This Is Me.

[krystacoyle 27]

food Unfortunately has served as an addiction for all of us for way too long. Food served some sort of purpose, for me, I was never in control of anything, I was emotional, and physically abused all my life, and food was always there to make me my tummy feel warm, and a sense of fullness from something. It was my gateway to happiness.

There was nothing I could control being a child in a well to do home that kept the abuse hush hush, even from other close family. I learned that when my dad was eating, he was happy, and this was the only time I did not have to hear the yelling or see the abuse, so I would eat and eat and eat, and I would never want to be done. Then as my brother, sister, and I grew bigger, no one could "mess" with us, we were 3 siblings all well over 300 in high school. It then served as my guard, my size that is. I grew to be the fat girl everyone loved, and gosh for the first time someone loved me for being the way I was.

I tried to diet over the years always longing to be like my friends who were smaller. As I entered my senior year in high school we went to six flags on a class trip, this boy I really really like asked me to ride the batman with him, so we even waiting in line for the 2 seater front row! It was our turn to get in, I sat down and it wouldn't buckle. The worker made his way down and kept jammmming it, and low and behold, it wasn't going anywhere. I was mortified, I ran out of there, down the stairs, and ran to the closest food stand and gorged. That was my escape, and safe zone from harm. I then secluded myself from those friends in fear that they may ask me what happened, and I couldn't face that. I then began gng to buffets by myself, or ordering take out Chinese after school to eat in 30 minutes before I worked all night at a fast food restaurant, where I ate all night as well.

I went on to seek attention from older older guys who needed money from me, but hey they gave me attention right. They touched me, as no one ever had, it made me feel amazing, and someone loved . These four years of mylife just made my insecurities worse, as these guys really just walked all over me.

I then was at 350lbs!!!!!! I was in school, and just distanced my self from the bad, but went to he bars and sought out one night stands for years. Through friends, I met this amazing guy, now my fiancé, whom we have a one year child with. Which put me to my current highest weight of 386 lbs. My obgyn doctors scale only went to 350, so in the small local hospital that I got to, I was forced to go to X-ray department every weekend to weight in on the industrial wheel chair ramp that needed assembly every time, how embarrassing. I grew into a deep depression, and my fiancé stood by my side telling me he loved me over and over.

My weight and everything that comes with being over weight, frusteratiob, depression, hotness, sweatiness, everything, has caused issues in our relationship, and I am robbing myself and my fiancé of a happy,life by being so unhappy, and always craving a xlarge papa johns pizza or 5 mcdubs. It's not fair to him that when I am gentry, I am upset. I made my decision to get surgery for myself, to be happy for once. With the love of my life by my side.

Ironically, I graduated with my masters degree in social work, and I am a therapist, who helps people go through this same stuff that I talk about. Yet just as nurses are there worst patient, so are therapists.

All in all, food is an addiction, it serves hidden purposes, and it becomes our gateway, it becomes our safe zone, it overcomes every aspect of our life.

I had surgery July 24, so I am 1 week post op today, and I am ready for the rest of my life to be happy. Sure, it is a constant struggle at first because your doing something so healthy but taking away everything you love, and that makes you feel so good!!!

But I am ready, I am ready to spend a HAPPY life with my fiance, and enjoy him. Rather than not be able to lay on the couch with him because I am too big. Or lay with him, and have to adjust all my clothing because my rolls are pertruding out. I am ready to stop being scared that the little 5 year old girl inside of me cannot do it. I am ready to stop hearing my father say I am worthless and will never be anything. Because you know what, I am already me, I am overcoming everything to be HEALTHY

I am ready to be healthy, To be able to stand in the wind with a tshirt on and not have to pull it off my roll to make me not look AS BIG. To not sweat profusely if it is not below 65. To wear clothes again that fit.

I started my liquid diet July 19, surgery July 24, and today as of July 31st, I am down 31 lbs!!!!!!!!!! Gosh, it's really my turn. It's my time, it's my time to shine!!! To do this, to succeed, for myself.

NOTHING FEELS AS GOOD AS SKINNY FEELS!!!

[MommyHand 45]

Wow what a powerful story. I am sure that everyone here can relate to different parts of the story. Thank you for sharing it with us and welcome to the journey of a new you. Congratulations on you incredible sucess thus far and keep looking to the future, you will suceed and make your dreams come true.

