Frustrated

[Penni 0]

Hi everyone. This is my first post. I had my surgery about a year ago. I live in England and it’s a bit different here. We have a free health service. I could have paid privately for my operation but was not comfortable with the options. I found a very good surgeon on the National Health but had to wait for the surgery and then for subsequent band fills. I waited 8 months for my initial surgery and then 6 months after that for my first band fill.

It took me about 2 months after that to really get used to eating with the tightened band. Weight slowly started to drop off. I had a 2nd band fill 5 months later, which was too tight; some days I could not keep Water down. I waited 3 weeks for it to be loosened, which was just before we went on holiday at Christmas.

While we were away it was quite hard. I threw up at almost every time I ate solid food - often twice. My family did not realise that when I “went for a little walk to help the food settle” I was actually going to the loo to chuck up. I have got used to the fact that other people were having huge portions whilst some meals I could only manage watered down juice.

Coming home on the plane I was so hungry having only juice for Breakfast and lost the chicken I had tried for lunch, I ate 3 chicken nuggets my daughter did not want. I then had to queue at the toilet to be sick - 3 times.

I am really not getting on with the band very well. I get so hungry, some times I cry. The hospital dietician preaches the old stuff about 3 meals a day, no snacking and giving out information about what foods are high in fat etc. Those of us who have had a weight problem for years have heard all this before. We know what we should do, we just can’t do it.

There is no psychological help at all. I feel frustrated, misunderstood, alone, ashamed; sometimes frightened by the situation I am in. I am so ashamed when I throw up. It seems such a waste of good food. I feel I should not have taken it if I could not keep it down and yet I need to eat something!

I want to join a new social circle with my husband, but the meetings involve a meal and I just don’t see how I can manage when I have to eat so slowly. On one level I can cope with going without whilst others eat, but it’s embarrassing and other people notice which I haven’t worked out how to cope with. (I do not tell people I have had this surgery, it is private and I don’t want them to know).

I am so ashamed of ordering food and leaving it. When I was a child there was never enough to eat and to leave food is something I am extremely uncomfortable with. I have lost maybe 15 lbs in the year or so since being banded; I could do with loosing about 100lb to be at a healthy weight for my height, and am beginning to wonder if I will loose any more.

I am hoping that some of you more experienced banders may be able to tell me how you have coped. I really could do with some advice. Thanks. }

[JulieSlu 0]

Hi Penni!

I am still a newer bandster, so I may not have a lot of advice, but I can offer a ton of support. Is your band still too tight? Have you tried going back to mushies to let things settle down? Do you chew to goo before swallowing? I guess my only advice is to go back to the basics. Start back with mushies to let things settle down, then be aware of how much you are eating and how fast. Be sure to not drink for at least an hour after eating to help with the full feeling.

Much support to you.

[threebeauties 0]

Jack has wonderful words of wisdom - I completely agree with him.

What I don't understand is, if you aren't really eating anything and vomiting what you are getting in, why haven't you lost more weight? It doesn't make sense to me????

If you can't tolerate solids at all, I would have to assume you are overfilled, but I am certainly no expert!

I am so sorry for your frustration. I wish I could offer you more help but at this point, I think a visit to the dr. is necessary.

Please, keep us posted.

[Pinkylee 7]

Penni,

You are the second person who's posted today about continuing difficulty with their band.

An aggressive fill for some means slow or no weight loss. I know what it feels like to be hungry and want to eat - and not being able to. Worse yet are endless days of hunger and no weight lost! (been there too)

A few things that have helped me through agressive fills:

Preblended liquid Protein (powdered drinks you blend with Water yourself have been known to cause problems)

Drink from a small custard cup. It helps remind you to take small sips.

Add calories by adding honey or real butter or olive oil to your foods if you are consuming less than 1200 calories a day.

Chewable or liquid Vitamins are a must daily

One or two sips of hot tea before meals will help open you up. Make sure the tea goes down before eating your solids

Count your "chews". 30 per small bite.

Blend your Proteins to mush in a food processor if you have to in order to get them to stay down

Above all, don't worry about what others think of your eating habits. Join the group, stay as socially active as you can.

