Nursing Home Abuse

[Tired_Old_Man 1]

Well,

I'm not going to disagree with you about the taxes, but I think we should have an across the board income tax. It shouldn't matter if you make $2,000,000 or $20,000 a year. I think that would help a lot. I don't believe anyone should have to pay 90%, just because they make more money. I do think they should have to pay taxes though instead of having so many loop holes that they don't have to pay at all.

Of course, you and I totally disagree politically. I'm a Republican and you are a Democrat and that is never going to change, so our beliefs on what should be done are also going to differ. However, this thread started out about nursing homes and how the patients are treated, not about President Bush. Everything that's wrong in this country is not his nor the Republican party's fault, just like it isn't all the Democratic party's fault. It's a combination of the 2.

~Joan~

I agree, but there is to way to tell George Steinbrenner that he can not pay his shortstop $25,000,000 per year for 10 years. But we can tax that shortstop and Steinbrenner so that there is money for doing what both you and I want.

I never said to go back to 90%, even though people were still becoming rich. A flat tax with no deductions (or loopholes as you call them) can never work because by the constitution corporations are considered people and a flat tax with no deductions would close down every business in the country.

Plus it will never pass congress.

[green 6]

We have the same problems with the nursing home industry up here in Canada. Some are pretty good and some are not.

A few years back there was a family who suspected that their relative was being abused by his facility. Though the old man was bed-ridden and had advanced senile dementia he also had an array of inexplicable bruises. They installed a nanny-cam in his room and caught instances of terrible physical abuse on video tape. This made the news of course and people were charged with criminal offenses.

My own father was kind of lucky. He was able to spend his last months while he was dying in an institution which also served as a rehab centre. This meant that the environment was a not altogether joyless place for either the help or for the visitors. My mum was able to find much emotional relief during her long sad vigils at my father's bedside through chatting with the rehab gang.

My cousin's wife, who is a nurse, said that my family was lucky. She commented that we should all be saving up our money to ensure that we get good care in our final years.

With respect to my mother, arrangements had been made for her to go to a very pleasant retirement facility. My two brothers and I had been anxious to see her in such an environment for the truth was that although the woman had a fine set of intellectual marbles she was becoming physically more delicate and we were concerned about this. We didn't like to see her living on her own.

She did not want to live with us and a retirement facility would allow her to have her own private crib. We all, including my mother, liked the idea that there would be Stuff To Do in the way intellectual stimulation and friendships to be made. It was unfortunate that my kid brother died almost immediately after my mum decided to move. Less than two months later, only short weeks after my mum had moved into this splendid facility, she seemingly inexplicably shifted from being okay and with us - indeed she was the linch pin of our family - to crashing into a health crisis and then dying not long after.

The details of my mother's death are too complicated to go into here. Certainly the events took the entire family off guard. We were left puzzled and bereft. My brother who is a doctor did comment that it was better that she died quickly than survive and be consigned to months in a nursing home.

And now Green is engaged in another elder crisis. Her FIL has been having health issues for quite awhile now. He had his first heart attack when he was in his late 50s. He was a teacher and because teachers are a unionized and well-protected profession up here in the frozen north he was able to retire with a generous and fully indexed pension + health benefits.

His problem was that as he became older the meds that he required for one of his physical issues had the side effect of creating other problems which in turn needed meds. In his 70s he ended up with a pharmaceutical induced Parkinson's disease.

He is now in his late 70s and although he has been in need of some physical assistance for some time now, his younger and very strong wife has been able to deal with this - even though this has been stressful for her and for their children.

Since Christmas there has been a sudden decline in my MIL's health. He has had for awhile now the tendency to trip but it seems that he is falling over far too often for his wife to handle. She is a powerful woman but she is in her early 70s.

And so the question is, what to do? A lot of people don't like to spend money. My own mum didn't. When my MIL suggested that she wanted to have certain handicap-friendly facilities - the tall toilet, the safety bars, a walker, canes, etc - installed in their house, the old man freaked. And when her doctor suggested a live-in old man(ny) nanny, one from off-shore, and proposed a young fellow from the Philippines whom she knew about and who was looking for work, the MIL was resistant. He didn't want to be looked after by a man! Too humiliating, eh. Indeed, this old man is suffering and so is his wife; there are issues of money and humiliation at play here.

