female only How To Ask For Government Help

[TinyMamiOf3kids 1,280]

I gather all my bills and started looking at the amount I owe. I owe under 8,000 but over 7,000 only 2 of the bills are over 1,000 but under 4,000. Instead of having someone throw it in my face how they are always paying the bills. I decided if my bills are due in the 1st week of the month. I will try to pay it off as long as I get to the mail box 1st. I don't want him knowing what I'm doing so he don't bitch & say well pay your own bills since you have money now. Remember I get 2 checks a month only the beginning of the month. He doesn't have in mind the names of the credit card bills I have or anything so he won't be asking if I got any bills. I should be done in a few months with the small bills. The bigger bills he would have to pay there is no way I can come up with thousands of dollars to pay it. I will save and attempt to pay it but I find it impossible.

Let's say... I pay off my bills what's next?

I guess I have to keep saving or start saving to get an apartment,but if I have a few thousands for an apartment. How do I have the government help me pay my rent? Or I'm I suppose to go down to the welfare office tell them I have to move & they find me a place & pay the rent or do they want me in the streets in a shelter to put me in a bad housing where my kids will be scare.

I'm all ears.... Let me know what to do. My husband isn't planning on changing & I don't want to be 40 living the sameway. Arguing & fighting almost daily.

I'm starting to feel sad. I want to do what's best for my kids. I know once I'm on my own I will be happy it's a matter of getting there.

[BBdoodle 483]

I have no idea on what the government offers but I would do some research on line and see what your state provides. I am sure there are agencies out there that can and will help you with your situation. They will first go after your husband for support.

[TinyMamiOf3kids 1,280]

I have no idea on what the government offers but I would do some research on line and see what your state provides. I am sure there are agencies out there that can and will help you with your situation. They will first go after your husband for support.

I live in new York & they have everything here,but since I never been on public assistance & 15 years ago did get $50 a month foodstamps but wasn't worth the time wasted & I wasn't in need for it I stop getting it. I wouldn't know how to do anything with out my husband. I got so used to living off him even when I was working. I did pay some bills & always help with groceries,but the rest of my money would go on my my nails hair ect... I had no worries & less bills. From 2 years till now is when I'm looking at the big picture thinking omg! Can I really do this on my own? I never imagine my self alone with 3 kids or wanting government help. I got spoil by my husband who promise to always take care of me.

[BBdoodle 483]

I hear ya Mami..... Since you live in NY you will have tons of services available to you. Just look on line. It really must be so scary for you because you also have 3 kids to support as well. You CAN do this..... as I said in a earlier post, get all your ducks in a row, don't rush into anything and you will be fine. I don't know much about getting assisatnce but doing your research on-line will help you.

[TinyMamiOf3kids 1,280]

I hear ya Mami..... Since you live in NY you will have tons of services available to you. Just look on line. It really must be so scary for you because you also have 3 kids to support as well. You CAN do this..... as I said in a earlier post' date=' get all your ducks in a row, don't rush into anything and you will be fine. I don't know much about getting assisatnce but doing your research on-line will help you.[/quote']

Thanks I will check on line.

[kiwiladydee 402]

Hi mami,

First, i would write a letter to the hospital requesting a reduction of your bill, along with a payment plan. Let them know your financial situation, you and your husband are currently separated and the situation -disability with your kids. They have a few sample letters online you can people much copy the template.

Sent from my iPhone using RNYTalk

[Ellie_Grace 271]

_{You could also call a local woman's shelter or woman's abuse hotline and ask to speak to someone on how to get out of the situation and they will (well should) be able to help you figure out what government resources will be available to you as well as hopefully help you navigate the system. There are a lot of services available for women in abusive relationships especially with children with special needs. Keep asking and keep calling untl you find someone who is willing to help, I am sure there will be someone in one of these type of agencies. Good Luck!}

_{Also after you pay off the smaller bills take that money and either apply it to your bigger bills or save it for moving out.}

[TinyMamiOf3kids 1,280]

Hi mami' date='

First, i would write a letter to the hospital requesting a reduction of your bill, along with a payment plan. Let them know your financial situation, you and your husband are currently separated and the situation -disability with your kids. They have a few sample letters online you can people much copy the template.