[Trish2U 0]

I am 64? Is this too old? Does anyone know of anyone on this forum who is 60+. I'd love to hear from them?

[Penni 0]

Hi Jack, many thanks for your help.

Our goal for weight loss means we have to change our behavior as well as our old notions. I am sure you are right about that.

I don't understand the long delays between fills/unfills in your health program; is that the best one can expect of NHS? Well that’s our National Health Service for you. It’s my understanding that over there you can just go to any consultant you want. Here we have to go to a General Practitioner. He may refer you to a specialist. A hospital committee might then over rule the GP and refuse you the appointment. We have targets for waiting lists which they get round by closing the waiting list. You then have to be on a waiting list to be on the waiting list. Crazy Huh? The banding operation is very new over here. Last year people could not even get travel insurance. The companies had not heard of the operation and would not cover for it.

I could have gone privately for my op, we were quoted $24,000. How does that compare with the prices over there? We did not like the private options available, if you go private you are not guaranteed a better service and I was very worried about surviving the procedure. We found a surgeon, not in my home city doing the operation on the NHS, who was extremely reassuring and decided to go with him.

Can't your surgeon order more close supervision, as this IS a major health issue? I’m sorry, I have to laugh. I am just one of over 150 patients each vying for the attention of several part time nurses and a nutritionalist who has many other patients besides. I did discuss the follow up with the surgeon, whilst I was on the table having a band fill – we can’t phone him up for a chat, and he agreed the service he is offering is not good enough. With no more funding what can he do?

I do not find his team very helpful or understanding. We have support meetings, held in a tiny room with a low ceiling were they stuff, lots of large people in. It can be so full people are standing out in the corridor. We are lectured on what foods to avoid, all the same sort of stuff we have heard for years. Some times I refuse to sign in I am so embarrassed to be there. The meetings so upsetting I come home and eat chocolate.

Re: eating

Are you looser some parts of the day and tighter others? Yes mornings are the worst. Most often I have to take my morning coffee a couple hours before I eat...and some days liquid Protein shake just sounds a LOT better than anything else.

Re: social eating

We all have various 'hot seat' issues with such group behaviors. I have had to change my own emotional component to accommodate the reality of my Band. Social eating is no longer 'what we were raised to think' although those old ghosts are hard to exorcise. And it's hard to pretend we are hungry when we aren't. Often I only need a bite or two, and take the rest in carry-out. Ordering only the things I know I can mostly manage, and in appetizer or child-portions works well. Asking the waitress to blenderize things also helps. They can always do that. The group has a set meal that I can not change. I know in the States you have a much more relaxed attitude to dining and the customer is king. You can get anything that you want over there. I would really not be comfortable with asking for my meal to be blenderised – and I don’t think the kitchen would do it. At Christmas I had Soup instead of the main meal on one occasion causing questions that I really did not want to answer. Another time I took the absolute minimum from a help yourself carvery. I was so slow and everyone seemed very aware of it although no one commented. I delayed the whole table being served pudding and was still eating when they had finished their deserts. Neither of these occasions were comfortable for me.

I’ve been thinking about your advice to go join anyway and I really want to. But I don’t feel comfortable about joining and being different from the start. The meal is not the focus of the evening, but is a nice social time in which to chat and generally network.

Re: 'hunger'

In my case, I never knew what true hunger was....I always feared feeling 'not FULL' and would eat regardless until I was full, and then some.

We don't die of hunger. The anxiety and panic that controls our lives regarding our dread of 'hunger' is a Dragon that requires we understand and change our relationship with food and with eating. I am with you here. I feel, because I have not had a meal I am still owed something …and chocolate and stuff comes in. I have been trying to follow my old routine of fruit for breakfast, but I just can’t get enough down to take me through to lunch. I need to rethink this.

And feeling guilty about what we can eat requires changing our own mind-set regarding WHY we eat, imho.... I’ve spent 15years in therapy sorting that one out.

Seek local professional Bandster help and you will have less frustration. This is a difficult one as I don’t think there is anyone … it’s not a common operation in the UK yet.