HPV Vaccine

[gadgetlady 4]

Do you REALLY think that because you homeschool your kids that they are NOT going to have conversations about sex, drugs ect with their friends ? I know A LOT Of people who home school their children of all ages , those conversations DO take place. you are wrong , I DO teach my son to abstaine HOW EVER unlike my parents , I teach my son how to protect himself IF he chooses to have sex. NOT doing so is irresponsible in my opinon. I belive anyone can do anything they want to do . But im also realistic. I find people who live in a false sense of security are the one's most likely to be the ones that are set up for the most dissapointment .

Mindy

Of course they will have discussions with their friends! But because they have an open relationship with their parents, my hope is that they will come back to US to continue those discussions and get the TRUTH. I do not have a false sense of security here and I am not setting myself up for disappointment. I am trying to innoculate my kids against heartache in the future by teaching them right from wrong now. Do I know they'll make mistakes? Of course I do! But that doesn't mean I should assume they don't have the ability to make good choices either.

I apologize for assuming you weren't teaching your son to abstain. It seemed like that's what you were saying in one of your other posts.

[coltonwade 27]

My whole point that im trying to make , given not well. is this .

Until someone has children of the age they are speaking about ( what ever that maybe) in the situations they speak of you have NO IDEA what will happen. I KNOW someone can sit there and swear up and down they would do this becasue of this or that but really , no one knows what will happen .

I try not to speak of things until they happen or unless they have happened to me because of this . I personally have found the parents who say they KNOW their kids , really are the one's that DONT . I talk to my son about things but I am almost positive he does not tell me or my husband everything. Because frankly im his parent not his friend . We have an open relationship , we talk about things, does he tell me things sure . Does he tell me EVERYTHING ? No and I know that and realize that. I see 1 of 2 things, that i consider mistakes, happen with my friend and their teen kids :

1 they try to be their friends and they DO Tell their parents everything and its the most unhealthy realtionships , they "parent child" lines are blurry and not well formed there for boundries are stepped on .

2 the parents who THINK their kids are telling them everything and know their kids and those kids are having sex , drinking or just doing things that their parents do NOT want them to do .

I guess my point , dont have your head in the sand , when you do and you think you know your kids , your going to be disappointed. Maybe its the wrong way to be but i would rather be safe and make SURE they are being honest with me than sorry and THINK they are being honest with me .

Mindy

[coltonwade 27]

Of course they will have discussions with their friends! But because they have an open relationship with their parents, my hope is that they will come back to US to continue those discussions and get the TRUTH. I do not have a false sense of security here and I am not setting myself up for disappointment. I am trying to innoculate my kids against heartache in the future by teaching them right from wrong now. Do I know they'll make mistakes? Of course I do! But that doesn't mean I should assume they don't have the ability to make good choices either.

I apologize for assuming you weren't teaching your son to abstain. It seemed like that's what you were saying in one of your other posts.

I respect anyone's opinions and values on what they want to teach their kids , I really do . But being a young mother , who was NOT a great kid and got into alot of trouble i see things some parents dont. ( Not that im perfect as a mother by any means) .

we all do the best we can . I assume my son can make good choices . My best friend told me once during a convo about the pill that she fears her 15 yr old dd would NOT make the right choice given the chance ( they are a very conservative christian family , we have some " Debates as you can imgaineLol ) I told her that if she feels that deep down her dd would chose to have sex even after everything she has taught her that I belive its irriespoinsible for her to NOT put her on the pill and protect her. She however will not talk to her daughter about protecting herself IF She decides to have sex.

The mistake my parents made was to only tell me to NOT have sex, it was a sin to have sex before marriage and how wrong it was. DonT DONT DONT DONT DONT DO IT. their mistake I think , was to NOT tell me how to protect myself and to NOT drill that into my head as much as they did the NOT to have sex. I hope your dd's do have an open relationship with you , I hope they make the right choices. that's what we all hope for our kids. I know I was NOT easy for my parents lol

Mindy

[gadgetlady 4]

My whole point that im trying to make , given not well. is this .