Sent from my iPhone using RNYTalk[/quote']

I have credit card bills not hospital bills. It's doable I looked at it all.

[TinyMamiOf3kids 1,280]

_{You could also call a local woman's shelter or woman's abuse hotline and ask to speak to someone on how to get out of the situation and they will (well should) be able to help you figure out what government resources will be available to you as well as hopefully help you navigate the system. There are a lot of services available for women in abusive relationships especially with children with special needs. Keep asking and keep calling untl you find someone who is willing to help' date=' I am sure there will be someone in one of these type of agencies. Good Luck![/sub']}

_{Also after you pay off the smaller bills take that money and either apply it to your bigger bills or save it for moving out.}

_{If I call abuse hot line wouldn't they want prove of the verbal abuse? I'm very scare & I don't want my children taken away from me. I just want to leave with no hard feelings. I want to be happy & marriage counseling is doing nothing for me so he acts one way in counseling & a different way after she leaves. How do I get counseling for my self? I guess I have to look into my insurance to see how I can be a strong woman & get out of an abusive relationship.}

[Ellie_Grace 271]

you can call without giving your name and ask for advice. They will not blame you for him being abusive and no you do not need proof of abuse (mental, sexual, emotional or physical). It will not negatively impact you to make the call and ask for help. Remember you do not need to give your name to get help, just explain your situation and see what they can do. Also getting you and the kids out of this violent lifestyle for all of your beneift might need to be your focus, I understand wanting to be maintain a cordial relationship but the reality is he is not willing to maintain a cordial relationship, so stop letting him hurt you and the kids and ask for help. This does not mean you are leaving him today or even next month, but it might give you information which you can use to plan what to do in order to get you and your kids out of this situation in a healthy safe way when you are ready to do so. I think that they also have free counseling for women who are being abused, but for that you would need to go in person and that probably means giving your name to them. But at least that is something else you can check into. Keep your options open...

Good luck

[Ellie_Grace 271]

P.S. sorry not to sound like I am lecturing. I guess it is that protective mom instinct mixed up with my social worker side.

[lovealways 287]

I'll have to agree with Odiemom. NY has a ton of services for women being verbally abused. Just google and tou should find some answers. Good luck mami!

[TinyMamiOf3kids 1,280]

Thanks ladies, I did contact the abuse hotline. They gave me extremely great information. They will help me out with more then information once I make the decision to leave the house. I'm trying to get a regular apartment not a housing project simply because I don't want to change my kids life style. There are a lot of other woman in my situation that don't live in housing so I don't neither. I fear for the safety of my kids even though I should had left long ago. In this country your nobody if you have a bad credit score. I can't fix anything if I'm in a new place & have no money to pay the bills I have from the past. I have to think ahead of time & do what's best to be able not to struggle in life.

My kids will all be off to school next month. I get a better chance to look at the future & think straight how I see my self in a few years. In 2 years my teenager graduates high school. In 2 years I will have a 6 and 4 year old.

This will be harder then having a life style body change. I just can't do it anymore. I want him to change I really honestly do. I been with him forever. He is the father of my kids. Why does he hurt me? Why does he call our kids name? I do everything for the kids & I'm the bad parent. I don't understand. If there's no proof I cheated why accuse me simply because I'm not in the mood for sex. Why suddenly I'm getting sexy. Is it for him? Why can't I look good for me. He puts me down makes me feel like I'm nobody then thinks I'm getting sexy for him. Why he didn't simply support my decision in this surgery? I'm beginning to hate him. Is this normal?

[PaulB 346]

Mami there is a website called www.safehorizon.org they are in New York city they are all over the country they will be able to help you and guide you though what you are going though. Check out their web site .

My wife survived domestic violence from her first husban he would come home drunk want sex or food at 3 am then beat the crap out of her Becuse she didn't do it right or wasn't fast enough for him.

A year after we got married he fell down 3 flights of steps in a one story building.????

She found the nerve to say enough is enough called domestic hotline and the rest is history. Pleas get help no matter what your situation is be for its to late. Nobody deserves to be abused.

14 years later she is happy a special education math teacher and a counselor for domestic violence she is the one that told me of safehorizon

Good luck mami

Surgery Anniversary 7/30/12

[TinyMamiOf3kids 1,280]

Thanks I did look it up. Sounds like the perfect place for me