These are complex issues for these people, my in-laws, are actually worth a lot of money but they are land rich, income restricted. These are also individuals who were marked by the the recession and the Second World War. Their psycho-socio-emotional connection to money is quite different to that of the following generations. This is not a profligate generation; they are uncomfortable about easy spending, even when it is on themselves. (This is why it took Green and her brothers such a long, long time to convince their mum to move into a retirement facility.)

It may also be argued that this was a generation which did not believe in victimology. They were, and here I will use sound bites, folks who believe that you make your own luck, not folks that believe that shit happens. They were more pro-active, and self-responsible. They were embued with the spirit of their era. (Now, as to the ultimate value of this, well, the debate belongs to a different thread, I think.) Thus these individuals, our old folk, are 'not going to go gentle into that good night,' or so my loose quotation of Dylan Thomas's poem goes.

So here's the deal: up here in Canada you can sponsor a care worker from a third world country to look after your kids, your handicapped who are living at home, or your old folks. These people live with you. You sort this out with the government. If all works out well you have a very lovely individual who lives with you and your family for two years and who becomes a fine and valuable member of your home. Everyone benefits, the new kid learns the ways of his/her new country, and you have not paid the break yer financial back fortune that you would have had to have paid had this option not been available.

This is what Green and her Signif Other had thought that they had seen put in place last Sunday.

[formykids 0]

this whole Nursing home discussion is so sad... The thought that someone could abuse and elderly person by withholding food or drink just so they did not have to do their job of changing the persons diapers... that is unaceptable. I am sick at the thought and sad for all those people that have no other choice but to be in a nursing home.

I

[formykids 0]

this whole Nursing home discussion is so sad... The thought that someone could abuse and elderly person by withholding food or drink just so they did not have to do their job of changing the persons diapers... that is unaceptable. I am sick at the thought and sad for all those people that have no other choice but to be in a nursing home.

I have cared for some of my elderly relatives after stroke or other illness and I am so thankful that I was able to do that for them and not have them go to one of these dreadful places. Unfortunatly that is not an option for all families and I think that everything possible should be done to improve the living conditions for these people.

More awareness needs to be mad of these unacceptable conditions.

[green 6]

Yep, it is a complicated and sad issue. My MIL now has a very, very pleasant young man living with her. It appears that my FIL may need to be in a home, however, and my MIL is anxious to be a good host to her new live-in home care worker. This is stressing her out still further.

Both my husband and my MIL are in a state of grief. And of course my FIL is not doing well. He is in sad shape physically speaking and he has suffered some loss of his intellectual and emotional faculties but not enough that he is anywhere near being unaware of his current status. This family is in a state of crisis. This is not unusual for our times.

[BJean 16]

Green it is not unusual for our times, but it is still shocking when you're the one having to go through it.

I don't know how we improve the situation. I know there are some things that can be improved today, but to change the whole system is a tough one.

The caregiver and the families of people who are declining and who are no longer self-sufficient, go though so much that they sometimes have health problems as a result of the stress.

My heart goes out to you and your family. I've been through it, I have a good idea of what you're dealing with on a day to day basis. Sometimes each day is worse than the last. Death and dying,, and poor medical care during the process, is sometimes almost unbearable. But of course we have no choice but to do the best we can.

[Tired_Old_Man 1]

Yep, it is a complicated and sad issue. My MIL now has a very, very pleasant young man living with her. It appears that my FIL may need to be in a home, however, and my MIL is anxious to be a good host to her new live-in home care worker. This is stressing her out still further.

Both my husband and my MIL are in a state of grief. And of course my FIL is not doing well. He is in sad shape physically speaking and he has suffered some loss of his intellectual and emotional faculties but not enough that he is anywhere near being unaware of his current status. This family is in a state of crisis. This is not unusual for our times.

My heart goes out to you and your family.

[green 6]

Thanks, folks.