Until someone has children of the age they are speaking about ( what ever that maybe) in the situations they speak of you have NO IDEA what will happen. I KNOW someone can sit there and swear up and down they would do this becasue of this or that but really , no one knows what will happen .

I try not to speak of things until they happen or unless they have happened to me because of this . I personally have found the parents who say they KNOW their kids , really are the one's that DONT . I talk to my son about things but I am almost positive he does not tell me or my husband everything. Because frankly im his parent not his friend . We have an open relationship , we talk about things, does he tell me things sure . Does he tell me EVERYTHING ? No and I know that and realize that. I see 1 of 2 things, that i consider mistakes, happen with my friend and their teen kids :

1 they try to be their friends and they DO Tell their parents everything and its the most unhealthy realtionships , they "parent child" lines are blurry and not well formed there for boundries are stepped on .

2 the parents who THINK their kids are telling them everything and know their kids and those kids are having sex , drinking or just doing things that their parents do NOT want them to do .

I guess my point , dont have your head in the sand , when you do and you think you know your kids , your going to be disappointed. Maybe its the wrong way to be but i would rather be safe and make SURE they are being honest with me than sorry and THINK they are being honest with me .

Mindy

I think there's a third option. That parents can establish a healthy, non-blurry relationship with their kids by admitting honestly the mistakes they, the parents, have made in the past in order to demonstrate to the child that we are all human beings and go through common experiences in life. I think a parent can validate a child's feelings and still gently guide them into doing what is right. I don't think we have to assume a "lowest common denominator" approach with our children. I think we can inspire them to do their best and love them through their mistakes. I also believe that if we establish communication early and often with children when they are young, we can grow to "know" how they think, how they reason, where they struggle, and when they are likely to stumble. In fact, this thread has already been the starting point for discussions between me and my oldest, and I absolutely love that. Call me an ostrich if you wish, but I like the way our family philosophy and dynamic has been working for us so far.

[gadgetlady 4]

The mistake my parents made was to only tell me to NOT have sex, it was a sin to have sex before marriage and how wrong it was. DonT DONT DONT DONT DONT DO IT. their mistake I think , was to NOT tell me how to protect myself and to NOT drill that into my head as much as they did the NOT to have sex. I hope your dd's do have an open relationship with you , I hope they make the right choices. that's what we all hope for our kids. I know I was NOT easy for my parents lol

Mindy

I think the mistake most parents make is to say "don't do it" but not to explain why. My daughter already understands the consequences of sex before marriage -- because we've ministered to unwed mothers as a family, and stood in front of abortion clinics watching distraught young women go in to kill their babies. My daughter understands our family's reasoning behind why we save sex for marriage -- because we've studied God's design for sex in the Bible. My daughter understands how STDs are transmitted and how they can be avoided -- because we've discussed how disease goes from one person to another. My daughter understands what happens when you have an uncommitted sexual relationship -- because she has cousins whose little lives are filled with pain because their parents had no desire to get married and no longer talk to each other.

My parents made the common mistake. They said "don't do it" but they never explained to me why it would be hard not to. They never explained how powerful sex is. They never taught me where to draw boundries. I won't make the mistake they made.

I am not saying I have the perfect family. I do not. I am aiming for a high target because I think my children deserve it. And I'll love them even if they miss that target.

[coltonwade 27]

I think there's a third option. That parents can establish a healthy, non-blurry relationship with their kids by admitting honestly the mistakes they, the parents, have made in the past in order to demonstrate to the child that we are all human beings and go through common experiences in life. I think a parent can validate a child's feelings and still gently guide them into doing what is right. I don't think we have to assume a "lowest common denominator" approach with our children. I think we can inspire them to do their best and love them through their mistakes. I also believe that if we establish communication early and often with children when they are young, we can grow to "know" how they think, how they reason, where they struggle, and when they are likely to stumble. In fact, this thread has already been the starting point for discussions between me and my oldest, and I absolutely love that. Call me an ostrich if you wish, but I like the way our family philosophy and dynamic has been working for us so far.

