How Do You Tell Friends And Family?

[FatFreeinNC 22]

Hi everyone! I'm new to RNYTalk and could use your advise. I'm looking at a surgery date in November and was wondering if you were nervous telling your parents, siblings and friends about it. I am 100% committed but know I am going to get flack from others. I had an uncle commit suicide after GBP surgery in the 70s so I'm sure my mom is gonna freak. I'm resolved in my decision and medical advances have changed so much. I just am nervous at their reactions I guess. How did you 'break the news?' My dad's family are all obese, but my sisters are very thin and healthy. I can just hear their comments on me being weak, taking a cheaters way out etc. Any suggestions? Thanks! Dawn

[rurias 23]

Welcome I totally understand where your coming from my sister is thin and I figured I would get lectured about taking the easy way out and what not. But actually she was behind me 100% it was actually surprising. Telling friends and family was the hardest for me but I have not had one person not be supportive. But at this point in your decision all you need is supportive people. Also, I bought the book weight loss surgery for dummies and it really helped me realize that nothing about having this surgery is taking the easy way out especially because there are so many risks you are taking. I hope this helps and good luck

[sunshine413 343]

Welcome, Newbie!! I bought Weight Loss Surgery For Dummies as well...that book is worth its weight in GOLD! I'm struggling with the same question. I think my family deserves to know because...well, they're family!! HOWEVER, I'm unsure about how to tell friends!! I'm hoping to have surgery the first week of October!

[music1618 879]

I had the surgery in June and I found that being honest was the best policy. My hubby was so scared for me to have the surgery and we spent a great deal of time talking about it. I never wanted someone to wonder why I eat so little or losing weight so fast. Things like cancer can cause both of those symptoms so I have been up front with everyone. I feel like it is a statement of getting healthy. It is in no way the easy way out. You must be mentally strong to go through this. Family and friend support is great and those that give you flack or negativity are jealous you are helping yourself. I hope that helps some.

[FatFreeinNC 22]

Congratulations!! Thanks for the warm welcome. I'll have to get the book for sure! I appreciate you both sharing. Yes, it's going to be interesting as my family can be rather opinionated, but, as long as I am happy and healthy I know I am going in the right direction!

[FatFreeinNC 22]

Music1618, you are so right. I have to be honest, supportive or nonsupportive outcome.....I think they would ultimately come around in the end once they saw my sincerity and perseverance. I definitely don't want them frightened or worried as to what is happening to me! You make a very good point and I should give them time for it to soak in, ask questions, etc too. Thank you!

[music1618 879]

As long as you are solid in your decision you have nothing to worry about it. I had hit my rock bottom so to speak and nothing was going to change my mind. Listen to their concerns and give them the reasons you are having the surgery. My mom asked me why I was getting the surgery and I was honest with her. I told her I could no longer effectively clean personal areas in the shower. After that she supported my decision. My doctor has billboards all over town and his statement is what is your #1 reason. Everyone is different, but knowing that answer will help you stay strong.

[JustJenn 542]

I told my parents and sibilings and my grandfather (we are super close) what I was doing and close friends 2 weeks before. I made the decision not to tell my extended family because they are very judgemental and not supportive. My husband and parents and grandpa kept their promise and didn't say a word. I'm 3 weeks post op and I just told my extended family and the first comments out of their mouths were "you didn't need to do that. Just exercise!" And "next your going to do your boobs" very calming I replied I did NEED this in January I.was 11lbs from 400 POUNDS! And if I want boobs its my body I have to like what I see in the mirror. In the end everyone seen my point. But I waited because I didn't want their negativity with me during surgery.

[Stacey Dayonne 69]

I was just honest with people and have been blessed that no one said anything non supportive in front of me at least. Remember you did ths for you! Maybe it's time you find out who your real friends are. Mine offered to walk with me and even came to see me in the hospital. People even offered to help get my son to his activities. I'm blessed

[worm2872 635]

I do agree to be open and honest. However I'm not telling anyone. My hubby and BF is it. She knows because she has been through the surgery. My mom would freak out and others would tell people that I don't want to know. I am also new in my job so that's just to personal. I wish you the best of luck and if there are any doubters take them with you to an appointment. It helps reassure. :-).

[FatFreeinNC 22]

You all are wonderful! Thanks so much for the support and suggestions! The best thing is to be honest, the immediate family and my best friend do need to know. If they don't agree, well, I suppose that's their opinion and I'll ask them to please keep it to themselves. I don't need nor want negativity right now for sure! I do think with time they would come around and I think I will definitely wait until I have secured my surgery date before I talk with them. I'm going to invite my 24 yo daughter to my next Dr. appt. What a great idea! I am a single mom and she's the only one I've talked with thus far and she's afraid for me. I think it would calm her fears to meet my surgeon and ask her own questions! Fantastic idea! Thank you sooooo much everyone!

[TinyMamiOf3kids 1,280]

Welcome to the group! Do it when the time is right but do they really need to know?

About your uncle why he killed himself just because he had surgery? He was in that much pain or he felt gross after it & said I rather die. I'm so sorry for your lost.

[FatFreeinNC 22]

Hi mami, thanks for the welcome! Honestly I'm not sure as to why my uncle did it. I was only about 9 or 10 at the time. I do remember knowing he had a weight loss surgery and lost a huge amount of weight. He was almost 500 and i can then remember him very thin years, maybe two, later. Then I remember being told some years later by my mom that it was because of the weight loss but I never asked the real why. By then I was a teen and didn't pay much attention. I am going to ask her the whole story when I tell her about my pending surgery. I feel it would close that last door of apprehension I have lingering. He was not a blood relative (don't know as if that really matters) but I don't want to go through this myself with the fragmented memories in my mind you know?

[FatFreeinNC 22]

I do know he left a note and he was found in his garage in the car with the motor running.....

[TinyMamiOf3kids 1,280]

I do know he left a note and he was found in his garage in the car with the motor running.....

Awww wow! You know what in general if your happy being fat & you love food so much stay like that if being skinny will make you sad. I feel so sad for him even though it's been many years since he past but to others reading this...

You have control over your body & if being skinny isn't what you want opt out of surgery now & do diet threw supervise nutritionist. You won't lose weight extremely fast no worries about saggy skin. This is serious surgery & if you rather be unhappy & skinny stay big & enjoy your food. I love eating but not as much as being slim. I'm happy with my decision but make sure you are as well.