Negative People Around Me...

[Jessica89 16]

I am just getting started with this process ...im only about a month into it. And there are some people in my life that are very negative and don't have many good things to say... such as "we know how you are jess you'll never stick to it" or "with all your health problems do you really think you can even handle this?" Or they say something like "I don't believe you've really given anything else a good enough try". Its so upsetting to me because I have tried! And the reason I want to get this done is to help with alot of my health problems...has anyone else experienced this happening to them? If so how did you handle it. I almost feel like its more motivation to prove them wrong but at the same time it really hurts my feelings.

Sent from my Verizon DROID3 using RNYTalk

[geisha714 8]

It's hard, but try not to listen! I've chosen to only tell a few people for the same reason. Unless they are in your situation, they don't understand. And as long as you feel it's right for you, that's all that matters!

[Panda 354]

I only told a select few people also...to keep negativity down. Now I'm 24 days post op and the cats out of the bag! people know now and I don't care because they see me out here working hard walking two miles a day and I've actually had a family member or two call and say congratulations! Yes prove the nay sayers wrong and use their negativity to your advantage and turn it into positivity! Good luck and you have all of us!

[Jessica89 16]

Thank you both so much! Its so nice to have you all on here to talk to...because your totally right...they don't know what its like because they are not in my position. Thanks again for the support.

Sent from my Verizon DROID3 using RNYTalk

[Yodelania 60]

Hi Jessica,

You won't believe what I'm going to tell you, negativity is everywhere. While I was at the hospital my roommate which happens to had Lap-Band revision had the nerve to criticised me saying "You're not that fat, you couldn't lose the wt w/I this sx" and I was so in pain due to the sx and my mother answered her "yes she ain't that fat but she ain't waiting to get to 300lbs plus to have co-morbidides to do something about her wt" I was like is the lady serious, I mean the more I could expect was support from her as roommate and mostly as if I may say fellow RNY pt.

After that comment I never spoke to her the rest of my hospitalization. It was inappropriate plus I can accept ppls advice but not rude comments or etc....I know that I made the best decision I could it done for myself, my dghtr and entire family and the ppl that I care the most thankfully support me on my journey and that's what it counts so don't get discourage keep focus on the goal which is a HEALTIER LIFE !!!!

[berniec 166]

I also only told a select few. I didn't want the negativity. I have thought about this for the last two years. The only way I would change my mind is if my doctors told me too. Thank god I have a good support system. I wish you well and don't let them discourage you. If something happened to you they would be the same ones to say she should've lost weight.

[blankmama 16]

I am just getting started with this process ...im only about a month into it. And there are some people in my life that are very negative and don't have many good things to say... such as "we know how you are jess you'll never stick to it" or "with all your health problems do you really think you can even handle this?" Or they say something like "I don't believe you've really given anything else a good enough try". Its so upsetting to me because I have tried! And the reason I want to get this done is to help with alot of my health problems...has anyone else experienced this happening to them? If so how did you handle it. I almost feel like its more motivation to prove them wrong but at the same time it really hurts my feelings.

Sent from my Verizon DROID3 using RNYTalk

This is my first post, hope I'm doing it correctly.

I understand what you're going through. I'm dealing with the same nay-sayers in my life. I have some friends that are truly supportive and my sister is too. But my husband and mom and other family members are totally against it. I was feeling great about everything early last week, now I'm feeling sick to my stomach and nervous. I'm a ways out from surgery (probably August) so I have time to think long and hard about it and prove to them that this is my decision and it's the right one.

Good luck with the process and dealing with negative people.

[Jessica89 16]

Blankmama: We must be getting started with the process around the same time then because I am hopefully getting surgery in august as well. My husband has been really good about the whole thing. He is 145 pounds and never had a problem with weight. Him and I met when I was 16 years old and I am now 22. I was a lot skinnier then. But he is so supportive and still loves me even though I am about 100 lbs heavier than when we met. My parents are starting to come around to the idea but both were negative in the beggining. When I talk about it to people in front of them they say things like... " well...if you decide to get this done, there's still alot of thinking to do" and I say ..nooo I've done alot of thinking and research and im getting it done so quit saying that to people. Its frustrating.... I also have a 17 year old sister who want is against it as well...I got into an argument with my family about it because of the negativity and I basically told them that this is my life and my decision, I need to do this for me and my daughter. I want to live longer and be healthier. I told them if they had anything bad to say about it to keep it to themselves and start supporting me because no matter how good of an act someone puts on its still scary and im extremely nervous and I need them to be there for me. And since then they have been and have been going to my appointments with me to get a better idea of what is going to happen. Good luck with the negative people in your life and im here to support you if you need it

Sent from my Verizon DROID3 using RNYTalk

[blankmama 16]

Jessica89- thank you for your support. I had my first appointment with the surgeon last Monday, this Friday I go meet with a nutritionist, I had my EKG, blood test, and chest X-ray on Friday last week too. I just scheduled my psych eval for June.