I think you are not misreading my "approach " on parenting. I by NO MEANS EXPECT my child to be " The lowest common denominator " In ANYTHING. I have fought for my son for 6 yrs in a school system that thought he WAS the lowest common denominator due to his dyslexia . Who NOW Is reading at grade level thanks to a new school and HIS hard work. So if anyones kid can do anything its MINE . I agree with you , if you establish communication early you can get to know how they think. But I dont think you can antisipate when they will stumble. You can know how they think, you get a feel if they are leaders or followers, bullies or protectors...ect...

I can speak to my son about most subjects and what he doesnt feel comfortable talking about with me he goes to his dad. It was myself and my son for 6 yrs alone. We are very close. But I do not claim to know how he feels all the time . Nor will I . But I DO NOT Belive or expect him to FAIL AT ANYTHING.

Mindy

[coltonwade 27]

I think the mistake most parents make is to say "don't do it" but not to explain why. My daughter already understands the consequences of sex before marriage -- because we've ministered to unwed mothers as a family, and stood in front of abortion clinics watching distraught young women go in to kill their babies. My daughter understands our family's reasoning behind why we save sex for marriage -- because we've studied God's design for sex in the Bible. My daughter understands how STDs are transmitted and how they can be avoided -- because we've discussed how disease goes from one person to another. My daughter understands what happens when you have an uncommitted sexual relationship -- because she has cousins whose little lives are filled with pain because their parents had no desire to get married and no longer talk to each other.

.

I agree , if you tell a child to not do anything you need to explain to them why . Which is why I do that. I was a SINGLE TEEN MOTHER for 6 yrs and I was not nor was my child in PAIN . I take issue with that statment. Infact my son's life was MUCH BETTER becasue his "Sperm donor" as i call it walked out . He was a drug addict (i didnt know that at the time) who later died in a car accident. Sometimes its not matter of WANTING To get married sometimes you make a mistake and you decide its a better option to NOT get married. I have done work with teen mom's and pregnant mothers. I tell them their lives can be FULL and filled with JOY . Not pain .

I think its best I end this conversation .

Mindy

[gadgetlady 4]

I'm going to stop defending myself now (at least for the time being) and tell a story. My daughter came to me a few weeks ago asking about something she'd read. I decided it was better for my husband to answer. So without prepping him first, I brought her into the room and said, "Daddy, your daughter read about circumcision and she wants to know what it means." He did an admirable job, calmly explaining it to her. She asked a few questions, was satisfied, and left the room. He then let out a huge sigh of relief and asked me why I had sprung that on him. I told him I thought it'd be better for him to just answer the question honestly than have to think and fret about it in advance. In the end, it was the right way to go: open, unembarrased, honest, and straightforward. And my daughter understands that there is literally nothing she can't talk to either of us about.

[coltonwade 27]

My friend was driving around today ( we live in Austin ) and someone had written all over their minvan " PERRY KEEP YOUR HANDS OFF OUR KIDS LET US DECIDE FOR HPV " I thought it was kind of funny .

Im curious if there will be more investigating into this with Perry ?

Mindy

[Carlene 12]

I talk to my son about things but I am almost positive he does not tell me or my husband everything.

Almost positive??? You can bet money on it. Think back....did YOU tell your parents "everything"?

My kids are all grownups now (thank God) and have Enlightened me a LOT as to just how much stuff I didn't know at the time. I was amazed! I knew there had to be some things I didn't know about, but I had NO IDEA there was so much! And I had a very open relationship with my kids. I was the cool mom....the mom everyone wished they had.

My DH is over 60 and there are STILL things his mom doesn't know about! His brother's wife was pregnant when they got married 30+ years ago and my MIL just found it out last year. Hard to believe, but in all that time, she had never bothered to do the math.

