and lost over 100 lbs by dieting and exercising but it took her 30 years to get there. He says I should work harder, but he doesn't want me to get too skinny because he likes my butt (sorry tmi I guess). It's sad cause my entire family supports me on this and the one person I need to have support from just doesn't budge on it and he doesn't say anything but he has reservations about it. He won't sit with me and go to dr appointments or try to learn more, and he says I won't research or try to listen to him on dieting as exercising but I told him before I've tried both but weight just comes back. It's really frustrating and stressful because I feel like I have to go behind his back about it and I shouldn't feel like that.

[DLCoggin 1,788]

I think the first thing you want to do is get clear in your own mind that "going behind his back" is not a healthy or practical option. If his mind is made up, it's made up. But that can't be a reason for hiding what you want to do for your own health and well-being.

Diet and exercise are good things. They are not the answer to why 65% of the U.S. adult population is either overweight or obese. They are not the answer to why 17% of U.S. children are overweight or obese. And they are not the answer to why similar numbers are found in the vast majority of developed nations worldwide. For some reason, folks who have never had a weight problem are absolutely convinced that they are experts and there is a simple solution. That is absolutely not true on both counts and there is a large (and growing) body of evidence that the problem is a very complex one. One that involves metabolic rates, hormones, genetics, brain signaling, federal policies, agricultural policies, industrial marketing and a dozen other things that "normal weight" folks know nothing about and often refuse to put forth any effort to learn about. If they don't want to know, they don't want to know. But allowing an uninformed, narrow-minded opinion to be used as a form of manipulation - out of the question.

[slowtogo 301]

This is a tough one. My hubby has not been supportive, and we may well divorce over it and so many other things. Your hormonal roller coaster will be hard in any relationship. It's worse if someone thinks you are making a mistake.

[connie3 43]

Ok so that you guys can get an idea of why he's against it... My husband is a born and raised vegetarian, he avoids processed foods and try's to always eat organic. I guess you can call him a health freak. He wants me to lose weight the "normal" way, good old fashion healthy eating and exercises. He just doesn't understand that when you've been brought up almost your entire life with bad habbits, they are EXTREMLY difficult to just stop.

[TinyMamiOf3kids 1,280]

I'm married to the worst husband. unsupported doesn't understand anything

[kiwiladydee 402]

Hi Connie,

Would he ever go to a support group and listen to others stories? I took my husband to meet with the doctor and his discussion with another make seem to work a little better. He could relate to even when you lose weight u don't shrink the stomach, so there is always that Hungar to fill it all the way back up. Which makes WLS so successful, because u eliminate that need.

Sent from my iPhone using RNYTalk

[kloveburd 132]

The organic health freak is nice and all but not if you've lived your life outside of all of that. My boyfriend has trouble gainin weight and is the most unhealthy person I know. His eating habits are worse than mine but I have a problem with portions because I never feel full until I'm literally stuffed. He can go days not eating or eat processed stuff all meals, drink mountain dew, beer, and eat frozen pizzas like no tomorrow and not gain anything. Then get on my case and say I should be following a diet and exercise plan if I want to lose weight. He doesn't see a problem with my weight because as long as he's known me I've been overweight and now I'm around 300 and he doesn't see it. It's like he's blind to it I don't get it. I did however get the papers today saying that insurance will cover me and I'm eligible for the surgery. It said something about payment not being guaranteed though? What's up with that??

[TinyMamiOf3kids 1,280]

The organic health freak is nice and all but not if you've lived your life outside of all of that. My boyfriend has trouble gainin weight and is the most unhealthy person I know. His eating habits are worse than mine but I have a problem with portions because I never feel full until I'm literally stuffed. He can go days not eating or eat processed stuff all meals' date=' drink mountain dew, beer, and eat frozen pizzas like no tomorrow and not gain anything. Then get on my case and say I should be following a diet and exercise plan if I want to lose weight. He doesn't see a problem with my weight because as long as he's known me I've been overweight and now I'm around 300 and he doesn't see it. It's like he's blind to it I don't get it. I did however get the papers today saying that insurance will cover me and I'm eligible for the surgery. It said something about payment not being guaranteed though? What's up with that??[/quote']

Men!!!

[kloveburd 132]

Exactly mami! I don't get them!

On the plus side my insurance approved! Got the call 20 minutes ago! Sending next steps and diet to hospital )))))))

[worm2872 635]

Exactly mami! I don't get them!

On the plus side my insurance approved! Got the call 20 minutes ago! Sending next steps and diet to hospital )))))))

Awesome for you!! On a side note did you ever think they don't want you to lose weight because you'd be thinner and other men may want you?? I lost 80 pounds once and my hubby decided I was doing it to get another man. WTH.

[TinyMamiOf3kids 1,280]

Awesome for you!! On a side note did you ever think they don't want you to lose weight because you'd be thinner and other men may want you?? I lost 80 pounds once and my hubby decided I was doing it to get another man. WTH.

Mine say oh you got someone else. Does it look like I have someone else. Men!!! I did it for me. I want to have energy & fin with my kids but they will grow up & leave me one day.

[2ndTimesTheCharm 68]

Ok so that you guys can get an idea of why he's against it... My husband is a born and raised vegetarian' date=' he avoids processed foods and try's to always eat organic. I guess you can call him a health freak. He wants me to lose weight the "normal" way, good old fashion healthy eating and exercises. He just doesn't understand that when you've been brought up almost your entire life with bad habbits, they are EXTREMLY difficult to just stop.[/quote']

Has he met with your surgeon? Or pcp? If not, you should have them explain the procedure and why this is the best thing for you. Maybe he's feeling insecure about how you might be after surgery. Mine was. But we talked it out. I hope he comes around.