Midnight Museings

[dstollery 290]

So I was laying here thinking about this life change and Suddenly it dawned on me. Life is not going to revolve around food anymore. It's scary to think isn't it? I mean what do I think when i go out of town? I'll tell you, I wonder where I am going to eat. Not what am I goin to do but what I'm going to eat.

How did life become all about food? I guess part of it is natural right? Food is at the core of our necessities but when did a nice fishing trip, stroll thru the park or anything else become about where I am going to eat before or after. Then it gets really deep when you go into society and how social gatherings for so many revolve around food. I don't want to hate food, I want appreciate food. Understand that it's fuel for my body and that life is not about my next meal, it's about the journey from A to B. what will I do with my extra time and money? I'll tell you virtual peeps what "I" am going to do with it. I'm going to live life without the boundaries that food has placed on me before. I'm going to find comfort in a warm embrace and nice evening walk or a sunset spent with someone I love. To hell with you food. Fuel me so I can go live. But no more are you goin to control my life. If life is a roller coaster (complete with vomiting) then strap me in and make sure there is no one behind me becaus e I'm in it for the long haul!

I don't know about you all but I'm ready to live.

[chaotica 96]

I too thought that I would just push that thought of food out of my life unless I needed it. And I remember thinking where to eat, is there going to be food where we are going and where can I stop to get something. It really does become an addiction. The bf looked at me lovingly when I would say hey let's stop there for lunch. And he would say no we don't need to. I would pout then get hurt because I knew he was trying to help me and knowing he thought I had a problem really cut deep. I would cry while driving and he would always rub the back of my neck and my cheek with his hand and tell me he was sorry for hurting my feelings. What a bitch I was to put him through that! To place someone I care for in a place of guilt because he cared. He didn't want me to do the rny. He was and still is scared for me. Back to the point. I don't think about going out to eat like that anymore. Yes on the rare occasion I have snagged a frie from him, but that's all. I'm not going to deny myself forever the taste of a frie. But I am fine with one and don't need to take that extra step. The funny thing is, after the surgery your life revolves around food in a completely different way. You are forced to think about it. Because If you don't you get weak and sick. I still miss pizza like crazy and all the other junk. Why, because we know what it tastes like!! We smell it, see it, watch other people eat it! And it is still a part of our lives. It's not very different from a drug addict having surgery to keep the drug he uses from getting him high. He still remembers how it felt to be high. He still wants it, but he doesn't bother because he knows it won't work on his anymore. You will still miss the hell out of it. Call me crazy, but for me watching the things like diners drive ins and dives helps. How I'm not sure, but I think it has something to do with eating vicariously through other people. I watch that stuff like porn...lol. It is not the divorce from food I wished for and mistakenly thought I would wake up with. But we are a strong group, and I have faith in you and love the heart you are giving this. You will do great, but I just wanted to tell you how it was for me, and I wish I had known it was like this. You think because you don't feel hungry that you won't want food, funny little part of the brain says, so, I want to taste it regardless. After all, when we would eat, how many times were we truly hungry? I know there were plenty of times I would not have passed out from lack of food. Lol but you will be strong, and you'll be glad to know that all those feelings you just read about, are all normal.

[Yolyann 56]

I no longer want to live to eat, i want to eat to live!!!

[BBdoodle 483]

I think at some point we ALL revolve our lives around food - what are we going to eat next !! I am sure guilty of that !!! But as someone else said above after surgery you look at food in a totally different light. There are sooooo many other wonderful things to do and see besides thinking of food. You have a great outlook now and sound sooo positive. Good luck on your journey !!!

[mary818 66]

I have to say, I never thought I'd have a healthy relationship with food. Pre surgery my whole life revolved around food; when I was happy, I ate; when I was sad, I ate; when we were celebrating we'd go out and Celebrate with a big dinner. I ate out of Bordem, out of frustration and never really was satisfied. I planned my day out around what food id be eating next.

Today I am three months post op and nearly 60 lbs down! I finally feel that I have the control over food that I have been longing for my whole life. I no longer look to eat at all times, heck the majority of the time I'm not even hungry. It's so amazing considering I had lap band which failed. Even though I lost weight w/ the band I never had this level of control over my eating.

I'm loving my new outlook on life. I would have never been able to get to this point w/o this amazing tool, RNY, to help me get to my goal!

[DLCoggin 1,788]

Wow. Congratulations to you all and thank you for sharing your thoughts in such an eloquent way. Many of us talk about what an amazing journey this is but few have the ability to really put those thoughts and feelings into words that all of us can relate to. Thank you for sharing and well done!!