[coltonwade 27]

Almost positive??? You can bet money on it. Think back....did YOU tell your parents "everything"?

My kids are all grownups now (thank God) and have Enlightened me a LOT as to just how much stuff I didn't know at the time. I was amazed! I knew there had to be some things I didn't know about, but I had NO IDEA there was so much! And I had a very open relationship with my kids. I was the cool mom....the mom everyone wished they had.

My DH is over 60 and there are STILL things his mom doesn't know about! His brother's wife was pregnant when they got married 30+ years ago and my MIL just found it out last year. Hard to believe, but in all that time, she had never bothered to do the math.

LMAO That's the point im trying to make , I know my son and I KNOW He's not telling me everything.is that a major deal to me ? NO . Even what he tells between myself and my DH . If MY mom knew everything I did she would ground me NOW and im 31 LOL

I crack up at my friends who have kids who are 5 , 6, 7, 8 yr old kids that say " My kids are open with me they wont do that they are going to blah blah blah because I know them " I just laugh and tell them , yeah call me in 5 more years. My son is a good kid, But he's also a kid, he's going to go get into mischief and screw around I know that. Does the police bring him home at night ( like they did me a few times lol ) NO , does he say yes sir, no sir ect. Is he polite ? YES . But he's not perfect nor do i want him to be. he's good, he gives me lip sometimes but he's 14 ! I think i did a DAMN good job for raising him on my own , working and going to school the first 6 yrs of his life. But I dont think he tells me everything he does, or thinks. Im the "cool mom" too . The whole football team is basically at my house on the weekends. ONE Of the reasons im about to have to get a suburbanlol.

I cant wait until next yr when he's in high school and the HS FOOTBALL team is at my house. I'll have to shop at SAMS more often and open a resturant lol But i dont mind, they are at my house, i know what they are doing and they are behaving .

Mindy

[gadgetlady 4]

LMAO That's the point im trying to make , I know my son and I KNOW He's not telling me everything.is that a major deal to me ? NO . Even what he tells between myself and my DH . If MY mom knew everything I did she would ground me NOW and im 31 LOL

I crack up at my friends who have kids who are 5 , 6, 7, 8 yr old kids that say " My kids are open with me they wont do that they are going to blah blah blah because I know them " I just laugh and tell them , yeah call me in 5 more years.

Just because that's your experience doesn't mean it's everyone's. I have many friends with older kids who have they type of relationship with their kids that I'm aiming for. And I'm also smart enough to know that just because it's possible doesn't mean it's guaranteed.

[coltonwade 27]

Just because that's your experience doesn't mean it's everyone's. I have many friends with older kids who have they type of relationship with their kids that I'm aiming for. And I'm also smart enough to know that just because it's possible doesn't mean it's guaranteed.

I dont think i said that its EVERYONE"S Experiences ! Not to mention I wasnt speaking about YOU . I was speaking about other people i know

Mindy

[coltonwade 27]

Carlene: By age 50, at least 80 percent of women will have acquired genital HPV infection. About 6.2 million Americans get a new genital HPV infection each year.

Wowee! That's a very interesting statistic!

My sister too, had to have the LEEP procedure and subsequent hysterectomy due to a cancerous condition from HPV.

It's obviously much more common than most of us knew.

My daughter is 25 and has been married 4 yrs. I alerted her to this new vaccine the minute I heard of it. Not because I think she has been exposed, but as someone above said: Life changes, people separate and new partners come along. I was hoping she would consult her physician as to whether she needed to get the vaccine now.

I think it is much more common that alot of people realize. Since this topic has come up in Texas I have learned that alot of people have experiences with HPV , Leeps ect ...

Mindy

[gadgetlady 4]

STD's have been skyrocketing for years. The most current statistics indicate that 50% of all sexually active teens will have at least one STD before the age of 25. Scary stuff, indeed. Safe sex isn't "safe" even when one prevents pregnancy.