My husband has told me he doesn't agree with my decision but he supports it. He is over weight, but is losing by riding bicycles. He wants me to be more active but I'm not lazy, I just don't ride bikes or like hiking like he does. My mom thinks because I'm losing weight on my own by cutting out a meal and replacing it with a Protein Shake I shouldn't have to go through with surgery now. I keep trying to explain that I'm 290 lbs, I have a lot more than 10 lbs to lose. If I had less than 80 lbs to lose I probably wouldn't do the RNY but realistically I should lose at least 120. And since other things have not worked I feel like this is my last shot. I appreciate all the support. I need all I can get, we all do.

[LosingItForMe2011 320]

Always remember the final decision is yours. Folks who think it's the "easy way out" or is unsupportive probably has more fear than knowledge about the surgery or the decision making we all have to do to even start this process. It's far from easy no matter where you are in the process. As much as we'd all love to have the love and support of everyone in our world it will never happen and there will always be nay sayers but, in the end.....when we wake up in the morning to the time we go to sleep, WE have to live with ourselves. We have to carry this shell, this burden we've been carrying for so long and the pain physically and mentally that comes with it. The decision is yours and as long as you've made it with lots of insight, research and as much knowledge as you can gain about it......then you're doing the right thing for you. You go girl and do what you know is right for you. Good luck!

[berniec 166]

Always remember the final decision is yours. Folks who think it's the "easy way out" or is unsupportive probably has more fear than knowledge about the surgery or the decision making we all have to do to even start this process. It's far from easy no matter where you are in the process. As much as we'd all love to have the love and support of everyone in our world it will never happen and there will always be nay sayers but' date=' in the end.....when we wake up in the morning to the time we go to sleep, WE have to live with ourselves. We have to carry this shell, this burden we've been carrying for so long and the pain physically and mentally that comes with it. The decision is yours and as long as you've made it with lots of insight, research and as much knowledge as you can gain about it......then you're doing the right thing for you. You go girl and do what you know is right for you. Good luck![/quote']

Very well said.

[Tor 11]

I know where you are coming from, 2 out of 3 in my immediate family didn't approve plus many non-family didn't but I go by the saying...."what other people think of me is none of my business". So I wanted to do it and have never regretted it for one moment, now post-op 7 days. Good luck.

[kmiller 146]

I'm going to " weigh in " no pun intended on this subject, too. Blankmama, I'm a little older than some of the patients doing this. Here is what I have to say...My kids and grandkids are supportive and totally on board. My sister who I really rely on for support, of course, this time was very clear when she told me Don't do it. Well, of course she's no where near what i weigh and it's not her life. I"m doing this. I have prayed and believe in God's direction. Bottom line, is everyone has opinions and most people feel the need to express them whether they are asked for or not. Just ignore them. Honey, this is YOUR decision, no one else's. You do what is RIGHT for you, and tell the rest of them to " shut it".

[blankmama 16]

Thank you all for your support. I do have to add that my husband is kinda supportive he just doesn't like that I'm going to do it. I did have him go with me to my first appointment with my surgeon and that made him feel better. He's worried that somehow I'll make it difficult for his dieting. Or that I'll be so depressed about not being able to eat like I do now. Which I know from speaking with several friends who've had it done that it is a valid concern. One friend told me that she didn't expect the overwhelming sense of loss over food. So I know to expect it. If I don't have that feeling then great but if I do I'll hopefully be able to recognize it and cope with it. I'm so glad I found this forum. I need people to talk to who understand.

Thank you all very much.

[Anjela424 23]

I never experienced that. Fortunately my family was very supportive. You have to do this for you...not them. Unless they've been morbidly obese or dealt with diabetes or high blood pressure they can never relate...Do you attend support groups? They're really helpful