[Lebim 381]

Wow, that's pretty deep. Very inspirational. I wish you nothing but success. You should be so proud that you were able to get out if that hole to do something so positive

- Kaylee Ann ~ Surgiversary: 6/11/12

[kiwiladydee 402]

food Unfortunately has served as an addiction for all of us for way too long. food served some sort of purpose' date=' for me, I was never in control of anything, I was emotional, and physically abused all my life, and food was always there to make me my tummy feel warm, and a sense of fullness from something. It was my gateway to happiness.

There was nothing I could control being a child in a well to do home that kept the abuse hush hush, even from other close family. I learned that when my dad was eating, he was happy, and this was the only time I did not have to hear the yelling or see the abuse, so I would eat and eat and eat, and I would never want to be done. Then as my brother, sister, and I grew bigger, no one could "mess" with us, we were 3 siblings all well over 300 in high school. It then served as my guard, my size that is. I grew to be the fat girl everyone loved, and gosh for the first time someone loved me for being the way I was.

I tried to diet over the years always longing to be like my friends who were smaller. As I entered my senior year in high school we went to six flags on a class trip, this boy I really really like asked me to ride the batman with him, so we even waiting in line for the 2 seater front row! It was our turn to get in, I sat down and it wouldn't buckle. The worker made his way down and kept jammmming it, and low and behold, it wasn't going anywhere. I was mortified, I ran out of there, down the stairs, and ran to the closest food stand and gorged. That was my escape, and safe zone from harm. I then secluded myself from those friends in fear that they may ask me what happened, and I couldn't face that. I then began gng to buffets by myself, or ordering take out Chinese after school to eat in 30 minutes before I worked all night at a fast food restaurant, where I ate all night as well.

I went on to seek attention from older older guys who needed money from me, but hey they gave me attention right. They touched me, as no one ever had, it made me feel amazing, and someone loved . These four years of mylife just made my insecurities worse, as these guys really just walked all over me.

I then was at 350lbs!!!!!! I was in school, and just distanced my self from the bad, but went to he bars and sought out one night stands for years. Through friends, I met this amazing guy, now my fiancé, whom we have a one year child with. Which put me to my current highest weight of 386 lbs. My obgyn doctors scale only went to 350, so in the small local hospital that I got to, I was forced to go to X-ray department every weekend to weight in on the industrial wheel chair ramp that needed assembly every time, how embarrassing. I grew into a deep depression, and my fiancé stood by my side telling me he loved me over and over.

My weight and everything that comes with being over weight, frusteratiob, depression, hotness, sweatiness, everything, has caused issues in our relationship, and I am robbing myself and my fiancé of a happy,life by being so unhappy, and always craving a xlarge papa johns pizza or 5 mcdubs. It's not fair to him that when I am gentry, I am upset. I made my decision to get surgery for myself, to be happy for once. With the love of my life by my side.

Ironically, I graduated with my masters degree in social work, and I am a therapist, who helps people go through this same stuff that I talk about. Yet just as nurses are there worst patient, so are therapists.

All in all, food is an addiction, it serves hidden purposes, and it becomes our gateway, it becomes our safe zone, it overcomes every aspect of our life.

I had surgery July 24, so I am 1 week post op today, and I am ready for the rest of my life to be happy. Sure, it is a constant struggle at first because your doing something so healthy but taking away everything you love, and that makes you feel so good!!!

But I am ready, I am ready to spend a HAPPY life with my fiance, and enjoy him. Rather than not be able to lay on the couch with him because I am too big. Or lay with him, and have to adjust all my clothing because my rolls are pertruding out. I am ready to stop being scared that the little 5 year old girl inside of me cannot do it. I am ready to stop hearing my father say I am worthless and will never be anything. Because you know what, I am already me, I am overcoming everything to be HEALTHY

I am ready to be healthy, To be able to stand in the wind with a tshirt on and not have to pull it off my roll to make me not look AS BIG. To not sweat profusely if it is not below 65. To wear clothes again that fit.

I started my liquid diet July 19, surgery July 24, and today as of July 31st, I am down 31 lbs!!!!!!!!!! Gosh, it's really my turn. It's my time, it's my time to shine!!! To do this, to succeed, for myself.

NOTHING FEELS AS GOOD AS SKINNY FEELS!!![/quote']

Thank you for sharing your story! I'm glad you have made this decision and on your way!

[working4shoes 55]

Thank you for being brave enough to share and I agree most of us can relate to one part of the story or another. Congratulations and welcome to the rest of your healthy life!

[naterbug 7]

Wow - thanks for sharing your story. Good Luck!!

[ReadyforLife 5]

Thanks for sharing your story..it was touching.im so happy:) that you choose the right path to a healthy,happy life.your on your way girlfriend!!!!